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ax_main2017-12-21 02:52 pm
ax_hulkling) wrote in ax_main2017-12-21 02:52 pm
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Teddy, Billy and Shen | Backdated to Dec 21
During a DS9 marathon over Christmas break, Teddy tries to get Billy and Shen to help him pick out a code name. They're not exactly taking it seriously. (With a brief cameo from Mrs. Altman.)
"What time are your friends coming over?" Teddy's mom rested her arms on the back of the overstuffed light blue couch and looked down at him, staring pointedly until he dropped his feet off the couch arm and struggled to sit up. The small living room was decorated for Christmas, the tree in the corner shining with the same old string of multicoloured lights they'd been using since forever, and a Santa hat perched merrily on the weird old knee-high ceramic statue of a greyhound that a house client had left with her and never reclaimed. The decor was a lot more 'eclectic accumulation' than 'designer,' but it suited her. Suited them.
Teddy glanced down at his phone and scrolled quickly back through the most recent conversation- "About five minutes?" he guessed. "Billy was on his way to pick up Shen." He started to type out a new text, checking in, but she was giving him the hairy eyeball again. "What? I put my feet down!"
"It's not your feet, though I appreciate your help in letting the couch survive a little longer," she replied with a grin, but it was the phone she was nodding at. "I don't think that thing's been out of your hand for longer than five minutes since you got home."
She circled the couch and pushed his feet out of the way, making room for herself at the end of the couch. He took the hint, pulling his legs in to sit cris-cross, but he shoved his phone in his pocket in case she got the bright idea to take it away. "You live with your friends," she pointed out, though there was a definite smile in her eyes and voice when she said 'friends.' "What's so important that you need to text them every waking moment of the day while you're home? I feel like we've barely talked." She was giving him the Pout, which was so patently unfair, and Teddy's shoulders sagged.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, and meant it sincerely. "It's just weird not to be seeing them-" by which he absolutely meant 'him' - "every day. You get used to having people around, you know?"
"Yeah, and I used to have a son." She was teasing him now, poking at his stomach the way she used to get him giggling hysterically when he was a little kid, her smile blossoming wide as he laughingly fended her off. "Here's the deal. I'll make myself scarce this afternoon, and you leave your phone in your room and spend some time with your poor, lonely old mother on Christmas eve. Unplugged."
"Deal," he said quickly. Too quickly, because there was the light in her eyes, and he had the seriously sinking feeling she thought she was on to something.
"Once I've had a chance to meet your friend Shen, of course." She smiled beatifically.
Oh God. "Mom, no. It's not like that."
And he'd given too much away. She settled her elbow on the back of the couch and raised an eyebrow. "Is she dating Billy? He's a sweet kid."
"No! She's not. Dating anyone that I know of. Definitely not Billy." His fingers twitched toward his phone, desperate to tap out an SOS text and make Billy and Shen get there, like, now, and save him from this torture.
Only a few moments later did the tall tale sign of Billy teleporting happen, a bright flash of blue light came from the open door in Teddy’s room and a loud thump.
Billy winced, wondering how he had managed to misjudge how tall Teddy’s building was again and both him and Shen had teleported a good foot above the floor. He had fallen backwards onto his butt and hopped that Shen had fared better.
Shen's wings had instinctively begun to stretch when she didn't feel the floor beneath her feet, but she'd hit it before they'd done much. She'd had enough practice with landings that it was instinct to bend her knees and manage to stay upright, and she tucked her wings back in tightly before reaching a hand out to Billy. "Shit, are you okay?"
The thump was alarming but also Teddy's salvation, and he bolted to his feet. His mother obviously wasn't used to the surprise nature of teleporting yet, and he caught her flinch and sudden jump out of the corner of his eye and he headed for his bedroom. "It's okay, mom," he called back over his shoulder. "It's just Billy." Teddy opened the door, his already-small bedroom looking even smaller than usual with Billy and Shen - and her wings - packed in between his desk and his narrow single bed.
And time for the moment of self-consciousness. While she obviously wasn't one of the super-rich, and tried not to be judgmental, he had no idea what her usual lifestyle was like. It was obvious from the way he and his mom lived that there wasn't a huge amount left over after the bills were paid. Not that it stopped mom from gleefully repainting the walls every couple of years -- right now the hallway and living room were a happy sunshine yellow, and the doorway to the kitchen closed off with a length of pink and purple sari fabric acting as a curtain. He was used to it, and Billy had seen his room and the small, whimsically-decorated Brooklyn apartment before, but Shen hadn't.
"Hey, guys!" One glance showed him nothing was broken, though Billy was flat on his butt. Teddy came close enough to grab his hand and haul him up to his feet. "Rough landing?"
