ax_main | Jean-Paul and Warren, backdated to Thursday

The boys attempt sci-fi, and JP manages not to be jealous of Captain Kirk. Then, Warren ambushes him with more discussion of personal histories and feels. Warning: This log contains discussion of homophobia and manipulation that may make some uncomfortable. Read with care!

"Look, I don't wanna misrepresent myself," Warren said, settling onto the stool that served as his desk chair and cracking open a carton of Penang curry. Thai food for the win. "I don't know shit about actual, like Star Trek TV shows. But the movies are rad. You should try one, at least."

"Hm." Jean-Paul frowned as he considered his Fortune's Purses. "Well, if you've never seen the show either, why don't we watch that?"

"There's a lot of it," Warren said with a Very Thoughtful Expression in place. "But I'm down if you are. I mean, it spawned fifty years of obsession--it's gotta be good, right?"

"No one said we had to watch all of it tonight, idiot." Jean-Paul smacked Warren fondly. "There's got to be some 'best of' lists somewhere."

Warren feigned pain, rubbing at his arm. "Hey, you could do worse than be held captive by me and Captain Kirk all night."

"Oh, much worse. Simon's on another study binge."

Warren made a face. "I wanna ask why he's like this, but honestly, I know exactly why he's like this. Poor dude.

"Well, here in the cool room, we're gonna watch some Star Trek." Warren flicked on the roku and navigated his way through the menus. "Because we know how to party."

"I'll pick him up and carry him with me next time," Jean-Paul promised. He settled against Warren's side, a plate of dumplings in his hand. "We have to work on this whole togetherness thing."

Warren leaned into him, trying to find the Trek. He'd leave the episode selection to JP. "Yeah, and how's that work anyhow? Like, just so you know, I'm swearing off anyone but you two" --partly because Jean-Paul's territorial instincts were hot and Warren liked that he felt that way, but partly just because he had no interest anymore-- "but like do we still go out together? Can I take Simon out? What about make outs and stuff?"

"It's easy," Jean-Paul said, trying to sound more certain than he felt. "I go to you when I want someone to worship the ground I walk on. I go to Simon when I feel the need for a reality check. Simon comes to me when he needs his head affectionately pulled out of his ass. He goes to you when he needs to be adored. You go to Simon when you feel the need to be the one in charge. You come to me when you want someone who may slap a very short leash on you in public someday. And any and all combinations of dates are acceptable."

"We all get together and form the triforce of awesome," Warren said with a grin. "Though I'm not sure I'm in charge, with Simon. Oh shit. I am, aren't I? Heh!" Then a slight pause. A grin. "Would you really put a leash on me? Because that'd be awesome."

"You have no pride, Worthington. Have I told you it's an endearing trait?"

Warren's grin grew even bigger. "Well, I'd be super proud if it was you leading me around on a leash."

Jean-Paul snorted, but slid his free hand into the warmth of Warren's feathers. "Save it for the parades, Angel."

"Done." Warren's wings shivered a little, then his whole body relaxed at the touch. Niiiiiiice. He also chuckled a little, thinking of what his mother would say about that picture--but he wasn't bringing that up. Too soon, even he knew that. "Okay, here's the Trekkage. Should we watch the first one then look for the greatest hits?"

"Let's hit the highlights. Life's too short for mediocrity." He stroked the sensitive skin between Warren's shoulderblades gently. "In anything."

"Mmm...." Warren went all melty and leaned over to steal a kiss. So what if they were in the middle of eating? Life was too short, all right.

The kiss was shallow, playful, and earned Warren a retaliatory nip. "I thought this was dinner and a movie, not dinner and dessert."

Warren chuckled, enjoying the flush of heat from that nip, and reached for his food again. "Better keep my hands busy, then. Let's fire up the Enterprise."

Jean-Paul laughed and stole the remote, flicking to the first of the Star Trek series. "OK, let's boldly go." He chose an episode at random and helped himself to another dumpling. "And if I don't like this, you owe me."

"See, now I almost hope you don't like it." Warren was quick to add, "Joking! Mostly!" Then he pushed play.

As the episode went on, Jean-Paul wasn't particularly surprised to find Warren utterly enraptured. But then, Kirk did seem very much Warren's type... very take-charge and confident. It was hard not to get a swelled head.

