ax_main | Cal and Clint

Trauma, meditation therapy and puppies.

Cal didn't usually use Xavier's telepathy for much of anything beyond making sure no one got into his mind, but it came in handy once in a while. Like right now, when his heart was thudding too hard and just a little wrong in his ribcage, and he wanted to find Clint, because who else was he going to turn to, and the alternative would be to stay alone with his own thoughts, and Sandra's voice inside his mind. So, not much of an alternative at all.

It wasn't anything invasive (he had enough of his own thoughts); it was just about locating him. Once he had, it was easy enough to teleport to his location, one of Pam's portals opening a way from Clint, for Cal to step through. Since their trip downtown for clothes (the one where Cal had spent far too long sitting at the bus station, considering just up and leaving), he'd been wearing the same jeans he used to, and t-shirts that didn't sport any X's, and hung better on his chest, as if dressing like a normal teenager, like he used to, was going to help him be who he used to. Fat chance of that.

Clint was sitting in the middle of the outdoor range. Technically, he was laying there, stretched out in the grass, staring up at the clouds above him. When he caught movement off to one side, he reached for something beside him and sat up, tense, only to relax when he saw Cal stepping through the portal. "Oh."

"Hey," Cal told Clint, temporarily still, only moving again once Clint had relaxed. He didn't come too close, stopping a few feet from Clint, now feeling like a fucking idiot for being here. His greeting had been very even - too even - but his eyes weren't lying about the riot of emotions inside him. Still, he glanced to the side, rubbing fingers over his jaw before looking back at Clint. "I didn't mean to startle you." It was an apology, and also really not the point, but what had he been thinking?

Clint shrugged and stabbed the steak knife in his hand into the dirt beside him. An annoying voice in his head chided him that it would ruin the blade, but Xavier's had a ton of steak knives. Too many. He knew, he'd raided the kitchen. "It's all good. I wasn't even shooting or anything."

"That would not have ended well for me," Cal agreed, doing his best not to actually think about it. If he thought about it, he was going to start thinking of ways to take out Clint. He'd sort of started already, but - ignoring all that. Sounded like a plan. He sat beside Clint, just out of reach. "I was - I just checked out their -" training sim, "Danger Room." He had thought he was ready for it.

He hadn't been. At all.

Clint started to admit that he didn't know if he could still shoot at all, but Cal's admission tore his thoughts in another direction. He looked up, uncertain of what Cal's reaction would be. "Yeah? How, uh, what'd you think?"

Cal was looking away, and frowning, as he answered, "I, uh, I had to get out of there." Thinking had been... not really an option.

"Yeah," Clint sucked a deep breath, then sighed. "I know the feeling. It's too close for comfort."

Cal looked back at Clint for a beat, and then asked, "So you've gone there, too?"

Clint nodded. "I had to see it. I had to see if they were doing the same thing here. Someone tried it out for me, and I watched, but I couldn't go in there myself."

Cal looked down at the ground in front of him with a frown. "I didn't go in either." He hadn't even gone in, and it had been too much. Weak. He was weak.

Clint watched him for a moment, then leaned back on his hands. "We never talked about it, but I heard from one of the other kids that they were making them fight other mutants. Well, you know, holos of them. That was you too, wasn't it?"

Cal could have just said yes. It would have been easier. He could have pretended that that was all it had been. But Clint was the only one he could tell, and have it feel like it mattered that he told him, and for a moment, Cal wasn't sure if that was a reason to tell him, or a reason not to. He was still frowning at the ground as he said, "Not just holos."

That... had been what Clint had meant; that Cal was forced to fight mutant holos. But now he was a little suspicious that wasn't all there was to it. He didn't say anything though, and pushed on. "Sorry. They never had me up against other mutants. I didn't know."

Cal shrugged. "At least you were never one of the holos." Or one of the mutants, obviously. "It happened after they moved me, mostly."

"Yeah?" Clint frowned a little, wondering if that was an insult or a compliment. Then again, arrows probably weren't a huge challenge for someone like Cal. "Well, for what it's worth, I can't go in there either. But it's different. This room, anyway. Not sure if that's a good thing. It's much more...real."

The training sim felt hella real. Cal didn't say it, though. "They still take people out in there." Not people. He wanted to keep trusting the old guy. "Holo-people, I mean."

