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ax_main2017-12-19 08:17 pm
ax_hulkling) wrote in ax_main2017-12-19 08:17 pm
Entry tags:
Billy and Teddy
It starts with Mario Kart, before Billy jumps the gun. Then jumps space-time. Eventually actual talking happens. At least it ends well?
Billy groaned and tossed the controller to his side on the couch where it bounced harmlessly against one of the throw pillows. What was going on with him today? It was like no matter how many red or even blue shells he got, Teddy was always right there, zooming past him with Lugi's damn death stare at the last minute to take first. "I swear to god, if you win again, I'm going to bite you. And not sexy biting either."
Teddy wisely chose not to gloat, even as his cart did its happy little victory lap. He tipped his head back against the edge of the couch and grinned at Billy from his cross-legged seat on the floor below him. "There's an easy solution to this, you know."
Billy turned a glare over at his boyfriend. "If you say admit defeat, I really will bite you."
"I was going to say 'get better', but with that kind of incentive..." Teddy teased, his eyes alight.
Billy tried to keep his glare in place, but it was hard when Teddy looked so happy and he fought a smile as he reached out to shove at Teddy's shoulder. "You're the worst. Come on, one more go, I swear to God I can beat you this time if we do Rainbow Road."
He hated how lately every time he even looked at Teddy he was reminded that over Thanksgiving break he realized how much he cared for the other. That he was actually in love with Teddy and the thought made him a little queasy.
"I am, in fact, the worst," Teddy replied cheerfully, setting up the next race. He glanced back at Billy, expecting to find him mock-sulking behind him, but he had that same funny expression on his face Teddy'd been seeing a lot of lately.
It wasn't a problem. It wasn't. Billy was stressed, that was all, what with midterms and the X-teams ramping up and whatever conclusions he and Tommy had come to over Thanksgiving break... and Teddy was reading too much into something that wasn't actually there. The mature, rational thing to do would be to ignore it, and just be ready if Billy ever decided there was something he wanted to talk about.
Yeah. "There's that look again," he said instead, because he actually was the worst. He nudged Billy's knee gently with his shoulder. "Is there something up?"
"Huh?" Billy asked, turning to look at Teddy in confusion. He immediately knew what Teddy was talking about and tried to school his face into something more happy. "Sorry, I didn't realize I was making a face. Maybe I'm developing a case of RBF."
He smiled at Teddy, wondering how much longer this was going to go on as he reached for his controller, keeping with Boo and his motorcycle. Wasn't love supposed to make people feel good? So, why was he a jumble of nervous knots about this.
Teddy let it go for a bit, pulling up Luigi again. He glanced back one last time, studied the lines of Billy's face, the faint aura of 'something off' that seemed to be hanging around him. Then he started the race.
"You know I'm here for you, right?" He asked casually as they careened their racers through the first lap. "If you want to talk. About Magneto, or Tommy, or whatever."
Trying to focus on Rainbow Road while trying to listen to Teddy be the sweetest guy imaginable was tricky, and he sighed when for the first time in three years he skidded off the multicolored road and had to be redirected. It was too late now for him to win, Teddy had gotten ahead by a good margin and he was only getting coins for weapons, so Billy didn't really try at the race.
When Boo sadly made it across the finish line, Billy pressed start and turned to Teddy with a hopefully reassuring smile. "I know you're here for me," He reached out, letting his pinkie run along Teddy's knuckles. "And trust me, if there was something I needed to talk about, you would be the first I go to. But I'm okay. Trust me."
Teddy tipped his head over and let it rest against Billy's arm for a moment, the warmth and nearness of him reassuring. If it were something to do with him, or them, Billy wouldn't be there beside him, his calf solid against Teddy's ribs. It was ridiculous to even wonder. Two months in and Billy was a constant presence in his life, unfailingly there whenever Teddy reached out.
"In that case, did you want to play the race again?" Teddy nudged Billy's leg with his elbow. "You weren't even trying that time."
Get over it, Billy. So he was in love with his first boyfriend, that wasn't a reason to make Teddy worry and he smiled at the beautiful boy next to him. "Yeah, okay. Sorry, I was distracted by you being too nice. Now, stop it so I can destroy you."
"Too nice, so you want to destroy me?" Teddy asked archly, flashing a grin up at Billy. "Are you going full super-villain on me? Because that had a distinctly evil-overlord vibe to it."
Billy bit his tongue, matching Teddy's grin and gave a small shrug. "Oh, I don't know. You've seen my spirit grandpa, maybe I'd be good at it. Would you still date me? We could be the next Batman and Catwoman, except I'm not wearing a full leather suit or using a whip."
Teddy got momentarily distracted by the thought of Billy in leather - and Luigi took a header off the bridge in response. "And we're back on the riding crops," he teased, a lot more quietly this time, even though no-one else in the room was paying attention to them. "It's starting to sound like a fetish to me."
