Lil and Tamara - January 22
Jan. 22nd, 2018 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ax_mainLil finally tells Tamara about what happened between her and Nolan.
Another day, another apology. Lil knocked on Tam's door, hoping she was there. If Clarice was in, no big deal. She'd just drag Tamara out somewhere, but it'd be easier if she could get this finished sooner.
It had been stupid of her to go after Nolan at the party, but probably stupider still to think they could be friends in the first place after what had happened. He'd outright told her she couldn't trust him so she damn well should have listened and walked out that day in his office. Oh well, none of that was Tamara's burden. What mattered was that Lil had blown up at him at her party and for that, Lil had to tell her she was sorry.
"It's open!" Tamara called over her shoulder, not wanting to deal with getting up unless she had to. She was laid out on her bed, wings resting on either side of her as she flipped through some of her photos on her laptop. It was warm in her room - she and Clarice both preferred it that way - so she was wearing shorts in pure defiance of the winter outside.
Lil opened the door and stepped in. "Hey. Long time, no see." Sort of. They'd seen each other since the New Year's party, but with all the stuff that had been going on with Nick, not much more than that. "Got some time for a talk?"
"Hey!" Tamara grinned up at Lil, rolling onto her side. Her face clouded into a strangely cute look of worry. "Everything okay?"
"Nope! I owe you an apology." She sighed and pulled one of the desk chairs over beside the bed. At least with Tamara she was pretty sure this wouldn't go down the toilet. Probably just some momentary stern looks and a bit of a lecture. "I'm sorry about making a scene with Nolan at your party."
"Ohmygod, that's right!" Over the course of her weekend getaway with Shinobi, Tamara had totally forgotten. "I wanted to see if you were okay, but you disappeared! And then, y'know, Shinobi and I disappeared." Insert happy little smirk. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Lil didn't need the reminder that she and Shinobi had skipped out. As much as she liked Shinobi, she could do without hearing about the two of them together which... was not very generous of her. Mental note to ask Tamara about their weekend. "I'm fine. He just thought I looked like I needed to talk or something and I didn't take it so well."
Tamara frowned. There had to be more to it than that. "Hadn't he been, like, ghosting you?"
"I don't know anymore." Lil shrugged. "I mean, he did before we had that last big talk but supposedly we were okay after that. Except that yeah, he never talked to me unless he couldn't avoid me I guess."
"...so he talked to you and you flipped a table?" Tamara asked skeptically. She didn't mean it, but Lil wasn't really explaining so far.
Lil winced because that wasn't too far from the truth. "Sort of? I was tired and didn't have a whole lot of patience. Then he comes over and is all, 'gee, what's wrong?'. Tam, I'd been sleeping in Nick's room, right down the hall from him for weeks. Like, he couldn't have picked a better way to tell me that whole friend thing we'd talked about was crap. How hard do you have to work to ignore someone that much?" She was getting angry again, but it was the brittle kind that would break into tears if she let it. Uh uh, not over Nolan. She shook her head to clear it. "He asked if there was anything he could do to help and I said no 'cause I didn't trust him. That was it, boom! I stepped over the line I guess, telling him something that he already knew anyway."
Tamara couldn't help it, she was staring wide-eyed at Lil as she told her story of woe. What had even happened with these two? "Jesus. I don't even get it - how do you two have so much drama?"
"Um, because he decided something I said when I was confiding some personal shit to him meant I was a bully so he broke into my old school records? Remember that?" Of course, as soon as Lil said it she realized she might not have told Tamara. She'd talked around it a lot, but things had been busy and distracting since then so... oops. "Or, oh fuck, maybe I didn't tell you."
Tamara's face went slack with shock, then her wings flopped angrily on the bed behind her. "He what?"
"Shit." Lil covered her eyes with her hands for a moment. Yup, she hadn't told Tamara. She let her hands drop. "Yeah, it was after the forum mess. We started talking about how guys used think they could try stuff, and I guess I said something that made him suspicious. He told me I could call him if I needed then brushed me off when I did, and I didn't hear from him again until he decided I owed him some sort of explanation for what he found in my school records. After he fucking broke into them."
“What the fuck?” A spark actually leapt between Tamara’s fingers. “That’s illegal, isn’t it??”