"Yeah," Clint breathed out, remembering Billy's and Pam's knives. It'd been easier because they were zombies. But replace them with living people and...yeah. "Yeah."

"Yeah." Cal wanted, suddenly and irrationally, to get out of here. He'd come to Clint because he thought Clint would understand, and now Clint did, there was that urge lodged in his spine, an urge to take off, to run and not look back. He rubbed a hand over his face, then rolled his shoulders, as if trying to settle himself better into his skin. "You ever feel like your skin doesn't fit right?"

"All the futzing time," Clint told him, then sighed, watching Cal start to go wire-tense. "But hey. Look, just. Just lay down. Here. In the grass. Just lay down and close your eyes okay? Humor me."

Cal looked over at Clint with a frown. "I don't think so." He couldn't tell what he hated more, the thought of lying down or of closing his eyes. But just thinking about doing that made the tension worse.

Fucker. Clint thought for a moment, then just told him, "Okay, so just. You know, focus on something. The ground, or a tree or something. Just really focus. And then. Then open up your other senses. Think about the warmth of the sun, and the smell of the air."

"I know how meditation works," Cal stated, but there was no heat to his words. It was a statement of fact; the old guy had been teaching him. He ran a hand back through his hair, sighed, then gave it a shot. Arms loosely wrapped around his knees, he looked to the side at a tree in the distance, and tried to focus on it. It took him a while of focusing on his breathing and shoring up his psi shields before he began to relax, and then the wind playing through his hair wasn't a brush of Sandra's hand anymore, but finally, it was just the wind.

He hung his head when he felt tears prick at the back of his eyes, unsure where they came from and ashamed of them.

Clint hadn't even known it was meditation, which made him kind of wonder if he was some kind of yoga guru or something now, but Cal was doing the thing, so he sat up and quietly did the same thing, which meant his eyes were closed and his mind shifting back and forth between his own worries and a great big vat of nothingness when Cal hung his head. That is to say - he didn't see shit.

That worked just fine for Cal, when he glanced at Clint and noticed his closed eyes, ready to cover up with conversation so neither of them would have to acknowledge his moment of - what, weakness? Whatever the fuck this was. But he didn't have to, and he just tightened his arms around his knees a little, watching Clint's face as he sat there, doing his own meditating. Part of Cal wanted to reach out, but he also couldn't stand the thought of being touched, so after a beat, he looked away again, took a slightly shaky breath, and tried to get back to that place where everything had been quiet, and balanced, for one crazy moment.

Course, the hearing aids caught the shaky breath, and Clint peeked one eye open. "Not working?"

Cal looked back at Clint, then shrugged one shoulder tightly. "I don't know. I can't -" deal with it actually working right now? That was a new level of fucked up for him. "I guess I'm not - in the right mindset, or whatever." Never mind that meditation was all about changing your mindset. Clearly something was wrong right now, and he ran a hand back through his hair, frustrated with himself.

Fuck it. Clint telegraphed his movements as he shifted to sit closer to Cal. "It's cool. It just helps me sometimes. Especially-" and his thoughts kind of froze up a little as he thought of himself, up in the nest, his bow drawn taut. "It uh, yeah it...you know."

Cal watched Clint without moving as he shifted closer. Closer, but not touching. That would work. Maybe. If he could get himself to relax - and now Clint's thoughts had gone back there, too - no need to use his telepathy to know. "Yeah," he agreed, and rested his chin on his own shoulder, watching Clint. "I know."

Clint groped for something to talk about that didn't involve the Right. Anything. "Hey, do you like animals?"

Cal's eyebrows raised a little in surprise. "Um, I guess?" Better than people, these days. Animals were easier. "I mean, I'm not, like, PETA or something. But Frumpkin's..." A fucking gift. "He's cool."

"Yeah," Clint agreed, because he'd cuddled Frumpkin probably more than Caleb was comfortable with lately. "So. There's this farm about three miles down the road. The dog there had puppies I guess. I mean, I was just looking for horses, but it's mostly just cows. And the dog. And the puppies, and some chickens. And a couple of goats. Not that I was going to steal anything or-" Clint took a deep breath and looked at Cal. "If you can teleport us, I can show you."

Cal was silent for a beat, and then said, "Get me the coordinates." He pulled his phone out to bring up Maps, and handed it over to Clint.