"Oh?" Billy grinned, ahead by a good margin now that Teddy had taken a dive. "I said whip, that's different than a riding crop. You're the one who brought it up again, my dear."
He grit his teeth and mashed down on the A button to send a red shell right into Teddy's car. Beautiful. He was back.
"Okay, that's it," Teddy laughed, pulling his attention back to the game. "Prepare to eat dirt, Kaplan."
"Can't eat your dirt if you're behind me, Altman." Billy put extra emphasis on Teddy's last name as he rose up onto his knees and just missed getting creamed by a CPU's green shell. His thumb was starting to cramp, but he didn't dare try to ease up on the controller and he hissed when he saw Luigi in the corner of his screen. "God, get out of here!"
"Whatever you say, boss," Teddy replied, the grin spreading wide across his face. He ricocheted Luigi off the bumper and landed him neatly on the second track, shaving a good few seconds off his lap time and launching him from third into first place on the leaderboard. "Oops, would you look at that."
Billy had no time to be shocked at Teddy's very obvious legal cheating and tried his best to get up next to Teddy and ram his boyfriend off the road. They were literally neck in neck when the small alert on the bottom of the screen told them both that a blue shell was approaching, but they were about five seconds away from the finish line. Instead of being smart and pulling back like he should have, Billy took two last minute rams against Teddy and pulled ahead praying he crossed the line before the shell hit.
He was about to scream when Boo was bombed and Luigi sped on past him past the finish line, instead he just tackled Teddy. "You are such a butt!"
Teddy barely had time to react to his win before Billy was descending on him as death-from-above. He yelped and hit the floor, Billy pinning him down, and Teddy tried to squirm out from underneath. Using his powers felt like a cheat, so he didn't go quite that far in his attempts. Not yet, anyway. "I am not!" he yelped, laughing. He twisted his arm to try and find a place on Billy he could tickle. "You're just a sore loser."
Billy couldn't actually be mad about the race, not when Teddy was under him taking his breath away by just laughing. He squirmed when he felt Teddy's hand searching and quickly tried to move off him so Billy wouldn't be losing at two battles. "I'm a very sore loser and NO tickling! Last thing I need is to pee my pants in the rec room cause you don't know when to quit."
He slid off Teddy and chuckled softly as he stared down at the boy, his heart feeling like it was going to rip out of his chest. "God, I love you."
The happy feeling immediately dropped and he felt cold.
The laughter was still bubbling in Teddy's chest when Billy went quiet. Rewind. What had he just missed? Teddy didn't know when to quit, Billy had joked about being in love with him- and now, a half-second later, Billy was staring at him, all wide-eyed. Teddy stared back at him, realization dawning. He's not joking? He's not joking. "Bee?" he asked, prompting him just in case it was something else that had frozen him in place.
He screwed up. He screwed up! It was far too early for anything like that and now Billy had gone and blurted the words out after they had only been dating for two months. He felt like he couldn't breathe right and he quickly stood up on shaky legs, wondering if it was too late to say that he was joking. Just kidding! I don't love you and want to be with you every moment of my life! Ha!
Things were going to be weird now.
"I left a thing in the oven. Gotta go check that out." Billy had never sprinted faster for anything in his life as he booked it out the room and down the hall.
"What the hell?" Teddy muttered under his breath, pushing himself to his feet. The video game would have to wait, he didn't have time to deal with putting everything back. Something important had just happened around him, again, and once again he was caught completely off-guard.
"Bee, wait!" Teddy sprinted out the door after him, momentarily wishing desperately for Jean-Paul or Tommy's powers instead.
He'd made it to their room in record time, Teddy's shout for him had been something that had spurred him into moving faster and now he leaned against their shut door gasping for air. What had he done? Billy ran his hands through his hair as he caught his breath, trying to make the sheer panic he was feeling go down at least enough so he didn't hyperventilate. Teddy was probably on his way to talk to him about this, talk to him about how it was sweet that Billy thought that, but he didn't feel the same.
Or he felt pushed into saying it back...
"Argh!" Billy groaned and pushed away from the door, quickly trying to figure out how to fix this before it blew up in his face even more. Unfortunately, time wasn't what he had when he heard the knob on their door start to move and the panic started to swell again. "Fuck! I want to be somewhere else! I want to be somewhere else! I want-"
Blue light flashed and their room was empty.
Teddy got the door open - because where else would Billy have gone? "Bee, come on-" he was saying, even as he caught the tell-tale edge of a blue flash.
Teleporting. Fantastic. One more thing to strangle Illyana for. (That wasn't fair - it wasn't her fault that Billy was figuring out his powers. Teddy didn't feel like being charitable.)
"You have to be kidding me," he groaned to the empty air. Fine. Billy was going to freak? Teddy could wait him out. He let the door close behind him, and dropped to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling out his phone.
Teddy: Talk to me, B. Please?