"He's even more awesome than Chris Pine Kirk," Warren pronounced eventually, still clutching Jean-Paul from one of the more nerve-wracking parts. This shit was creepy. "This is epic."

"You are such a girl." Jean-Paul laughed and leaned obligingly up against Warren's chest. "There? Better?"

"I'm a super manly man who is terrified of this weird salt-eating monster, okay." Warren, long since divested of his curry, cuddled in close, cheek resting against Jean-Paul's head. "And fangirling over Shatner."

"I'm trying not to be jealous." Jean-Paul stretched and reached for the remote as the credits came up. "That was all right."

"It was better than all right." Warren stood and stretched his wings behind him carefully, the held out a hand. "C'mon one more? In bed? You're hotter than Kirk, lemme curl up with you." Warren had to be the big spoon, for obvious reasons, but he still liked it.

Jean-Paul quirked a tiny, almost shy smile, unable to completely help himself. Warren really had no idea how damned charming he could be without any effort. "You're lucky you're warm and fluffy," he said, letting himself to be pulled back into bed.

The smile made Warren's knees go a little weak. He settled on his side and propped up his head with pillows, then pulled Jean-Paul close against his front. He tucked his bottom wing up agains the wall and curled his top one over the both of them. A quick kiss to JP's neck and he said, "Okay. I'm ready now."

Seriously. Even if that bottom wing would cramp after a few hours... he could stay like this all night.

-------------------

Two episodes later, Jean-Paul wasn't trying to go anywhere. He was warm, content, and about to pass out.

"If Scott finds me asleep here, he'll murder you. Where is he anyway?"

"With Scott, hard to say. Definitely working on something. Garage. Library. Gym." Warren tried to get to know the guy, but it was a slow, slow fuckin' work in progress. He wasn't giving up or anything, just saying.

He ghosted a hand down Jean-Paul's side and snuggled in closer to his back. "Can we talk about a thing?"

"Mmm." Jean-Paul arched into the touch. "The Simon thing?"

"Nope." Warren ran his hand back up and nuzzled at his neck. "You.

"We're on the same page about the whole commitment thing. But I don't know why you are. And I kinda wanna tell you why I am. It feels... important?" Was that the word? Was that dramatic? Warren didn't know. Jean-Paul felt nice, and smelled nice, and Warren just wanted to know him.

Oh, of course. Get him all nice and cuddled up, and then spring this talk about feelings on him. Warren was damned lucky he was cute. Jean-Paul tried to glare at him, but it just got him an up-close view of the top of Warren's head.

"OK. So why are you?"

Warren readjusted, shifting their weights so he could look Jean-Paul in the eye. If he wanted to get it, he had to give it, and he was ready. Finally. "Partly it's a family and society thing. Like, boys schools take toxic masculinity to a whole new level. Gay is the word for everything terrible." Warren sighed. "It's been... weird, getting to a place where I don't feel fucked up about it. Good weird.

"But I'm over that. Obviously. The rest is... I mentioned Cam, right?" Warren was surprised to find it didn't hurt to say the name. Picturing him made Warren uncomfortable but... not in that old way. That had changed since he'd told Tamara part of the story last month. Nice.

"Not by name," Jean-Paul murmured. "But that's fine. Now I know what to call him when I break his jaw."

"I'll stand there and laugh," Warren said with a little smile. It was so... sweet in that protective Jean-Paul way. "My hero."

But as he considered where to go with the story, the smile faded. "So I'm not sure what I mentioned, but we were roommates. Friends for a long time before that. And we'd... not even hook up. Get each other off is a more accurate description." Warren's face flushed, thinking of how stupid he'd been. How much he'd let himself take. How much he'd let himself hurt. "No homo, though.

"He'd say that shit in the locker room and everyone laughed. I thought it'd get easier." And that was just the beginning... but Warren needed to pause, to gauge how Jean-Paul was taking it.

"You know that's not even in the same universe of where we are, right?" The hand on the back of Warren's neck was warm, steady, and there wasn't a hint of uncertainty in Jean-Paul's voice, despite the question.

