Tessa and Nolan - Backdated

[ax_herald]

After Tamara's visit to his office, Nolan has dinner with Tessa. As per usual, Tessa being Tessa does wonders for him.


Nolan had considered, briefly, the possibility of canceling his dinner plans with Tessa and reaching out to Clarice about giving him a lift back to his New York apartment, or his house in the Hamptons. But then he'd gotten a hold of himself. Tamara hadn't actually done anything but try to intimidate him, and he wasn't going to let her. He could tell that his emotional reaction was disproportionate to what had happened, but while he couldn't help what he felt, he could control his reaction to it.

He didn't stop by his room when he was done with work, but headed straight for the kitchen, still dressed in his striped sweater and black pants. They would work fine for helping Tessa cook whatever it was they were eating tonight (it was her turn to lead the cooking, and he was glad for it, as following instructions sounded better than giving them, given his current state of mind), and to be perfectly honest with himself, he wanted to put a little more distance between himself and Tamara's visit before seeing Shinobi.

"What are we eating tonight?" he asked Tessa when he found her already in the kitchen, giving her a small smile and doing his best to set other matters aside.

Wearing her familiar lounging attire of a fitted long-sleeved black t-shirt, matching leggings, and slippers, Tessa had turned from the mass of ingredients she had assembled to regard Nolan with a raised eyebrow and a hint of a smile. "You were almost late, Mr. Ross. That is not like you." The microexpression faded quickly enough, however, and she spent a split second searching his face, as if looking for something. She seemed to relax her sudden curiosity very quickly, however.

When she spoke again, she waved a hand briefly at the assortment of vegetables, meats, and spices arrayed upon the counter tops surrounding the stove. "Fusion cuisine. I am attempting to pair slightly modified versions of traditional Near Eastern curries with seafood difficult to acquire in the regions--I have snapper, octopus, and a modest-sized lobster standing in for the usual lamb, pork, or chicken ingredients. If your palate is open to the experience? I cannot guarantee the results, but I have accounted for and addressed as many of the variables as possible. In theory, the end results should be quite palatable."

"I like seafood," he confirmed, walking over to the sink and pushing his sleeves up to wash his hands. First step before cooking anything, of course. "And curries. Let's experiment. And being almost late is entirely like me. Being actually late would be out of character." Unless, of course, he was immersed in a particularly beautiful, and/or difficult, code, but that certainly wasn't the reason for his near tardiness tonight. Being completely distracted was.

Not that he was going to think about that. He closed the tap and wiped his hands dry. "What can I do?"

* * * * * * *

With their meal prepared to the best of Tessa's admittedly nascent ability to calculate flavor synergies accurately, a variety of steaming bowls of novel curries and lobster-infused rice adorning the table, she beckoned for Nolan to help himself. "If you will," the psion invited. "If one is to judge solely on an aromatic basis, then I do not think we fell much short of our common objective. However, the proof must inevitably be in the actual tasting."

"I'm confident," Nolan agreed, given the smell of it, as he helped himself to some of the food. He had been somewhat distracted as they worked on the cooking, but either Tessa hadn't noticed - unlikely - or she had decided to respect his privacy, for which he was very thankful. And he wasn't going to ruin this meal with talk of what had been on his mind, especially when a part of him felt ashamed of his reaction, of his vulnerability. "Smell is a big part of taste, isn't it?"

He moved away to set down his plate and let her help herself, then poured them glasses of water and brought them over.

"It is a significant contributor, certainly," she affirmed, waiting for him to settle into his chair again. Once he had, she gestured with her fork again, indicating he should take the first bite. "Please. And I would appreciate your honest assessment of our results, as well as any specific criticism that might occur to you regarding what might have made for a more pleasurable dining experience. Without feedback, it is difficult to refine the experience to best suit your tastes."

"Our," Nolan pointed out, fork paused halfway up to his mouth. "Our tastes." That sounded better, and he gave Tessa one of his thin, dry smiles before taking a first bite. "It's good," he settled on, as a first impression, and took another bite to round out his opinion. "Maybe a little more spice next time?"