Billy’s butt hit hot sand and he immediately knew where his crappy ass powers had taken him, looking up into the hot sun of the Sahara desert. He sighed as he stood up, dusting his butt off and glancing around to make sure he was alone. Billy frowned when his phone buzzed, taking it out of his pocket and groaning a little when he saw it was a text from Teddy.
Of course Teddy would want to talk about it. That’s who he was, Mr. Let’s figure this out, and it was sweet even though Billy was sure his words had freaked Teddy out as well. No, it was best to hide out until he knew how to fix this, or at least get it so that it wasn’t immensely awkward. He slid his phone back into his pocket and started walking, wondering if he could teleport somewhere a little less dry.
He felt his phone vibrate two more times after he’d walked a bit and pulled it out to check, feeling guilty when he saw the small text blocks.
Teddy: I really don't get what just happened. Are you mad at me?
Teddy: Let me know that you're okay, that you didn't end up transported to Limbo or something. Please?
Damn it. Billy sighed and sat down in the sand again, not caring that his converse were filling with the small grains. He started to type back, but immediately erased what he had and moved to lay back in the sand. He was being such a coward. Usually, when people said they loved someone they didn’t immediately panic and run, leaving their other lost and confused. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut out the thoughts of Teddy sitting in their room alone and confused. He sat up when he felt his phone buzz again and opened it to look at the text.
Teddy: I'm worried about you, B. Please talk to me.
“Shit.” His hands were shaking, but he knew he couldn’t keep Teddy waiting like that. His fingers flew over the keypad and he hit send before he could even think about it.
Billy: I’m not mad and I’m not in limbo. Tee, how could I be mad at you when I was the one who said something dumb? I’m really sorry I said that. I don’t want things to be weird or awkward between us because I can’t keep my stupid mouth shut. Please please please, don’t feel pressured or anything like that. I know it’s soon, we’ve only been together like two months, but I just...ugh. I’m really sorry. Again, no I’m not mad and no I’m not in limbo.
Teddy stared at his phone, torn between relief that Billy was (apparently) alive and all right – and serious irritation at the nonsense that had just been dropped on him.
Not that it wasn’t too soon. Billy was right about that. Teddy’s feelings were all still such a jumble of different things that he couldn’t begin to pick them apart and label them — this part is lust, and this part is friendship, and this part is what? Love? Infatuation? A crush on a deeply weird and infuriating boy who would rather teleport himself somewhere unknown than look Teddy in the eye?
So he sighed and started typing again.
Teddy: Stop apologizing? It’d be a lot easier for this not to be weird if you’d come back. I feel like I’m sending messages into the void.
Teddy: If a black hole eats you, I’m letting Tommy explain this to your parents.
Billy couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbles out from him at Teddy’s last text, then bit his lip as he stared out at the bright empty horizon. Stop being a coward, Kaplan.
Billy took a deep steadying breath, nodded and stood up in the sand. He closed his eyes, thinking about his and Teddy’s room, the way it smelled like clean laundry and Teddy’s cologne, how Teddy looked when he sat on their bed as he was putting on his shoes, how Teddy hunched over at his desk when he was doing math and how Teddy looking when he was sleeping.
Oh, God he was so in deep.
“I want to be with Teddy. I want to be with Teddy. I want to-”
He was transported from the desert and dropped none too gently on the floor at Teddy’s feet, sand going everywhere.
The blue flash gave Teddy some kind of warning that something was about to happen, so he wasn't a hundred percent surprised by Billy's sudden and kind-of-violent arrival. The sand was a new trick, mind you. Had he been sulking in the elementary school's playground? Still -- he was home. And not hurt again, which was momentarily enough. Teddy reached out to grab Billy's arm and haul him to his feet. "I suppose I should be grateful that wasn't a swarm of bees or something" he joked, trying to figure out what to actually say now that Billy was there in front of him.
Billy stood when Teddy pulled him up, reaching down to take off one shoe and pour out the small collection of sand that had made its home in there. “You think I’d send you bees after confessing my love? Where is that gif of Oprah sending out those bees when you need it?”
He tried to joke about it, but his voice grew a little tight at the end and he had to clear his throat as he moved on to the other shoe, doing his best not to make eye contact.
"Release the dogs with bees in their mouths," Teddy countered with a Simpsons quote, but even he could tell that it was falling flat. He'd wanted Billy back within arm's reach, and now that he was here... Teddy had no idea what to do with him. He was a lot less stressed now that he knew Billy wasn't off fighting demons again, but an awkward silence descended over them nevertheless.
"Is this going to be a thing?" he asked finally, watching the small but growing pile of sand at Billy's feet. "The school probably prefers the teleporting to the electric overload, but using your powers to get out of awkward conversations is going to get old after a while."
Billy flinched a little at Teddy’s words, sighing as his whole body started tightening and getting ready for a talk. “I-ah- I’m sorry I ran. I kind of panicked and didn’t know exactly how to face you after I said...those things.”
