Tommy and Billy Backdated
Jan. 25th, 2018 03:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ax_wiccan posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ax_main Tommy goes to check on Billy while he's on house arrest. The first time talking since Limbo is a little awkward and rough, but they get through it.
It was odd.
Since being on the antidepressant, he felt like he was finally awake. Like this whole time he had been in a weird, sad sleep fog and then two days on the drug his mind was suddenly clear. He still had a few misgivings, like was this really him or was this the drug just making him feel good? God, who even knew. At least he was feeling up to eating again, and the phone call with Teddy last night had been...fun.
Billy cheeks flamed, and his happy grin grew at the memory of Teddy moaning through the speaker. He was finally fucking back at least in that area too. Billy spun his phone on his desk, knowing Teddy would probably be in history right now, but he wanted to call cause damn he missed him. He missed everyone now that his brain stopped punching itself in the face.
Hell. He missed Tommy.
Tommy paced outside the Kaplans' place a few times before making up his mind. Either Billy would yell at him again, in which case Tommy had dealt with that before... or he'd be back to his old self and make fun of Tommy for caring, which would probably be the better option. At least that was comfortable and familiar. Mind made up (and if anyone called him sentimental for any of this, he'd sock them in the teeth), Tommy boosted himself up into the tree and rapped loudly at the window to Billy's room.
Billy blinked and turned around to see his own face looking back at him from the window and he couldn’t help the small smile that slid on his face. He hadn’t talked to Tommy since New Years, too afraid that the other hated him or that they had gone all the way back to square one because of what happened in Limbo. Even after he had learned about Tommy’s relationship with Fatale and Alex, he was still glad to see his brother. He stood up and walked over to open the window, so Tommy could climb in, suddenly feeling a little nervous now that he was face to face with his twin again. “Hey. Long time no see.”
Tommy slid in the window as soon as it was open enough to let him through, and he made a show of shivering as he landed his feet on the floor. "Move slower, why don'tcha. It's not like it's January outside or anything," he grumbled. On the plus side, Billy looked alright, and some of the fears that Tommy refused to put into words took a few steps back. "Oh good, you're not dead."
“Yeah well, not the speedster in the family, so deal.” Billy gave a shrug as he leaned past Tommy to shut the window behind him, locking it just because it weirdly made him feel more secure. He moved back to look over Tommy, trying his best at an awkward smile. “Yeah, I’m not dead. Were you worried about that?”
"Worried, me?" Tommy let out an exasperated puff of air in demonstration of just how worried he hadn't ever been and shoved a stack of stuff aside to sit on Billy's desk. "Please. I just don't want to deal with the drama at school if something happens to you."
“Mmmm.” Billy hummed in understanding, moving over to sit on his bed. He shifted a little, wondering exactly how to do this. How did he talk to Tommy again? “Well, you can rest at ease. I don’t think there will be any drama cause of me dying or what not. I’m coming back Monday I think.”
Now that Tommy was there, and had been reassured that Billy wasn't imploding or something, he wasn't sure what to do with that... or with himself. "Yeah?" he arched an eyebrow. "How's all that..." he gestured randomly in the air. "Brain stuff doing? Did they have to crack the top off and stir it around some?"
“Yeah, cause it’s still 1909, right?” Billy tried to keep his expression deadpanned but rolled his eyes and smiled. He reached over to his nightstand and picked up a small pill bottle filled with little rusty red pills, tossing it over towards Tommy. “More like a lot of talking and those. And I’m actually doing okay. Better than I was.”
Tommy turned the bottle over in his hands, his doubt fully visible on his face. "If you say so. I got stuck on a dozen different things when I was a kid," he kept talking, putting the bottle down on Billy's desk and poking it out of reach. "Ritalin, Adderall, Focalyn, whatever the fuck else they thought was going to fix whatever new label the newest school doc stuck on me. Never did a damn thing but make my brain go faster anyway. But if it works for you..."
Billy frowned a little, he knew that Tommy’s mind moved quickly because it was what his mutation was, and it was part of the process to try different things if one didn’t work. But Billy had a suspicion that Tommy’s parents hadn’t really wanted to help him, more just to make him quiet. Billy hated them so fucking much.
“Yeah. They work.” Billy replied, not wanting to dwell on that. “I can eat again, I’m happier, I want to do things...I can talk to you.”
He fiddled with the hem of his long-sleeved shirt for a moment, suddenly nervous. “I was too scared to do that without them, so I’d say it’s a plus.”
And that was a thing Tommy had kind of hoped they could glide right over, but ... apparently not. And they probably had to talk about it, but how the fuck did you even have that conversation? 'sorry I let you get turned into a demon - thank you for not eating me'? Tommy looked away, his hands curling around the edge of Billy's desk like he could somehow anchor himself there and prevent the urge to run off. "Courage in a bottle. Better off with that stuff than whiskey, I guess."
“Yeah...liquor doesn’t seem like the best option for me.” Billy tapped his foot against the bed, then sucked it up and just jumped in. “I’m really sorry about what I did to you, Tommy. I know it wasn’t really me, but I’m still sorry. And what the thing said to you...” Billy pressed his lips together. “It was shitty and shouldn’t have ever been said.”
