Duo and Loki - March 25
Mar. 25th, 2018 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ax_shinigami posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ax_mainA lazy Sunday morning for Duo and Loki turns serious after... poetry?
There were some days Loki walked around thinking of all the nice things in his life and how they were all going to end in a personal Ragnarok. Then, there were days where he stopped worrying about consequence, and he embraced the fragments of too good to be true. Weekends were great for that. On weekends, there was no need to wake early and keep up appearances. At this point it was habit to stay in bed and to lure Duo in as well.
This was becoming a Sunday ritual. Loki claimed uselessness, Duo left to honest-to-gods cook, and then after breakfast in bed they curled back under the covers. While Loki was used to having his whims catered to, it was entirely different when the person had no obligation. It was difficult to believe that Duo was impervious to compulsion. Why else would anyone spoil him so willingly? Loki couldn’t understand it, but on a morning like today he didn’t care about answers. The universe was perfectly aligned, and this was meant to be.
Loki burrowed closer to Duo, arm wrapped tightly across their torso. “Five star rating today. Would stay at this bed and breakfast again.”
"Excellent, because that's part of the whole master plan. I'll keep you fed and happy and you'll always come back for more." Always might be a little hopeful, but if Duo could spend the school year with Loki happily tucked into them on Sunday mornings, they'd be more than content with that.
"I always knew you had the makings of an evil sorceress," Loki murmured. He pressed a kiss to Duo's shoulder. There was a firm chance that even if Loki was recalled back to Asgard, he would find a way to show up randomly on Duo's doorstep begging for scraps. Or, more likely, he'd kidnap Duo to Asgard. They had schools in Asgard. Duo could telecommute for mutant classes.
The kiss was one of those little things that made the morning perfect. Bless Loki. "Maybe not evil, maybe just possessive."
“Evil is more fun. You should try evil.” Loki’s eyes drifted shut, but he wasn’t going back to sleep. No, completely awake, just comfortable, really.
"Oh no, Father Maxwell would come back from the dead to lecture me. Then Sister Helen would have a turn." Duo let their fingers run lightly up Loki's arm. "They have connections. They could do it."
Loki nuzzled in closer, shivering contently under Duo’s touch. “I didn’t realize we were in one of those Shakespearean dramas.”
"Recently discovered." Duo grinned. "The story of an Asgardian prince and an El Salvadoran pauper being chased by their respective ghosts. A comedy, so that everybody doesn't have to die in the end."
Loki rolled enough to press another kiss to the underside of Duo’s jaw. “It seems unwise to conjure my ghosts. I’m not sure what faces they would take. How about some witches? Or fairies?”
"Chaneque, to reflect my cultural heritage. Well, um, something like that." Duo gave a vague wave at their face to point out the obvious issue with that statement. Such a hassle to be steeped in one culture and not have it plainly etched into his face. Then they gave Loki a chaste kiss on the forehead. Fair return for Loki's gifts, but they were interested in the story now and had no intention of being baited into making out just yet.
“Chaneque? I don’t know that one, tell me more,” Loki requested.
"Something like fairies. They're sprites who could frighten the souls out of people or drag them down into the underworld. If we're writing an epic, they need their moment in the text."
“Ooh. Soul trapping underworld fairies? I like it. That’s very us.” Loki smiled.
Duo couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up. "You have a very particular view of us. I'm not arguing that it's completely wrong, but if this is going to be a big Shakespearean epic, there might come a time late in the third act where I say, 'No Loki, that's bad. Don't do that.' "
Loki rolled on top of Duo, pushing them back against the pillows. “Will you be brandishing a rolled up paper while you do so? Silly god of death. Don’t get just on me.”
"I can't help it," Duo said when they'd caught their breath. Loki in this mood, completely and utterly imperial in his demands, was irresistible, probably because they never felt more powerful and more Loki's equal when he was ordering them around. Odd maybe, but who else did Loki need to restrain and dictate orders to? Who else was he reduced to doing that to because he couldn't whisper his way into their thoughts? Duo reached up and wrapped their arms around his waist so they could pull him close. "I'll be your partner in crime up to a point, but there will be a time when you need someone standing in your way. Better that it's someone who cares about you I think.”