He did look up finally to meet Teddy’s eyes and did his best to look apologetic. “I won’t teleport away anymore, unless like a giant dinosaur is chasing me, but not from you.”
Teddy really wasn't sure what kind of expression his face was actually making at the moment, but he'd lay good money on 'confused as hell.' He was still shying away from facing up to what Billy had actually said, and thankfully his freakout had given them something else to focus on. At least for the moment. "There are times when the inner workings of your brain really confound me."
Billy made a pained face and then moved over to sit on their pushed together bed, for the first time in ever, he wished that he had his own separate bed to sit on. “Sorry, I’ll try to draw you a map or keep it simple.”
He placed his hands in his lap and twiddled his thumbs. “So, how do we talk about this?”
Teddy chewed on his lower lip. "I'm not sure what you want me to say," he confessed. "I'm flattered, obviously, and I know you think you mean it, and I hope it's really obvious that I have feelings for you too - but there's still so much we don't really know about each other." So much Billy didn't know about him, specifically. The extent of the things he'd let Greg convince him to do. Things that would definitely change the ways Billy imagined he felt. "I don't want you to regret saying it, when all this new-and-awesome wears off."
Well, that wasn’t what he had expected to say. I don’t feel the same or maybe it’s too soon, but not that Billy’s feelings weren’t real and he was just blinded by the new relationship. Billy’s shoulders hunched a little as a frown came to his face, looking over at Teddy with a hint of irritation. “Excuse me? I don’t think I feel that way, I know I feel that way.”
Teddy had given him the chance to take it back, but the idea that Teddy was doubting his word made him want to write in on the wall in permanent marker.
"I thought that too, once. And a year ago I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that what I'd felt was real." It was a really bad idea bringing this up, and he sounded like he was being a huge know-it-all, but Teddy had been there before. And that had been different -- Teddy wasn't the same kind of creep as Greg -- but was it different enough? "Except what I felt then is absolutely nothing like what I feel now, and I have no idea what I'll feel for you in six months, or a year, except that it'll probably be better again. So how can we even know?"
Billy felt like he was being punched in the chest when Teddy started talking about his feelings for that asshole, the idea of being compared to that hurt more than he was willing to admit. He pulled his socked feet up onto the bed, moving so his knees were against his chest and rest his chin on top of them. Teddy was making sense, so much sense, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
“I feel like I know because I’ve never felt like this before. Why can’t I have this?” He wasn’t trying to get Teddy to say it back, so why couldn’t he just feel this way when he was pretty sure and if it changed then fine.
Ugh. Teddy was doing everything wrong. One way or another he was bound to disappoint Billy; he just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. "I can't tell you how to feel," Teddy reached for Billy's hand, holding it in both of his. "Honestly, I hope you're right and I actually deserve it and all that. I really care about you too. You know that, right?"
Billy watched his hand in Teddy’s before looking up at his boyfriend with a slow nod. Teddy had to care about him, otherwise that was all extremely good acting and Billy highly doubted Teddy could be that mean. He frowned at little at the wording though and slowly pulled his hand out of Teddy’s to fix the blond with a questioning look. “What do you mean deserve it? Why would you not deserve it?”
Awkward. And Teddy only had himself to blame for running off at the mouth. He shrugged, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had suddenly gone. "Only that you've got me up on a pretty high pedestal. And I'm not even remotely close to being perfect. The last thing I want is to let you down."
Billy pursed his lips a little at that explanation and glanced off to the side feeling a little embarrassed by that. He hadn’t meant to put Teddy on a pedestal, he just really liked him, loved him, and he felt a little like a child talking with a grown up at the moment. “I don’t think you’ll let me down, Tee, but if it would make you feel better I won’t say it again until you’re ready. But I’m not going to take it back, I said what I said because I meant it, even if I ran after I did.”
Even just that made Teddy flush hot and cold at the same time, joy and terror fighting each other inside him. The idea that Billy loved him – not just anyone, not just someone saying it to get something from him, but Billy, saying it because he felt it—God, that was amazing. And then that insidious little voice came creeping back in. He doesn’t love you. He thinks he’s in love with the face you’ve been showing him.
He wanted to be holding Billy right now, to ground himself in the physical contact, remind himself that some of this shape of his was actually real. But Billy’d taken his hand away and Teddy had to fend for himself.
“If it helps any,” Teddy offered, his shoulders curling in on him despite himself, trying to close off the vulnerable underbelly he was about to show, “I don’t not love you. If I was taking a lie detector test and one of the questions was ‘do you love Billy,’ I definitely couldn’t say no.” He hesitated. “That sounded better in my head.”
Billy stared at Teddy for a long while, letting those words sink in before offering Teddy a small smile and reaching out to pluck at the other’s sleeve. His cheeks flushed at the idea of Teddy not not loving him, if that was correct? Stupid double negatives.“I think it sounded fine...great even.”
