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Teddy, Lyja and Billy Backdated 08/27/18
Teddy and Billy escape to Teddy's apartment for some recharging after the Right incident but someone else has something in mind as well as a message for Teddy.
“Because you need to take a break too,” Teddy said firmly as they materialized in his bedroom at home, continuing the conversation they'd begun back in the dorm at school. “You've been camping out in the infirmary since you got back, and you need some time to stand down and deal with your own stuff. Eat something that isn't cafeteria food. Read a comic book. Lie down for a while.” So maybe he was being bossy, but he knew from painful experience exactly what happened when Billy threw everything that he was into fixing other people's problems. “It's not like Tommy's even going to be grateful,” he added as a not-entirely-kind aside.
Billy opened his mouth to argue that, but he really couldn’t. He didn’t know what Tommy felt because his brother was like a labyrinth when it came to feelings, and he didn’t really want Tommy to feel grateful. As long as Tommy was safe, he could push Billy away as much as he wanted. “Be nice, Tee. He’s...he’s gone through that shit twice now.”
To make sure Teddy knew he wasn’t irritated or anything, he reached out to take his boyfriend’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “And I know I’ve been kinda...a guard dog with Tommy lately and I need to let him and myself breathe. So, this is me, taking a break to eat food and read and all that fun stuff you mentioned.”
He made a show of taking a deep breath and letting it out, giving Teddy a small smile.
Teddy sighed, letting go of (most) of his irritation. “Sorry, for the Tommy thing. I just hate seeing you wear yourself thin.” Chasing that line of conversation wasn't going to get them any closer to relaxing, and he squeezed Billy's hand again, tugging him in close for a hug. “But mom's not home, and we've got a couple of hours to ourselves. We could raid the fridge, put on a movie, or just hang out and talk -- whatever you want,” he offered, pressing his lips lightly against the top of Billy's head.
Billy smiled at the kiss on his head and let their hug last a bit longer, somehow just the smell of Teddy was making him relax. “All very good options. How would you feel about stuffing our faces and playing a little Star Wars: Knights of the Republic?”
Teddy had introduced him to the game, a game that had come out when he was like two, but it was honestly one of the best he had ever played. Who knew old consoles had those kinds of treasures?
“Sounds like an excellent plan.” Teddy headed for the bedroom door, pausing to let Billy precede him into the hall. He followed, settling his hand on the small of Billy's back, more to reassure himself that Billy was there, solid and warm, than any other reason. “Last time I looked there were a couple of jars of spaghetti sauce in the cupboard. We can make noodles and dump a bunch of sauce and cheese on them... unless you want leftovers instead.”
As the two reached the small apartment's living room, there was a buzz from the intercom. “Cable repair,” a tinny voice announced from the aging speaker. “We had an appointment set up for between twelve and four?”
Billy craned his neck back so he could look around Teddy at the door. “Cable guy? Something wrong with your TV?”
Teddy frowned at the buzzer and shook his head. “Not that mom told me. And she didn't know we were going to come over, so why wouldn't she be here waiting?” He grabbed his phone from his pocket just to be sure, flicking through until he got to the remote app, and turned the tv on through the living room door.
When the television flashed to life, it displayed nothing but static. At the same time, the buzzer sounded again. “Hello? Is anybody home?”
“Huh.” Teddy shrugged at Billy. “Maybe the landlord called. Cover me in case it's a creative burglary,” he joked, reaching for the buzzer. “Sorry - come on up,” he spoke into the intercom, releasing the door.
So, alone time with Teddy probably wasn’t going to happen when some stranger was up in the apartment with them and Billy pulled back on the urge to try and fix the cable himself. Instead he grinned and shook his head as he headed towards the kitchen. “I’m pretty sure your super strength and healing could deal with any burgling that would happen. But if you need me, your living taser of a boyfriend will be eating every piece of food in the fridge.”
A few moments passed, and there came a crisp knock on the apartment door.
Half-eaten bag of chips in hand, Teddy glanced through the peephole. He opened the door an inch or two before taking off the chain, just in case, and nodded politely to the woman in coveralls on the other side. “I need to see some ID, please.”
Given everything that had happened with the Right only a couple of days ago he was pretty sure they weren’t starting up again, and definitely not by knocking on random doors and hoping that mutant kids were inside, but still. Tommy hadn’t expected to get tackled while grocery shopping, either. Mind you, it wasn’t that hard to make fake ID. Especially considering he had one too. Whatever. If something went wrong, he was pretty sure he and Billy could keep the upper hand.
She pulled her employee identification card from the corporate-branded lanyard around her neck and handed it over to Teddy without argument. It seemed to pass muster--the photograph clearly pictured the same medium-sized woman with close-cropped red hair now standing in the hallway, Lila Masters by name--and the other details all appeared to be in order. Once he'd accepted it as genuine and stepped aside to let her in, she walked past him with a certainty--an odd sort of familiarity with the surroundings--that might have indicated nothing more than that she'd previously made service calls to this apartment.
It became more obvious that their visitor had entered the apartment under false pretenses when, between one step and the next, her form and clothing began to shift; her stature increased, albeit only slightly, and short red hair darkened and lengthened into a mass of green-black, held back from her forehead by a heavy gold circlet. Her uniform was black and purple, as seemed to be the standard for Skrull military personnel, with shoulder guards much wider than the average soldier. It also left her arms bare and exposed quite a bit more cleavage than would have been considered proper by most terrestrial armies. As green eyes shifted to the familiar yellow-gold, the Skrull pressed a fist to her breast in salute.
“Your Imperial Highness,” she began formally. “Please forgive the subterfuge; my orders are to keep any contact I make with the royal presence rare and as difficult to trace as possible. I do, however, feel I must request an audience, in light of recent events.”
“Shit!” The open can of coke Billy had grabbed from the fridge dropped to the floor as he watched the cable woman transform into a Skrull. Sparks came from his hands at the surprise and he quickly glanced at Teddy to see if he needed to be on alert. She was a Skrull, so surely she wasn’t here to hurt Teddy or anything. Right?
Teddy'd taken an involuntary step back when she started shifting, his hands coming up in front of him and curling into fists, sliding his feet into a more stable battle-stance. Then she saluted and he felt like an idiot. He dropped his hands, the bag of chips crinkling under his arm, and straightened up. 'The Royal Presence'? No matter what Namor said, he couldn't imagine ever getting completely used to that. “It's okay, Bee,” he did say, only taking his eyes off of the officer for a fraction of a second. “I, um. Think we're good.”
Probably. At least no-one was a table this time.
Also, probably.
“I'd invite you in, but I think we already covered that,” Teddy did say somewhat dryly. “What can I do for you?”