"It was a demon, it wasn't going to play nice. You shouldn't apologize for something someone else did. Unless that was actually your thoughts it was spewing, in which case screw you," Tommy said mildly, and with a faint smile before he got more serious. "Do you actually remember any of that shit?" He'd really been hoping Billy hadn't.
Billy winced at Tommy’s comment on apologizing, remembering his conversation with Scott a few weeks back. He rubbed his palms against his thighs as he nodded. “I remember everything vividly. It was like I was stuck in a glass box, able to watch, but not able to act.”
He couldn’t look Tommy in the eye as he remembered grabbing Tommy’s arm and sending a powerful current through it. “I was happy Wanda hit me.”
"She shouldn't have had to." Tommy did look up, then, his eyes glittering green and hard. "It should never have gotten that far. I'm fast, that's all I do. I should have been able to stop all of it before it happened."
“You do more than go fast.” Billy murmured, looking up to see Tommy’s expression. “And you tried, I remember. You grabbed me before I went in the mirror, but my electricity hit you. Even people who heal aren’t immune to a shock like that.”
He could still clearly see Tommy’s face when he had turned around to find the speedster with a rock in his hands. “I wouldn’t have been able to hit you either, by the way.”
It hurt to look him in the eye, but at least Tommy didn't see the demon in there anymore. Just Billy. "Fat lot of good that did you at the time."
Billy gave a halfhearted shrug, biting his bottom lip. “I’m glad it wasn’t you. The idea of you beaning me in the head with a rock is somehow more upsetting than Wanda hitting me with a hex.”
He would be lying if he said he didn’t know why that was. Tommy’s hesitance and look of pain as he tried was something that showed Billy he wasn’t just some dumb idiot to Tommy. It hurt Tommy to think about hurting him, which Billy quickly tried to squash down any pleasure at that thought.
Tommy made a face, grudgingly accepting the statement at face value. If Billy wasn't going to hold a grudge, he wasn't going to try and convince him to do so. It didn't fix everything, but it would make it a little easier to get over knowing that Billy didn't blame him. At least he said he didn't, and that would have to be enough. "So, when are they going to let you out of jail?" he asked, kicking at Billy's empty desk chair. "It's getting boring without you."
“Monday?” Billy offered, doing his best not to feel happy at Tommy maybe missing him. “My mom wants me to stay the whole week just in case there are any issues with the medication.”
He tugged at the collar of his shirt, clearing his throat and looking at Tommy a little nervously. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
Tommy frowned but nodded. "Sure. What?"'
“Are you,” Billy stopped because he didn’t know if there was a right way to word this. “Are you sleeping with Fatale and Alex? Like not just bunking with them, but....you know?”
Okay, that hadn't been one Tommy would have bet on coming out of Billy's mouth right then. "That's your big important question?" he asked, faintly incredulously. Then, because this was supposed to be them getting along (or at least Tommy not making Billy any worse), he gave in a little bit. "Yes, and no, and off and on. So to speak." He gave Billy a wicked grin.
Billy tried to figure that wording out, yes no, he had said Fatale’s name first so yes to her and no to Alex? Billy narrowed his eyes at Tommy, that grin making him immediately on alert. “So, you’re sleeping with Fatale, but not all the time?”
Tommy snickered, but took pity on the dork. Besides, it was a weird situation and he still wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with any of it... it might not hurt to have someone to bounce stuff off. Not that Billy would be any use. But he was asking.
"Yes to Fatale - we've been hooking up once in a while since the neon party. No to banging Alex, except by proxy I guess, since he and Fatale are still a thing." Tommy shrugged, not as nonchalant about that as he wanted to be. "Also yes to bunking together when they were at the school. Alex got shot, they were freaked out about being in a new place and asked me to crash with them. But we're not doing the whole mushy triad setup like JP and Warren and Tam, if that's what you're thinking."
Billy nodded slowly. “Okay. So, you’re sleeping with another guy’s girlfriend who is okay with it, but have also been just sleeping with him?”
Billy wondered how much weirder Tommy’s life could get, but he shook it off and gave a firm nod. “Okay. I think I have it. That’s great? I mean, do you like it? And if you talk about the sex I will magic you right back to the mansion.”
And there came the space where the awkward shrug was the only way to express anything. "I'm getting laid," Tommy offered, then waved off Billy's incoming objections. "Yeah, yeah, I know, no talking about my icky heterosexual lifestyle. And I know they're not your favorite people, but they're-" what were they? More than friends, but they sure as hell weren't dating him. At least no-one had said anything of the sort.
It was... a thing. That they were doing. And when push came to shove he didn't know how or what he felt. He'd shake the city down around everyone's ears if anything happened to them; that probably meant something. "They're important," he finished lamely.
Billy held any of his own feelings back about this whole thing. Right now, they were talking about Tommy and what he wanted, so he just did his best to listen.
“Okay.” Billy replied. “Important is a thing. They’re important to you. Are you wanting them to be something more or is just being important to each other good?”
"You've been spending too much time with your mother," Tommy felt the tightness crawl up the back of his neck. "You sound like a shrink. There's no 'more' there, dude. Alex and Fatale come as a set, and I wouldn't want to break up that even if I could." And maybe they thought they had room for a third, but- "My life plan doesn't include being a third wheel forever."