He tugged on Teddy’s sleeve to let the other silently know he wanted the blond closer, letting his knees move away from his chest so he was more open. He took a deep breath and gave Teddy a determined look. “I’ll wait till you are ready to hear it again, but you should know that once you give me the okay? I won’t stop."
The smile tugged at Teddy's lips despite himself. "Since when have I ever been able to stop you from doing anything?" He turned his hand to try and take Billy's again, the brief whisper of contact nowhere near enough. "I guess-" and Teddy hesitated, the words catching in his throat. "I guess I just want to be sure that you're really saying it about me. Not the image of who you think I am." That didn't make any sense either, and Teddy gave up.
He let Teddy hold his hand, letting his thumb run along the smooth skin on the side of Teddy’s hand. He had a quick worry that this wasn’t Teddy at all, that he had put on another face to appease Billy the entire time, but crushed that thought process before hesitantly asking his question. “Have you been showing me just an image? I thought you...what aren’t you showing me if this isn’t you?”
Good question. Teddy focused on Billy’s thumb, on the sensation of his touch. “Physically, this is me,” he reassured him. “At least I think it is.” He closed his eyes and checked the lines of his powers. Had he slipped into being shorter or slimmer? Fixed his hair? Everything felt like what he thought his baseline was, no tension pushing back against the edges of his shape. His earrings were cool under his fingers, more proof he was still him. “As sure as I can be, anyway.”
“But...personality and emotionally?” Billy asked a little worried. Maybe growing up as a shapeshifter and being fucked up by that piece of shit really messed Teddy up, what if Teddy wasn’t even sure what he really was after all that. God, this made his head and stomach hurt, Billy sighed inwardly as he moved to shift a little closer to Teddy.
"Does anyone ever actually know that?" Teddy opened his eyes, coming back out of his own head. "I pretended to be someone I wasn't for a long time. I'm still figuring out how to be the person I want to be." And he still had a lot of making amends to do, at least in karma terms. He gave Billy a faint smile. "I'm just hoping it's not the dude-bro part that you like, 'cause Shen's working hard at deprogramming me."
Okay. Alright. Billy could handle that, could be there for Teddy as he figured out who he was as long as he wasn’t influencing Teddy too much in the process. He smiled at the other and tugged on Teddy’s hand again to get him close enough to give a soft kiss, making sure to give the small spot above Teddy’s eyebrow a kiss as well. “Ha, no. It’s more the sweet and kind super nerd that I’m really into.”
Oh, thank God. Billy was reaching out, his lips soft and warm on Teddy's skin, and the crisis seemed to be over. At least for the moment. "That's good, because the nerd is innate." He tipped his face up and caught Billy's lips with his own, slipping his hand along Billy's jaw. "I'm not always sweet, you know," he did add, in case Billy was getting ready to stick him up on that pedestal again. "My internal monologue can get pretty rude."
“Really?” Billy asked, raising a brow after giving Teddy another slightly longer kiss and grinned. “I want to hear this rude Teddy. What exactly does he get rude about? Does he swear?”
Because honestly, Teddy swearing when he wasn’t pissed off at Billy was pretty damn attractive.
"I can swear," Teddy laughed, then pretended to be offended. "I know all kinds of curse words. I just find they're a lot more effective if used sparingly. They lose their power if you say them all the time." He arched an eyebrow and grinned. "Now if you want to know if I can talk dirty...
"The answer is 'probably not without a lot of awkward stammering and blushing,'" Teddy admitted sheepishly.
Billy had been ready to choke on his tongue, but instead bust out laughing and reached out to push at Teddy’s shoulder. “Oh my god. Well, at least we’ll be on an even playing field if that ever comes up. I still blush whenever we talk about just taking our shirts off.”
He huffed a laugh and then tried to waggle his eyebrows. “Come on, baby. How about me and you sit on this bed and play Pokémon since we just talked about emotionally draining things.”
Teddy rocked back at Bill's push, laughing more with relief than anything else. "Will you take your shirt off?" Teddy grinned at Billy, that awful dark weight vanishing. He used a finger to brush Billy's bangs away from his eyes, then more seriously, nerves clamping down around his heart that Billy would laugh at him--"can we cuddle for a little while first? I just really want to hold you right now."
“Why, cuddling is what I do best.” Billy replied, smiling as he took hold of Teddy’s arm and pulled on the other while he moved back to lay on the bed. He opened his arms wide so Teddy could settle in them and against him comfortably before wrapping them around Teddy’s larger frame. He loved holding Teddy, even though his boyfriend was bigger and stronger, he liked to think he could protect Teddy when he had his arms around the blond. “When you feel you have found the real Teddy, let me know so I can tell him what I told you today too.”
Because he was sure he would love whatever Teddy became.
What if I never figure it out? Teddy didn't verbalize the question, not ready for another round of discussion. He curled up around Billy instead, resting his lips against Billy's hair. He was warm, and solid, and real in a way Teddy sometimes couldn't feel in himself, and his arms around Teddy brought Teddy back down to earth in all the best of ways. "I'm yours," he said simply. "Even if I'm not ready to say the other things yet -- that'll never change."