“I am Lyja,” she announced. “Second-Ranked, Imperial Skrull Primary Command.” She spared a glance for Billy but seemed to dismiss him as a threat--or perhaps trust that the Crown Prince's goodwill would forestall the need for conflict. “First, I wish to congratulate you on the successful campaign you mounted against your enemies. Though I think the full implications are lost on them, the Earthmen rightly praise your victory over the Right. But we would ask his Highness to consider how such bold action on his part makes our assignment more difficult. Not only must we maintain a heightened state of vigilance against potential reprisals from terrestrial foes, but video transmissions of your activities spill unchecked into space. It potentially exposes you to foes far more dangerous than any you would find among the Earthmen.”
Everything the woman said Billy had to break down piece by piece to understand fully.
Enemies = The Right
Earthmen= ???? Okay that one was lost on him. Did she mean like the people of earth? Like the police? Or the school?
Billy frowned “Wait, they are finding their way into space? How is that possible? Pretty sure earth isn’t even aware that Aliens actually exist...except for the people with the foil hats.”
“No, I get it, Bee. Our tv satellites aren't shielded with anything, so anyone who wanted to could eavesdrop.”
Teddy frowned, turning her message over before replying. “Is this an official request for me to knock it off? Because I don't regret anything we did, even if it did put me in more danger. They were torturing and killing children. And Billy's brother was one of the guys they took.” He nodded in Billy's direction. “I can't sit back when I'm able to do something to help.”
The Skrull shook her head. “Not an official request, no. Officially, we are commanded to involve ourselves directly in your affairs mainly in the event you are targeted by enemies or potential enemies of the Empire; internal human squabbles are of lesser concern. I suppose if the First-Ranked judged this Right, or any other terrestrial organization, a legitimate, mortal threat to the Crown Prince, our orders might change. For now, however, we judge the danger to your Highness at the local level to be minimal.
“My suggestion is more in the nature of--what is the phrase?--friendly advice.” Lyja's expression soured. “Paibok was pleased to be given an assignment directly from the Empress but is much less so by the assignment itself. He would rather be nearer to Throneworld and the center of power. Given the chance, he may attempt to argue that public action on the Prince's part places him unnecessarily at risk, and that he should be relocated to Tarnax IV--or, at the very least, one of the core worlds--for his own safety. I would not recommend offering him any more support for that argument than you already have, if it is within your power to prevent it.”
Billy had about half a second to be impressed that Teddy had thought of the satellites when he hadn’t, but what Lyja said made his gut clench in worry. “Relocated? He can’t do that, Teddy is supposed to stay here and finish out stuff.”
Where the hell even was Tarnax whatever? Certainly wasn’t Earth, that’s was for sure. He unconsciously took a small step towards Teddy, as if being closer to him would keep him here. “I’m sure the Empress wouldn’t be so quick just because of a few missions on the news. We all have code names and everything, and he doesn’t even look like a Skrull unless he shifts.”
He felt like he was arguing a case in court. Fuck Piebook. He wasn’t going to make Teddy leave because he was an attention whore.
This was going to be more complicated than a simple message-from-mother drop-off, and Teddy - already tense - tamped down the urge to get angry. “Can we move this to the living room,” he suggested, starting to head for the door. “I really don't feel like talking politics standing in the hall.” And if his mom came home, walking in on a conference in the front hall was likely to cause more stress than... now that was a question. “Does S'vara know you're here?” he asked Lyja, an eyebrow up.
Lyja's expression did not change, but her yellow-gold eyes flickered to one side tellingly. “I thought it best not to involve the Handmaiden--not immediately, at least. In truth, I am probably overstepping my bounds, interceding in this way. But a hazard cannot be overcome if one is unaware of it; I simply wished his Highness to have a fuller grasp of the circumstances now surrounding him.”
The Handmaiden. Geeze. Billy didn’t know if that was just how Skrulls talked about each other or Lyja wasn’t very keen on Mrs. A and he pursed his lips as he followed Teddy’s instructions.
Teddy headed through the door to the living room, trying to keep his face as calm as he could on the outside while inside, he was running through his options. Lyja was one of his officers, right? So despite her rank he was kind of in charge. And he needed to know more about what Paibok could and couldn't do to him, and the kinds of things that would be too far and get him yanked away from Earth before he was ready.
Okay. So what would Namor do in this situation? Bad question. Namor would tell Lyja that he was in charge and she could like it or lump it. Namor would- well. He'd sit in the armchair instead of on the couch, for one. Always let them know that you're a prince. He wasn't about to start using the words, but Teddy had other ways to get the point across.
So Teddy did that, heading for the overstuffed and kind of old armchair that sat at a ninety-degree angle from the couch. He could sit there and Lyja would have no choice but to either stand or sit on the couch. Either one would make Teddy feel like a grownup rather than a kid about to get chewed out and grounded. He sat down before anyone else could make the choice for him, making the conscious effort to remember to put his arms down on the chair arms rather than drop them in his lap. Okay. Power move attempt number one. Now to see if he was actually impressing anyone, jeans with the hole in the knee and all.
An uncomfortable look flashed across Lyja's fine-scaled features, there and gone in an instant. She did not move to be seated herself, but she did not kneel in the Imperial Presence, either. Instead, the Skrull officer appeared to have decided that standing at attention with her hands folded behind her back was sufficient to satisfy both the demands of military protocol and the far more ... relaxed standards that tended to prevail on Earth. “It was not my intention to offer disrespect to Your Highness, nor to the Handmaiden. But this situation has proved ... challenging to navigate. I must abide by the chain of command; however, I feel remaining true to the spirit of Her Majesty's instructions to be of equal--perhaps greater--importance. And so I am here.”
With Teddy picking the armchair and Lyja choosing to stand, after some consideration Billy plopped himself down on the side of the couch closest to Teddy. Did that look weird? He had a brief thought to just stand up again but that would look like he didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t want to embarrass Teddy, so he stayed seated.
Teddy hadn't exactly expected her to stay standing, but asking her to sit felt way too much like she was getting called in to the principal's office or something, so he ignored it and tried to pretend like he was comfortable with all of this. Hah. “I appreciate the warning, honestly. I'm at a major disadvantage because I don't know nearly enough yet about the major players. And I'm really not interested in giving Paibok ammunition to have me sent away. but at the same time-” he locked eyes with Billy, trying to figure out what to say next.
“At the same time, Earth needs help that I'm pretty uniquely qualified to give. At least until more mutants start training. Standing on the sidelines and letting other people get hurt in my place seems incredibly selfish.”
“An admirable sentiment, Highness,” Lyja said, shaking her head at the wonder of it--she'd become accustomed to a far more self-interested style of leadership during her time in Primary Command. “Yet, if you will forgive the presumption, I would advise against expressing it again too readily. Many commanders would argue that if the safety of the planet and its indigenous life forms is his Highness' priority, that could be better accomplished by folding Earth into the Empire, providing for a permanent peacekeeping garrison, and installing a regional governor. I expect Your Highness can imagine who my commander would suggest is most qualified for such a post.”
