ax_main | Billy & Teddy | Backdated to October 8th

Billy and Teddy talk about joining the X-Men, then the conversation drifts.

Billy fiddled with the dumb Rubik's cube Jake had given him before he left, one whole side yellow while the rest was still an awful mash up of the cube's other colors. He frowned, not really able to concentrate on the cube since his mind was still filled with thoughts about Xavier's announcement from Thursday. He had talked to JM and Kitty, both positive advocates for the group, but he was still so unsure. JM had seemed pretty determined that they could make this group their own and not let anyone use them, but Billy was still so unsure.

He groaned and tossed the cube to the foot of his bed, slumping down and giving up for now. Why wasn't Teddy back yet? His roommate had gone down to the kitchen to get a snack and Billy thought it was sad of him that he already missed the guy.

The popcorn had already started to cool down enough to eat by the time Teddy made it back to the room, and he shoved a handful of it in his mouth before he opened the door. "Mfmmform," he announced through the kernels, and held the bag out in Billy's direction. "Want some?"

"You have such a way with words." Billy laughed, his mood already a little better by the blond just being there and the idea of popcorn. He got up from his bed, moving towards Teddy to dig his hand in the bag, pulling out a handful and shoving the handful in his mouth.

"Mmhanm moum." He said back with trying not to grin with a mouth full of popcorn.

"You're welcome," Teddy grinned back at him. He dropped onto his own bed, curling one foot up underneath him. "If nothing else about this place, you've got to appreciate the well-stocked snack cupboard."

Billy swallowed the large amount of popcorn and nodded. "I know, it's like every kid’s dream foodwise. Sometimes I wonder if they studied our eating habits before sending their admission team."

That had started as a joke, but the idea of someone watching them for anything made Billy's stomach sour.

"More likely they thought 'teenagers' and set up automatic delivery from CostCo or Bulk Barn." Teddy popped a kernel in his air and angled himself to try and catch it in his mouth.

Billy gave a small smile to that and flipped back down onto his own bed. He watched the ceiling for a moment before turning his head to get a good look at Teddy. "Can I ask you something?"

Teddy paused, taking a real look at Billy for the first time since he'd come back in the room. He didn't seem down, per se, just a lot less... up than usual. "Yeah, of course. Anything." (He didn't mean that exactly, but Billy had no reason to go there, so the offer felt safe enough.)

"Why are you planning on joining Xavier's group?" He asked quietly, doing his best not to show all the worry he's put into this. "I mean, I know what you said in the gym, but..."

Oh, good. At least that was a question Teddy could actually answer. "Because I can do it," he said simply. "I'm tough, and I'm strong, and I heal, and that's a whole lot better than a lot of people ever get. So if there's going to be a team putting themselves in danger I'd rather be on the front lines, keeping the bad guys far away from people like Nick or Lil, who just want to be left alone."

Billy stared at Teddy for a long while without saying anything and then turned back to stare at the ceiling. So, Teddy and Kitty had some of the same reasoning for wanting to join and they were good reasons, so why was it so hard for him to feel good about it. Maybe he was just being dumb and needed to forget about all those misgivings he was feeling.

"So, what if, I'm not saying he is, but what if this turns into just a big power struggle between Xavier and that Lehnsherr guy and you are just the pawns?"

It was the same thing Teddy and Shen had been talking about, and he finally had an answer for that as well. At least one that satisfied him. "It might. But the Professor isn't lying about the way tension is growing out there. If we ignore it, people are going to get hurt. If we start off by blowing up buildings and bashing in heads, we'll never have a chance to prove that mutants and humans can live in peace." Teddy searched Billy's face, looking for any sign that Billy understood. "People die in wars. And I'm not going to let one start without knowing that I did everything I could to stop it."

God, why was Teddy so fucking heroic? Why were all his friends so god damn noble. Billy took in a deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh, sitting up to grab the Rubik's cube and then laying back down again to stare at it. "I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. I just don't feel as sure as all of you."

Also, Wanda and Pietro were on the other side. If he ever met them and things went well, how was he supposed to fight them. What if they accidently killed Wanda, would he and Tommy just stop existing? Billy groaned and covered his face with his arm.

“There are a lot of things I’m not sure of,” Teddy admitted more quietly. “The way the Professor introduced the whole thing was a dick move, for one.” He picked some popcorn out of his bag and chewed pensively for a moment.