Billy smiled against the warm skin of Teddy’s neck and gave it a soft kiss as he squeezed a little tighter. “Good,” he said quietly, taking a deep breath and smelling nothing but Teddy. “And I’m yours. Always.”
Billy groaned and tossed the controller to his side on the couch where it bounced harmlessly against one of the throw pillows. What was going on with him today? It was like no matter how many red or even blue shells he got, Teddy was always right there, zooming past him with Lugi's damn death stare at the last minute to take first. "I swear to god, if you win again, I'm going to bite you. And not sexy biting either."
Teddy wisely chose not to gloat, even as his cart did its happy little victory lap. He tipped his head back against the edge of the couch and grinned at Billy from his cross-legged seat on the floor below him. "There's an easy solution to this, you know."
Billy turned a glare over at his boyfriend. "If you say admit defeat, I really will bite you."
"I was going to say 'get better', but with that kind of incentive..." Teddy teased, his eyes alight.
Billy tried to keep his glare in place, but it was hard when Teddy looked so happy and he fought a smile as he reached out to shove at Teddy's shoulder. "You're the worst. Come on, one more go, I swear to God I can beat you this time if we do Rainbow Road."
He hated how lately every time he even looked at Teddy he was reminded that over Thanksgiving break he realized how much he cared for the other. That he was actually in love with Teddy and the thought made him a little queasy.
"I am, in fact, the worst," Teddy replied cheerfully, setting up the next race. He glanced back at Billy, expecting to find him mock-sulking behind him, but he had that same funny expression on his face Teddy'd been seeing a lot of lately.
It wasn't a problem. It wasn't. Billy was stressed, that was all, what with midterms and the X-teams ramping up and whatever conclusions he and Tommy had come to over Thanksgiving break... and Teddy was reading too much into something that wasn't actually there. The mature, rational thing to do would be to ignore it, and just be ready if Billy ever decided there was something he wanted to talk about.
Yeah. "There's that look again," he said instead, because he actually was the worst. He nudged Billy's knee gently with his shoulder. "Is there something up?"
"Huh?" Billy asked, turning to look at Teddy in confusion. He immediately knew what Teddy was talking about and tried to school his face into something more happy. "Sorry, I didn't realize I was making a face. Maybe I'm developing a case of RBF."
He smiled at Teddy, wondering how much longer this was going to go on as he reached for his controller, keeping with Boo and his motorcycle. Wasn't love supposed to make people feel good? So, why was he a jumble of nervous knots about this.
Teddy let it go for a bit, pulling up Luigi again. He glanced back one last time, studied the lines of Billy's face, the faint aura of 'something off' that seemed to be hanging around him. Then he started the race.
"You know I'm here for you, right?" He asked casually as they careened their racers through the first lap. "If you want to talk. About Magneto, or Tommy, or whatever."
Trying to focus on Rainbow Road while trying to listen to Teddy be the sweetest guy imaginable was tricky, and he sighed when for the first time in three years he skidded off the multicolored road and had to be redirected. It was too late now for him to win, Teddy had gotten ahead by a good margin and he was only getting coins for weapons, so Billy didn't really try at the race.
When Boo sadly made it across the finish line, Billy pressed start and turned to Teddy with a hopefully reassuring smile. "I know you're here for me," He reached out, letting his pinkie run along Teddy's knuckles. "And trust me, if there was something I needed to talk about, you would be the first I go to. But I'm okay. Trust me."
Teddy tipped his head over and let it rest against Billy's arm for a moment, the warmth and nearness of him reassuring. If it were something to do with him, or them, Billy wouldn't be there beside him, his calf solid against Teddy's ribs. It was ridiculous to even wonder. Two months in and Billy was a constant presence in his life, unfailingly there whenever Teddy reached out.
"In that case, did you want to play the race again?" Teddy nudged Billy's leg with his elbow. "You weren't even trying that time."
Get over it, Billy. So he was in love with his first boyfriend, that wasn't a reason to make Teddy worry and he smiled at the beautiful boy next to him. "Yeah, okay. Sorry, I was distracted by you being too nice. Now, stop it so I can destroy you."
"Too nice, so you want to destroy me?" Teddy asked archly, flashing a grin up at Billy. "Are you going full super-villain on me? Because that had a distinctly evil-overlord vibe to it."
Billy bit his tongue, matching Teddy's grin and gave a small shrug. "Oh, I don't know. You've seen my spirit grandpa, maybe I'd be good at it. Would you still date me? We could be the next Batman and Catwoman, except I'm not wearing a full leather suit or using a whip."
Teddy got momentarily distracted by the thought of Billy in leather - and Luigi took a header off the bridge in response. "And we're back on the riding crops," he teased, a lot more quietly this time, even though no-one else in the room was paying attention to them. "It's starting to sound like a fetish to me."