“I hate to tell you this, darling,” Loki murmured softly. “But I don’t foresee you standing in my way.” He brushed his lips along the curve of Duo’s ear. “I only have good ideas. You’ll see.” His lips brushed over Duo’s pulse, followed with the graze of teeth.
"There goes all the tension. It won't be much of a story without tension." Except Loki was working on that right now, wasn't he? It was of a totally different sort, but still very effective. Duo turned their head to catch his mouth in a kiss and let their hands slide down his back to pull his hips tight against their own. So much for no making out.
Loki’s breath caught at the shift in position. He kissed Duo back firmly before breaking away to a teasing distance. “You’re welcome to resist me,” Loki said innocently. “Is that what you want?”
Duo groaned and let their hands fall to the bed. "I tried resisting you this morning. That lasted about two minutes."
Loki grinned. “I feel like we need to hang a whiteboard over the bed and start tallying your downfall.” He wriggled closer, inevitably gloating.
Well, if they were going to keep track, Duo knew one very unfair way to gain a point. "Good idea. Maybe when Shaun and I go out one of these days we'll pick one up."
Loki blinked. The greatest difficulty about thinking of Duo and Shaun off on a shopping trip was the level of blinding beauty they’d create side by side. Hm. And okay, if they ever were to become better acquainted Loki might be jealous of someone else bossing Duo around. He was on the fence with that one. It might be something he’d have to see in practice. Oh gods, who knew what possibilities the future held?
“Are you going to explain what the board is for?”
He was distracted, but not rattled. Duo really should have expected that. "Of course not. I'll tell him it's for tracking sales or something - he's helping me figure out how to sell the junk I repair."
"Tracking sales..." Loki snickered and buried his face against Duo's shoulder. "Gods of industry. Your next title."
Duo was ever so slightly offended. "Excuse me, but I need to earn some money somehow. I can't keep relying on the patronage of handsome deities all the time."
Loki leaned up and touched Duo’s cheek. “I know. You’re both very talented, and I wouldn’t expect otherwise. I don’t think it’ll be very exciting to hang a tally of your profits over the bedside, but another by the desk maybe.”
Did other people get to see this side of Loki? The little moments when he let compassion sneak in managed to know exactly what to say? "Thank you. But we do still need one above the bed." They let a grin creep across their face. "I think I've just managed to earn myself my first mark with all this talk."
Early morning, sweet and and seemingly guiless Loki was all Duo’s for now. He wasn’t about to ruin this moment with talk of money or the need for independence. There was no fun in that. Loki nuzzled along Duo’s jaw. “Until you go shopping maybe I should just put marks across your skin to remind you who’s misleading who here.”
"That will not be happening," Duo said firmly. "I think I would much rather simply enjoy losing."
Loki nibbled over his pulse. “Wise. It will be the most enjoyable loss.” On that note, contrary as always, Loki curled up on top of Duo and returned to snuggling. Progress towards making out was stalled again in favor of blankets and tangled limbs.
It was enough to make Duo laugh. "There. A compromise. I think I like this better on Sunday mornings anyway. Getting all hot and bothered seems like entirely too much work for a day of rest.
“If you’re trying to reverse psychology me it won’t work,” Loki murmured. “And if you’re being truthful, good. I don’t feel like budging for at least an hour.” He glanced up. “Is there a book within reach?”
Duo turned their head to take a look at Loki's nightstand. There were, in fact, quite a few. There were always stacks of books piled up on odd surfaces here as the two of them worked their way through the Professor's library, and his nightstand currently had about half a dozen piled on top of each other that were an odd mix of whatever the two of them had grabbed the last visit. Duo read the spines. "The Letters of Abelard and Heloise, Dune, a Balzac novel, a Japanese poetry anthology and... The DaVinci Code? I thought I'd returned that, or chucked it out a window."
“It’s cursed. It must have found its way back.” Loki made a warding sign. “Poetry? Read some to me?”
"Always." Duo kissed Loki on the forehead, then carefully wiggled the poetry book out from the middle of the stack. There was no moving Loki once he was comfortable so they had make do with propping the book up on their chest and awkwardly flipping open the book to a random page one-handed. It didn't matter. That was the point of Sunday mornings - make everything revolve around him so that this room and this bed was a haven for them both. They took a quick glance at the poem, smiled, and began to read.