“I’m not really a religious person, but I know we have our powers for a reason. What could be a more important one than to try and make the world better? Even just a little?”

Billy let his arm rest over his face for a moment before pulling it away to look over at Teddy a defeated look. "I guess you're right. No, I don't guess, you guys are right. If we want to see change, we need to be that change."

Billy pursed his lips in thought and with a sigh he held up the Rubik's cube. "So...I guess I'll join, but I'm not wearing spandex. I know it's like a hero requirement, but it's not happening."

It was the wrong thing to do, but Teddy let himself visualize that, just for a moment. Maybe convincing Billy to join the X-Men was a bad idea, at least as far as Teddy's sanity was concerned. "I dunno," he said, grinning wickedly to show it was just a joke. "Capes and tights? I think you could pull it off. Add a big logo on the front for licensing purposes and you're all covered."

"Oh, yeah?" Billy asked, arching an eyebrow as he turned to his to look back over at his roommate. "And what about you, Mr. Shape-shifter? You would need something that can stretch when you change shape, so what...a pair of gym shorts?"

He made a clicking sound with his tounge and gave and OK sign with his hand. "Very classy."

"What's wrong with sweat pants?" Teddy looked affronted. "Or cargos with a stretchy waist. Not the slickest, fashion-wise, but you can't beat pockets for practical."

"Nothing is wrong with them." Billy replied in placating tone, then grinned. "You can be the team's purse then."

Teddy threw a piece of popcorn at Billy. "You mock, but I have no problem with that. I'm comfortable in my masculinity," he added, grinning right back.

"Hey! Quit wasting that delicious popcorn!" Billy laughed, rolling off his bed so he could move over to sit beside Teddy's bed. He held his hands out with his palms out. "Please, sir. I want some more."

It took Teddy a long, confused, vaguely agonizing second to realize Billy was quoting something. That made it okay to tease him back, holding the bag that much further out of reach. "Only if you admit that I'm right. You want to be a superhero, and you know it."

Billy immediately scowled and wondered if he could move fast enough, would he be able to snatch the bag out of Teddy's hands. He slowly pushed himself up onto his knees, moving one leg so he was kneeling with only one leg and ready to spring when need be.

"Oh come on. You're really going to force it out of me? Won't that mean it's less sincere and now that's just not FUN!" At that he lunged at Teddy, reaching out to grab the bag best he could.

It was like watching a cat wiggle its butt to get ready to pounce. Billy lunged and Teddy flung himself backward to get out of the way, holding the popcorn bag up over his head. The bed was a lot narrower than his own back home and he overshot, falling off the other side. He landed on his back on the floor with a thump, one leg still up on the bed, and the popcorn bag taking flight.

Billy had not planned for Teddy to not be there when he had jumped, Teddy's bed making an awful groaning sound when he hit it hard and then immediately bounced off. He had tried to grab at the sheets to catch himself, but all that accomplished was pulling the sheets off with him as he landed on Teddy's legs back first. The sheets fell gently over his face and he groaned as he tried to pull them off while Teddy's shins dug into his back.

Teddy let out a loud "oof" when Billy landed on him, the sheets drifting down around his waist and hips. Billy was stronger than he looked, heavier too, and his weight pressed down on Teddy's legs, the unexpected contact more of a thrill than it should have been. The absurdity of the entire situation hit him and he started laughing, tugging the sheets away from Billy's face. "Ten points for style, negative ten on the dismount."

"Ugh. I call foul, the judge knows the contestant so it's not fair." Billy laughed, then winced as he arched his back and rolled away. "For a muscle guy, your knees are bony. I think I'll have two big bruises on my back now."

He was thankful Teddy was wearing his cargo pants, cause of he had been this close to Teddy's legs while the guy had those stupid basket ball shorts on, Billy might not have made it. Basket ball shorts weren't even hot!

"'Muscle guy'?" Teddy laughed and propped himself up on his elbows, watching as Billy sorted himself out. "Seriously? That's how you think of me?"

Billy gave Teddy a deadpanned look, then tossed the sheets he had balled up back onto Teddy's bed. "You are the only guy I know that could take that as an insult." He grinned. "I didn't say meat head, you are very smart along with your muscles."

"Nah, that's your brother's line." Teddy shrugged, not willing to let on that it hurt. "But thank you," he added more cheerfully. "The physique is a cheat. I can have any shape I want. The brain takes actual work."