“Folding Earth into the Empire? As in...” Billy twisted his mouth so the words Alien Overlords didn’t come out, but man it was close. He had remembered what TJ said about the Skrulls, how they liked to invade and take over. “Is there a way Tedd- his highness? Is there a way he could continue being on the X-Force without worrying you guys? He has a point. We need him. His skill set is really amazing.”
He refused to let the memory of blood on Teddy’s shirt from one of the earlier rescue missions push his opinion on this. They needed Teddy on the team.
Teddy had to seriously bite his tongue when Billy referred to him as highness-- that was something he hadn't ever expected to hear and it really didn't sit right, but teasing him about it in front of Lyja was definitely not the way to make himself look mature. “What about a compromise?” he offered, glancing at Billy kind of hopefully. “I mean, Paibok can't be watching me all the time, and if I just... don't look like me when there is a mission, who'll ever know?”
“It does not worry me,” Lyja said looking toward Billy with her head cocked curiously to one side. “Nor does it worry Paibok, in particular. But he will use the circumstances to his best possible advantage, if he can. It is,” she added, a touch regretfully, “the Skrull way.”
After the prince had spoken, she moved toward a window, pulling aside one of the curtains to look down at the street below. “I think I begin to understand your interest in this world, Highness,” she said. “Though I have only been here a short time, I find it ... strangely enticing. I, too, would prefer it remain outside the Empire's direct influence. For now, at least.” She looked back over her shoulder at Teddy. “Conceal your identity as best you can, Highness. I will assist you to the extent I am able. But do not underestimate Paibok. He will attempt to take all of this for himself,” Lyja turned back toward the window, staring down at the street below with golden eyes full of wonder, “if he thinks he can.”
Billy bit his lip, keeping his opinions on Paibok to himself until Teddy and him were alone. Instead he let the fact that Lyja agreed to help Teddy ease his nerves a little. He didn’t mean to speak for Teddy, but he gave the woman a small nod. “Thank you, Lyja.”
“Paibok's picked the wrong planet if he thinks he can take this over,” Teddy said with more confidence than was probably wise. “We might not be able to do much against a fleet just yet, but even Billy's powers alone are mind-blowing. Once he's fully trained there won't be anything he can't do.” He caught Billy's eye, everything in him radiating pride. “And Wanda's no slouch either. Ideally it won't ever come to that, of course. But if it did, the odds are pretty good.”
The Skrull offered a respectful nod for Billy's expression of thanks, but her face was uncertain again when she turned back toward the other teen. “As you say, my Prince, some of the individuals inhabiting this world do possess abilities even the Empire would find daunting. But there are means other than direct conflict at our people's disposal--and a few dozen, no matter how formidable, could hardly hold back a force of millions.” Lyja shook her head, clearly uncomfortable contradicting Teddy, but pressing ahead, regardless. “Ideally, it will not come to this. However, if there is one scenario that might possibly persuade Her Imperial Majesty to reconsider her work toward forging a lasting peace for our people, it would be her son and heir coming into harm's way.”
Billy had just a second to sit a little taller at Teddy’s words about him and his powers before Lyja was speaking again. He glanced over at Teddy, sucking in his bottom lip when he saw the way Teddy’s brow furrowed just slightly, the expression that always came when he was studying Spanish. Teddy was going to stew on this until he could come up with the perfect answer and right now there didn’t seem to be one. He needed to switch this or they would be talking in circles forever. He patted his thighs before turning to Lyja. “How many skrulls are actually staying here on earth? Is there some kind of base you guys stay at or are you guys staying at the Red Roof?”
Again, the question left Lyja looking conflicted. “Not many,” she said, at last. “Fewer than twenty. I am sorry, but I am not authorized to disclose the exact details of our mission without the explicit permission of my commanding officer--which I am not very likely to receive anytime soon. We do have a concealed central command post, but for the most part we have worked to infiltrate human society as seamlessly as possible. That means occupations, addresses, a traceable history. All fairly standard, for an assignment like this.” Except that instead of observing the planet and probing quietly for weaknesses, they had only a single individual to watch over. How was it that this could make their mission simultaneously much simpler and infinitely more complicated? Perhaps because of who they had been assigned to protect.
The Skrull sniffed. “And even if we had been restricted to temporary housing, I think I would have had more discrimination than to choose a Red Roof. Particularly in a city that offers a relative wealth of options, as this one does. Earth, by and large, is primitive, but your New York is very nearly a rival to some of the Empire's smaller metropolises. And the variety of experience to be sampled here ... I have been, much to my surprise, greatly impressed.”
Teddy snickered at the total disdain in Lyja's voice, the change making her suddenly much more... human. Or 'approachable,' anyway, since she wasn't likely to see 'human' as a compliment. “New York is amazing,” he agreed easily, the germ of an idea forming. “But I bet you haven't found the best parts yet. It takes years to learn your way around, and I'm guessing Coney Island hot dogs aren't listed in Skrull special ops briefings.” He caught Billy's eye and flashed him a grin.
Billy got it, at least Teddy thought he did, and he grinned back. “Corned beef at Katz's.”
“Tamales from the carts by the Port Authority.”
“Sal and Carmine for pizza,” Billy offered, but Teddy wrinkled his nose.
“You think? That's way upscale if you're just looking for a slice. I'm taking you to Front Street next time.”
Lyja had followed the conversation with interest, interrupting to ask, “Do they serve the kind of pizza that has pineapple on it? I have found that I enjoy pizza with pineapple.”
“Vindication!” Teddy cheered, punching the air above his head.
Billy couldn’t help wrinkling his nose at the two of them and their weird need to put fruit on pizza. God, maybe it was an alien thing. Who invented pineapple pizza? Probably more aliens. He shook his head at Teddy’s exclamation. “No, no, no. That does not count as a point in your ‘pineapple lovers’ court. And Sal and Carmine’s is great, so shhh.”
He switched to Lyja, ignoring any protest Teddy might have. “Have you tried crushed garlic and pepperoni yet? It’s delicious and the vampires won’t touch you for daaaays.”
The green, finely-scaled skin around her nose wrinkled, and she said, “I like garlic--many of your world's seasonings and additives are very flavorful. But the aroma is quite ... conspicuous. When one is trying to remain inconspicuous, one must carefully manage just how far one stands out to any of the human senses.” Lyja shook her head. “With enough garlic in one's diet, I imagine the vampires would not be the only ones giving you a wide berth.” Assuming such creatures existed, which seemed unlikely. Though she'd certainly seen stranger life-forms in her travels on behalf of the Empire.
“Like boyfriends,” Teddy fired back at Billy with a grin. “Don’t you go corrupting her with your weird garlic obsession.”