"Oh?" Billy grinned, ahead by a good margin now that Teddy had taken a dive. "I said whip, that's different than a riding crop. You're the one who brought it up again, my dear."
He grit his teeth and mashed down on the A button to send a red shell right into Teddy's car. Beautiful. He was back.
"Okay, that's it," Teddy laughed, pulling his attention back to the game. "Prepare to eat dirt, Kaplan."
"Can't eat your dirt if you're behind me, Altman." Billy put extra emphasis on Teddy's last name as he rose up onto his knees and just missed getting creamed by a CPU's green shell. His thumb was starting to cramp, but he didn't dare try to ease up on the controller and he hissed when he saw Luigi in the corner of his screen. "God, get out of here!"
"Whatever you say, boss," Teddy replied, the grin spreading wide across his face. He ricocheted Luigi off the bumper and landed him neatly on the second track, shaving a good few seconds off his lap time and launching him from third into first place on the leaderboard. "Oops, would you look at that."
Billy had no time to be shocked at Teddy's very obvious legal cheating and tried his best to get up next to Teddy and ram his boyfriend off the road. They were literally neck in neck when the small alert on the bottom of the screen told them both that a blue shell was approaching, but they were about five seconds away from the finish line. Instead of being smart and pulling back like he should have, Billy took two last minute rams against Teddy and pulled ahead praying he crossed the line before the shell hit.
He was about to scream when Boo was bombed and Luigi sped on past him past the finish line, instead he just tackled Teddy. "You are such a butt!"
Teddy barely had time to react to his win before Billy was descending on him as death-from-above. He yelped and hit the floor, Billy pinning him down, and Teddy tried to squirm out from underneath. Using his powers felt like a cheat, so he didn't go quite that far in his attempts. Not yet, anyway. "I am not!" he yelped, laughing. He twisted his arm to try and find a place on Billy he could tickle. "You're just a sore loser."
Billy couldn't actually be mad about the race, not when Teddy was under him taking his breath away by just laughing. He squirmed when he felt Teddy's hand searching and quickly tried to move off him so Billy wouldn't be losing at two battles. "I'm a very sore loser and NO tickling! Last thing I need is to pee my pants in the rec room cause you don't know when to quit."
He slid off Teddy and chuckled softly as he stared down at the boy, his heart feeling like it was going to rip out of his chest. "God, I love you."
The happy feeling immediately dropped and he felt cold.
The laughter was still bubbling in Teddy's chest when Billy went quiet. Rewind. What had he just missed? Teddy didn't know when to quit, Billy had joked about being in love with him- and now, a half-second later, Billy was staring at him, all wide-eyed. Teddy stared back at him, realization dawning. He's not joking? He's not joking. "Bee?" he asked, prompting him just in case it was something else that had frozen him in place.
He screwed up. He screwed up! It was far too early for anything like that and now Billy had gone and blurted the words out after they had only been dating for two months. He felt like he couldn't breathe right and he quickly stood up on shaky legs, wondering if it was too late to say that he was joking. Just kidding! I don't love you and want to be with you every moment of my life! Ha!
Things were going to be weird now.
"I left a thing in the oven. Gotta go check that out." Billy had never sprinted faster for anything in his life as he booked it out the room and down the hall.
"What the hell?" Teddy muttered under his breath, pushing himself to his feet. The video game would have to wait, he didn't have time to deal with putting everything back. Something important had just happened around him, again, and once again he was caught completely off-guard.
"Bee, wait!" Teddy sprinted out the door after him, momentarily wishing desperately for Jean-Paul or Tommy's powers instead.
He'd made it to their room in record time, Teddy's shout for him had been something that had spurred him into moving faster and now he leaned against their shut door gasping for air. What had he done? Billy ran his hands through his hair as he caught his breath, trying to make the sheer panic he was feeling go down at least enough so he didn't hyperventilate. Teddy was probably on his way to talk to him about this, talk to him about how it was sweet that Billy thought that, but he didn't feel the same.
Or he felt pushed into saying it back...
"Argh!" Billy groaned and pushed away from the door, quickly trying to figure out how to fix this before it blew up in his face even more. Unfortunately, time wasn't what he had when he heard the knob on their door start to move and the panic started to swell again. "Fuck! I want to be somewhere else! I want to be somewhere else! I want-"
Blue light flashed and their room was empty.
Teddy got the door open - because where else would Billy have gone? "Bee, come on-" he was saying, even as he caught the tell-tale edge of a blue flash.
Teleporting. Fantastic. One more thing to strangle Illyana for. (That wasn't fair - it wasn't her fault that Billy was figuring out his powers. Teddy didn't feel like being charitable.)
"You have to be kidding me," he groaned to the empty air. Fine. Billy was going to freak? Teddy could wait him out. He let the door close behind him, and dropped to sit on the edge of his bed, pulling out his phone.
Teddy: Talk to me, B. Please?