"I dunno, but it's definitely creepy as fuck. He doesn't see anything wrong with it either. But… it feels sort of like what the jerks did back home?"
“Wait, how do you mean?” Tamara asked, still pissed but not sure she followed that part.
Lil paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain it. She'd thought it would be obvious, but apparently not. "He gets to do what he wants to me. Like, the guys at home thought I didn't have any say if they wanted to try something. Same with Nolan, just that it's my whole fucking private history he's after, not my ass." She shook her head. "It feels a lot like that shit."
“Well yeah, he totally crossed a line,” Tam agreed, still frowning and thinking it through. “Not sure I’d put it in the same terms as the guys who got handsy, but...”
Lil's eyebrows jumped. "Seriously? That's what Nolan told me when he finally decided I was worth talking to again. Like, I don't need to hear that from you too when I'm the one that went through it."
“Hey, I’m not saying it wasn’t a shitty thing to do!” Tam replied, holding up a hand in surrender. “Just feels like a different flavor of male fuckery. Like, those guys just did it because you were a girl and they were misogynist assholes - Nolan like, actually betrayed your trust and treated you like shit. That’s personal.” Not sexual, maybe, but still-- Oh, she was gonna have a talk with Nolan Ross...
"Sit up." Lil ordered, even as relief broke across her face. "I gotta hug you."
Tamara blinked in surprise, then grinned. "Hang on, this takes some work," she said, doing the requisite awkward wiggle to get herself upright, wings draped carefully behind her so there was no pressure on the fine bones. Once she got there, though, she just tipped forward into Lil's arms, saying, "Hah, made it!"
Lil giggled and pulled Tamara close. It was easier now, to do this without her mind wandering into what ifs. Maybe the crush was fading... or simply settling in to something she could take for granted. "Thank you. I know he did something awful but I still wonder if I did something wrong." She let Tamara go a little. "I told Teddy and he was angry at Nolan too, but... I need to keep hearing that stuff."
"I can't believe him," Tamara said, deciding to set into reinforcing the message immediately as she pulled back, perching on her knees on the bed. "Did you tell the Professor? He can't be okay with things like that..."
"I haven't, not yet. I didn't at first 'cause Nolan talks to him all the time and, you know, the Prof gave him an office and everything. But I talked to him after Christmas about something else, and he seems fair." Lil sat back down in the chair and gave Tamara a worried look. "I think maybe I have to at some point, right? I mean, Nolan could do it to someone else. Plus... Tam, I just about gave up that work I do for Shinobi, I can't leave my phone on, I don't do anything on the school computers but study stuff. I keep thinking he's tracking what I do on that stuff."
Annnnd cue Tamara's shocked face again, because W. T. F. "That's why you never text me back?!"
Lil's face crumpled a little. It was a painful admission to make because it sounded just this side of batshit crazy. "Yeah. I keep it off and locked away unless I need it. I drop the battery out of Shinobi's laptop too. It's really stupid but I can't help it 'cause he doesn't think he did anything wrong. If he thinks I'm a bully, what's to stop him from trying to keep an eye on me?"
"Jesus, Lil, that's fucked up," Tamara breathed, the full magnitude of it settling in. Oh man, Nolan Ross was so dead.
"Yeah, I'm gonna see someone, a therapist or something. It wasn't so bad before Christmas but I spent a couple of weeks there with Nick where I wasn't getting much sleep and it got worse." It wasn't an all the time thing, but it too much like what she'd felt in the fall with the whole forum mess. And too much like what she'd felt a lot in the last year back home.
Tam nodded, aiming to look understanding. "Yeah, that was so crazy." Honestly, she didn't even have the capacity to process what that kind of tragedy really was. "Do what you need to, okay? It's always better to get help when you need it."
"Thanks. I gotta admit, the Prof suggested awhile back but you know me, I have to be stubborn for a bit." She nodded to herself because yeah, that was her. "That's not all on Nolan, but he didn't help."
“Get help if you need it, but seriously, tell the Professor what Nolan did too - he’s a freakin’ telepath, he’ll be able to figure out what kind of creepy stalker shit Nolan’s up to,” Tamara pointed out, angry frown on her face.