"Submit to you -
Could that be what you're saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wind?"
Loki smiled at the passage. A fortuitous text. Later, Loki should hunt down a book to capture his own feelings. It was always nice having poets to blame.
The poem went on, describing the longing of a woman for man she'd never really met, so that there didn't seem to be another verse as perfect as the first, but it was wonderful nonetheless and even if it hadn't been, Loki's warmth tucked into their side would have made it so. But the last verse made them pause for a moment before reading it because it came so close to describing those weeks following Father Maxwell's death, and maybe what threatened when they and Loki were over.
"Forgotten by the one
I was so sure
would come asking about me -
since then all I do
is wonder if I even exist."
Loki uncoiled from his position enough to press a kiss to Duo’s throat.
Duo raised an eyebrow. "You're sure you can't read my mind? Because I really did need that kiss at that moment."
Loki glanced up. While their life experiences varied, there did seem to be many shared sentiments between them. The closing words resonated with Loki, and it wasn’t surprising to hear they affected Duo. “I can’t. But you can tell me what you’re thinking.”
"Right now? About that verse?"
“It’s an open pass,” Loki said. “What about this verse? Why not?"
Duo made a noise that was much too close to a whine and pushed Loki over so they could properly bury their face in Loki's shoulder. "Because it's embarrassingly dramatic. And more than a little mad."
“Duo,” Loki said softly. He ran his fingers through their hair. “I was pretty sure I’m always embarrassingly dramatic. You don’t have to tell me. I’m not forcing you.”
"No, you're not." It gave Duo a little space to breath, enough to decide to tell Loki a little bit. "The wondering if I exist bit, it felt a lot like that when I first found out what I could do. I wasn't really all there for a while."
Loki considered the statement and then wrapped an arm more tightly around Duo. “That’s not dramatic at all,” he pointed out softly.
"Wondering when your dead guardian was going to come looking for you when you saw him die is. Deciding that the only reasonable way to explain why he died, and why Sister Helen died, and why I effectively killed someone is because I'm the god of death is." Their voice sounded calm enough, but that was only because they were doling out the story in pieces. Poor Loki, having to make any sense out of it.
Loki turned to get the second arm around him. “Darling, that mostly sounds like grief, not drama. You lost people important to you, so of course you want them back. As much as I like our built in pantheon... I don’t think you’re a god of death. Why do you think you killed them? What did you do, other than knowing them?” Loki kissed the top of their head. “You can tell me.”
Knowing that Loki didn't think they were a god was a little less disappointing then it should have been, maybe because they were wrapped up in his arms when he said it and didn't need to believe it as badly as they often did. "There were gunmen. I jumped into one of them. They were threatening them, the Father and Sister, and I just got angry, went after one... everything went bad after that." The rest was just blood. "They shot the one I was in too and I couldn't get out of him until he died. He took so long."
Loki wished Duo wasn't immune to his powers. He wanted to wrap them up in more than his arms. "You need a new domain," Loki murmured. "None of that was your fault." He squeezed Duo tight. "I'm so sorry."
There was more they should probably say, about how they ran afterwards, without looking back at the bodies or thinking of what would happen the friends they’d left behind. About the days of bouncing from one person to another to keep in hiding and barely knowing who they were. They should try to make some sense of all this for Loki so that the lines they tried to draw between what they’d experienced and why they’d decided to become a god was a little clearer, except that Duo couldn’t manage to sort that out themself much of the time. They’d have to go back a lot farther than the orphanage to piece that together and much of that, beyond a certain point, just tumbled into a black hole where Duo simply didn’t know anything.
Besides, they’d started to cry. Even they’d wanted to talk, they couldn’t because these were big shuddering sobs that they couldn’t stop. How many months had they avoided this before one fucking poem and one sympathetic shoulder made it break loose. Damn Loki. Bless him.
Loki rubbed Duo’s back, holding them tightly as they cried. This wasn’t something he had practice with. No one turned to Loki for emotional support, not since he and Thor were very young. As for how Loki dealt with grief… He remembered Frigga’s hand on his shoulder at the De Rolo memorial, anchoring him when he felt lost. Later, she’d find him wandering the halls at night, unable to sleep. With no one watching, he finally folded into her arms.