Clint used his fingers to zoom in on the farm - then specifically on the small dirt road that led back to an old barn where he'd last seen the mom and pups. It had been down the hill from the actual house, so he'd never been seen, and hoped they wouldn't this time either, as he handed the phone back with the coordinates showing.

Cal took the phone and got to his feet, looking at the coordinates and then pulling up a portal to them. A small dirt road showed through the portal, and he looked back at Clint. "This the place?"

As a chicken went strutting past the portal, Clint grinned and gave a nod before stepping through. The place seemed just as deserted as when he'd last been there, and he waved Cal through, already heading for the barn.

Cal glanced back towards the mansion, then stepped through after Clint and collapsed the portal. The chicken moved away in a flurry of agitation, and he looked back at Clint with raised eyebrows. "What kinda dog are we talking?"

"Uh," Clint rubbed the back of his neck. "Kinda blondish? Sorta gold. Longer hair, floppy ears. I'm not real good at dog names. She's real nice though. Sweet brown eyes."

He led the way through the open barn doors and down the aisle to a large open space filled with flattened hay and sawdust on the floor. There, in the middle of a sunbeam, was a golden retriever flopped on one side, napping through the romping of four awkward and yet curious pups. They looked to be about a month old, and there was food and water set out in huge round dishes nearby.

Oh, shit. Cal slowed down to a halt a few feet from the dogs, and slowly crouched down. It still felt like something of a miracle that Frumpkin had decided to like him, but here four fucking puppies, and their mother. They would be able to tell that something was wrong with him. But he couldn't help but hope, and held a hand out to the nearest one. He only realized he'd been holding his breath when the pup licked at his fingers, and he let out a quiet chuckle.

Clint's lips split in a grin at the sound - because holy shit Cal was laughing - and he scooped up one of the puppies in his arms, thumping his ass onto the ground as the small ball of fur wriggled up his chest and started licking excitedly at his chin and cheek. Another began awkwardly climbing up his knee toward his lap, and he managed a soft laugh too. "They're great, right?"

"They're incredible," Cal agreed, a little quietly, and took a leaf out of Clint's book. He parked his ass on the ground, and let the puppy who'd licked his fingers come and investigate him more closely. He stroked his fingers on top of its head as it smelled his knee, then his sneakers, and began to climb his leg. "Hey, buddy," he told it softly.

"I love animals," Clint admitted, trying to pet and cuddle two of the pups at once. "They don't judge. You got food, you enjoy their company, they're happy as fuck to be around you. Frumpkin is great, but I always kind of feel like I'm taking Caleb's stuff when I'm hugging on him." Plus, he knew that Caleb could watch people from Frumpkin's eyes.

"They're easier than people," Cal admitted, keeping on petting the pup as it explored his lap. The last one seemed shyer, and stuck close to the mother for now. "They don't feel..." He was quiet for a moment, focusing on the puppy. "Like a threat."

Clint gave a quiet nod, then weathered another licking before asking, "Is that something you get a lot? The threat thing?"

"Sometimes." That was a way to say yes without actually saying it. And was it really a lot? Cal huffed out in annoyance, scratching the pup behind the ears. "I mean, it doesn't help that some people are fucking assholes."

"Yeah, that'd be most people," Clint corrected. "Has anyone given you shit at the school?"

"Just that one kid," Cal replied, still looking down at the pup. "I was heading into the woods to - y'know. Get away from people. He wouldn't let me be."

Clint's forehead crinkled in a frown. "Who?"

"Inu-Yasha," Cal answered. He'd made sure to learn the guy's name, when he'd started watching Cal so much afterwards. It made his skin crawl, being watched like that. So he just avoided him as much as he could. "Japanese, I think. White hair, dog ears?"

Clint was quiet for a moment. Maybe he had something to take up with the Inu guy after all. "Yeah, that guy. Shot him when I first got here. Well, technically he shot himself, but I get it."

Cal looked over at him with a frown, heart beating faster. "What happened?" The puppy nosed at his hand demandingly, but he ignored it for now.

"Eh. Guy got in my face. I couldn't hear, cause I didn't have the gear at the time, and I didn't know where we were. He tried to pull my gun away and ended up shot for his trouble. He apologized later," Clint shrugged. "But if he's still going to be a dick, I've got a few more words for him."