Billy gave Teddy a look, eyebrow raised to say he didn’t believe that for a second. Morning breath make-outs proved that pretty well, but he was going to let it slide. “Plenty of people like a lot of garlic so it’s not weird and now you have me craving pizza.”
His eyes lit up at an idea. “We should go get pizza! Like now. Lyja, you free?”
That earned Billy an inquiring look. “As part of the security detail assigned to ensure the safety of the Crown Prince, I consider myself on duty during any time I spend in his proximity. So ... yes and no?” She shook her head and took a half-step backward. “But it would be inappropriate, for a mere soldier to dine with His Imperial Highness. To display such unwarranted familiarity would disgrace my bloodline for generations.”
“Generations?” Teddy asked, half-laughing at the idea. “That seems kind of extreme. There are rules about who you can eat with? ... or rules about who I can eat with?” He glanced at Billy, bemused and a little concerned.
“That seems a bit much.” Billy replied, hoping that wasn’t offensive or anything but really? “I mean, it’s only pizza. Great pizza, but still just pizza.”
Sometimes he would forget that Teddy now had this new...thing about him. The fact that he was considered too important to eat with by someone was really weird.
“There are rules for everything, where the Imperial Family is concerned,” Lyja told them seriously, then her mouth twitched upward in a small smirk. “Though honestly, the Emperors, Princes, and Princesses of the Empire have ruled by decree for centuries. That means they are at liberty to do whatever they like, whenever they like, regardless of law, norm or custom. I just enjoy your little ... what is the term? Freakouts? I have never before had the opportunity to watch a Crown Prince freak out.”
“I'm not-” Teddy started to object, then narrowed his eyes at Lyja. “You're such a troll,” he announced, and man, he'd fallen for it for a second. Honestly, the glint of humanit- no, he couldn't call it that. The glimpse of the sly, teasing personality in there had made him more comfortable in a half-second than any of the weird bowing and scraping ever could. “You're as bad as my mother. Both of them.”
Okay. Awesome. Lyja suddenly rose to a new level in Billy’s book with that and he couldn’t help the snort of laughter and large grin on his face. “That was impressive. I would have cracked five seconds into that.”
“You have not had the appropriate Skrull infiltration training, Billy Kaplan,” she told him, retaining that faint smirk, gold eyes now clearly amused. “And I will consider your assessment a great compliment, Highness; it is gratifying to be held in such estimable company.” One of Lyja's finely-scaled brows rose inquiringly. “All that aside, however ... I recall there was some mention of pizza not long ago? I much prefer native cuisine to the nutritional supplements we are obliged to consume when engaged in active field work.”
“Pizza field trip? Heck yeah.” Teddy replied with a grin. He probably wouldn’t need to play tour guide – Lyja likely had all kinds of maps memorized – but introducing her to some of his favorite places could still be fun. Except, of course, that his original plan for the day had been to force Billy to relax. Would this still count as relaxing? He glanced at Billy, looking a lot less nervous than he had before. “If you’re okay with that?”
“Absolutely. We would be doing her a disservice if we didn’t do this.” Billy stood from his seat on the couch, smiling at his boyfriend before turning to Lyja. “Nutritional supplements? Good lord do you need pizza. Stat.”
"They aren't as bad as all that," she said. Then considered a moment, and added, "They certainly are not pizza, however. Thank you, Highness. Billy Kaplan." Lyja saluted again. "It would be an honor to accompany you. I will need to alert my superior, however."
"Paibok?" Teddy replied dubiously. "Somehow I can't imagine him understanding the urgency of a pizza run."
"What?" she said, looking perplexed, then shook her head. "No. Mr. Manischewitz, my shift supervisor at Verizon." As she spoke, Lyja shifted back into the human form she'd worn when she first arrived at the apartment. "He is usually very forgiving of nonstandard lunch breaks, but does insist we alert him beforehand."
“Manischewitz?” Billy questioned, a stupid grin on his face. “Based on the name I bet he’d be fine with even a little...”
He held up his thumb and pinkie, miming taking a drink.
It took Teddy a second to get it, then he grinned back. "Are you sure he's not also a Skrull, just one with a thing for really gross wine?"
"Absolutely," she said. "All native life forms with whom an infiltration team member makes contact must be exhaustively vetted beforehand." Lyja wrinkled her nose.
"Besides, even a Skrull in exile would show better taste. Your rotted fruit-based beverages are absolutely vile." After a moment's consideration, she added, "I quite like your selection of beers, however. They remind me of the fungus-based liquid intoxicants popular on some of the Core Worlds.
Billy narrowed his eyes slightly, lips pursing slightly. “I’m sorry. Did you just say fungus based intoxicants? As in...space mushroom alcohol? Can the skrulls get drunk?”
He glanced at Teddy, wondering if the healing came from the skrulls and if they could get drunk on this fungus stuff then maybe Teddy could actually enjoy a drink. Oh, Teddy drunk would be a sight.
“Mushroom booze?” Teddy asked aloud, echoing Billy’s sentiment. “I mean, if Russians can make vodka out of potatoes you can probably ferment just about anything. I never really thought about it before.”
"Your fermented yeasty drinks are similar enough to have some minor effect," Lyja nodded. "But ... if you think you might care to sample something of your people's heritage, Highness, I might have a bottle or two secured in my berth I would be willing to part with." She gave Billy an apologetic look. "I regret to say that, for a human, imbibing Skrull liquor is likely to prove a violently psychedelic experience. Perhaps not fatally so, but I would prefer not to take a chance with the Crown Prince's consort."
Teddy winced. "Yeah, that's a conversation I really don't want to have with your mom. 'Why is Billy speaking in tongues?' 'oh, he just overdosed on goofy juice from the Andromeda galaxy. No big.'"
Billy grinned and reached out to whack Teddy lightly on the shoulder. “Yeah yeah. I get it. It’s not for us mere mortals, but hey, maybe next time I drink you could too.”
"That would be well," Lyja interjected. "I am not familiar with all the particulars of the development of Earth pups, but among most intelligent species pair-bonding is deepened by shared pleasurable experiences. Especially, I have found, when those shared experiences fall outside the usual boundaries of propriety."
"Yeah, it's um. Pretty much the same here." Teddy didn't dare make eye contact with Billy when Lyja started talking about 'shared pleasure' and 'propriety,' or he was going to end up blushing. "But if we're talking 'bonding activities'-" He stood up, seizing on the easiest way to change the subject away from exactly how human dating worked. "Doing that pizza run is a much better idea right now. I don't know about you guys, but I'm starved."
Billy stared hard at the small stain on the Altman’s rug so that he didn’t have to look at anyone during that conversation and he jumped up when Teddy did. “Me too! Pizza sounds great, amazing even. Shall we?”
Executing a shallow bow that, for all it was a graceful gesture, was an incongruous juxtaposition with Lyja's human features and uniform, she said, "With His Highness' leave ... let's do."