Loki murmured the words she gave him then, “I have you.”
It took much longer than Duo felt it should before they could talk again, even after they managed to stop the tears, and they lay quietly against Loki’s now-wet shoulder for a while. The memories of what had happened were closer than they’d been since they left San Salvador, but slowly, in the exhaustion afterwards, they began to sit a little more easily. Nothing big, nothing that meant they were over with it, but enough that Duo could relax and let themselves rest a little.
“Thank you.”
There was no chance in Hel they were untangling today. Loki was fixed right here, helpless to do much more than shelter Duo from the world with his proximity. He pressed a kiss to Duo’s hair.
“Whenever you need to talk about this, I’m here. You don’t need to hide anything. I promise, it’s never going to be too dark.” Loki rested his cheek against the top of Duo’s head.
“Not with you here,” said Duo. They took one long shaky breath. “You’re sure you’re okay with me carrying on like this again?”
“Don’t make me turn into a giant wolf and sit on you. Yes. I’m sure.” Loki squeezed them. “The only way I’m going to know when you’re having bad feelings is if you tell me.
Duo found one of Loki's arms and followed it down until they could weave their fingers into his. "The trick is that I honestly don't feel bad most of the time. I either don't think of that time in any detail or I just... I think of being Shinigami. That's probably not a very good way to handle it."
"We're such a pair," Loki murmured. "The dire dorm of improper coping skills. Now that I know that's your reason, I may need to find you a new myth to adapt. You can steal bodies, sure, but you are not responsible for those deaths. You were not the men pointing guns, even if you fled into one. Don't hold yourself responsible for the actions of others. Don't take their guilt as your own. They deserve a terrible afterlife. You deserve better."
"I'm too tired to argue with you on that, so I'm simply going to accept it as fact for the moment." Duo yawned and closed their eyes. It turned out that falling apart was exhausting and Loki's words and warm presence seemed to be doing their best to lure them into a safe and comfortable nap.
"Good." Loki lifted their entwined hands and kissed the back of Duo's knuckles. "I'll whisper these words in your ear as often as it's needed to convince you."
"It's always needed," Duo mumbled as they drifted off to sleep.
There were some days Loki walked around thinking of all the nice things in his life and how they were all going to end in a personal Ragnarok. Then, there were days where he stopped worrying about consequence, and he embraced the fragments of too good to be true. Weekends were great for that. On weekends, there was no need to wake early and keep up appearances. At this point it was habit to stay in bed and to lure Duo in as well.
This was becoming a Sunday ritual. Loki claimed uselessness, Duo left to honest-to-gods cook, and then after breakfast in bed they curled back under the covers. While Loki was used to having his whims catered to, it was entirely different when the person had no obligation. It was difficult to believe that Duo was impervious to compulsion. Why else would anyone spoil him so willingly? Loki couldn’t understand it, but on a morning like today he didn’t care about answers. The universe was perfectly aligned, and this was meant to be.
Loki burrowed closer to Duo, arm wrapped tightly across their torso. “Five star rating today. Would stay at this bed and breakfast again.”
"Excellent, because that's part of the whole master plan. I'll keep you fed and happy and you'll always come back for more." Always might be a little hopeful, but if Duo could spend the school year with Loki happily tucked into them on Sunday mornings, they'd be more than content with that.
"I always knew you had the makings of an evil sorceress," Loki murmured. He pressed a kiss to Duo's shoulder. There was a firm chance that even if Loki was recalled back to Asgard, he would find a way to show up randomly on Duo's doorstep begging for scraps. Or, more likely, he'd kidnap Duo to Asgard. They had schools in Asgard. Duo could telecommute for mutant classes.
The kiss was one of those little things that made the morning perfect. Bless Loki. "Maybe not evil, maybe just possessive."
“Evil is more fun. You should try evil.” Loki’s eyes drifted shut, but he wasn’t going back to sleep. No, completely awake, just comfortable, really.
"Oh no, Father Maxwell would come back from the dead to lecture me. Then Sister Helen would have a turn." Duo let their fingers run lightly up Loki's arm. "They have connections. They could do it."
Loki nuzzled in closer, shivering contently under Duo’s touch. “I didn’t realize we were in one of those Shakespearean dramas.”