“Yeah. I’m good.” Billy replied to Shen with a wince because of his sore butt, but pulled up without problem when Teddy helped him. “Sorry, I could have sworn your floor was higher, I don’t know why I can’t get it right.”
Because most nights he teleported right into Teddy’s bed and the bed was at least two feet higher than the ground, but he’d go with not being great at powers for now.
Shen lowered her offered hand when Teddy walked over to help Billy up instead, and she glanced around the room curiously, thinking nothing of the size of it, really more curious about what was in it, and what kind of posters might be on the walls. "No harm done. It's cool that I didn't ditch the wings, right?"
"It's no problem," Teddy reassured her, keeping half an eye on the door just in case Mom had decided to lurk in the hall. "She was amazingly chill about the whole mutant thing when my powers showed up, and she's getting used to Billy popping in and out of here." The couple of times she knew about, anyway. "About that, though..." he lowered his voice. "I'm not out-out to her. She doesn't know about Billy and me."
“Yeah.” Billy grinned and threw a wink at Shen. “I’m his dirty little secret.”
The intro to the All American Rejects song Dirty Secret absolutely did not start playing in his head.
That... Shen was not touching that with a ten-foot pole. "So not any of my business," she told them both with a bright smile, and shook out her wings a little before settling them again. "So, come on, do I get to meet your mom now?" she asked Teddy enthusiastically.
Teddy peered out from behind his face-palm, cheeks red, and nodded. "Yeah. She's going to start wondering what we're conspiring about in here." And to Billy, as he held the door for them- "you're not out to your parents either, so don't even start."
“Tee, let me have this joke please? I need this.” Billy replied, giving Teddy his best kicked puppy look before moving out into the apartment’s hallway and waved at Teddy’s mom. “Hey, Mrs. Altman!”
Shen gave Teddy's shoulder a commiserating pat, then followed Billy out of the room to smile over at Mrs Altman. "Hi, Mrs Altman. Thanks for having me."
She was very aware of the potential for staring. Here she was, a tiny Asian chick in a long-sleeved tunic and a pair of leggings, with huge brown wings in her back. But she didn't like to go without them if she didn't have to.
Teddy's mom greeted them from the doorway to the living room, and it was obvious from a glance where Teddy had likely inherited his blond hair and bright blue eyes. She was petite, on the other hand, her hair a gentle wave that went down past her shoulders, and her compact figure neatly tucked into a pair of blue jeans and a cream-coloured buttoned blouse. Photos along the wall were almost entirely of a young, cherubically blond Teddy and his mother, with one photo of an equally blond man in an Army uniform set off to one side.
"Mr. Kaplan," she greeted Billy, her mouth tugging up in the kind of warm smile that went with a private joke, and she nodded equally warmly at Shen. The wings didn't seem to phase her at all, and she stepped forward to offer her hand. "And you must be Shen. It's always nice to meet Teddy's friends." And she leveled an amused and significant look at Teddy that he very carefully ignored.
Billy smiled as Mrs. Altman greeted Shen, knowing that if anyone knew how treat kids that different, it was her. He now knew where Teddy got his sweet and loving personality, happy that other kids could meet someone like her.
Shen glanced at Teddy briefly, even as she reached out to shake his mom's hand. Tell her that look wasn't what she thought it was about, she thought, torn between being amused and wanting to facepalm. She looked back at his mother with a smile as she shook her hand. "So nice to meet you too."
"There's pop in the fridge, and a couple of bags of chips on the counter. It probably won't be enough, given how much teenage boys can eat, but I'm assuming you two will be gentlemen instead of a two-person swarm of locusts," Teddy's mom continued cheerfully, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes when she stared Billy and Teddy down.
"Mom," Teddy bit back a groan, because the reaction would only encourage her. He edged toward the door to the living room, now that she wasn't blocking the way anymore.
"An entire large pizza, folded in quarters," she reminded him and she was enjoying this. Way too much.
"This is why I don't bring friends home," Teddy informed her, semi-seriously. "Just for the record."
"Impertinent," she sassed him back, her smile the template his was based on, then reached for her coat from the hooks on the wall. "I'll leave you to it. You kids don't want an old lady kicking around and harshing your buzz, or however you say it."
Oh God. Teddy's hand was over his face again. "Mom, no. Don't try to be hip. For all our sakes."
Billy smothered a laugh with his hand as he watched Mrs. Altman do her best to tease Teddy, grinning when she blew her embarrassed son an exaggerated kiss and then headed out. It was weird, but he loved seeing Teddy interact with his mom, it was a small window into Teddy’s life that hadn’t been filled with awful jerks. “Your mom is fantastic. I’m this close to cracking her on the middle name, I just know it.”
He went to grab a bag of chips. “Shen! Heads up!” He tossed them in her direction and then went to grab the rest.