“I’m only trying to listen and understand.” Billy tried to defend himself but paused after a moment and nodded. “Which is what a shrink’s job is, but still.”
He itched to reach out to Tommy, to hug him even though he knew it wouldn’t go over the way he wanted it to. “Then what is your life plan?”
Tommy wished to fuck he knew. He'd told Shen his resolution for the year was to do more than just survive. Three weeks later and he still had no idea what something like that might look like. "Why are we psychoanalyzing me all of a sudden? I thought this was all about getting your system rebooted."
“I’m not psychoanalyzing you.” Billy groaned, flopping back down on the bed so he could stare at the ceiling. “This is what brothers do. Talk about stuff and then rag on each other.”
He laid there for a moment before propping himself up on his elbows. “How’s everyone at school?” He didn’t say Yana, but it was heavily implied. “Any news or rumors I should know about?”
Tommy just watched him for a minute, then carefully, hesitantly (for him, which meant the world barely blinked), he poked Billy's knee with his toe. "I was an only child until September, dude. You can't expect me to know all the secret handshakes."
The other question was easier, and he shrugged. "Not much? Teddy's been moping around like you ran over his dog when you left, but since he's also always on his phone I'm assuming you've talked to him a lot more than I have."
Billy instinctively reached out to grab Tommy’s foot, holding it for a moment before letting it free. “Yeah, Teddy I know about. Kurt sent me a note with his favorite DVD too, so that was really nice of him. Especially since...all that.”
He wasn’t all that surprised how much he actually missed school. “Is it bad that I like school better than home most days? Like, isn’t that weird?"
Tommy grimaced. "You're asking the wrong person," he pointed out dryly. "School was always better than home."
Billy was quiet, then pushed himself up into standing with a huff. “Fuck this.” He muttered before moving over towards Tommy and wrapping his arms around the other tightly, he winced as he prepared to be smacked, but held on.
Dammit; Tommy had forgotten (or had chosen to forget) that Billy turned into a barnacle when he got sappy. His chest went tight, and the restlessness peeled open in his feet, but he didn't get up. He let Billy wrap himself around him and put up with it for a minute before giving in. Slowly, carefully, he sagged sideways just a little, until Billy was supporting some of his weight.
Billy took in an unsteady breath when he felt Tommy lean against him, shifting his shoulder a little so Tommy’s face wasn’t completely mashed into his t-shirt. He held him there, closing his eyes as he squeezed just a little tighter and wished he could just take all of Tommy’s problems away. Well, he could but that was a scary road to go down...
The hug felt good until it didn't, until the 'too-tight-can't-move' took over from the original sensation of 'safe.' Tommy sat up and tried to shake Billy off -- gently, not like he was dumping the guy on to the floor. "Enough already," he grumbled. "You're getting cooties on me."
When he felt Tommy start to push away, Billy let go easily smiling a little at the way Tommy grumbled. “Yeah, Fine. So, quick question. If you don’t see yourself with Fatale and Alex...why not ask out someone else? Like on an actual date. Not a friends with benefits thing.”
"Because you're the expert on relationships all of a sudden?" Tommy replied scornfully. "Is my memory failing me, or did you not essentially make a move on Teddy Ruxpin by hitting him with lightning?"
“Ugh. How dare you compare him to that creep-tastic bear.” Billy frowned, not letting himself be pushed away from the subject by Tommy’s words. “If you want to get technical first time is kinda tried any kind of move was Warren and Terry’s party which exploded in my face.”
Tommy grimaced despite himself, grabbing a pen off Billy's desk and drumming on his knee with it. Sitting still took energy he didn't have. "Yeah, well. It worked out in the end," he admitted grudgingly, because double ugh. "Believe me, that's not usually how it goes. And before you get your panties in a twist, yes, I have asked people out." well, one person. It counted.
Billy stared at Tommy for a minute in shock before he was on that like a dog on a bone. “Who? Was it JM? Or wait, Terry?”
Oh yeah, smart. He'd opened his big mouth and now Billy wasn't going to let it go, ever. "You actually think I'd have a chance with Jeanne-Marie? She's way out of my league. That, and JP would strangle me with my own intestines." Tommy rolled his eyes at Billy's level of dumb. "Shen did body shots with me on New Years, so I thought maybe... doesn't matter what I thought. The crash and burn was epic." He spun the pen over his fingers and mimed it sailing in a long, sloping downward arc. Like the Hindenburg. Or the Titanic.
And he looked away, not willing to see the moment when Billy would start laughing at him for trying to punch so high above his weight class. What did you honestly expect to happen? Loser.
“Oh.” Billy said quietly, his entire body drooping slightly at that news. If Tommy had asked Shen out, had actually said the words that he would like to be with her in some way, that meant he had actually liked her...a lot. Shit. Billy moved to sit down on his desk next to Tommy, trying his best to think of what to say to this. He’d confessed to one other guy besides Teddy and had been shot down harshly, but he doubted Tommy wanted to hear the whole ‘more fish in the sea’ spiel. “I’m sorry, Tommy. That fucking sucks. What all did she say?”
