Teddy and Billy Backdated

[ax_wiccan]

Billy wakes up from a Limbo induced nightmare and Teddy comforts him. Things get complicated.



He was here again.

Kneeling beside Kitty as she thrashed and screamed while he tried to keep the blood inside her best he could. His magic wasn’t working so he was just trying to keep pressure on it, even though he could tell it wasn’t helping, blood seeping out between his fingers. All too soon everything went quiet and the cold awful feeling of dread moved through him as he looked up at Kitty who was too still and too quiet.

“No.” He whispered and immediately moved to cup her face in his blood-soaked hands. “No, no, no. Kitty! Come on! Wake up!”

He felt hot tears start to roll down his face as her eyes remained shut and her face pale. He held his forehead against hers as he started to sob, her body already starting to cool.

“Well, good riddance I say.”

Billy froze at the sound of that voice, he had only heard it once, but that was already too many times for him as he looked up from Kitty to see the awful red face of Belasco. The demon seemed different here, he wasn’t nearly as tall as he had been last and instead he was wearing the same clothes Billy had worn to bed that night. Even the tone of his voice seemed off and Billy grit his teeth as he pulled Kitty’s body closer to himself as if to protect her even though she was already gone.

“Go away!” He cried, his voice wrecked and wavering in fear.

The demon only regarded him with a small smile and moved closer, kneeling across from him and Billy held Kitty tighter.

“Why are you so upset? She wasn’t even that close of a friend, besides she liked Tommy far better.” Belasco remarked, leaning over to curl a piece of hair that had fallen out of Kitty’s ponytail around his red bone like finger. Billy hissed and jerked her away, surprised when the demon barely responded, only looking up at him with that awful smile. “Are you upset because you couldn’t use your magic in enough time?”

“Shut up.”

“I mean, I understand, who would want to be around someone who can’t even protect them. Being friends with someone who can’t even control his own powers is taxing, which is probably why Yana is getting fed up with us.”

Billy blinked and suddenly Belasco’s red skin was shifting, the demon’s face morphing until Billy was staring right back at himself. His double kept that smile on its face, but it somehow looked more sinister on Billy’s face then it had on the demon’s.

“It really makes no sense why a true magic user would take such interest in a little nobody, whose soul isn’t even his. She probably only wants us so she can use us in the future. I mean, let’s face it, we know the road she’s headed down.”

“Stop it!” Billy choked, not wanting to hear any of this wanting to cover his ears, but refusing to let go of Kitty. “That’s not true. None of it is.”

Billy heard the other shift, then felt cold hands thread through his hair before gripping it tightly and forcing him to look into his own eyes. He felt Kitty slip from his arms, but wasn’t allowed to look down to see her as his other self-tightened the grip hard enough to make him wince. God, he wanted help. He wanted Kitty or Yana or-

“Don’t even get me started on our brother…”

Teddy was dreaming, and somewhere in there, someone was shouting. No, it wasn't part of his dream, it was the radio. No... it was real, and sleep dissolved from around him as the sound happened again. He sat up in bed, the room still dark. Teddy snapped on the booklight clamped to his headboard, the tiny LEDs barely making a dent against the night. And over in the other bed, Billy was crying in his sleep. "Stop it... not true..."

He thrashed again, like he was still fighting, and Teddy was moving across the room before he'd made the conscious decision to get up. Not like there was any choice to be made at all.

Teddy sat on the edge of Billy's bed, mindful of the cast on Billy's wrist, his heart aching at the sight of Billy's injuries. "Can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?" he murmured. He put his hand on Billy's shoulder, shaking him gently. "Billy? Bee, wake up. You're dreaming."

Billy could feel tears on his cheeks again as his other leaned down to almost lovingly press their forehead against his, the skin cold where it met his own warm skin. He couldn’t move, couldn’t get away from whatever this thing was, which was not him! It was not him!

“Doesn’t it hurt every time you open yourself up to him, only to be shot down with a sarcastic remark? Aren’t you getting tired of looking so foolish?” The other cooed softly, the grip in his hair tightening to the point of pain. “You were thrown into his life. After all those things he’s been through, did you really think what he wanted was a brother? After family had done all those awful things to him, really, the last thing he could ever want is family like you.”

He felt something grip his shoulder even though the other’s hands were still wound up in his hair and Billy started to panic, the thought of escaping this thing looking dimmer than ever. He started to struggle, but that only made the thing hold tighter along with the hand on his shoulder. “Stop! Let go of me! It’s not true! None of it is!”

Billy came awake with a sharp intake of air, his lungs burning as if he had been submerged underwater for a time. His eyes snapped open to see a shadowy form leaning over him. As quickly as he could, Billy untangled his hands from the sheets and reached out to push the form away, lightning shooting from his hands into the person’s chest. “Get away from me!”