Shen grabbed the chips and peered at the ingredients. "Please tell me those are vegan, 'cause now I feel challenged to eat more than you guys."
"I think so?" Teddy answered, already grabbing the remotes to fire up Netflix. "Mom did the grocery run, but I did tell her. She's usually pretty good about that stuff."
“I’m sorry, did I hear eating contest?” Billy piped up as he brought the other chips into the room with them. “Cause I think now that my peroxide head of a twin isn’t here, I actually have a chance at winning that.”
"That's what you think," Shen shot back, following after him. "Because they're totally vegan snacks. And I'm gonna lay waste to the myth that teenage boys are bottomless pits. ...especially if Bashir keeps getting on my nerves."
"Yeah, I don't think it's going to get much better," Teddy sympathized, flipping through to the menu and bringing up the next episode. "He mellows out some over the next few seasons, but it takes a while."
“Irritation eating doesn’t count!” Billy cried as he sat down on one side of the couch. “People can eat an amazing amount of food when they have the power of annoyance on their side. Besides, Teddy is right, he gets better, so maybe eating competition after season two?”
"No deal," Shen replied with a shake of her head, and claimed an arm of the couch, so her wings could drape over its end. "Your only option is to get as annoyed as me about his treatment of women. Tough luck."
Two-liter of coke, three glasses, roll of paper towels- Teddy set them down on the small coffee table that had been pushed aside weeks ago to make room for the fake Christmas tree blinking its lights at them from the corner. "I've heard of depression eating, but is irritation eating actually a thing?" He flopped down next to Shen, leaving space for Billy on his other side. "And we are up to.... 'Dax.' Cool. This one's not a bad episode."
“Of course it is. Every feeling can have an eating trigger.” Billy explained as if he were some kind of emotion food expert. He moved on the couch so he sat next to Teddy and opened the first bag of chips. “Let Shen’s irritation binge begin.”
—————————
Watching stuff with Shen turned out to be pretty great, she likes to make commentary, but not like the annoying all the time commentary like his mom. She also was pretty damn funny and Billy was having a pretty great time.
He downed his drink as the credits for Vortex started and he tilted his head as he thought about something. “I wonder how they come up with the titles for the episodes. Y’know? Like some are obvious, but others you have to find just that right word or string of words to express what it is.”
Before any of that could even settle with his fellow watchers, Billy continued right on with his thought train. “Kind of like we have to think of codenames for Xaiver’s thing? How do you do that? Some are obvious like Warren. Angel. Others it’s like what the hell do we even go with? I have magic and electricity so what do I do?”
He quickly glared at Teddy. “If you say Pikachu one more time, I’ll teleport your laptop to the Hudson.”
Shen cracked up at that last bit. "I vote for Pikachu!"
"Pika," Teddy said under his breath, grinning.
“You guys are just the worst.” Billy exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “And I hope you,” He pointed at Shen. “Get stuck with something like Pigeon.” His finger moved to Teddy and poked him roughly in the arm even though he knew it wouldn’t hurt the other. “And you become Jolly Green Giant.”
"I'm Swift, thank you very much," Shen retorted. But better Pigeon than Pigeon Girl, at least. She eyed Teddy curiously. "You're not a Jolly Green Giant, though." She smirked. "More like a Tiny Hulk."
Teddy went green, just because. "Ho ho ho. And -chu," Teddy added in Billy's general direction, stuffing one of the pillows between himself and Billy so that Billy couldn't actually get his (pointy and sharp) elbow into Teddy's ribs. "Pikachu would totally work, for the record, if it wasn't copyrighted." And as for Shen... he made a point of pouting at her. "Tiny? Really? That's definitely not going to fly." ... wait. Oh no. And he turned his head and gave Billy a death-glare before Billy could start on the obvious jokes.
The large grin that spread across his face was ridiculous and he so wished that he could make the obvious dick joke, but wouldn’t since Shen was present. “What about Little Hulk? Baby Hulk? Hulk. Jr? I think I like Baby Hulk best. Get you a big stretchy diaper.”
Shen had raised amused eyebrows at Teddy at his words - and then the death glare made it obvious he'd realized what he'd sounded like, too, and her lips twisted into an amused smirk. But there was brainstorming going on! Come on. "One word is better than two. What about... Hulkie? Hulklet? Oh! Hulkling!"
"Keep your weird fetishes on that side of the pillow," Teddy instructed, shaking his head. "At least Shen's actually trying to help." Mostly. "I'd totally take just 'the Hulk,' but the Avenging Angel turned out to be a real guy, and I'd hate to have stolen someone's actual code name. It feels like it'd be a breach of etiquette. Not to mention 'Hulkie' and 'Hulklet' are just asking for endless rounds of razzing. They sound like a little kid thing. 'Hulkling's better," he considered it for a minute, "but what does it even mean?"