Billy was in his space again, and worse yet, Tommy couldn't tell if he minded or not. The urge to move was still there (always there), but tapping the pen again took the worst of the edge off. And for once Billy wasn't telling him that he was doing life wrong, so. "That she liked me, but we're too young to be dating anyone exclusively." He shrugged it off, because honestly she had every right to decide what she wanted to do. "She wants to play the field. Fair enough. I'm sure as hell not going to be someone's jailor."
Billy pursed his lips, torn between wanting to protect Tommy from heartache, but also knowing Shen was allowed to decide what she wanted and saying anything against that was wrong. “Well, I can't say I entirely get that, but then again I was never an attractive teenage girl, so my field wasn’t that big.”
Billy hated that Tommy was hurting and even though him and Teddy weren’t exactly at their best, they were together, so he felt a little guilty. “I made the mistake of telling a guy on the debate team that I liked him at my old school. He was not pleased about it. Honestly, after that I decided I would never stick my neck out there like that again...until I did and got crushed again.” Billy couldn’t believe he could actually remember Teddy turning him down fondly now. “But...eventually, things did work out.”
Billy took a deep breath and leaned over to nudge Tommy gently. “All I’m saying is, this fucking hurts. I know. But I also know that Shen isn’t the only one out there so please don’t let this scare you from other people who might want what you want.”
He didn't get it. He didn't get it and he never would, and Tommy had tried, he'd tried to talk and see if he ever took that risk again. "Because it's all about you. It worked out for Billy the wunderkind, so it'll automatically work out for everyone?" he snapped, recoiling from Billy's elbow in his side. "You can just wish for things and they happen, Kaplan. The universe doesn't like the rest of us nearly that much.
"You've got it all," he dropped to his feet on the floor, gesturing out at the cluttered room around him, in the fancy New York apartment, Billy's parents probably cooking more turkey dinners or some shit downstairs. "So, you can relax now and enjoy your happily-ever-whatever. But don't fucking tell me how I'm supposed to feel."
“That’s not-“ Billy stopped before he could snap off something irritated and went over what he had said again. He hadn’t meant it like that! He hadn’t, but that might have been how it came across and he closed his eyes as he tried to think of how to find his way back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t trying to make it about me I just-“
Billy opened his eyes and breathed, surprised that he could be thinking even though he was scared of Tommy booking it before he could try to explain. “I thought it would help, but I was wrong. I’m sorry, Tommy. It was bad wording and thought on my part. I’ll try to do better.”
He wanted to reach out but knew trying to hold onto the other wouldn’t go well so instead he just looked at Tommy pleadingly. “Please don’t go away because I was being stupid.”
Maybe Tommy had actually wanted to hear an apology or something, because he could have been back at the school in the time it took Billy to finish talking. But he wasn't, and he didn't burn out there once Billy was done, either, even though he was halfway to the door. Billy had locked the window, but Tommy could be out the front door and gone before Other Kaplans even realized he'd been there.
Still, he wasn't about to go drape himself over Billy and start spilling his guts again, either. "I liked it better when you were playing headshrinker instead of being a dumbass know-it-all." Tommy kept his guard up, and he stayed where he was standing, between Billy and the door.
Billy cringed, but didn’t want to dwell on the fact that he had screwed up because now was not the time. He continued to sit on the desk or wanting to move in case that meant Tommy bolted. “I’m really sorry. From now on I’ll just listen and be there, if you ever want to tell me something again.”
He could only hope that Tommy would trust him again someday. If not...he’d still try to be there for him best he could.
"Quit while you're ahead," Tommy shot back, softening slightly but not relaxing. He forced the sardonic smile, and since Billy was sitting in his spot on the desk, Tommy flopped on Billy's bed and made sure to put his feet - still in shoes - up on the comforter. "The last thing I need is love life advice from someone who took two months to realize that his roommate was in love with him."
Billy let himself relax a little when Tommy moved to lay on his bed, letting his shoes on the comforter even though that was disgusting. He glanced away when Tommy brought up Teddy loving him, giving a small lame shrug and focusing more on the wood of his desk. “Yeah, he likes me a lot. Puts up with a lot too.”
There was something going on there, but Tommy didn't feel like pursuing it. "I'll bet," he snorted instead, and dropped the subject. Now what? They'd covered school, Limbo, Billy's medications, Tommy's sex life, and added a mini fight into the bargain just to make sure they painted by all the numbers.
Billy let the quiet stretch out for a bit, he wondered if he should just let Tommy leave now that they had covered all their bases, but he didn’t want Tommy to leave. He blew his bangs out of his eyes and offered his twin a small smile. “You wanna play Smash brothers? I bet I could clobber you with Kirby.”
"That little pink shit?" Tommy snorted, conveniently ignoring the fact that he mained Kirby half the time anyway. "Sonic will kick his ass."
“Errr!” Billy made a buzzer noise and shook his head. “Flying and shapeshifting? Come on. He can turn into a brick and crush people midair. Sonic and his chillie dogs can suck it. Ha, but Kirby already has that covered so...”
He couldn’t help but grin. “But never jiggly puff. There can only be one pink float ball.”
Tommy shook his head in disgust and rolled off of the bed, landing on his feet and stretching. "If your game play is as hopeless as your trash talk, this'll be over in under thirty seconds."
“My trash talk is top tier, bud.” Billy grinned as he pushed off his desk, knowing he was doomed since Tommy’s reflexes beat out even the best professional gamer, but whatever. He could be destroyed if it meant spending time with him.