Lil groaned. "Okay, but I'm not gonna do it tomorrow. I want to see the counselling guy first and check stuff with him. I mean, Nolan wouldn't be lying if he decided to start telling others I was a bully for revenge - I was a complete asshole to some people - so I want to make sure that if I start this I know how I'm gonna respond to that." She tapped the side of her head. "I gotta start learning to plan ahead instead of just react to shit."
Tam frowned but nodded in agreement. Not because she agreed, exactly, but because that would give her time to go track down Nolan herself.
"Anyhow, that's my shit show explained. What about you?" Lil really didn't want to spend any more time talking about Nolan. Tam had been really helpful, but it was a hole she'd get comfortable in if she was allowed to wallow in it much longer. "You sort of disappeared for the weekend."
“It was great!” Tamara grumbled, still sounding angry. “But I’m too pissed off to tell you about it right now, ohmygod...”
"Uh uh. You got to. If we keep talking about this it's just gonna feed right into that whole paranoia thing I got going on." She leaned forward in her chair to try and catch Tamara's eye. "Distract me."
“Okay, okay, hang on...” Tamara took a deep breath and huffed it out, wings doing echoing with an angry puff of their own. The only reason she was even able to put her anger aside for now was because she really, really did want to tell Lil about her weekend.
Okay. Not angry. Thinking about her birthday party on... Friday, it had been Friday. It felt so long ago now! Dancing and hanging out, and then... “Okay, so, Clarice dropped us off at this crazy tropical resort,” she told Lil, smile managing to appear as she started in. “I mean, ohmygod, fuck winter, I wanna live there. Just gorgeous, and the weather was soooo perfect. And the room - I mean, it would’ve been totally crazy, except, y’know, Shinobi.”
"Yeah, Shinobi's pretty awesome." God, he was though. Friendly and funny - Lil could see why Tamara would fall for him. If it hurt a little to hear her gush about him, oh well. She needed to be able to talk about him and Lil would just have to suck it up and listen.
Tamara’s grin just spread. “Is it bad that I like how much he spoils me?”
Lil shook her head. "Naw. He seems like the kind of guy who enjoys spoiling friends plus, you deserve it. Any guy you're with should be spoiling the crap out of you."
"Thanks." Tamara's grin had taken on a secretive air. "That's not the only way he's been spoiling me though."
"Okay, you got to spell that out because I'm sort of clueless when it comes to this girl talk stuff." Although Lil was already thinking that this was something she probably didn't' want spelled out. At all.
"I mean, the hotel room was my idea," Tamara said, very much enjoying the telling, and especially the memories. "Kind of a sweet sixteen birthday present... I mean, your first time should be special, right?"
Yup, not a thing Lil wanted to hear about. "I take it back! I don't need to know the details! I'm really happy for you and all..." Lies. "But I think that's stuff I don't need to hear."
Tamara just laughed. "Hey, you asked!"
"I know, I know. I'm trying to balance that thing where I'm really happy that you're happy but without having to hear exactly why 'cause, 'cause... " Because she was getting a handle on the crush and really didn't need details to fuel whatever jealousy might be left. "Well, you know."
Tamara rolled her eyes, but affectionately, completely clueless about Lil's thoughts. "You embarrass so easy," she teased. "But just so you know, it was a Very Good weekend."
"You deserved it. You deserve all all the spoiling that he can manage which is, like, a shitload considering he's rich."
"I know, right?" Tamara replied, feigning seriousness. She'd figured out a while ago that there was a difference between Shinobi spoiling her because he was rich vs. spoiling her because he was Shinobi. And while one of those things was abhorrent to her, the latter was just... them. She let go of her serious face with a little laugh. "Well, I can't give you all the luxury he does, for y'know, obvious reasons - but any time you want to get away from things, Clarice and I go down to the Caribbean sometimes and it's amazing."
"To the Caribbean?" She might as well have offered Lil a trip to the moon. "I mean, I been to Nova Scotia a couple of times, but... that's not the Caribbean, and I don't know Clarice much... You sure about that?"
Tamara actually giggled. "Totally sure. It's super easy."
"The Caribbean" Lil repeated. How many times could she say that word? Enough time to make it sound real maybe. "Yes. Please. Take me away one of these days!"
Tamara pulled out her phone. Oh man, she could deliver on this. “Just let me text Clarice and see when she’s free...”