“Rude.” Billy replied to the diaper fetish comment, but hummed a little thoughtfully when Teddy seemed to really consider Hulkling. “Well, hulk for obvious reasons,” He glanced at Shen. “And ling like from changeling, but not the weird troll baby folklore stuff. More like Odo.”
Was she trying to help? Damn. Billy's explanation actually made it sound a lot better than she'd thought so far. "Oh, yes! ...I totally did that on purpose," she lied, making no effort to disguise the fact that it was a big fat lie, and punctuating it with a grin.
Teddy let out a beleaguered sigh and sank out of his seat to sit on the floor, his back against the couch. "You both suck and I hate you," he informed them, mostly managing to keep a straight face. "Pick on Pikachu over there for once. Lightning Lad. The Original Conjuring Cat." If Billy was going to keep inflicting musicals on him, Billy could cope with having them turned back on him.
“Hey, let’s leave Mr. Mistoffelees out of this, though the Conjuring Cat does have a nice ring to it.” Billy joked, but the thought of the all black look with a hint of white was a cool idea, if they even got to pick their own outfit. “I was thinking something along the lines of something with Norse mythology, since you know Thor? Maybe something like Asgardian?”
"You mean like that silly country slash amusement park?" Shen asked with a moue. "Cheesy."
"There's a Norse mythology amusement park?" Teddy asked, distracted by the idea. "That sounds pretty cool, actually. Not Asgardian," he poked Billy in the thigh. "Though if you want me to be Baby Hulk, I should totally make you take Ass-Guardian."
“Ass-Guar-“ Billy started to question before it clicked at he grabbed one of the millions of throw pillows on the couch to whack at Teddy’s head with it until he was satisfied. Face red, he rolled his eyes up at the ceiling as he let the pillow drop back onto the couch. “Okay, no Asgardian. Then what am I supposed to be? I guess I could go on something like Wanda has since I’m her half-price knock off. Ruby Warlock.”
He paused and then looked at them both quickly. “That was a joke. I don’t want to be ruby anything.”
Shen couldn't help but giggle at the pillow assault, feathers ruffling with her laughter. "Too late! Calling you Ruby now."
"You can't escape your fate now, Bee," Teddy laughed, running his fingers back through his hair to try and un-rumple it. Billy hadn't hurt him -- there was no way pillows could have -- but he wasn't about to let him off the hook for it either. "You're going to end up some kind of gemstone wizard whether you like it or not." And as for himself... he rolled his ideas over in his mind. Well, no... he poked at the single semi-reasonable suggestion from before, because try as he might he'd come up with nothing good at all. "Changeling's not bad in and of itself," he mused aloud, glancing at Shen. "It doesn't cover everything, but then what could?"
Billy ignored the twos comments about his code name, deciding to focus more on Teddy and actually being some kind of help to him.
“Okay, being honest nice boyfriend here,” He had a moment of panic before he remembered Mrs. Altman was out before continuing with his thought. “I think Hulkling is actually pretty perfect. Ignore my dumb jokes, it’s not bad at all. It checks all the boxes in a name.”
"Does it check the 'you like it' and 'you'd respond to it' boxes?" Shen asked Teddy honestly. They were the most important boxes.
"Hulkling," Teddy repeated out loud. It wasn't exactly something he'd have come up with on his own, but maybe that was a positive sign, considering how hopeless he'd been at deciding before. He looked down at himself and realized he was still green, and tugged his skin colour back toward the pink-and-cream of his baseline. "It's not bad," he agreed after a moment. "I think it'll grow on me."
Watching the color on Teddy’s skin move back into what Billy was used to was absolutely amazing, never getting tired of seeing what Teddy was capable of, and he smiled. “I think it will too. Now question is, how hulk like can you get? Or should we change it up so you don’t get sued by the big green guy?”
"We don't even really know what he looks like, apart from big and green, do we?" Shen asked with raised eyebrows. "How much mass can you put on?"
Teddy considered the question, then shrugged. "About half my usual size again?" he hazarded a guess. "Tallest I've ever been able to go is about eight feet, but I can bulk out proportionately. I'd show you, but I like this shirt," he joked. "And I can go down to about three-quarter size. The smallest I can get that way is slightly too tall for Tyrion Lannister. At least without really pushing it."
“You know you could always take off the shirt, right?” Billy asked casually, hoping to pass it off sounding like he was just trying to help instead of wanting to ogle his boyfriend in front of company. “For practice and everything.”
"But there would be the same problem with the jeans and underwear, so let's not," Shen added without missing a beat. She smirked. "You can practice that when it's just the two of you. How about that next episode, though? Maybe Bashir will hardly be in it."