“Because you need to take a break too,” Teddy said firmly as they materialized in his bedroom at home, continuing the conversation they'd begun back in the dorm at school. “You've been camping out in the infirmary since you got back, and you need some time to stand down and deal with your own stuff. Eat something that isn't cafeteria food. Read a comic book. Lie down for a while.” So maybe he was being bossy, but he knew from painful experience exactly what happened when Billy threw everything that he was into fixing other people's problems. “It's not like Tommy's even going to be grateful,” he added as a not-entirely-kind aside.
Billy opened his mouth to argue that, but he really couldn’t. He didn’t know what Tommy felt because his brother was like a labyrinth when it came to feelings, and he didn’t really want Tommy to feel grateful. As long as Tommy was safe, he could push Billy away as much as he wanted. “Be nice, Tee. He’s...he’s gone through that shit twice now.”
To make sure Teddy knew he wasn’t irritated or anything, he reached out to take his boyfriend’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “And I know I’ve been kinda...a guard dog with Tommy lately and I need to let him and myself breathe. So, this is me, taking a break to eat food and read and all that fun stuff you mentioned.”
He made a show of taking a deep breath and letting it out, giving Teddy a small smile.
Teddy sighed, letting go of (most) of his irritation. “Sorry, for the Tommy thing. I just hate seeing you wear yourself thin.” Chasing that line of conversation wasn't going to get them any closer to relaxing, and he squeezed Billy's hand again, tugging him in close for a hug. “But mom's not home, and we've got a couple of hours to ourselves. We could raid the fridge, put on a movie, or just hang out and talk -- whatever you want,” he offered, pressing his lips lightly against the top of Billy's head.
Billy smiled at the kiss on his head and let their hug last a bit longer, somehow just the smell of Teddy was making him relax. “All very good options. How would you feel about stuffing our faces and playing a little Star Wars: Knights of the Republic?”
Teddy had introduced him to the game, a game that had come out when he was like two, but it was honestly one of the best he had ever played. Who knew old consoles had those kinds of treasures?
“Sounds like an excellent plan.” Teddy headed for the bedroom door, pausing to let Billy precede him into the hall. He followed, settling his hand on the small of Billy's back, more to reassure himself that Billy was there, solid and warm, than any other reason. “Last time I looked there were a couple of jars of spaghetti sauce in the cupboard. We can make noodles and dump a bunch of sauce and cheese on them... unless you want leftovers instead.”
As the two reached the small apartment's living room, there was a buzz from the intercom. “Cable repair,” a tinny voice announced from the aging speaker. “We had an appointment set up for between twelve and four?”
Billy craned his neck back so he could look around Teddy at the door. “Cable guy? Something wrong with your TV?”
Teddy frowned at the buzzer and shook his head. “Not that mom told me. And she didn't know we were going to come over, so why wouldn't she be here waiting?” He grabbed his phone from his pocket just to be sure, flicking through until he got to the remote app, and turned the tv on through the living room door.
When the television flashed to life, it displayed nothing but static. At the same time, the buzzer sounded again. “Hello? Is anybody home?”
“Huh.” Teddy shrugged at Billy. “Maybe the landlord called. Cover me in case it's a creative burglary,” he joked, reaching for the buzzer. “Sorry - come on up,” he spoke into the intercom, releasing the door.
So, alone time with Teddy probably wasn’t going to happen when some stranger was up in the apartment with them and Billy pulled back on the urge to try and fix the cable himself. Instead he grinned and shook his head as he headed towards the kitchen. “I’m pretty sure your super strength and healing could deal with any burgling that would happen. But if you need me, your living taser of a boyfriend will be eating every piece of food in the fridge.”
A few moments passed, and there came a crisp knock on the apartment door.
Half-eaten bag of chips in hand, Teddy glanced through the peephole. He opened the door an inch or two before taking off the chain, just in case, and nodded politely to the woman in coveralls on the other side. “I need to see some ID, please.”
Given everything that had happened with the Right only a couple of days ago he was pretty sure they weren’t starting up again, and definitely not by knocking on random doors and hoping that mutant kids were inside, but still. Tommy hadn’t expected to get tackled while grocery shopping, either. Mind you, it wasn’t that hard to make fake ID. Especially considering he had one too. Whatever. If something went wrong, he was pretty sure he and Billy could keep the upper hand.
She pulled her employee identification card from the corporate-branded lanyard around her neck and handed it over to Teddy without argument. It seemed to pass muster--the photograph clearly pictured the same medium-sized woman with close-cropped red hair now standing in the hallway, Lila Masters by name--and the other details all appeared to be in order. Once he'd accepted it as genuine and stepped aside to let her in, she walked past him with a certainty--an odd sort of familiarity with the surroundings--that might have indicated nothing more than that she'd previously made service calls to this apartment.
It became more obvious that their visitor had entered the apartment under false pretenses when, between one step and the next, her form and clothing began to shift; her stature increased, albeit only slightly, and short red hair darkened and lengthened into a mass of green-black, held back from her forehead by a heavy gold circlet. Her uniform was black and purple, as seemed to be the standard for Skrull military personnel, with shoulder guards much wider than the average soldier. It also left her arms bare and exposed quite a bit more cleavage than would have been considered proper by most terrestrial armies. As green eyes shifted to the familiar yellow-gold, the Skrull pressed a fist to her breast in salute.
“Your Imperial Highness,” she began formally. “Please forgive the subterfuge; my orders are to keep any contact I make with the royal presence rare and as difficult to trace as possible. I do, however, feel I must request an audience, in light of recent events.”
“Shit!” The open can of coke Billy had grabbed from the fridge dropped to the floor as he watched the cable woman transform into a Skrull. Sparks came from his hands at the surprise and he quickly glanced at Teddy to see if he needed to be on alert. She was a Skrull, so surely she wasn’t here to hurt Teddy or anything. Right?
Teddy'd taken an involuntary step back when she started shifting, his hands coming up in front of him and curling into fists, sliding his feet into a more stable battle-stance. Then she saluted and he felt like an idiot. He dropped his hands, the bag of chips crinkling under his arm, and straightened up. 'The Royal Presence'? No matter what Namor said, he couldn't imagine ever getting completely used to that. “It's okay, Bee,” he did say, only taking his eyes off of the officer for a fraction of a second. “I, um. Think we're good.”
Probably. At least no-one was a table this time.
Also, probably.
“I'd invite you in, but I think we already covered that,” Teddy did say somewhat dryly. “What can I do for you?”