It was odd.
Since being on the antidepressant, he felt like he was finally awake. Like this whole time he had been in a weird, sad sleep fog and then two days on the drug his mind was suddenly clear. He still had a few misgivings, like was this really him or was this the drug just making him feel good? God, who even knew. At least he was feeling up to eating again, and the phone call with Teddy last night had been...fun.
Billy cheeks flamed, and his happy grin grew at the memory of Teddy moaning through the speaker. He was finally fucking back at least in that area too. Billy spun his phone on his desk, knowing Teddy would probably be in history right now, but he wanted to call cause damn he missed him. He missed everyone now that his brain stopped punching itself in the face.
Hell. He missed Tommy.
Tommy paced outside the Kaplans' place a few times before making up his mind. Either Billy would yell at him again, in which case Tommy had dealt with that before... or he'd be back to his old self and make fun of Tommy for caring, which would probably be the better option. At least that was comfortable and familiar. Mind made up (and if anyone called him sentimental for any of this, he'd sock them in the teeth), Tommy boosted himself up into the tree and rapped loudly at the window to Billy's room.
Billy blinked and turned around to see his own face looking back at him from the window and he couldn’t help the small smile that slid on his face. He hadn’t talked to Tommy since New Years, too afraid that the other hated him or that they had gone all the way back to square one because of what happened in Limbo. Even after he had learned about Tommy’s relationship with Fatale and Alex, he was still glad to see his brother. He stood up and walked over to open the window, so Tommy could climb in, suddenly feeling a little nervous now that he was face to face with his twin again. “Hey. Long time no see.”
Tommy slid in the window as soon as it was open enough to let him through, and he made a show of shivering as he landed his feet on the floor. "Move slower, why don'tcha. It's not like it's January outside or anything," he grumbled. On the plus side, Billy looked alright, and some of the fears that Tommy refused to put into words took a few steps back. "Oh good, you're not dead."
“Yeah well, not the speedster in the family, so deal.” Billy gave a shrug as he leaned past Tommy to shut the window behind him, locking it just because it weirdly made him feel more secure. He moved back to look over Tommy, trying his best at an awkward smile. “Yeah, I’m not dead. Were you worried about that?”
"Worried, me?" Tommy let out an exasperated puff of air in demonstration of just how worried he hadn't ever been and shoved a stack of stuff aside to sit on Billy's desk. "Please. I just don't want to deal with the drama at school if something happens to you."
“Mmmm.” Billy hummed in understanding, moving over to sit on his bed. He shifted a little, wondering exactly how to do this. How did he talk to Tommy again? “Well, you can rest at ease. I don’t think there will be any drama cause of me dying or what not. I’m coming back Monday I think.”
Now that Tommy was there, and had been reassured that Billy wasn't imploding or something, he wasn't sure what to do with that... or with himself. "Yeah?" he arched an eyebrow. "How's all that..." he gestured randomly in the air. "Brain stuff doing? Did they have to crack the top off and stir it around some?"
“Yeah, cause it’s still 1909, right?” Billy tried to keep his expression deadpanned but rolled his eyes and smiled. He reached over to his nightstand and picked up a small pill bottle filled with little rusty red pills, tossing it over towards Tommy. “More like a lot of talking and those. And I’m actually doing okay. Better than I was.”
Tommy turned the bottle over in his hands, his doubt fully visible on his face. "If you say so. I got stuck on a dozen different things when I was a kid," he kept talking, putting the bottle down on Billy's desk and poking it out of reach. "Ritalin, Adderall, Focalyn, whatever the fuck else they thought was going to fix whatever new label the newest school doc stuck on me. Never did a damn thing but make my brain go faster anyway. But if it works for you..."
Billy frowned a little, he knew that Tommy’s mind moved quickly because it was what his mutation was, and it was part of the process to try different things if one didn’t work. But Billy had a suspicion that Tommy’s parents hadn’t really wanted to help him, more just to make him quiet. Billy hated them so fucking much.
“Yeah. They work.” Billy replied, not wanting to dwell on that. “I can eat again, I’m happier, I want to do things...I can talk to you.”
He fiddled with the hem of his long-sleeved shirt for a moment, suddenly nervous. “I was too scared to do that without them, so I’d say it’s a plus.”
And that was a thing Tommy had kind of hoped they could glide right over, but ... apparently not. And they probably had to talk about it, but how the fuck did you even have that conversation? 'sorry I let you get turned into a demon - thank you for not eating me'? Tommy looked away, his hands curling around the edge of Billy's desk like he could somehow anchor himself there and prevent the urge to run off. "Courage in a bottle. Better off with that stuff than whiskey, I guess."
“Yeah...liquor doesn’t seem like the best option for me.” Billy tapped his foot against the bed, then sucked it up and just jumped in. “I’m really sorry about what I did to you, Tommy. I know it wasn’t really me, but I’m still sorry. And what the thing said to you...” Billy pressed his lips together. “It was shitty and shouldn’t have ever been said.”
"It was a demon, it wasn't going to play nice. You shouldn't apologize for something someone else did. Unless that was actually your thoughts it was spewing, in which case screw you," Tommy said mildly, and with a faint smile before he got more serious. "Do you actually remember any of that shit?" He'd really been hoping Billy hadn't.