"Sounds like a plan," Teddy jumped in before Billy could derail him, flashing a grin up at the pair of them on the couch. "Anyone need a refill?"
“Let’s do this.” Billy replied and held his cup out to Teddy.
"What time are your friends coming over?" Teddy's mom rested her arms on the back of the overstuffed light blue couch and looked down at him, staring pointedly until he dropped his feet off the couch arm and struggled to sit up. The small living room was decorated for Christmas, the tree in the corner shining with the same old string of multicoloured lights they'd been using since forever, and a Santa hat perched merrily on the weird old knee-high ceramic statue of a greyhound that a house client had left with her and never reclaimed. The decor was a lot more 'eclectic accumulation' than 'designer,' but it suited her. Suited them.
Teddy glanced down at his phone and scrolled quickly back through the most recent conversation- "About five minutes?" he guessed. "Billy was on his way to pick up Shen." He started to type out a new text, checking in, but she was giving him the hairy eyeball again. "What? I put my feet down!"
"It's not your feet, though I appreciate your help in letting the couch survive a little longer," she replied with a grin, but it was the phone she was nodding at. "I don't think that thing's been out of your hand for longer than five minutes since you got home."
She circled the couch and pushed his feet out of the way, making room for herself at the end of the couch. He took the hint, pulling his legs in to sit cris-cross, but he shoved his phone in his pocket in case she got the bright idea to take it away. "You live with your friends," she pointed out, though there was a definite smile in her eyes and voice when she said 'friends.' "What's so important that you need to text them every waking moment of the day while you're home? I feel like we've barely talked." She was giving him the Pout, which was so patently unfair, and Teddy's shoulders sagged.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, and meant it sincerely. "It's just weird not to be seeing them-" by which he absolutely meant 'him' - "every day. You get used to having people around, you know?"
"Yeah, and I used to have a son." She was teasing him now, poking at his stomach the way she used to get him giggling hysterically when he was a little kid, her smile blossoming wide as he laughingly fended her off. "Here's the deal. I'll make myself scarce this afternoon, and you leave your phone in your room and spend some time with your poor, lonely old mother on Christmas eve. Unplugged."
"Deal," he said quickly. Too quickly, because there was the light in her eyes, and he had the seriously sinking feeling she thought she was on to something.
"Once I've had a chance to meet your friend Shen, of course." She smiled beatifically.
Oh God. "Mom, no. It's not like that."
And he'd given too much away. She settled her elbow on the back of the couch and raised an eyebrow. "Is she dating Billy? He's a sweet kid."
"No! She's not. Dating anyone that I know of. Definitely not Billy." His fingers twitched toward his phone, desperate to tap out an SOS text and make Billy and Shen get there, like, now, and save him from this torture.
Only a few moments later did the tall tale sign of Billy teleporting happen, a bright flash of blue light came from the open door in Teddy’s room and a loud thump.
Billy winced, wondering how he had managed to misjudge how tall Teddy’s building was again and both him and Shen had teleported a good foot above the floor. He had fallen backwards onto his butt and hopped that Shen had fared better.
Shen's wings had instinctively begun to stretch when she didn't feel the floor beneath her feet, but she'd hit it before they'd done much. She'd had enough practice with landings that it was instinct to bend her knees and manage to stay upright, and she tucked her wings back in tightly before reaching a hand out to Billy. "Shit, are you okay?"
The thump was alarming but also Teddy's salvation, and he bolted to his feet. His mother obviously wasn't used to the surprise nature of teleporting yet, and he caught her flinch and sudden jump out of the corner of his eye and he headed for his bedroom. "It's okay, mom," he called back over his shoulder. "It's just Billy." Teddy opened the door, his already-small bedroom looking even smaller than usual with Billy and Shen - and her wings - packed in between his desk and his narrow single bed.
And time for the moment of self-consciousness. While she obviously wasn't one of the super-rich, and tried not to be judgmental, he had no idea what her usual lifestyle was like. It was obvious from the way he and his mom lived that there wasn't a huge amount left over after the bills were paid. Not that it stopped mom from gleefully repainting the walls every couple of years -- right now the hallway and living room were a happy sunshine yellow, and the doorway to the kitchen closed off with a length of pink and purple sari fabric acting as a curtain. He was used to it, and Billy had seen his room and the small, whimsically-decorated Brooklyn apartment before, but Shen hadn't.
"Hey, guys!" One glance showed him nothing was broken, though Billy was flat on his butt. Teddy came close enough to grab his hand and haul him up to his feet. "Rough landing?"
“Yeah. I’m good.” Billy replied to Shen with a wince because of his sore butt, but pulled up without problem when Teddy helped him. “Sorry, I could have sworn your floor was higher, I don’t know why I can’t get it right.”