"I'm gonna need a bathing suit," Lil whispered. "Holy fuck, wait until I tell my mom."
Another day, another apology. Lil knocked on Tam's door, hoping she was there. If Clarice was in, no big deal. She'd just drag Tamara out somewhere, but it'd be easier if she could get this finished sooner.
It had been stupid of her to go after Nolan at the party, but probably stupider still to think they could be friends in the first place after what had happened. He'd outright told her she couldn't trust him so she damn well should have listened and walked out that day in his office. Oh well, none of that was Tamara's burden. What mattered was that Lil had blown up at him at her party and for that, Lil had to tell her she was sorry.
"It's open!" Tamara called over her shoulder, not wanting to deal with getting up unless she had to. She was laid out on her bed, wings resting on either side of her as she flipped through some of her photos on her laptop. It was warm in her room - she and Clarice both preferred it that way - so she was wearing shorts in pure defiance of the winter outside.
Lil opened the door and stepped in. "Hey. Long time, no see." Sort of. They'd seen each other since the New Year's party, but with all the stuff that had been going on with Nick, not much more than that. "Got some time for a talk?"
"Hey!" Tamara grinned up at Lil, rolling onto her side. Her face clouded into a strangely cute look of worry. "Everything okay?"
"Nope! I owe you an apology." She sighed and pulled one of the desk chairs over beside the bed. At least with Tamara she was pretty sure this wouldn't go down the toilet. Probably just some momentary stern looks and a bit of a lecture. "I'm sorry about making a scene with Nolan at your party."
"Ohmygod, that's right!" Over the course of her weekend getaway with Shinobi, Tamara had totally forgotten. "I wanted to see if you were okay, but you disappeared! And then, y'know, Shinobi and I disappeared." Insert happy little smirk. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Lil didn't need the reminder that she and Shinobi had skipped out. As much as she liked Shinobi, she could do without hearing about the two of them together which... was not very generous of her. Mental note to ask Tamara about their weekend. "I'm fine. He just thought I looked like I needed to talk or something and I didn't take it so well."
Tamara frowned. There had to be more to it than that. "Hadn't he been, like, ghosting you?"
"I don't know anymore." Lil shrugged. "I mean, he did before we had that last big talk but supposedly we were okay after that. Except that yeah, he never talked to me unless he couldn't avoid me I guess."
"...so he talked to you and you flipped a table?" Tamara asked skeptically. She didn't mean it, but Lil wasn't really explaining so far.
Lil winced because that wasn't too far from the truth. "Sort of? I was tired and didn't have a whole lot of patience. Then he comes over and is all, 'gee, what's wrong?'. Tam, I'd been sleeping in Nick's room, right down the hall from him for weeks. Like, he couldn't have picked a better way to tell me that whole friend thing we'd talked about was crap. How hard do you have to work to ignore someone that much?" She was getting angry again, but it was the brittle kind that would break into tears if she let it. Uh uh, not over Nolan. She shook her head to clear it. "He asked if there was anything he could do to help and I said no 'cause I didn't trust him. That was it, boom! I stepped over the line I guess, telling him something that he already knew anyway."
Tamara couldn't help it, she was staring wide-eyed at Lil as she told her story of woe. What had even happened with these two? "Jesus. I don't even get it - how do you two have so much drama?"
"Um, because he decided something I said when I was confiding some personal shit to him meant I was a bully so he broke into my old school records? Remember that?" Of course, as soon as Lil said it she realized she might not have told Tamara. She'd talked around it a lot, but things had been busy and distracting since then so... oops. "Or, oh fuck, maybe I didn't tell you."
Tamara's face went slack with shock, then her wings flopped angrily on the bed behind her. "He what?"
"Shit." Lil covered her eyes with her hands for a moment. Yup, she hadn't told Tamara. She let her hands drop. "Yeah, it was after the forum mess. We started talking about how guys used think they could try stuff, and I guess I said something that made him suspicious. He told me I could call him if I needed then brushed me off when I did, and I didn't hear from him again until he decided I owed him some sort of explanation for what he found in my school records. After he fucking broke into them."
“What the fuck?” A spark actually leapt between Tamara’s fingers. “That’s illegal, isn’t it??”
"I dunno, but it's definitely creepy as fuck. He doesn't see anything wrong with it either. But… it feels sort of like what the jerks did back home?"