Tessa inclined her head to one side. "I have been tailoring my culinary exercises to fit what I perceived to be your tastes," she told him. "Your offerings served to broaden my perspective, so it seemed the least I could do. But very well. I will take my own preferences further into consideration next time." She took a bite of octopus Korma, and her nose wrinkled very slightly.

"Yes. Additional spice, I think, will be a requisite." She took another bite, then gave Nolan a considering glance. "I hope this interlude is sufficient to distract from whatever is troubling you at this time," she told him. "I will not pry, but it is apparent something is weighing upon you. If I may be of assistance in alleviating that pressure, you need only ask."

Nolan went still for a second at her first words on the topic, but immediately resumed eating as if nothing were the matter. He had learned to eat without much of an appetite a long time ago. "It's nothing," he assured her with a soft-dry smile. "I was an idiot, and it's coming back to bite me in the ass, so to speak."

"I see," she said, taking another bite from her own plate and cataloging the various seasoning changes that would be necessary from this iteration of the dish to the next. "I hope that we have developed a sufficiently intimate rapport by now to assure you that I am unlikely to judge you for any missteps you might make, and am prepared to offer a neutral, confidential perspective on your circumstances, should you think it useful. But if you would prefer not to speak of your troubles, I will respect your choice. I am quite capable of filling our conversational lapses with the generally-baseless gossip I assimilate on a day-to-day basis."

Nolan was judging himself enough, anyway. He took another bite of curry, mulling things over. "Do you do background checks on the people here?" he asked, since that wouldn't surprise him, coming from Tessa. She was so committed to the security of this place; it would seem like a failing not to. And he said 'people', not 'students', because he absolutely included the members of staff in this question, along with himself.

That earned him a quizzical look from the cyberpath. "Of course," she told him easily, bringing another forkful to her mouth. "Routinely. Accurate data is essential to basic threat assessment, and is useful for calculating the real extent of the resources at our disposal. It is also useful in devising the X-Force training rosters and schedule; some combinations of individuals are more likely to develop a synergistic team relationship than others, and psychology often plays a much stronger role in that than powers. I assumed you were aware; I do not make any particular secret of it."

"I assumed as much," he answered with a nod. They'd simply never discussed it. "How deep do you delve?" There wasn't even a hint of judgment to him, or criticism; it made perfect sense to him that she should do so, and he wasn't sure there was such a thing as too deep. Which, of course, was part of the overall issue.

"As deep as is necessary," she replied, then shrugged. "I realize that must seem a very cryptic answer, but your question presumes an end-point which in my experience does not exist. I suppose I would see fit to suspend my surveillance of any particular individual when I was confident I had achieved a perfect understanding of that person. I do not think perfect understanding is possible, however; it is the nature of life to change and adapt, according to circumstance. Therefore, my search for new data could never really be considered having reached an end point--it is, at most, temporarily suspended."

Nolan should have expected this answer to a foolishly vague question, and so he only smiled slightly, dryly, and specified, "Do you stop at legal boundaries?" He thought that he knew the answer already, given that this was Tessa, but he also did not want to assume. Not when the force of Lil's response to his hacking her school records had caught him by surprise.

She paused a beat before she began to formulate her answer. "The early Greek historian Herodotus quotes an even earlier Scythian philosopher who once said, and I paraphrase for the sake of brevity, 'the law is like a spider's web: it will trap the weakest and most vulnerable, but the strong will simply break through.' Which is not to say I disregard it entirely--protections of life, reasonable liberty, and property are key to the functioning of any civilized society. The right to privacy, however, seems a bit of an anachronism in the information age. The data is there, and relatively easy to acquire. So long as it is not utilized to abridge or abrogate those other rights, save in the most extreme circumstances, I see little reason to be ruled by the shame or squeamishness of others."

Nolan was silent for a moment, and then smiled again, a brief, dry smile. "Yes." He toyed with the idea of eating another forkful, but held off on it for now. "I was a hacker before I even graduated from high school." He paused, then took a deep breath, and let the truth out. "I was an idiot, and I told someone who trusted me that I'd hacked them. Something about their past." That would teach him to be honest about it.