Because most nights he teleported right into Teddy’s bed and the bed was at least two feet higher than the ground, but he’d go with not being great at powers for now.
Shen lowered her offered hand when Teddy walked over to help Billy up instead, and she glanced around the room curiously, thinking nothing of the size of it, really more curious about what was in it, and what kind of posters might be on the walls. "No harm done. It's cool that I didn't ditch the wings, right?"
"It's no problem," Teddy reassured her, keeping half an eye on the door just in case Mom had decided to lurk in the hall. "She was amazingly chill about the whole mutant thing when my powers showed up, and she's getting used to Billy popping in and out of here." The couple of times she knew about, anyway. "About that, though..." he lowered his voice. "I'm not out-out to her. She doesn't know about Billy and me."
“Yeah.” Billy grinned and threw a wink at Shen. “I’m his dirty little secret.”
The intro to the All American Rejects song Dirty Secret absolutely did not start playing in his head.
That... Shen was not touching that with a ten-foot pole. "So not any of my business," she told them both with a bright smile, and shook out her wings a little before settling them again. "So, come on, do I get to meet your mom now?" she asked Teddy enthusiastically.
Teddy peered out from behind his face-palm, cheeks red, and nodded. "Yeah. She's going to start wondering what we're conspiring about in here." And to Billy, as he held the door for them- "you're not out to your parents either, so don't even start."
“Tee, let me have this joke please? I need this.” Billy replied, giving Teddy his best kicked puppy look before moving out into the apartment’s hallway and waved at Teddy’s mom. “Hey, Mrs. Altman!”
Shen gave Teddy's shoulder a commiserating pat, then followed Billy out of the room to smile over at Mrs Altman. "Hi, Mrs Altman. Thanks for having me."
She was very aware of the potential for staring. Here she was, a tiny Asian chick in a long-sleeved tunic and a pair of leggings, with huge brown wings in her back. But she didn't like to go without them if she didn't have to.
Teddy's mom greeted them from the doorway to the living room, and it was obvious from a glance where Teddy had likely inherited his blond hair and bright blue eyes. She was petite, on the other hand, her hair a gentle wave that went down past her shoulders, and her compact figure neatly tucked into a pair of blue jeans and a cream-coloured buttoned blouse. Photos along the wall were almost entirely of a young, cherubically blond Teddy and his mother, with one photo of an equally blond man in an Army uniform set off to one side.
"Mr. Kaplan," she greeted Billy, her mouth tugging up in the kind of warm smile that went with a private joke, and she nodded equally warmly at Shen. The wings didn't seem to phase her at all, and she stepped forward to offer her hand. "And you must be Shen. It's always nice to meet Teddy's friends." And she leveled an amused and significant look at Teddy that he very carefully ignored.
Billy smiled as Mrs. Altman greeted Shen, knowing that if anyone knew how treat kids that different, it was her. He now knew where Teddy got his sweet and loving personality, happy that other kids could meet someone like her.
Shen glanced at Teddy briefly, even as she reached out to shake his mom's hand. Tell her that look wasn't what she thought it was about, she thought, torn between being amused and wanting to facepalm. She looked back at his mother with a smile as she shook her hand. "So nice to meet you too."
"There's pop in the fridge, and a couple of bags of chips on the counter. It probably won't be enough, given how much teenage boys can eat, but I'm assuming you two will be gentlemen instead of a two-person swarm of locusts," Teddy's mom continued cheerfully, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes when she stared Billy and Teddy down.
"Mom," Teddy bit back a groan, because the reaction would only encourage her. He edged toward the door to the living room, now that she wasn't blocking the way anymore.
"An entire large pizza, folded in quarters," she reminded him and she was enjoying this. Way too much.
"This is why I don't bring friends home," Teddy informed her, semi-seriously. "Just for the record."
"Impertinent," she sassed him back, her smile the template his was based on, then reached for her coat from the hooks on the wall. "I'll leave you to it. You kids don't want an old lady kicking around and harshing your buzz, or however you say it."
Oh God. Teddy's hand was over his face again. "Mom, no. Don't try to be hip. For all our sakes."
Billy smothered a laugh with his hand as he watched Mrs. Altman do her best to tease Teddy, grinning when she blew her embarrassed son an exaggerated kiss and then headed out. It was weird, but he loved seeing Teddy interact with his mom, it was a small window into Teddy’s life that hadn’t been filled with awful jerks. “Your mom is fantastic. I’m this close to cracking her on the middle name, I just know it.”
He went to grab a bag of chips. “Shen! Heads up!” He tossed them in her direction and then went to grab the rest.
Shen grabbed the chips and peered at the ingredients. "Please tell me those are vegan, 'cause now I feel challenged to eat more than you guys."