Yeah, Teddy should have expected that one. His skin tingled, his hair stood on end then settled, and the jolt passed harmlessly into the floor and was gone. Thank God for his powers, ‘cause otherwise he’d be in a world of hurt. He shook it off and grabbed for Billy’s shoulders, held him securely in place before he could kick himself backwards off the bed and hurt himself even more. “It’s me, Billy. It’s Teddy. You’re safe, okay? It’s just a dream. You’re at school, and you’re safe.”

Billy thrashed a little when he felt pressure hold him down, still not quite awake, but when he heard Teddy's voice instead of his own he couldn't help the relieved sob that escaped. "Teddy..!"

His hand that wasn't in a cast reached up to grip at his roommate's sleep shirt, and twisted it in his grip.

Forget keeping his distance, or trying to let his feelings fade. Billy reached for him and Teddy went. He slipped his arms around Billy and gathered him in close. Billy was shaking in his arms, his body stiff with tension and terror, and Teddy couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of horrible visions had put him in that state. So he held him, tried to project comfort, and warm, and safe. "It's okay, Bee. I'm here. I've got you."

Billy took deep gasping breaths, turning his face so he could hide against Teddy's chest and could smell the fabric softener in Teddy's shirt instead of the metallic smell of blood.

Kitty's blood.

Billy heaved for a minute before lifting his head to look at Teddy in the darkness, his eyes wide and terrified. "Kitty is alive...she's alive."

At some point in the relatively near future, Teddy was going to murder Illyana. What the hell had she been thinking? Had she been thinking about anything at all? Instead of launching into that unhelpful tirade, he just nodded, and tucked his face in against the soft tangle of Billy's hair. He breathed Billy in, felt his pulse racing against Teddy's chest. "She's alive," he promised. "She's alright."

At Teddy's words Billy's tense body seemed to sag in relief as if the string that had been holding him was cut. "Jesus..." He whispered into Teddy's shirt, fist still twisted tightly in the soft material. "I could smell it again. I could smell her blood."

There was nothing Teddy could say to fix it, was there? But at least he could listen, and reassure him, and make sure Billy didn't feel alone. He curled around Billy protectively and stroked his hand across Billy's shoulders, down his back, around and over again in gentle circles. "You were having a nightmare, that's all. Just your mind playing tricks on you. The only smells in here are leftover popcorn. And occasionally feet."

Billy had been trying to get his heart to stop trying to beat out of his chest, keeping his head firmly pressed to Teddy's chest while taking deep breaths, but when he heard the feet comment he let out a choked laugh. The hand gripping Teddy's shirt finally let to give the blond a weak smack, but Billy didn't move his face and instead just muttered a muffled 'shut up'.

Teddy should not be enjoying anything about this. Billy was hurting, and the entire situation was awful. And at the same time, it felt so damn good, and so right to have Billy in his arms, warm and solid and real, fitting into the empty spaces like he’d been designed to be there. Teddy’s heart hurt again for a whole different set of reasons. “Welcome back,” he murmured against Billy’s hair. He should let go—and right away, before Billy got uncomfortable. But he couldn’t make himself do it.

Billy took in a deep steady breath in, letting it out before he allowed himself to look up from Teddy's chest and at his face. Teddy was so warm, so warm and big and safe and Billy never wanted to leave the spot he was in now. He foolishly let his arms move to wrap around the other's waist, holding the other there so he couldn't leave even though his hold could be broken easily.

"Sorry." He whispered, worried if he spoke any louder whatever this moment was would break. "Did I wake you up?"

The room was a sanctuary, the bed an oasis, and Billy's arms around him were everything Teddy wanted, in a circumstance he'd have gladly given everything to have never happened at all. The pressure of Billy's cast against the small of his back was a solid reminder of exactly how much trauma Billy had lived through in the last few days. He'd be the world's worst asshole to take any kind of advantage of his vulnerability. But letting go wasn't an option either.

"Yeah, but I don't mind," Teddy murmured back. "I'd rather lose some sleep than have you go through this alone."

Billy laid his forehead back down onto Teddy's shoulder and groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to remember why this wasn't a good idea. "Fuck. You're too great."

Teddy's t-shirt was in the way, so there would be no reason as to why Teddy would know as Billy pushed his face a little further and gave Teddy's collar a soft kiss.

Distracted by the way Billy's back rose and fell under his hand, and the rapid thumping of his own pulse, Teddy barely noticed the extra moment of soft pressure against his shoulder. They were tangled up in each other, arms and legs and all, and Billy's face nuzzling into Teddy's throat. It was all too much, and Teddy brushed Billy's bangs away from his eyes. "Do you think you're going to be able to go back to sleep?"

Oh. Right. Sleep. That was what he was supposed to be doing at this time and he tried not to act stupid at the feel of Teddy's hand on his forehead. "Uh, yeah. Y-Yeah. I might be able to."