"I don't know what his problem is," Cal said after a moment, and resumed petting the puppy. It was okay. Clint was okay. "I was invisible, and he thought I was gonna pull some shit in the woods, or something?" Like, who the fuck would go to the woods for that. "He just wouldn't leave me alone, he kept -" He swallowed, looked down at the pup with a frown. "He kept tracking me down."

"Shit." Yeah, words needed to be had. Clint lifted his puppy up to look in its eyes. "Fuck that. Those X-Force guys need to take a step back."

"Some of them bothered you?" Or, shit. "Or Caleb?" Or one of the others, for that matter, but... Yeah. Clint and Caleb came first.

"No, uh." The back of Clint's neck heated slightly. "No, not us. I mean. They've kind of been breathing down our necks 'checking' on us, but no. They just seem to have their noses in everyone's business, you know?"

Calm the fuck down, Rankin. "Yeah." Cal nodded, and watched as the puppy climbed off of his lap, probably tired of him going hot and cold. Couldn't blame it, really. He curled his hands together in his lap. "You still thinking about leaving?"

Clint shrugged and gently rubbed his puppies' noses, then nudged the two of them off toward their mom. "Caleb loves it there. And it's got free meals. I've never tried to make it on the street, but I've seen enough runaways to know it sucks. I think it's the best place for us...for now, at least."

"Yeah," Cal agreed, relieved that Clint didn't want to leave. Never mind that part of him wanted to take off. Having conflicted urges had become his norm, early into his stay with the Right. "Will you - tell me, if you take off?" It was hypocritical to ask, when he hadn't told Clint about sitting at the bus station for hours in Salem Center, trying to make up his mind. But he was asking anyway.

"Yeah," Clint looked up at him, serious. "No way I'm leaving without you."

Cal held his gaze in silence, then nodded, equally serious. "Okay."

Clint glanced toward the pups. “You wanna head back?”

Cal pursed his lips skeptically. "Not really." He scanned the surroundings, belatedly, to make sure no one was walking up to the barn, and his gaze came back to the pups. "We can't steal one of them, can we?" Fuck, all of them, even.

Clint eyed them thoughtfully. (And don’t think he hadn’t thought of that before.) “Where’d we keep ‘em? I mean, I could probably hide one in my room.”

"I don't know how Namor feels about dogs." To be fair, Cal wasn't sure how Namor felt about most things, apart from humans, and that was, they were amusing little creatures. Fuck that guy.

Clint eyed Cal sideways. “They wouldn’t miss two puppies, right? And it looks like they’re weaned. They aren’t even paying any attention to them, left out in this barn like this.”

"They're probably gonna give them away," Cal agreed, staring thoughtfully at the shyer one of them all, who'd stuck close to its mother all this time. "We could tell Xavier they're therapeutic."

“Yeah, and-“ Suddenly, an almost imperceptible whine cut him off, coming from somewhere down the aisle of the barn. At first, he went very still, not sure what he was hearing. Then he was on his feet, carefully tracking the sound reaching his hearing aids. “Hold on.”

Cal frowned, then slowly got to his feet, following after Clint and reaching out to see what he might be able to sense.

The whine came again, and Clint’s eyes widened as he bent down next to a hay bale, reaching for a matted, brown lump. “Shit.”

"What is it?" Cal asked, stepping carefully around Clint to see what he'd picked up.

In his hands was another puppy, but hardly recognizable for the blood matted in its fur. “Get your pup. We need to go,” Clint said firmly. “Get me to the infirmary.”

"Shit." Cal didn't take the time to get another one, not when he wasn't even sure how serious he had been about it. This one needed help now, and there was no time to think about how much he fucking hated the infirmary as he opened up another portal to Xavier's first sublevel.

Clint didn’t question, already stepping through and calling for the resident doctor, or someone, whoever could help this fucking dog.

Cal followed suit, not noticing the little golden pup who had come to investigate, and followed him through the portal before he closed it. He stayed outside the infirmary, watching Clint step inside, then started at the small yelp that came from the floor. "Fuck." He picked up the puppy and hugged it to his chest, then called out to Clint. "I'll try and find Pike! She's a healer!"

Clint turned and nodded in Cal’s direction. Very briefly, he noticed the puppy in Cal’s arms, and managed to smile, before turning back and heading for McCoy’s office. Maybe he’d help more than just Cal today.