"I think so?" Teddy answered, already grabbing the remotes to fire up Netflix. "Mom did the grocery run, but I did tell her. She's usually pretty good about that stuff."
“I’m sorry, did I hear eating contest?” Billy piped up as he brought the other chips into the room with them. “Cause I think now that my peroxide head of a twin isn’t here, I actually have a chance at winning that.”
"That's what you think," Shen shot back, following after him. "Because they're totally vegan snacks. And I'm gonna lay waste to the myth that teenage boys are bottomless pits. ...especially if Bashir keeps getting on my nerves."
"Yeah, I don't think it's going to get much better," Teddy sympathized, flipping through to the menu and bringing up the next episode. "He mellows out some over the next few seasons, but it takes a while."
“Irritation eating doesn’t count!” Billy cried as he sat down on one side of the couch. “People can eat an amazing amount of food when they have the power of annoyance on their side. Besides, Teddy is right, he gets better, so maybe eating competition after season two?”
"No deal," Shen replied with a shake of her head, and claimed an arm of the couch, so her wings could drape over its end. "Your only option is to get as annoyed as me about his treatment of women. Tough luck."
Two-liter of coke, three glasses, roll of paper towels- Teddy set them down on the small coffee table that had been pushed aside weeks ago to make room for the fake Christmas tree blinking its lights at them from the corner. "I've heard of depression eating, but is irritation eating actually a thing?" He flopped down next to Shen, leaving space for Billy on his other side. "And we are up to.... 'Dax.' Cool. This one's not a bad episode."
“Of course it is. Every feeling can have an eating trigger.” Billy explained as if he were some kind of emotion food expert. He moved on the couch so he sat next to Teddy and opened the first bag of chips. “Let Shen’s irritation binge begin.”
—————————
Watching stuff with Shen turned out to be pretty great, she likes to make commentary, but not like the annoying all the time commentary like his mom. She also was pretty damn funny and Billy was having a pretty great time.
He downed his drink as the credits for Vortex started and he tilted his head as he thought about something. “I wonder how they come up with the titles for the episodes. Y’know? Like some are obvious, but others you have to find just that right word or string of words to express what it is.”
Before any of that could even settle with his fellow watchers, Billy continued right on with his thought train. “Kind of like we have to think of codenames for Xaiver’s thing? How do you do that? Some are obvious like Warren. Angel. Others it’s like what the hell do we even go with? I have magic and electricity so what do I do?”
He quickly glared at Teddy. “If you say Pikachu one more time, I’ll teleport your laptop to the Hudson.”
Shen cracked up at that last bit. "I vote for Pikachu!"
"Pika," Teddy said under his breath, grinning.
“You guys are just the worst.” Billy exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “And I hope you,” He pointed at Shen. “Get stuck with something like Pigeon.” His finger moved to Teddy and poked him roughly in the arm even though he knew it wouldn’t hurt the other. “And you become Jolly Green Giant.”
"I'm Swift, thank you very much," Shen retorted. But better Pigeon than Pigeon Girl, at least. She eyed Teddy curiously. "You're not a Jolly Green Giant, though." She smirked. "More like a Tiny Hulk."
Teddy went green, just because. "Ho ho ho. And -chu," Teddy added in Billy's general direction, stuffing one of the pillows between himself and Billy so that Billy couldn't actually get his (pointy and sharp) elbow into Teddy's ribs. "Pikachu would totally work, for the record, if it wasn't copyrighted." And as for Shen... he made a point of pouting at her. "Tiny? Really? That's definitely not going to fly." ... wait. Oh no. And he turned his head and gave Billy a death-glare before Billy could start on the obvious jokes.
The large grin that spread across his face was ridiculous and he so wished that he could make the obvious dick joke, but wouldn’t since Shen was present. “What about Little Hulk? Baby Hulk? Hulk. Jr? I think I like Baby Hulk best. Get you a big stretchy diaper.”
Shen had raised amused eyebrows at Teddy at his words - and then the death glare made it obvious he'd realized what he'd sounded like, too, and her lips twisted into an amused smirk. But there was brainstorming going on! Come on. "One word is better than two. What about... Hulkie? Hulklet? Oh! Hulkling!"
"Keep your weird fetishes on that side of the pillow," Teddy instructed, shaking his head. "At least Shen's actually trying to help." Mostly. "I'd totally take just 'the Hulk,' but the Avenging Angel turned out to be a real guy, and I'd hate to have stolen someone's actual code name. It feels like it'd be a breach of etiquette. Not to mention 'Hulkie' and 'Hulklet' are just asking for endless rounds of razzing. They sound like a little kid thing. 'Hulkling's better," he considered it for a minute, "but what does it even mean?"