He didn't want to think about closing his eyes and ending up back there, but he didn't want to keep Teddy up. "Maybe if I read or something first, do you mind if I borrow your book lamp? That way it won't bother you too much."

Teddy nodded, though he was pretty sure Billy would only feel the movement rather than see it. "I don't mind. You can have it as long as you need it." He squeezed Billy one last time, tried to commit the feeling to memory, then very reluctantly started to untangle himself from their pile. "Unless you want to talk? It could help."

Billy went still, he couldn't tell if the idea of talking about Limbo was worse or better than talking about his own insecurities. Limbo was obviously the better choice than whining about how pathetic he was and Billy gave a small nod. "My mom always says talking about it is important...and she's a head doctor so she has to know some good stuff about it right?"

"Your mom sounds pretty smart," Teddy replied, shifting over on Billy's bed. "My foot's going to sleep," he said, an apology in his voice. "Hang on." he disentangled himself from Billy and flopped over on Billy's bed, stretching his legs out and tugging Billy down to lie beside him. The faint light from the reading lamp barely reached them over here, and Teddy's shadow covered Billy almost completely, leaving his face in the darkness.

If the adrenaline running out hadn't had left Billy so exhausted, he might have freaked out when he saw Teddy lay down on his bed and then pull him down to lay next to the other. Instead, he just flushed deep red, thankfully covered by the darkness, and stared at Teddy's beautiful chin. He didn't want to really recall the dream, so instead he thought about Limbo and frowned. "Kitty almost died on me...back in Limbo. A demon had raked its claws across her stomach and..."

There had been so much blood.

"Luckily I stopped the bleeding with my magic. It didn't heal, but she wasn't losing blood anymore. She was awake the entire time I was working and ugh."

"Oh my God," Teddy breathed out softly. Everything in him wished he'd been there, had been able to do something other than just pick up the pieces. "No wonder you're having bad dreams. But Bee, you saved her life. You did that."

Billy frowned and gritted his teeth. "Yeah, but if I had been better with my stupid magic I could have healed her completely. Now, she'll have that awful scar there and she'll be reminded of it forever."

"You don't know that." Teddy couldn't see Billy's face from his vantage point, just the top of his head, but he could hear the frustration rippling through Billy's voice. "Maybe saving her life was the best you'll ever be able to do. Don't you think that's already amazing? And," he added, because it seemed logical, "if your magic does get powerful enough to the point where you could have healed her, then it'll probably be powerful enough to zap her scar and make it go away after the fact. The important thing is that when she needed you, you were there."

"Yeah, I guess." He knew Teddy was right, if it had been anyone else in his place he would be saying the same thing, but for some reason he wasn't letting himself get off that easy.

That was awful phrasing for this situation.

Billy sighed, reaching out to place his palm over Teddy's heart on his chest and pulled back far enough so he could look into the other's eyes. "I was scared, Tee. Terrified. I thought Kitty was going to die, Yana was never going to wake up and I was going to die knowing that I couldn't do anything about it. Is that what it's going to be like being on the X-men?"

Teddy swallowed hard. His skin felt like it was burning under Billy's hand, his heart picking up speed. Surely he felt that. Maybe he'd think it was fear, or nerves... anything but what it really was. "No," he said as firmly as he could manage. Because I'll be with you, and anything that wants you will have to go through me first.

"Because you'll have more than just one other person for backup, and we'll be a lot better trained. You guys went into a demon dimension and got caught off-guard -- that's a whole different story than an organized team tracking down illegal research labs, or whatever the Professor has in mind."

"Yeah. Yeah." Billy muttered, not really agreeing, more just saying nonsense words because he couldn’t focus. He could feel how hard Teddy's heart was beating under his hand. He could smell Teddy, feel the other’s warmth and the guy was right there with his stupid perfect mouth. Billy could only hear static in his ears as he focused solely on how easily it would be to lean up and press his lips to Teddy's. So fucking easy, even if Teddy hated him after.

"I'm sorry." He whispered before he pushed up and pressed his lips against Teddy's in one of the scariest moments of Billy’s life. Forget Limbo, it had nothing on this.

Teddy had a split second to wonder what Billy was apologizing for, and then he had his answer. Oh. Billy’s mouth met his and the world screeched to a halt. Soft, tentative, his lips were dry, maybe a little chapped, and all of Teddy was instantly, terrifyingly on fire. He needed, and wanted, and for a brief, dizzying instant he forgot himself and kissed back.

The panic kicked in a half-breath later, fear fast on its heels. The dark, the confessions, Billy’s own confusion and exhaustion, all of it had been leading to this. While each step alone had felt logical, the final result was going to be the destruction of everything. I can’t do this / I can’t not do this / God help me what do I do next?