Billy winced at Tommy’s comment on apologizing, remembering his conversation with Scott a few weeks back. He rubbed his palms against his thighs as he nodded. “I remember everything vividly. It was like I was stuck in a glass box, able to watch, but not able to act.”
He couldn’t look Tommy in the eye as he remembered grabbing Tommy’s arm and sending a powerful current through it. “I was happy Wanda hit me.”
"She shouldn't have had to." Tommy did look up, then, his eyes glittering green and hard. "It should never have gotten that far. I'm fast, that's all I do. I should have been able to stop all of it before it happened."
“You do more than go fast.” Billy murmured, looking up to see Tommy’s expression. “And you tried, I remember. You grabbed me before I went in the mirror, but my electricity hit you. Even people who heal aren’t immune to a shock like that.”
He could still clearly see Tommy’s face when he had turned around to find the speedster with a rock in his hands. “I wouldn’t have been able to hit you either, by the way.”
It hurt to look him in the eye, but at least Tommy didn't see the demon in there anymore. Just Billy. "Fat lot of good that did you at the time."
Billy gave a halfhearted shrug, biting his bottom lip. “I’m glad it wasn’t you. The idea of you beaning me in the head with a rock is somehow more upsetting than Wanda hitting me with a hex.”
He would be lying if he said he didn’t know why that was. Tommy’s hesitance and look of pain as he tried was something that showed Billy he wasn’t just some dumb idiot to Tommy. It hurt Tommy to think about hurting him, which Billy quickly tried to squash down any pleasure at that thought.
Tommy made a face, grudgingly accepting the statement at face value. If Billy wasn't going to hold a grudge, he wasn't going to try and convince him to do so. It didn't fix everything, but it would make it a little easier to get over knowing that Billy didn't blame him. At least he said he didn't, and that would have to be enough. "So, when are they going to let you out of jail?" he asked, kicking at Billy's empty desk chair. "It's getting boring without you."
“Monday?” Billy offered, doing his best not to feel happy at Tommy maybe missing him. “My mom wants me to stay the whole week just in case there are any issues with the medication.”
He tugged at the collar of his shirt, clearing his throat and looking at Tommy a little nervously. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
Tommy frowned but nodded. "Sure. What?"'
“Are you,” Billy stopped because he didn’t know if there was a right way to word this. “Are you sleeping with Fatale and Alex? Like not just bunking with them, but....you know?”
Okay, that hadn't been one Tommy would have bet on coming out of Billy's mouth right then. "That's your big important question?" he asked, faintly incredulously. Then, because this was supposed to be them getting along (or at least Tommy not making Billy any worse), he gave in a little bit. "Yes, and no, and off and on. So to speak." He gave Billy a wicked grin.
Billy tried to figure that wording out, yes no, he had said Fatale’s name first so yes to her and no to Alex? Billy narrowed his eyes at Tommy, that grin making him immediately on alert. “So, you’re sleeping with Fatale, but not all the time?”
Tommy snickered, but took pity on the dork. Besides, it was a weird situation and he still wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with any of it... it might not hurt to have someone to bounce stuff off. Not that Billy would be any use. But he was asking.
"Yes to Fatale - we've been hooking up once in a while since the neon party. No to banging Alex, except by proxy I guess, since he and Fatale are still a thing." Tommy shrugged, not as nonchalant about that as he wanted to be. "Also yes to bunking together when they were at the school. Alex got shot, they were freaked out about being in a new place and asked me to crash with them. But we're not doing the whole mushy triad setup like JP and Warren and Tam, if that's what you're thinking."
Billy nodded slowly. “Okay. So, you’re sleeping with another guy’s girlfriend who is okay with it, but have also been just sleeping with him?”
Billy wondered how much weirder Tommy’s life could get, but he shook it off and gave a firm nod. “Okay. I think I have it. That’s great? I mean, do you like it? And if you talk about the sex I will magic you right back to the mansion.”
And there came the space where the awkward shrug was the only way to express anything. "I'm getting laid," Tommy offered, then waved off Billy's incoming objections. "Yeah, yeah, I know, no talking about my icky heterosexual lifestyle. And I know they're not your favorite people, but they're-" what were they? More than friends, but they sure as hell weren't dating him. At least no-one had said anything of the sort.
It was... a thing. That they were doing. And when push came to shove he didn't know how or what he felt. He'd shake the city down around everyone's ears if anything happened to them; that probably meant something. "They're important," he finished lamely.
Billy held any of his own feelings back about this whole thing. Right now, they were talking about Tommy and what he wanted, so he just did his best to listen.
“Okay.” Billy replied. “Important is a thing. They’re important to you. Are you wanting them to be something more or is just being important to each other good?”
"You've been spending too much time with your mother," Tommy felt the tightness crawl up the back of his neck. "You sound like a shrink. There's no 'more' there, dude. Alex and Fatale come as a set, and I wouldn't want to break up that even if I could." And maybe they thought they had room for a third, but- "My life plan doesn't include being a third wheel forever."
“I’m only trying to listen and understand.” Billy tried to defend himself but paused after a moment and nodded. “Which is what a shrink’s job is, but still.”