Billy tilted his head, a thought he'd had a couple of times coming up again and he thought this was a good a time as any to voice it. Worse come to worse Teddy would just avoid it. "So, speaking of taking any shape...is this your like real shape? I mean, not to sound super creepy, but I've seen you asleep and you don't seem to change."

Ugh. Teddy winced. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Still, it was Billy asking, and he wasn't exactly far off. Did Teddy dare? He wasn't hideous in his baseline form, but he was so aware of his flaws that all of them felt glaring, the little tweaks and fixes he made each morning before he faced the world. And Billy would see all of them. Had already seen them, Teddy reminded himself. Even if he hadn't realized them at the time. "Mostly," he confessed, sitting up all the way and pulling his feet in underneath him.

Teddy let the tiny adjustments go. His hair had smushed funny over his left ear the night before and he hadn't been able to brush it down -- that reappeared as his face resettled, and so did the weird spot on his eyebrow that looked like a small scar but wasn't. His eyes went from vibrant blue back to their blah grey-er sort of blue, and though Billy wouldn't have been able to see it under his clothes, his abs and arms went softer, that cushion of body fat resettling itself in its proper place.

Teddy didn't shift himself because he wanted to look perfect -- that didn't mean anything, anyway. He'd just wanted to be a little less... ordinary.

Billy frowned, then squinted and moved a little closer to inspect the changes, which were barely there by the fucking way! All he really noticed was that a cowlick shot up on the side of Teddy's head and his eye had gone a little more stormy grey instead of summer sky blue. Billy stared for a moment longer before flicking his gaze back up to Teddy's with an eyebrow raised. "That's it? Why were you so nervous? You're still really hot."

The scrutiny really, really did not help his self-consciousness. Teddy fought the urge to put the perfect-face back on, get rid of the chub and define his muscles again--the subtle shifts that he'd convinced himself were just like girls contouring their makeup, rather than a lie he was perpetuating on the world. He swallowed against the nerves, trying to keep meeting Billy's steady gaze. "Thank you," was all he said. And "everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I guess it's more obvious from the inside."

Billy smiled softly at that and reached out to touch the small cowlick on the side of Teddy's head, smoothing it down and loving how it just stuck right back out once Billy removed his fingers. "I hate my legs." He replied quietly. "I joined track once-a long time ago- and they had this thing where if you shaved then you would run faster. All the boys did it, but as soon as I did it and wore my track shorts, my brothers started calling me lady legs. It wouldn't have been that bad, but someone on the track team had overheard, so that was my nickname all throughout 7th grade."

Billy gave an eyeroll. "I quit and in eighth grade they found something else to make fun of. But now? Who the fuck cares? I have lady legs and you're less than perfect, but to tell you the truth? I like less than perfect Teddy...he seems more real."

Teddy's eyes had closed when Billy touched him. Too close, he was too close and if Teddy met his gaze he would know for sure. Adoration and gratitude bloomed bright in his chest, the power of it taking his breath away. "Your legs are fine," he said firmly.

Billy huffed a small laugh. "Why thank you, Tee. I'm glad you like them so much." He grinned and sat back from Teddy, the guy sitting there with his eyes closed made Billy have too many ideas. "You doing anything tonight?"

Teddy opened his eyes when he felt Billy move away, shaking off the sinking feeling that he’d let another important moment pass him by. “No plans in particular, why?”

"I was wondering if you might want to go down to the rec room and have your ass handed to you by me in Mario Kart. We can even ask Nick to join, though we'll both be losing bad if he joins." Billy grinned, reaching out and poking Teddy's thigh with his toe.

"You, beat me?" Teddy scoffed, scrambling to his feet. The odd intimacy of the shared moment popped and dissolved away, leaving him oddly light and fizzy inside. "Unlikely. Prepare to taste bitter defeat."

Billy raised his hands, threw his head back and let out his best evil villain laugh. "Fool! You are no match for me!"

Then he grinned and stood up also.

Teddy laughed, grabbing the door. "Your mastermind cackle needs work," he teased, then hesitated. He was still unshifted, completely baseline, slept-on hair and squishy cheeks and all. Change back? Stay as he was? Billy had said he liked this version better, but he wasn't the only one out there. Billy had also said that he'd barely noticed the difference... but it felt naked. Vulnerable.

Fuck it. He was supposed to be working on accepting himself, wasn't he? Maybe this was a first step. Teddy didn't shift. Instead he held the door for Billy and followed him out.