Teddy let the kiss end without chasing Billy’s mouth for more, his body rigid and his heart in a vice. “Billy?” he asked into the silent dark, his voice strangled from being pushed past the lump in his throat.

The sheer excitement of feeling Teddy kiss him back lasted for only a split second when he noticed how tense the other was when Teddy stopped responding. Billy felt his heart lurch painfully when he heard how small Teddy's voice sounded, how unsure and scared his name had been said. What had he done? He'd taken advantage of Teddy's kindness and now Teddy was freaking out.

Fuck, I messed up.

He felt his eyes sting and hated that he felt a few tears escape. "I'm sorry." He croaked out, the tears escaping faster as he started to panic. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Teddy. P-Please, don't think- please don't hate me."

Teddy tried to wrestle the panic down, to think clearly through the muddle in his brain. He'd wanted Billy, of course he did, but he hadn't ever envisioned it like this, with Billy hurt and emotionally wrung out, already dating someone else (maybe? maybe not... because Billy had kissed him), before Teddy had gotten up the courage to say anything at all.

How did Billy know? Had someone guessed? Everyone liked Billy - Teddy wasn't going to get bashed for kissing a guy. Not here, he knew that now. Mostly. But everyone liked Kurt, and Teddy could easily become a pariah for getting in between them. Assuming this wasn't all just some sleep-deprived mistake on Billy's part. Everything was a mess and Teddy couldn't focus enough to see a way clear.

What was the most important thing at the moment? One problem at a time. Billy was upset. That needed fixing. So Teddy drew in a deep breath, tried to settle his voice so it wouldn't crack, or come out all squeaky. "I could never hate you," he promised, and he meant every word. "You're exhausted, Bee. Get some sleep. Everything else can wait until morning."

And maybe by then Teddy would have come up with some answers for himself.

When Teddy promised he didn’t hate him, Billy was relieved, but that didn't help him feel any better. He sniffed a little, his nose starting to run from the tears, and laid his head back down on the pillow to think about how badly he had screwed up. The only things keeping him from a full blown panic attack were Teddy's words, and that the other hadn’t immediately gotten up to leave. He was still right there laying next to Billy. He wasn't going to sleep, not after that, and he turned his head to the side so he could look at Teddy. "I'm really sorry."

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine. But what else could he say? Half of him wanted to move closer, sweep Billy into his arms and kiss him again, the other half was screaming at him to run, and to keep running. The ghost impression of his touch still lingered on Teddy’s lips, a phantom brand. “I’ll get you the book light, if you still want it,” he offered, using the excuse to roll away (God, that hurt) and to his feet.

Billy felt a painful ache in his chest when he felt Teddy roll away, hating how crushed he felt that Teddy was moving away from him. Leaving him.
"O-oh, yeah sure. Thanks." Billy choked out, watching Teddy's shadowy form move over to his own bed and bend down to unplug the lamp. When darkness once again flooded the room, Billy felt the same fear start to creep back into his mind. And when Teddy moved over to hand it to him, Billy quickly reached out to wrap a hand around his wrist.

"Um...are you going back to bed?" He asked to the dark, hoping to God Teddy wouldn't leave him.

There was that fear again, trembling in Billy’s voice. Was he panicking because of the dark or because of the kiss, or because of his injuries, or ... Teddy was tired. Tired of running and hiding, tired in general, tired because it was three in the morning and he just needed sleep. So instead of fumbling in the dark to try and find the plug, Teddy set the lamp down. “Do you need me to stay?”

Billy could say no, he should say no because that would make everything that had happened between them so much worse, but he couldn't stop himself from nodding. When he realized that in the dark Teddy wouldn't be able to see his nod and he swallowed before letting his shaky voice speak.

"Y-Yes. Please." He gave a brave tug on Teddy's arm.

It was the feel of Billy’s hand on him that broke down the last of the crumbling walls Teddy had left. He would have to talk to Billy tomorrow, would have to confess, apologize to Kurt if Billy wanted him to, and face whatever reaction would get thrown his way. But for tonight, just this, he could be here for Billy and pretend that everything was going to turn out alright.

“Move over, then,” he said softly, and waited until he thought he’d heard Billy shift before he slipped into the narrow bed beside him.

The small twin bed was a tight fit for two teenage boys, so Billy used that as an excuse to let himself curl up and closer towards Teddy. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and hated how he could feel so crushed while feeling safe.

Teddy couldn’t find anywhere comfortable to put his arm, and while he supposed he could shift it away entirely, that thought felt weird. He folded it under his own head. That was when Billy pressed in closer. It was a small bed, even for one person, and two – yeah, there was no way there was going to be any breathing room. So Teddy gave up again, and he curled his other arm protectively around Billy. “Sleep, Bee. It’ll be okay. Nothing can hurt you here.” Except me. I’m so sorry.