"Oh, I know, believe me," Warren said, bitterness in his mouth and on his face. But when he reached up and brushed the pad of his thumb over Jean-Paul's cheekbone, his expression softened. "I thought it was enough, though.

"And it got worse. He'd pretend to be joking about stuff. I should do this or that... go down on him or whatever." Warren looked away. "I wasn't falling for that. I might hate the game but I was born playing. The second he got insecure he'd call me a queer in front of everyone and there goes... my whole, tiny fucking world."

Jean-Paul caressed his cheek, but didn't try to turn Warren to look at him. "I'm surprised you'd want to date me - or any boy," he clarified, "after being treated like that by someone you called a friend."

The worst part had been how much Warren had wanted all those things Cam had dared him to do. How much he'd hoped Cam would come around, maybe after they graduated, and...

Warren sighed. "My wings saved me from becoming my parents--I hope--but they also saved me from that school. Before i could get too fucked up.

"You're nothing like him to me and never were, boy or not." Warren met his eyes again. "But I know thinking with my dick is a weakness. A big one. And it did..." Get me hurt bad for like two years... "suck. So even though I know we're good, I still like the slow part."

"And now I'm just confused," Jean-Paul confessed. "I mean. I don't mind slow. But we're kind of not? I mean, the thing with Simon...?"

"We've been doing this for like two months now and you're still not officially my boyfriend," Warren said. "Sex... well we didn't do anything I've never done before. The stuff I... wanna do."

Jean-Paul sighed and ran his fingers through Warren's golden hair. "You need to stop breaking my fucking heart, rich boy. You'll ruin my image."

"My sad, sad hyperprivileged life." Warren nuzzled toward the hand in his hair and smiled softly. "I thought it'd be good for you to know, though. It's not about my sexuality so much as past fuck ups. Wanna do it right, and we are. Yes," he chuckled, "including Simon. Who is good for both of us. And we definitely are for him."

"God, I hope so. He makes things so much harder for himself than they have to be."

"Like, actively. It's amazing." Warren chuckled, then his expression went quiet again. "So... your turn?" He cocked an eyebrow because yeah, it was a question. If JP backed out, that was cool.

Jean-Paul went quiet for a bit. "It's weird for me to think of it too deeply," he admitted. "I mean, I came out on national TV when I was fourteen, for fuck's sake. And I still haven't had a chance to even do much, or anything that meant anything. There was always something more important that I had to get done."

"So it ties in with the no real dating experience thing?" Warren asked, going back to running his fingers over JP's side.

"Some. But I think most of it is just knowing quality when I see it. I've pushed hard to go from being nobody to getting almost anything I've set my mind to." Jean-Paul caught Warren's hand. "I see a lot in you worth taking a chance on. What's so mysterious about that?"

"Nothing," Warren said. "But it doesn't explain why you're... uncomfortable, I guess, with the whole--" Then it occurred and he cut himself off and grinned. "So you need to know me better before you take the big chance? I get it."

"It's not like that." Jean-Paul sighed and squirmed away, suddenly desperate for space. "It's... we can't do this wrong if it's just this. If I'm your boyfriend or your lover or whatever... I don't know. It's solid. It's something I can fuck up."

Warren let him go, hand coming to rest on the bed between them, and his smile softened. "I get it. I mean, we kinda both hinted it was something in ourselves that made this work better... for now.

"But you don't scare me, if that helps." Warren sighed a little, running his fingers over the sheets, missing JP's warmth but knowing better than to reach for him. "What makes you think you'd fuck it up?"

"Everything." It was a childish answer, and Jean-Paul knew it. But at the same time, it was all he could actually put into words at the moment.

Warren couldn't help it, now. He reached out and rested a palm against the flat of Jean-Paul's stomach. "It's okay. You don't have to get into detail if you don't want. Just like... know I'm interested."

"I know." Jean-Paul lay his too-warm hand over Warren's. "I wish I had a better answer for why I'm being such an idiot about this."

Warren threaded his fingers through JP's. "Let me know if and when you figure it out? I'm not going anywhere, man. I'm... happy."

"I'm not either. You know I'm watching your back, right?"

"Same." Warren tugged now, trying to get JP back, but not wanting to invade, exactly. "Always. Even if I'm being an idiot."