“Wait, how do you mean?” Tamara asked, still pissed but not sure she followed that part.
Lil paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain it. She'd thought it would be obvious, but apparently not. "He gets to do what he wants to me. Like, the guys at home thought I didn't have any say if they wanted to try something. Same with Nolan, just that it's my whole fucking private history he's after, not my ass." She shook her head. "It feels a lot like that shit."
“Well yeah, he totally crossed a line,” Tam agreed, still frowning and thinking it through. “Not sure I’d put it in the same terms as the guys who got handsy, but...”
Lil's eyebrows jumped. "Seriously? That's what Nolan told me when he finally decided I was worth talking to again. Like, I don't need to hear that from you too when I'm the one that went through it."
“Hey, I’m not saying it wasn’t a shitty thing to do!” Tam replied, holding up a hand in surrender. “Just feels like a different flavor of male fuckery. Like, those guys just did it because you were a girl and they were misogynist assholes - Nolan like, actually betrayed your trust and treated you like shit. That’s personal.” Not sexual, maybe, but still-- Oh, she was gonna have a talk with Nolan Ross...
"Sit up." Lil ordered, even as relief broke across her face. "I gotta hug you."
Tamara blinked in surprise, then grinned. "Hang on, this takes some work," she said, doing the requisite awkward wiggle to get herself upright, wings draped carefully behind her so there was no pressure on the fine bones. Once she got there, though, she just tipped forward into Lil's arms, saying, "Hah, made it!"
Lil giggled and pulled Tamara close. It was easier now, to do this without her mind wandering into what ifs. Maybe the crush was fading... or simply settling in to something she could take for granted. "Thank you. I know he did something awful but I still wonder if I did something wrong." She let Tamara go a little. "I told Teddy and he was angry at Nolan too, but... I need to keep hearing that stuff."
"I can't believe him," Tamara said, deciding to set into reinforcing the message immediately as she pulled back, perching on her knees on the bed. "Did you tell the Professor? He can't be okay with things like that..."
"I haven't, not yet. I didn't at first 'cause Nolan talks to him all the time and, you know, the Prof gave him an office and everything. But I talked to him after Christmas about something else, and he seems fair." Lil sat back down in the chair and gave Tamara a worried look. "I think maybe I have to at some point, right? I mean, Nolan could do it to someone else. Plus... Tam, I just about gave up that work I do for Shinobi, I can't leave my phone on, I don't do anything on the school computers but study stuff. I keep thinking he's tracking what I do on that stuff."
Annnnd cue Tamara's shocked face again, because W. T. F. "That's why you never text me back?!"
Lil's face crumpled a little. It was a painful admission to make because it sounded just this side of batshit crazy. "Yeah. I keep it off and locked away unless I need it. I drop the battery out of Shinobi's laptop too. It's really stupid but I can't help it 'cause he doesn't think he did anything wrong. If he thinks I'm a bully, what's to stop him from trying to keep an eye on me?"
"Jesus, Lil, that's fucked up," Tamara breathed, the full magnitude of it settling in. Oh man, Nolan Ross was so dead.
"Yeah, I'm gonna see someone, a therapist or something. It wasn't so bad before Christmas but I spent a couple of weeks there with Nick where I wasn't getting much sleep and it got worse." It wasn't an all the time thing, but it too much like what she'd felt in the fall with the whole forum mess. And too much like what she'd felt a lot in the last year back home.
Tam nodded, aiming to look understanding. "Yeah, that was so crazy." Honestly, she didn't even have the capacity to process what that kind of tragedy really was. "Do what you need to, okay? It's always better to get help when you need it."
"Thanks. I gotta admit, the Prof suggested awhile back but you know me, I have to be stubborn for a bit." She nodded to herself because yeah, that was her. "That's not all on Nolan, but he didn't help."
“Get help if you need it, but seriously, tell the Professor what Nolan did too - he’s a freakin’ telepath, he’ll be able to figure out what kind of creepy stalker shit Nolan’s up to,” Tamara pointed out, angry frown on her face.
Lil groaned. "Okay, but I'm not gonna do it tomorrow. I want to see the counselling guy first and check stuff with him. I mean, Nolan wouldn't be lying if he decided to start telling others I was a bully for revenge - I was a complete asshole to some people - so I want to make sure that if I start this I know how I'm gonna respond to that." She tapped the side of her head. "I gotta start learning to plan ahead instead of just react to shit."