"Recently discovered." Duo grinned. "The story of an Asgardian prince and an El Salvadoran pauper being chased by their respective ghosts. A comedy, so that everybody doesn't have to die in the end."
Loki rolled enough to press another kiss to the underside of Duo’s jaw. “It seems unwise to conjure my ghosts. I’m not sure what faces they would take. How about some witches? Or fairies?”
"Chaneque, to reflect my cultural heritage. Well, um, something like that." Duo gave a vague wave at their face to point out the obvious issue with that statement. Such a hassle to be steeped in one culture and not have it plainly etched into his face. Then they gave Loki a chaste kiss on the forehead. Fair return for Loki's gifts, but they were interested in the story now and had no intention of being baited into making out just yet.
“Chaneque? I don’t know that one, tell me more,” Loki requested.
"Something like fairies. They're sprites who could frighten the souls out of people or drag them down into the underworld. If we're writing an epic, they need their moment in the text."
“Ooh. Soul trapping underworld fairies? I like it. That’s very us.” Loki smiled.
Duo couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up. "You have a very particular view of us. I'm not arguing that it's completely wrong, but if this is going to be a big Shakespearean epic, there might come a time late in the third act where I say, 'No Loki, that's bad. Don't do that.' "
Loki rolled on top of Duo, pushing them back against the pillows. “Will you be brandishing a rolled up paper while you do so? Silly god of death. Don’t get just on me.”
"I can't help it," Duo said when they'd caught their breath. Loki in this mood, completely and utterly imperial in his demands, was irresistible, probably because they never felt more powerful and more Loki's equal when he was ordering them around. Odd maybe, but who else did Loki need to restrain and dictate orders to? Who else was he reduced to doing that to because he couldn't whisper his way into their thoughts? Duo reached up and wrapped their arms around his waist so they could pull him close. "I'll be your partner in crime up to a point, but there will be a time when you need someone standing in your way. Better that it's someone who cares about you I think.”
“I hate to tell you this, darling,” Loki murmured softly. “But I don’t foresee you standing in my way.” He brushed his lips along the curve of Duo’s ear. “I only have good ideas. You’ll see.” His lips brushed over Duo’s pulse, followed with the graze of teeth.
"There goes all the tension. It won't be much of a story without tension." Except Loki was working on that right now, wasn't he? It was of a totally different sort, but still very effective. Duo turned their head to catch his mouth in a kiss and let their hands slide down his back to pull his hips tight against their own. So much for no making out.
Loki’s breath caught at the shift in position. He kissed Duo back firmly before breaking away to a teasing distance. “You’re welcome to resist me,” Loki said innocently. “Is that what you want?”
Duo groaned and let their hands fall to the bed. "I tried resisting you this morning. That lasted about two minutes."
Loki grinned. “I feel like we need to hang a whiteboard over the bed and start tallying your downfall.” He wriggled closer, inevitably gloating.
Well, if they were going to keep track, Duo knew one very unfair way to gain a point. "Good idea. Maybe when Shaun and I go out one of these days we'll pick one up."
Loki blinked. The greatest difficulty about thinking of Duo and Shaun off on a shopping trip was the level of blinding beauty they’d create side by side. Hm. And okay, if they ever were to become better acquainted Loki might be jealous of someone else bossing Duo around. He was on the fence with that one. It might be something he’d have to see in practice. Oh gods, who knew what possibilities the future held?
“Are you going to explain what the board is for?”
He was distracted, but not rattled. Duo really should have expected that. "Of course not. I'll tell him it's for tracking sales or something - he's helping me figure out how to sell the junk I repair."
"Tracking sales..." Loki snickered and buried his face against Duo's shoulder. "Gods of industry. Your next title."
Duo was ever so slightly offended. "Excuse me, but I need to earn some money somehow. I can't keep relying on the patronage of handsome deities all the time."
Loki leaned up and touched Duo’s cheek. “I know. You’re both very talented, and I wouldn’t expect otherwise. I don’t think it’ll be very exciting to hang a tally of your profits over the bedside, but another by the desk maybe.”
Did other people get to see this side of Loki? The little moments when he let compassion sneak in managed to know exactly what to say? "Thank you. But we do still need one above the bed." They let a grin creep across their face. "I think I've just managed to earn myself my first mark with all this talk."