"Ah," Tessa acknowledged with a curt nod. "I would not volunteer such information readily, myself. But, if asked directly, I would not attempt to conceal it, either. It is, I suppose, a delicate balance to strike." She regarded Nolan curiously. "Of course, a key factor in my exploration of the pasts of other students is the withholding of judgment; I would not seek to qualify their prior actions, but rather use them as a lens through which to evaluate present activity. Context is essential in gauging behavior, but it is fallacious to assume that prior action guarantees future responses. We are, after all, inherently changing organisms, and presently working through the most variable phase of our life cycle."

"I judged them for it," Nolan confirmed her suspicions (or was it knowledge? had she gleaned this from his mind?). "Not in the sense that I expected them to be what they had been," on the contrary, he had hoped, with all he had, that Lil had moved on from such behavior, "but in the sense that... I needed some time to come to terms with what they had done. It didn't sound as if that was their issue, however, but only that I had hacked them." He let his gaze slide to the side, then looked back at Tessa. "I've never had an easy time trusting people."

It was impressive that they were friends at all, which he thought they were, given that there was nothing to look into with her. He had to take her word for everything she was, and had done. But there was something so bluntly factual about Tessa that it made it somewhat easier. The fact that he could not do anything against her telepathy only made any distrust pointless, in an odd way.

"Maintaining a degree of skepticism in your interactions with others is only healthy and prudent, given your limitations," Tessa replied, as she took another bite of shellfish-infused rice. She did not speak of Nolan's limitations in a manner that implied judgement or disparagement on her part; in the psion's opinion, limitations were a universal obstacle--every particular individual had them, in one form or another, and learned to cope, regardless. Or they did not. "Indeed, I suspect that perfect understanding is only possible between two telepaths--and even then, only two telepaths relatively equal in strength. The Professor or Jean, for example, could conceal as much or as little as they wished from me, even in a full psi-link. We must always arm ourselves as much as possible with knowledge, and allow for the occasional intuitive leap when faced with incomplete data. The alternative is solitary stasis."

"Well, not everyone shares that outlook," Nolan stated dryly, even though he did not need to, at this stage. He couldn't help but think back on the way he had felt when Tamara's fists had caught on fire, but pushed the memory aside, firmly. He gave Tessa a wan, brief version of his usual dry smiles. "Not that I'd expect, or even want, to perfectly understand someone, I don't think."

"No?" she asked, with a sideways tilt of her head. "Perfect understanding--to understand another as one understands oneself--is perfect love. No one hates himself--not entirely. We all approach life as the hero of our own story and with the best possible intentions. Some actions are lost in translation, however. But one cannot hate what one would do oneself, if forced into the same circumstances."

"Can't they?" Nolan asked, genuinely. That seemed the basis for so much of the hypocritical judgment that littered human interactions on a daily basis. "Either way, that is presuming anyone understands themselves perfectly. Or that perfection is a good thing to reach." A good thing to strive for, absolutely, but to reach?

"I understand myself," said Tessa. "I think that you understand yourself, as well, Nolan Ross. And, no, perfect sympathy precludes the possibility of hate. Even if we do not agree with the thought processes of another, when one understands how they arrived at that point, harsh feelings are generally less a consideration than a critique of their logic."

"What about self-loathing?" Nolan asked. He still wasn't sold on humans ever achieving perfection, whether in understanding or in love, or the fact that it would be a good thing if they did.

"Excessive self-loathing is as illogical as excessive self-love," Tessa replied immediately. "I have yet to encounter an individual who did not possess virtues as well as flaws. Our concern as person's interested in self-development is to refine the former while working to mitigate or eliminate the latter. That requires practical assessment, and an actionable plan that goes beyond mere good intentions. The alternative is simply wallowing, and is a waste of time."

"Still, I'm gonna stop shy of perfection," Nolan replied simply, having gone back to eat. "What would I strive for next?"

She seemed to give that serious, if brief, consideration. "I do not think that human perfection exists; at the very least, I have no experience of it. There is no end to the pursuit of self-improvement--except possibly death. I will be very interested to see how close you come."

That put a small smile on Nolan's lips. Tessa might look impassive at the best of times, but he always appreciated the honesty of what she said. "I'm glad we're friends, too," he answered. Never mind that death might come sooner than he might want. He hadn't had any visions in a while, and the treatment had prevented any long term damage to his brain, so far. It was easy to be hopeful, right then.