He itched to reach out to Tommy, to hug him even though he knew it wouldn’t go over the way he wanted it to. “Then what is your life plan?”
Tommy wished to fuck he knew. He'd told Shen his resolution for the year was to do more than just survive. Three weeks later and he still had no idea what something like that might look like. "Why are we psychoanalyzing me all of a sudden? I thought this was all about getting your system rebooted."
“I’m not psychoanalyzing you.” Billy groaned, flopping back down on the bed so he could stare at the ceiling. “This is what brothers do. Talk about stuff and then rag on each other.”
He laid there for a moment before propping himself up on his elbows. “How’s everyone at school?” He didn’t say Yana, but it was heavily implied. “Any news or rumors I should know about?”
Tommy just watched him for a minute, then carefully, hesitantly (for him, which meant the world barely blinked), he poked Billy's knee with his toe. "I was an only child until September, dude. You can't expect me to know all the secret handshakes."
The other question was easier, and he shrugged. "Not much? Teddy's been moping around like you ran over his dog when you left, but since he's also always on his phone I'm assuming you've talked to him a lot more than I have."
Billy instinctively reached out to grab Tommy’s foot, holding it for a moment before letting it free. “Yeah, Teddy I know about. Kurt sent me a note with his favorite DVD too, so that was really nice of him. Especially since...all that.”
He wasn’t all that surprised how much he actually missed school. “Is it bad that I like school better than home most days? Like, isn’t that weird?"
Tommy grimaced. "You're asking the wrong person," he pointed out dryly. "School was always better than home."
Billy was quiet, then pushed himself up into standing with a huff. “Fuck this.” He muttered before moving over towards Tommy and wrapping his arms around the other tightly, he winced as he prepared to be smacked, but held on.
Dammit; Tommy had forgotten (or had chosen to forget) that Billy turned into a barnacle when he got sappy. His chest went tight, and the restlessness peeled open in his feet, but he didn't get up. He let Billy wrap himself around him and put up with it for a minute before giving in. Slowly, carefully, he sagged sideways just a little, until Billy was supporting some of his weight.
Billy took in an unsteady breath when he felt Tommy lean against him, shifting his shoulder a little so Tommy’s face wasn’t completely mashed into his t-shirt. He held him there, closing his eyes as he squeezed just a little tighter and wished he could just take all of Tommy’s problems away. Well, he could but that was a scary road to go down...
The hug felt good until it didn't, until the 'too-tight-can't-move' took over from the original sensation of 'safe.' Tommy sat up and tried to shake Billy off -- gently, not like he was dumping the guy on to the floor. "Enough already," he grumbled. "You're getting cooties on me."
When he felt Tommy start to push away, Billy let go easily smiling a little at the way Tommy grumbled. “Yeah, Fine. So, quick question. If you don’t see yourself with Fatale and Alex...why not ask out someone else? Like on an actual date. Not a friends with benefits thing.”
"Because you're the expert on relationships all of a sudden?" Tommy replied scornfully. "Is my memory failing me, or did you not essentially make a move on Teddy Ruxpin by hitting him with lightning?"
“Ugh. How dare you compare him to that creep-tastic bear.” Billy frowned, not letting himself be pushed away from the subject by Tommy’s words. “If you want to get technical first time is kinda tried any kind of move was Warren and Terry’s party which exploded in my face.”
Tommy grimaced despite himself, grabbing a pen off Billy's desk and drumming on his knee with it. Sitting still took energy he didn't have. "Yeah, well. It worked out in the end," he admitted grudgingly, because double ugh. "Believe me, that's not usually how it goes. And before you get your panties in a twist, yes, I have asked people out." well, one person. It counted.
Billy stared at Tommy for a minute in shock before he was on that like a dog on a bone. “Who? Was it JM? Or wait, Terry?”
Oh yeah, smart. He'd opened his big mouth and now Billy wasn't going to let it go, ever. "You actually think I'd have a chance with Jeanne-Marie? She's way out of my league. That, and JP would strangle me with my own intestines." Tommy rolled his eyes at Billy's level of dumb. "Shen did body shots with me on New Years, so I thought maybe... doesn't matter what I thought. The crash and burn was epic." He spun the pen over his fingers and mimed it sailing in a long, sloping downward arc. Like the Hindenburg. Or the Titanic.
And he looked away, not willing to see the moment when Billy would start laughing at him for trying to punch so high above his weight class. What did you honestly expect to happen? Loser.
“Oh.” Billy said quietly, his entire body drooping slightly at that news. If Tommy had asked Shen out, had actually said the words that he would like to be with her in some way, that meant he had actually liked her...a lot. Shit. Billy moved to sit down on his desk next to Tommy, trying his best to think of what to say to this. He’d confessed to one other guy besides Teddy and had been shot down harshly, but he doubted Tommy wanted to hear the whole ‘more fish in the sea’ spiel. “I’m sorry, Tommy. That fucking sucks. What all did she say?”
Billy was in his space again, and worse yet, Tommy couldn't tell if he minded or not. The urge to move was still there (always there), but tapping the pen again took the worst of the edge off. And for once Billy wasn't telling him that he was doing life wrong, so. "That she liked me, but we're too young to be dating anyone exclusively." He shrugged it off, because honestly she had every right to decide what she wanted to do. "She wants to play the field. Fair enough. I'm sure as hell not going to be someone's jailor."