Early morning, sweet and and seemingly guiless Loki was all Duo’s for now. He wasn’t about to ruin this moment with talk of money or the need for independence. There was no fun in that. Loki nuzzled along Duo’s jaw. “Until you go shopping maybe I should just put marks across your skin to remind you who’s misleading who here.”
"That will not be happening," Duo said firmly. "I think I would much rather simply enjoy losing."
Loki nibbled over his pulse. “Wise. It will be the most enjoyable loss.” On that note, contrary as always, Loki curled up on top of Duo and returned to snuggling. Progress towards making out was stalled again in favor of blankets and tangled limbs.
It was enough to make Duo laugh. "There. A compromise. I think I like this better on Sunday mornings anyway. Getting all hot and bothered seems like entirely too much work for a day of rest.
“If you’re trying to reverse psychology me it won’t work,” Loki murmured. “And if you’re being truthful, good. I don’t feel like budging for at least an hour.” He glanced up. “Is there a book within reach?”
Duo turned their head to take a look at Loki's nightstand. There were, in fact, quite a few. There were always stacks of books piled up on odd surfaces here as the two of them worked their way through the Professor's library, and his nightstand currently had about half a dozen piled on top of each other that were an odd mix of whatever the two of them had grabbed the last visit. Duo read the spines. "The Letters of Abelard and Heloise, Dune, a Balzac novel, a Japanese poetry anthology and... The DaVinci Code? I thought I'd returned that, or chucked it out a window."
“It’s cursed. It must have found its way back.” Loki made a warding sign. “Poetry? Read some to me?”
"Always." Duo kissed Loki on the forehead, then carefully wiggled the poetry book out from the middle of the stack. There was no moving Loki once he was comfortable so they had make do with propping the book up on their chest and awkwardly flipping open the book to a random page one-handed. It didn't matter. That was the point of Sunday mornings - make everything revolve around him so that this room and this bed was a haven for them both. They took a quick glance at the poem, smiled, and began to read.
"Submit to you -
Could that be what you're saying?
the way ripples on the water
submit to an idling wind?"
Loki smiled at the passage. A fortuitous text. Later, Loki should hunt down a book to capture his own feelings. It was always nice having poets to blame.
The poem went on, describing the longing of a woman for man she'd never really met, so that there didn't seem to be another verse as perfect as the first, but it was wonderful nonetheless and even if it hadn't been, Loki's warmth tucked into their side would have made it so. But the last verse made them pause for a moment before reading it because it came so close to describing those weeks following Father Maxwell's death, and maybe what threatened when they and Loki were over.
"Forgotten by the one
I was so sure
would come asking about me -
since then all I do
is wonder if I even exist."
Loki uncoiled from his position enough to press a kiss to Duo’s throat.
Duo raised an eyebrow. "You're sure you can't read my mind? Because I really did need that kiss at that moment."
Loki glanced up. While their life experiences varied, there did seem to be many shared sentiments between them. The closing words resonated with Loki, and it wasn’t surprising to hear they affected Duo. “I can’t. But you can tell me what you’re thinking.”
"Right now? About that verse?"
“It’s an open pass,” Loki said. “What about this verse? Why not?"
Duo made a noise that was much too close to a whine and pushed Loki over so they could properly bury their face in Loki's shoulder. "Because it's embarrassingly dramatic. And more than a little mad."
“Duo,” Loki said softly. He ran his fingers through their hair. “I was pretty sure I’m always embarrassingly dramatic. You don’t have to tell me. I’m not forcing you.”
"No, you're not." It gave Duo a little space to breath, enough to decide to tell Loki a little bit. "The wondering if I exist bit, it felt a lot like that when I first found out what I could do. I wasn't really all there for a while."
Loki considered the statement and then wrapped an arm more tightly around Duo. “That’s not dramatic at all,” he pointed out softly.
"Wondering when your dead guardian was going to come looking for you when you saw him die is. Deciding that the only reasonable way to explain why he died, and why Sister Helen died, and why I effectively killed someone is because I'm the god of death is." Their voice sounded calm enough, but that was only because they were doling out the story in pieces. Poor Loki, having to make any sense out of it.