Tam frowned but nodded in agreement. Not because she agreed, exactly, but because that would give her time to go track down Nolan herself.
"Anyhow, that's my shit show explained. What about you?" Lil really didn't want to spend any more time talking about Nolan. Tam had been really helpful, but it was a hole she'd get comfortable in if she was allowed to wallow in it much longer. "You sort of disappeared for the weekend."
“It was great!” Tamara grumbled, still sounding angry. “But I’m too pissed off to tell you about it right now, ohmygod...”
"Uh uh. You got to. If we keep talking about this it's just gonna feed right into that whole paranoia thing I got going on." She leaned forward in her chair to try and catch Tamara's eye. "Distract me."
“Okay, okay, hang on...” Tamara took a deep breath and huffed it out, wings doing echoing with an angry puff of their own. The only reason she was even able to put her anger aside for now was because she really, really did want to tell Lil about her weekend.
Okay. Not angry. Thinking about her birthday party on... Friday, it had been Friday. It felt so long ago now! Dancing and hanging out, and then... “Okay, so, Clarice dropped us off at this crazy tropical resort,” she told Lil, smile managing to appear as she started in. “I mean, ohmygod, fuck winter, I wanna live there. Just gorgeous, and the weather was soooo perfect. And the room - I mean, it would’ve been totally crazy, except, y’know, Shinobi.”
"Yeah, Shinobi's pretty awesome." God, he was though. Friendly and funny - Lil could see why Tamara would fall for him. If it hurt a little to hear her gush about him, oh well. She needed to be able to talk about him and Lil would just have to suck it up and listen.
Tamara’s grin just spread. “Is it bad that I like how much he spoils me?”
Lil shook her head. "Naw. He seems like the kind of guy who enjoys spoiling friends plus, you deserve it. Any guy you're with should be spoiling the crap out of you."
"Thanks." Tamara's grin had taken on a secretive air. "That's not the only way he's been spoiling me though."
"Okay, you got to spell that out because I'm sort of clueless when it comes to this girl talk stuff." Although Lil was already thinking that this was something she probably didn't' want spelled out. At all.
"I mean, the hotel room was my idea," Tamara said, very much enjoying the telling, and especially the memories. "Kind of a sweet sixteen birthday present... I mean, your first time should be special, right?"
Yup, not a thing Lil wanted to hear about. "I take it back! I don't need to know the details! I'm really happy for you and all..." Lies. "But I think that's stuff I don't need to hear."
Tamara just laughed. "Hey, you asked!"
"I know, I know. I'm trying to balance that thing where I'm really happy that you're happy but without having to hear exactly why 'cause, 'cause... " Because she was getting a handle on the crush and really didn't need details to fuel whatever jealousy might be left. "Well, you know."
Tamara rolled her eyes, but affectionately, completely clueless about Lil's thoughts. "You embarrass so easy," she teased. "But just so you know, it was a Very Good weekend."
"You deserved it. You deserve all all the spoiling that he can manage which is, like, a shitload considering he's rich."
"I know, right?" Tamara replied, feigning seriousness. She'd figured out a while ago that there was a difference between Shinobi spoiling her because he was rich vs. spoiling her because he was Shinobi. And while one of those things was abhorrent to her, the latter was just... them. She let go of her serious face with a little laugh. "Well, I can't give you all the luxury he does, for y'know, obvious reasons - but any time you want to get away from things, Clarice and I go down to the Caribbean sometimes and it's amazing."
"To the Caribbean?" She might as well have offered Lil a trip to the moon. "I mean, I been to Nova Scotia a couple of times, but... that's not the Caribbean, and I don't know Clarice much... You sure about that?"
Tamara actually giggled. "Totally sure. It's super easy."
"The Caribbean" Lil repeated. How many times could she say that word? Enough time to make it sound real maybe. "Yes. Please. Take me away one of these days!"
Tamara pulled out her phone. Oh man, she could deliver on this. “Just let me text Clarice and see when she’s free...”
"I'm gonna need a bathing suit," Lil whispered. "Holy fuck, wait until I tell my mom."