“I am Lyja,” she announced. “Second-Ranked, Imperial Skrull Primary Command.” She spared a glance for Billy but seemed to dismiss him as a threat--or perhaps trust that the Crown Prince's goodwill would forestall the need for conflict. “First, I wish to congratulate you on the successful campaign you mounted against your enemies. Though I think the full implications are lost on them, the Earthmen rightly praise your victory over the Right. But we would ask his Highness to consider how such bold action on his part makes our assignment more difficult. Not only must we maintain a heightened state of vigilance against potential reprisals from terrestrial foes, but video transmissions of your activities spill unchecked into space. It potentially exposes you to foes far more dangerous than any you would find among the Earthmen.”
Everything the woman said Billy had to break down piece by piece to understand fully.
Enemies = The Right
Earthmen= ???? Okay that one was lost on him. Did she mean like the people of earth? Like the police? Or the school?
Billy frowned “Wait, they are finding their way into space? How is that possible? Pretty sure earth isn’t even aware that Aliens actually exist...except for the people with the foil hats.”
“No, I get it, Bee. Our tv satellites aren't shielded with anything, so anyone who wanted to could eavesdrop.”
Teddy frowned, turning her message over before replying. “Is this an official request for me to knock it off? Because I don't regret anything we did, even if it did put me in more danger. They were torturing and killing children. And Billy's brother was one of the guys they took.” He nodded in Billy's direction. “I can't sit back when I'm able to do something to help.”
The Skrull shook her head. “Not an official request, no. Officially, we are commanded to involve ourselves directly in your affairs mainly in the event you are targeted by enemies or potential enemies of the Empire; internal human squabbles are of lesser concern. I suppose if the First-Ranked judged this Right, or any other terrestrial organization, a legitimate, mortal threat to the Crown Prince, our orders might change. For now, however, we judge the danger to your Highness at the local level to be minimal.
“My suggestion is more in the nature of--what is the phrase?--friendly advice.” Lyja's expression soured. “Paibok was pleased to be given an assignment directly from the Empress but is much less so by the assignment itself. He would rather be nearer to Throneworld and the center of power. Given the chance, he may attempt to argue that public action on the Prince's part places him unnecessarily at risk, and that he should be relocated to Tarnax IV--or, at the very least, one of the core worlds--for his own safety. I would not recommend offering him any more support for that argument than you already have, if it is within your power to prevent it.”
Billy had about half a second to be impressed that Teddy had thought of the satellites when he hadn’t, but what Lyja said made his gut clench in worry. “Relocated? He can’t do that, Teddy is supposed to stay here and finish out stuff.”
Where the hell even was Tarnax whatever? Certainly wasn’t Earth, that’s was for sure. He unconsciously took a small step towards Teddy, as if being closer to him would keep him here. “I’m sure the Empress wouldn’t be so quick just because of a few missions on the news. We all have code names and everything, and he doesn’t even look like a Skrull unless he shifts.”
He felt like he was arguing a case in court. Fuck Piebook. He wasn’t going to make Teddy leave because he was an attention whore.
This was going to be more complicated than a simple message-from-mother drop-off, and Teddy - already tense - tamped down the urge to get angry. “Can we move this to the living room,” he suggested, starting to head for the door. “I really don't feel like talking politics standing in the hall.” And if his mom came home, walking in on a conference in the front hall was likely to cause more stress than... now that was a question. “Does S'vara know you're here?” he asked Lyja, an eyebrow up.
Lyja's expression did not change, but her yellow-gold eyes flickered to one side tellingly. “I thought it best not to involve the Handmaiden--not immediately, at least. In truth, I am probably overstepping my bounds, interceding in this way. But a hazard cannot be overcome if one is unaware of it; I simply wished his Highness to have a fuller grasp of the circumstances now surrounding him.”
The Handmaiden. Geeze. Billy didn’t know if that was just how Skrulls talked about each other or Lyja wasn’t very keen on Mrs. A and he pursed his lips as he followed Teddy’s instructions.
Teddy headed through the door to the living room, trying to keep his face as calm as he could on the outside while inside, he was running through his options. Lyja was one of his officers, right? So despite her rank he was kind of in charge. And he needed to know more about what Paibok could and couldn't do to him, and the kinds of things that would be too far and get him yanked away from Earth before he was ready.
Okay. So what would Namor do in this situation? Bad question. Namor would tell Lyja that he was in charge and she could like it or lump it. Namor would- well. He'd sit in the armchair instead of on the couch, for one. Always let them know that you're a prince. He wasn't about to start using the words, but Teddy had other ways to get the point across.
So Teddy did that, heading for the overstuffed and kind of old armchair that sat at a ninety-degree angle from the couch. He could sit there and Lyja would have no choice but to either stand or sit on the couch. Either one would make Teddy feel like a grownup rather than a kid about to get chewed out and grounded. He sat down before anyone else could make the choice for him, making the conscious effort to remember to put his arms down on the chair arms rather than drop them in his lap. Okay. Power move attempt number one. Now to see if he was actually impressing anyone, jeans with the hole in the knee and all.
An uncomfortable look flashed across Lyja's fine-scaled features, there and gone in an instant. She did not move to be seated herself, but she did not kneel in the Imperial Presence, either. Instead, the Skrull officer appeared to have decided that standing at attention with her hands folded behind her back was sufficient to satisfy both the demands of military protocol and the far more ... relaxed standards that tended to prevail on Earth. “It was not my intention to offer disrespect to Your Highness, nor to the Handmaiden. But this situation has proved ... challenging to navigate. I must abide by the chain of command; however, I feel remaining true to the spirit of Her Majesty's instructions to be of equal--perhaps greater--importance. And so I am here.”
With Teddy picking the armchair and Lyja choosing to stand, after some consideration Billy plopped himself down on the side of the couch closest to Teddy. Did that look weird? He had a brief thought to just stand up again but that would look like he didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t want to embarrass Teddy, so he stayed seated.
Teddy hadn't exactly expected her to stay standing, but asking her to sit felt way too much like she was getting called in to the principal's office or something, so he ignored it and tried to pretend like he was comfortable with all of this. Hah. “I appreciate the warning, honestly. I'm at a major disadvantage because I don't know nearly enough yet about the major players. And I'm really not interested in giving Paibok ammunition to have me sent away. but at the same time-” he locked eyes with Billy, trying to figure out what to say next.
“At the same time, Earth needs help that I'm pretty uniquely qualified to give. At least until more mutants start training. Standing on the sidelines and letting other people get hurt in my place seems incredibly selfish.”
“An admirable sentiment, Highness,” Lyja said, shaking her head at the wonder of it--she'd become accustomed to a far more self-interested style of leadership during her time in Primary Command. “Yet, if you will forgive the presumption, I would advise against expressing it again too readily. Many commanders would argue that if the safety of the planet and its indigenous life forms is his Highness' priority, that could be better accomplished by folding Earth into the Empire, providing for a permanent peacekeeping garrison, and installing a regional governor. I expect Your Highness can imagine who my commander would suggest is most qualified for such a post.”