Billy pursed his lips, torn between wanting to protect Tommy from heartache, but also knowing Shen was allowed to decide what she wanted and saying anything against that was wrong. “Well, I can't say I entirely get that, but then again I was never an attractive teenage girl, so my field wasn’t that big.”
Billy hated that Tommy was hurting and even though him and Teddy weren’t exactly at their best, they were together, so he felt a little guilty. “I made the mistake of telling a guy on the debate team that I liked him at my old school. He was not pleased about it. Honestly, after that I decided I would never stick my neck out there like that again...until I did and got crushed again.” Billy couldn’t believe he could actually remember Teddy turning him down fondly now. “But...eventually, things did work out.”
Billy took a deep breath and leaned over to nudge Tommy gently. “All I’m saying is, this fucking hurts. I know. But I also know that Shen isn’t the only one out there so please don’t let this scare you from other people who might want what you want.”
He didn't get it. He didn't get it and he never would, and Tommy had tried, he'd tried to talk and see if he ever took that risk again. "Because it's all about you. It worked out for Billy the wunderkind, so it'll automatically work out for everyone?" he snapped, recoiling from Billy's elbow in his side. "You can just wish for things and they happen, Kaplan. The universe doesn't like the rest of us nearly that much.
"You've got it all," he dropped to his feet on the floor, gesturing out at the cluttered room around him, in the fancy New York apartment, Billy's parents probably cooking more turkey dinners or some shit downstairs. "So, you can relax now and enjoy your happily-ever-whatever. But don't fucking tell me how I'm supposed to feel."
“That’s not-“ Billy stopped before he could snap off something irritated and went over what he had said again. He hadn’t meant it like that! He hadn’t, but that might have been how it came across and he closed his eyes as he tried to think of how to find his way back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t trying to make it about me I just-“
Billy opened his eyes and breathed, surprised that he could be thinking even though he was scared of Tommy booking it before he could try to explain. “I thought it would help, but I was wrong. I’m sorry, Tommy. It was bad wording and thought on my part. I’ll try to do better.”
He wanted to reach out but knew trying to hold onto the other wouldn’t go well so instead he just looked at Tommy pleadingly. “Please don’t go away because I was being stupid.”
Maybe Tommy had actually wanted to hear an apology or something, because he could have been back at the school in the time it took Billy to finish talking. But he wasn't, and he didn't burn out there once Billy was done, either, even though he was halfway to the door. Billy had locked the window, but Tommy could be out the front door and gone before Other Kaplans even realized he'd been there.
Still, he wasn't about to go drape himself over Billy and start spilling his guts again, either. "I liked it better when you were playing headshrinker instead of being a dumbass know-it-all." Tommy kept his guard up, and he stayed where he was standing, between Billy and the door.
Billy cringed, but didn’t want to dwell on the fact that he had screwed up because now was not the time. He continued to sit on the desk or wanting to move in case that meant Tommy bolted. “I’m really sorry. From now on I’ll just listen and be there, if you ever want to tell me something again.”
He could only hope that Tommy would trust him again someday. If not...he’d still try to be there for him best he could.
"Quit while you're ahead," Tommy shot back, softening slightly but not relaxing. He forced the sardonic smile, and since Billy was sitting in his spot on the desk, Tommy flopped on Billy's bed and made sure to put his feet - still in shoes - up on the comforter. "The last thing I need is love life advice from someone who took two months to realize that his roommate was in love with him."
Billy let himself relax a little when Tommy moved to lay on his bed, letting his shoes on the comforter even though that was disgusting. He glanced away when Tommy brought up Teddy loving him, giving a small lame shrug and focusing more on the wood of his desk. “Yeah, he likes me a lot. Puts up with a lot too.”
There was something going on there, but Tommy didn't feel like pursuing it. "I'll bet," he snorted instead, and dropped the subject. Now what? They'd covered school, Limbo, Billy's medications, Tommy's sex life, and added a mini fight into the bargain just to make sure they painted by all the numbers.
Billy let the quiet stretch out for a bit, he wondered if he should just let Tommy leave now that they had covered all their bases, but he didn’t want Tommy to leave. He blew his bangs out of his eyes and offered his twin a small smile. “You wanna play Smash brothers? I bet I could clobber you with Kirby.”
"That little pink shit?" Tommy snorted, conveniently ignoring the fact that he mained Kirby half the time anyway. "Sonic will kick his ass."
“Errr!” Billy made a buzzer noise and shook his head. “Flying and shapeshifting? Come on. He can turn into a brick and crush people midair. Sonic and his chillie dogs can suck it. Ha, but Kirby already has that covered so...”
He couldn’t help but grin. “But never jiggly puff. There can only be one pink float ball.”
Tommy shook his head in disgust and rolled off of the bed, landing on his feet and stretching. "If your game play is as hopeless as your trash talk, this'll be over in under thirty seconds."
“My trash talk is top tier, bud.” Billy grinned as he pushed off his desk, knowing he was doomed since Tommy’s reflexes beat out even the best professional gamer, but whatever. He could be destroyed if it meant spending time with him.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-12 11:48 pm (UTC)