“Rude.” Billy replied to the diaper fetish comment, but hummed a little thoughtfully when Teddy seemed to really consider Hulkling. “Well, hulk for obvious reasons,” He glanced at Shen. “And ling like from changeling, but not the weird troll baby folklore stuff. More like Odo.”
Was she trying to help? Damn. Billy's explanation actually made it sound a lot better than she'd thought so far. "Oh, yes! ...I totally did that on purpose," she lied, making no effort to disguise the fact that it was a big fat lie, and punctuating it with a grin.
Teddy let out a beleaguered sigh and sank out of his seat to sit on the floor, his back against the couch. "You both suck and I hate you," he informed them, mostly managing to keep a straight face. "Pick on Pikachu over there for once. Lightning Lad. The Original Conjuring Cat." If Billy was going to keep inflicting musicals on him, Billy could cope with having them turned back on him.
“Hey, let’s leave Mr. Mistoffelees out of this, though the Conjuring Cat does have a nice ring to it.” Billy joked, but the thought of the all black look with a hint of white was a cool idea, if they even got to pick their own outfit. “I was thinking something along the lines of something with Norse mythology, since you know Thor? Maybe something like Asgardian?”
"You mean like that silly country slash amusement park?" Shen asked with a moue. "Cheesy."
"There's a Norse mythology amusement park?" Teddy asked, distracted by the idea. "That sounds pretty cool, actually. Not Asgardian," he poked Billy in the thigh. "Though if you want me to be Baby Hulk, I should totally make you take Ass-Guardian."
“Ass-Guar-“ Billy started to question before it clicked at he grabbed one of the millions of throw pillows on the couch to whack at Teddy’s head with it until he was satisfied. Face red, he rolled his eyes up at the ceiling as he let the pillow drop back onto the couch. “Okay, no Asgardian. Then what am I supposed to be? I guess I could go on something like Wanda has since I’m her half-price knock off. Ruby Warlock.”
He paused and then looked at them both quickly. “That was a joke. I don’t want to be ruby anything.”
Shen couldn't help but giggle at the pillow assault, feathers ruffling with her laughter. "Too late! Calling you Ruby now."
"You can't escape your fate now, Bee," Teddy laughed, running his fingers back through his hair to try and un-rumple it. Billy hadn't hurt him -- there was no way pillows could have -- but he wasn't about to let him off the hook for it either. "You're going to end up some kind of gemstone wizard whether you like it or not." And as for himself... he rolled his ideas over in his mind. Well, no... he poked at the single semi-reasonable suggestion from before, because try as he might he'd come up with nothing good at all. "Changeling's not bad in and of itself," he mused aloud, glancing at Shen. "It doesn't cover everything, but then what could?"
Billy ignored the twos comments about his code name, deciding to focus more on Teddy and actually being some kind of help to him.
“Okay, being honest nice boyfriend here,” He had a moment of panic before he remembered Mrs. Altman was out before continuing with his thought. “I think Hulkling is actually pretty perfect. Ignore my dumb jokes, it’s not bad at all. It checks all the boxes in a name.”
"Does it check the 'you like it' and 'you'd respond to it' boxes?" Shen asked Teddy honestly. They were the most important boxes.
"Hulkling," Teddy repeated out loud. It wasn't exactly something he'd have come up with on his own, but maybe that was a positive sign, considering how hopeless he'd been at deciding before. He looked down at himself and realized he was still green, and tugged his skin colour back toward the pink-and-cream of his baseline. "It's not bad," he agreed after a moment. "I think it'll grow on me."
Watching the color on Teddy’s skin move back into what Billy was used to was absolutely amazing, never getting tired of seeing what Teddy was capable of, and he smiled. “I think it will too. Now question is, how hulk like can you get? Or should we change it up so you don’t get sued by the big green guy?”
"We don't even really know what he looks like, apart from big and green, do we?" Shen asked with raised eyebrows. "How much mass can you put on?"
Teddy considered the question, then shrugged. "About half my usual size again?" he hazarded a guess. "Tallest I've ever been able to go is about eight feet, but I can bulk out proportionately. I'd show you, but I like this shirt," he joked. "And I can go down to about three-quarter size. The smallest I can get that way is slightly too tall for Tyrion Lannister. At least without really pushing it."
“You know you could always take off the shirt, right?” Billy asked casually, hoping to pass it off sounding like he was just trying to help instead of wanting to ogle his boyfriend in front of company. “For practice and everything.”
"But there would be the same problem with the jeans and underwear, so let's not," Shen added without missing a beat. She smirked. "You can practice that when it's just the two of you. How about that next episode, though? Maybe Bashir will hardly be in it."
"Sounds like a plan," Teddy jumped in before Billy could derail him, flashing a grin up at the pair of them on the couch. "Anyone need a refill?"
“Let’s do this.” Billy replied and held his cup out to Teddy.
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