“Folding Earth into the Empire? As in...” Billy twisted his mouth so the words Alien Overlords didn’t come out, but man it was close. He had remembered what TJ said about the Skrulls, how they liked to invade and take over. “Is there a way Tedd- his highness? Is there a way he could continue being on the X-Force without worrying you guys? He has a point. We need him. His skill set is really amazing.”
He refused to let the memory of blood on Teddy’s shirt from one of the earlier rescue missions push his opinion on this. They needed Teddy on the team.
Teddy had to seriously bite his tongue when Billy referred to him as highness-- that was something he hadn't ever expected to hear and it really didn't sit right, but teasing him about it in front of Lyja was definitely not the way to make himself look mature. “What about a compromise?” he offered, glancing at Billy kind of hopefully. “I mean, Paibok can't be watching me all the time, and if I just... don't look like me when there is a mission, who'll ever know?”
“It does not worry me,” Lyja said looking toward Billy with her head cocked curiously to one side. “Nor does it worry Paibok, in particular. But he will use the circumstances to his best possible advantage, if he can. It is,” she added, a touch regretfully, “the Skrull way.”
After the prince had spoken, she moved toward a window, pulling aside one of the curtains to look down at the street below. “I think I begin to understand your interest in this world, Highness,” she said. “Though I have only been here a short time, I find it ... strangely enticing. I, too, would prefer it remain outside the Empire's direct influence. For now, at least.” She looked back over her shoulder at Teddy. “Conceal your identity as best you can, Highness. I will assist you to the extent I am able. But do not underestimate Paibok. He will attempt to take all of this for himself,” Lyja turned back toward the window, staring down at the street below with golden eyes full of wonder, “if he thinks he can.”
Billy bit his lip, keeping his opinions on Paibok to himself until Teddy and him were alone. Instead he let the fact that Lyja agreed to help Teddy ease his nerves a little. He didn’t mean to speak for Teddy, but he gave the woman a small nod. “Thank you, Lyja.”
“Paibok's picked the wrong planet if he thinks he can take this over,” Teddy said with more confidence than was probably wise. “We might not be able to do much against a fleet just yet, but even Billy's powers alone are mind-blowing. Once he's fully trained there won't be anything he can't do.” He caught Billy's eye, everything in him radiating pride. “And Wanda's no slouch either. Ideally it won't ever come to that, of course. But if it did, the odds are pretty good.”
The Skrull offered a respectful nod for Billy's expression of thanks, but her face was uncertain again when she turned back toward the other teen. “As you say, my Prince, some of the individuals inhabiting this world do possess abilities even the Empire would find daunting. But there are means other than direct conflict at our people's disposal--and a few dozen, no matter how formidable, could hardly hold back a force of millions.” Lyja shook her head, clearly uncomfortable contradicting Teddy, but pressing ahead, regardless. “Ideally, it will not come to this. However, if there is one scenario that might possibly persuade Her Imperial Majesty to reconsider her work toward forging a lasting peace for our people, it would be her son and heir coming into harm's way.”
Billy had just a second to sit a little taller at Teddy’s words about him and his powers before Lyja was speaking again. He glanced over at Teddy, sucking in his bottom lip when he saw the way Teddy’s brow furrowed just slightly, the expression that always came when he was studying Spanish. Teddy was going to stew on this until he could come up with the perfect answer and right now there didn’t seem to be one. He needed to switch this or they would be talking in circles forever. He patted his thighs before turning to Lyja. “How many skrulls are actually staying here on earth? Is there some kind of base you guys stay at or are you guys staying at the Red Roof?”
Again, the question left Lyja looking conflicted. “Not many,” she said, at last. “Fewer than twenty. I am sorry, but I am not authorized to disclose the exact details of our mission without the explicit permission of my commanding officer--which I am not very likely to receive anytime soon. We do have a concealed central command post, but for the most part we have worked to infiltrate human society as seamlessly as possible. That means occupations, addresses, a traceable history. All fairly standard, for an assignment like this.” Except that instead of observing the planet and probing quietly for weaknesses, they had only a single individual to watch over. How was it that this could make their mission simultaneously much simpler and infinitely more complicated? Perhaps because of who they had been assigned to protect.
The Skrull sniffed. “And even if we had been restricted to temporary housing, I think I would have had more discrimination than to choose a Red Roof. Particularly in a city that offers a relative wealth of options, as this one does. Earth, by and large, is primitive, but your New York is very nearly a rival to some of the Empire's smaller metropolises. And the variety of experience to be sampled here ... I have been, much to my surprise, greatly impressed.”
Teddy snickered at the total disdain in Lyja's voice, the change making her suddenly much more... human. Or 'approachable,' anyway, since she wasn't likely to see 'human' as a compliment. “New York is amazing,” he agreed easily, the germ of an idea forming. “But I bet you haven't found the best parts yet. It takes years to learn your way around, and I'm guessing Coney Island hot dogs aren't listed in Skrull special ops briefings.” He caught Billy's eye and flashed him a grin.
Billy got it, at least Teddy thought he did, and he grinned back. “Corned beef at Katz's.”
“Tamales from the carts by the Port Authority.”
“Sal and Carmine for pizza,” Billy offered, but Teddy wrinkled his nose.
“You think? That's way upscale if you're just looking for a slice. I'm taking you to Front Street next time.”
Lyja had followed the conversation with interest, interrupting to ask, “Do they serve the kind of pizza that has pineapple on it? I have found that I enjoy pizza with pineapple.”
“Vindication!” Teddy cheered, punching the air above his head.
Billy couldn’t help wrinkling his nose at the two of them and their weird need to put fruit on pizza. God, maybe it was an alien thing. Who invented pineapple pizza? Probably more aliens. He shook his head at Teddy’s exclamation. “No, no, no. That does not count as a point in your ‘pineapple lovers’ court. And Sal and Carmine’s is great, so shhh.”
He switched to Lyja, ignoring any protest Teddy might have. “Have you tried crushed garlic and pepperoni yet? It’s delicious and the vampires won’t touch you for daaaays.”
The green, finely-scaled skin around her nose wrinkled, and she said, “I like garlic--many of your world's seasonings and additives are very flavorful. But the aroma is quite ... conspicuous. When one is trying to remain inconspicuous, one must carefully manage just how far one stands out to any of the human senses.” Lyja shook her head. “With enough garlic in one's diet, I imagine the vampires would not be the only ones giving you a wide berth.” Assuming such creatures existed, which seemed unlikely. Though she'd certainly seen stranger life-forms in her travels on behalf of the Empire.
“Like boyfriends,” Teddy fired back at Billy with a grin. “Don’t you go corrupting her with your weird garlic obsession.”
Billy gave Teddy a look, eyebrow raised to say he didn’t believe that for a second. Morning breath make-outs proved that pretty well, but he was going to let it slide. “Plenty of people like a lot of garlic so it’s not weird and now you have me craving pizza.”