Loki turned to get the second arm around him. “Darling, that mostly sounds like grief, not drama. You lost people important to you, so of course you want them back. As much as I like our built in pantheon... I don’t think you’re a god of death. Why do you think you killed them? What did you do, other than knowing them?” Loki kissed the top of their head. “You can tell me.”
Knowing that Loki didn't think they were a god was a little less disappointing then it should have been, maybe because they were wrapped up in his arms when he said it and didn't need to believe it as badly as they often did. "There were gunmen. I jumped into one of them. They were threatening them, the Father and Sister, and I just got angry, went after one... everything went bad after that." The rest was just blood. "They shot the one I was in too and I couldn't get out of him until he died. He took so long."
Loki wished Duo wasn't immune to his powers. He wanted to wrap them up in more than his arms. "You need a new domain," Loki murmured. "None of that was your fault." He squeezed Duo tight. "I'm so sorry."
There was more they should probably say, about how they ran afterwards, without looking back at the bodies or thinking of what would happen the friends they’d left behind. About the days of bouncing from one person to another to keep in hiding and barely knowing who they were. They should try to make some sense of all this for Loki so that the lines they tried to draw between what they’d experienced and why they’d decided to become a god was a little clearer, except that Duo couldn’t manage to sort that out themself much of the time. They’d have to go back a lot farther than the orphanage to piece that together and much of that, beyond a certain point, just tumbled into a black hole where Duo simply didn’t know anything.
Besides, they’d started to cry. Even they’d wanted to talk, they couldn’t because these were big shuddering sobs that they couldn’t stop. How many months had they avoided this before one fucking poem and one sympathetic shoulder made it break loose. Damn Loki. Bless him.
Loki rubbed Duo’s back, holding them tightly as they cried. This wasn’t something he had practice with. No one turned to Loki for emotional support, not since he and Thor were very young. As for how Loki dealt with grief… He remembered Frigga’s hand on his shoulder at the De Rolo memorial, anchoring him when he felt lost. Later, she’d find him wandering the halls at night, unable to sleep. With no one watching, he finally folded into her arms.
Loki murmured the words she gave him then, “I have you.”
It took much longer than Duo felt it should before they could talk again, even after they managed to stop the tears, and they lay quietly against Loki’s now-wet shoulder for a while. The memories of what had happened were closer than they’d been since they left San Salvador, but slowly, in the exhaustion afterwards, they began to sit a little more easily. Nothing big, nothing that meant they were over with it, but enough that Duo could relax and let themselves rest a little.
“Thank you.”
There was no chance in Hel they were untangling today. Loki was fixed right here, helpless to do much more than shelter Duo from the world with his proximity. He pressed a kiss to Duo’s hair.
“Whenever you need to talk about this, I’m here. You don’t need to hide anything. I promise, it’s never going to be too dark.” Loki rested his cheek against the top of Duo’s head.
“Not with you here,” said Duo. They took one long shaky breath. “You’re sure you’re okay with me carrying on like this again?”
“Don’t make me turn into a giant wolf and sit on you. Yes. I’m sure.” Loki squeezed them. “The only way I’m going to know when you’re having bad feelings is if you tell me.
Duo found one of Loki's arms and followed it down until they could weave their fingers into his. "The trick is that I honestly don't feel bad most of the time. I either don't think of that time in any detail or I just... I think of being Shinigami. That's probably not a very good way to handle it."
"We're such a pair," Loki murmured. "The dire dorm of improper coping skills. Now that I know that's your reason, I may need to find you a new myth to adapt. You can steal bodies, sure, but you are not responsible for those deaths. You were not the men pointing guns, even if you fled into one. Don't hold yourself responsible for the actions of others. Don't take their guilt as your own. They deserve a terrible afterlife. You deserve better."
"I'm too tired to argue with you on that, so I'm simply going to accept it as fact for the moment." Duo yawned and closed their eyes. It turned out that falling apart was exhausting and Loki's words and warm presence seemed to be doing their best to lure them into a safe and comfortable nap.
"Good." Loki lifted their entwined hands and kissed the back of Duo's knuckles. "I'll whisper these words in your ear as often as it's needed to convince you."
"It's always needed," Duo mumbled as they drifted off to sleep.