Tessa nodded in acknowledgment of his statement; to say more would be to reiterate the obvious. She took another bit from her plate, and gave Nolan a considering look. "Your prognosis has improved? And before you ask: no, I did not read your mind. But previously when I have alluded to death in casual conversation, your mood has always darkened. This is the first time you have ever smiled subsequent to my mentioning that inevitable condition."

Nolan hadn't been about to ask, but he was glad to know, all the same. "It's difficult to say, when I haven't had any seizures in a while." She might be one of very few people who knew the cause behind the seizures, but anyone could walk by the kitchen and overhear them, so seizures it was, and not visions.

"Lacking additional contextual data, I suppose it is difficult to determine whether this development is positive or not," Tessa observed. "However, I am sufficiently susceptible to self interest to interpret this development in a more favorable light. Perhaps your neuro-chemical balance has finally managed to compensate for these 'seizures'."

"That's quite the leap," Nolan simply replied. There was no way to know how he might react to his next vision until it hit, after all, and nothing suggested that he had made progress. He could only hope that all of his work with the Professor might have borne some fruits. "I'm just glad for the respite, however long it ends up lasting."

"That is, I think, the most rational response that could be expected. I do ... regret ... that the data available is not more definitively positive."

"There's no point to regrets," Nolan told her, his soft-dry smile making it clear he appreciated the sentiment, all the same. "But enough about me. What have you been working on?"

"Lately, I have primarily been occupied with looking for points of correlation between the files recovered from Arizona and those recovered by Kitty from the Brotherhood," she informed him, adjusting easily to the change of topic. "There are fewer than I expected, and those I have uncovered seem to lead to still more complex mysteries. It is vexing, but I believe I can uncover something useful, in time."

"Let me know if you want any help?" Nolan offered. He could use the distraction, and it had been too long since he'd had to hack anything even remotely difficult.

"I will," she said. "I truth, I would have likely solicited your assistance previously. However, my current avenue of research is potentially vastly more hazardous than any I have attempted thus far. I am reluctant to involve others in work that could result in personal danger."

That gave Nolan pause, as he turned things over in his mind. Wouldn't anything that threatened personal danger also potentially threaten the school, and everything the Professor was building here? This no longer seemed like a distraction, and he was going to approach it with the necessary gravity. "Tell me more about it," he requested simply.

She observed Nolan for a moment, before returning to the plate before her sedately. "There are the usual commonalities of equipment and energy requirements," she noted. "I am observing, as best I can, atypical upticks in those areas. However, there is only one name in common between the two organizations' files: Dr. Nathaniel Essex. But everything I uncover about this individual only serves to raise additional questions."

"He's the danger?" Nolan asked, making a mental note of the name.

She shook her head. "He is an anomaly," Tessa clarified. "Holding no official position at either facility. But his advice was usually followed. And his occasional colleagues were afraid of him."

"Will you send me what you have already?" Nolan requested. She'd told him the name, she wouldn't expect him not to do anything with it.

"If you wish," she answered slowly. "Though there is little enough available to reach any definitive conclusion--his credentials are all verifiable, but can only be traced back for the last five years. Prior to that, there is nothing. As I said, this line of inquiry might be more dangerous than normal."

"Give me what you have, and where you've looked already." She knew better than to expect him not to want to look into it. "I'll see if I can find anything more." It might be he wouldn't be able to find anymore than she had. But he would have tried, at least.

"Very well," Tessa replied. "Provided you will promise to exercise extreme care in your investigation. Despite the dearth of definitive information available on this individual, what incomplete sources exist all agree on the fact he is dangerous. I would prefer you did not garner his attention."

"And I have no intention of popping on his radar," Nolan assured her, after finishing up his plate. He'd always been careful when hacking; he would just be doubly so, this time, if only to assuage her worry. "Now. Would you like some more," with a tilt of his head towards the dishes, "or are we moving on to dessert?"

She inclined her head in assent. "Dessert, I think, would not go amiss." Tessa trusted that Nolan would exercise all due discretion in his activities. She would also keep an eye on him, to ensure he did not inadvertently overstep himself. It was, in her mind, all of a piece with her admittedly somewhat singular conception of friendship.