His eyes lit up at an idea. “We should go get pizza! Like now. Lyja, you free?”
That earned Billy an inquiring look. “As part of the security detail assigned to ensure the safety of the Crown Prince, I consider myself on duty during any time I spend in his proximity. So ... yes and no?” She shook her head and took a half-step backward. “But it would be inappropriate, for a mere soldier to dine with His Imperial Highness. To display such unwarranted familiarity would disgrace my bloodline for generations.”
“Generations?” Teddy asked, half-laughing at the idea. “That seems kind of extreme. There are rules about who you can eat with? ... or rules about who I can eat with?” He glanced at Billy, bemused and a little concerned.
“That seems a bit much.” Billy replied, hoping that wasn’t offensive or anything but really? “I mean, it’s only pizza. Great pizza, but still just pizza.”
Sometimes he would forget that Teddy now had this new...thing about him. The fact that he was considered too important to eat with by someone was really weird.
“There are rules for everything, where the Imperial Family is concerned,” Lyja told them seriously, then her mouth twitched upward in a small smirk. “Though honestly, the Emperors, Princes, and Princesses of the Empire have ruled by decree for centuries. That means they are at liberty to do whatever they like, whenever they like, regardless of law, norm or custom. I just enjoy your little ... what is the term? Freakouts? I have never before had the opportunity to watch a Crown Prince freak out.”
“I'm not-” Teddy started to object, then narrowed his eyes at Lyja. “You're such a troll,” he announced, and man, he'd fallen for it for a second. Honestly, the glint of humanit- no, he couldn't call it that. The glimpse of the sly, teasing personality in there had made him more comfortable in a half-second than any of the weird bowing and scraping ever could. “You're as bad as my mother. Both of them.”
Okay. Awesome. Lyja suddenly rose to a new level in Billy’s book with that and he couldn’t help the snort of laughter and large grin on his face. “That was impressive. I would have cracked five seconds into that.”
“You have not had the appropriate Skrull infiltration training, Billy Kaplan,” she told him, retaining that faint smirk, gold eyes now clearly amused. “And I will consider your assessment a great compliment, Highness; it is gratifying to be held in such estimable company.” One of Lyja's finely-scaled brows rose inquiringly. “All that aside, however ... I recall there was some mention of pizza not long ago? I much prefer native cuisine to the nutritional supplements we are obliged to consume when engaged in active field work.”
“Pizza field trip? Heck yeah.” Teddy replied with a grin. He probably wouldn’t need to play tour guide – Lyja likely had all kinds of maps memorized – but introducing her to some of his favorite places could still be fun. Except, of course, that his original plan for the day had been to force Billy to relax. Would this still count as relaxing? He glanced at Billy, looking a lot less nervous than he had before. “If you’re okay with that?”
“Absolutely. We would be doing her a disservice if we didn’t do this.” Billy stood from his seat on the couch, smiling at his boyfriend before turning to Lyja. “Nutritional supplements? Good lord do you need pizza. Stat.”
"They aren't as bad as all that," she said. Then considered a moment, and added, "They certainly are not pizza, however. Thank you, Highness. Billy Kaplan." Lyja saluted again. "It would be an honor to accompany you. I will need to alert my superior, however."
"Paibok?" Teddy replied dubiously. "Somehow I can't imagine him understanding the urgency of a pizza run."
"What?" she said, looking perplexed, then shook her head. "No. Mr. Manischewitz, my shift supervisor at Verizon." As she spoke, Lyja shifted back into the human form she'd worn when she first arrived at the apartment. "He is usually very forgiving of nonstandard lunch breaks, but does insist we alert him beforehand."
“Manischewitz?” Billy questioned, a stupid grin on his face. “Based on the name I bet he’d be fine with even a little...”
He held up his thumb and pinkie, miming taking a drink.
It took Teddy a second to get it, then he grinned back. "Are you sure he's not also a Skrull, just one with a thing for really gross wine?"
"Absolutely," she said. "All native life forms with whom an infiltration team member makes contact must be exhaustively vetted beforehand." Lyja wrinkled her nose.
"Besides, even a Skrull in exile would show better taste. Your rotted fruit-based beverages are absolutely vile." After a moment's consideration, she added, "I quite like your selection of beers, however. They remind me of the fungus-based liquid intoxicants popular on some of the Core Worlds.
Billy narrowed his eyes slightly, lips pursing slightly. “I’m sorry. Did you just say fungus based intoxicants? As in...space mushroom alcohol? Can the skrulls get drunk?”
He glanced at Teddy, wondering if the healing came from the skrulls and if they could get drunk on this fungus stuff then maybe Teddy could actually enjoy a drink. Oh, Teddy drunk would be a sight.
“Mushroom booze?” Teddy asked aloud, echoing Billy’s sentiment. “I mean, if Russians can make vodka out of potatoes you can probably ferment just about anything. I never really thought about it before.”
"Your fermented yeasty drinks are similar enough to have some minor effect," Lyja nodded. "But ... if you think you might care to sample something of your people's heritage, Highness, I might have a bottle or two secured in my berth I would be willing to part with." She gave Billy an apologetic look. "I regret to say that, for a human, imbibing Skrull liquor is likely to prove a violently psychedelic experience. Perhaps not fatally so, but I would prefer not to take a chance with the Crown Prince's consort."
Teddy winced. "Yeah, that's a conversation I really don't want to have with your mom. 'Why is Billy speaking in tongues?' 'oh, he just overdosed on goofy juice from the Andromeda galaxy. No big.'"
Billy grinned and reached out to whack Teddy lightly on the shoulder. “Yeah yeah. I get it. It’s not for us mere mortals, but hey, maybe next time I drink you could too.”
"That would be well," Lyja interjected. "I am not familiar with all the particulars of the development of Earth pups, but among most intelligent species pair-bonding is deepened by shared pleasurable experiences. Especially, I have found, when those shared experiences fall outside the usual boundaries of propriety."
"Yeah, it's um. Pretty much the same here." Teddy didn't dare make eye contact with Billy when Lyja started talking about 'shared pleasure' and 'propriety,' or he was going to end up blushing. "But if we're talking 'bonding activities'-" He stood up, seizing on the easiest way to change the subject away from exactly how human dating worked. "Doing that pizza run is a much better idea right now. I don't know about you guys, but I'm starved."
Billy stared hard at the small stain on the Altman’s rug so that he didn’t have to look at anyone during that conversation and he jumped up when Teddy did. “Me too! Pizza sounds great, amazing even. Shall we?”
Executing a shallow bow that, for all it was a graceful gesture, was an incongruous juxtaposition with Lyja's human features and uniform, she said, "With His Highness' leave ... let's do."
no subject
And Lyja was cool too. Except now I want to see Johnny Storm. :(