Billy’s butt hit hot sand and he immediately knew where his crappy ass powers had taken him, looking up into the hot sun of the Sahara desert. He sighed as he stood up, dusting his butt off and glancing around to make sure he was alone. Billy frowned when his phone buzzed, taking it out of his pocket and groaning a little when he saw it was a text from Teddy.
Of course Teddy would want to talk about it. That’s who he was, Mr. Let’s figure this out, and it was sweet even though Billy was sure his words had freaked Teddy out as well. No, it was best to hide out until he knew how to fix this, or at least get it so that it wasn’t immensely awkward. He slid his phone back into his pocket and started walking, wondering if he could teleport somewhere a little less dry.
He felt his phone vibrate two more times after he’d walked a bit and pulled it out to check, feeling guilty when he saw the small text blocks.
Teddy: I really don't get what just happened. Are you mad at me?
Teddy: Let me know that you're okay, that you didn't end up transported to Limbo or something. Please?
Damn it. Billy sighed and sat down in the sand again, not caring that his converse were filling with the small grains. He started to type back, but immediately erased what he had and moved to lay back in the sand. He was being such a coward. Usually, when people said they loved someone they didn’t immediately panic and run, leaving their other lost and confused. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut out the thoughts of Teddy sitting in their room alone and confused. He sat up when he felt his phone buzz again and opened it to look at the text.
Teddy: I'm worried about you, B. Please talk to me.
“Shit.” His hands were shaking, but he knew he couldn’t keep Teddy waiting like that. His fingers flew over the keypad and he hit send before he could even think about it.
Billy: I’m not mad and I’m not in limbo. Tee, how could I be mad at you when I was the one who said something dumb? I’m really sorry I said that. I don’t want things to be weird or awkward between us because I can’t keep my stupid mouth shut. Please please please, don’t feel pressured or anything like that. I know it’s soon, we’ve only been together like two months, but I just...ugh. I’m really sorry. Again, no I’m not mad and no I’m not in limbo.
Teddy stared at his phone, torn between relief that Billy was (apparently) alive and all right – and serious irritation at the nonsense that had just been dropped on him.
Not that it wasn’t too soon. Billy was right about that. Teddy’s feelings were all still such a jumble of different things that he couldn’t begin to pick them apart and label them — this part is lust, and this part is friendship, and this part is what? Love? Infatuation? A crush on a deeply weird and infuriating boy who would rather teleport himself somewhere unknown than look Teddy in the eye?
So he sighed and started typing again.
Teddy: Stop apologizing? It’d be a lot easier for this not to be weird if you’d come back. I feel like I’m sending messages into the void.
Teddy: If a black hole eats you, I’m letting Tommy explain this to your parents.
Billy couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbles out from him at Teddy’s last text, then bit his lip as he stared out at the bright empty horizon. Stop being a coward, Kaplan.
Billy took a deep steadying breath, nodded and stood up in the sand. He closed his eyes, thinking about his and Teddy’s room, the way it smelled like clean laundry and Teddy’s cologne, how Teddy looked when he sat on their bed as he was putting on his shoes, how Teddy hunched over at his desk when he was doing math and how Teddy looking when he was sleeping.
Oh, God he was so in deep.
“I want to be with Teddy. I want to be with Teddy. I want to-”
He was transported from the desert and dropped none too gently on the floor at Teddy’s feet, sand going everywhere.
The blue flash gave Teddy some kind of warning that something was about to happen, so he wasn't a hundred percent surprised by Billy's sudden and kind-of-violent arrival. The sand was a new trick, mind you. Had he been sulking in the elementary school's playground? Still -- he was home. And not hurt again, which was momentarily enough. Teddy reached out to grab Billy's arm and haul him to his feet. "I suppose I should be grateful that wasn't a swarm of bees or something" he joked, trying to figure out what to actually say now that Billy was there in front of him.
Billy stood when Teddy pulled him up, reaching down to take off one shoe and pour out the small collection of sand that had made its home in there. “You think I’d send you bees after confessing my love? Where is that gif of Oprah sending out those bees when you need it?”
He tried to joke about it, but his voice grew a little tight at the end and he had to clear his throat as he moved on to the other shoe, doing his best not to make eye contact.
"Release the dogs with bees in their mouths," Teddy countered with a Simpsons quote, but even he could tell that it was falling flat. He'd wanted Billy back within arm's reach, and now that he was here... Teddy had no idea what to do with him. He was a lot less stressed now that he knew Billy wasn't off fighting demons again, but an awkward silence descended over them nevertheless.
"Is this going to be a thing?" he asked finally, watching the small but growing pile of sand at Billy's feet. "The school probably prefers the teleporting to the electric overload, but using your powers to get out of awkward conversations is going to get old after a while."
Billy flinched a little at Teddy’s words, sighing as his whole body started tightening and getting ready for a talk. “I-ah- I’m sorry I ran. I kind of panicked and didn’t know exactly how to face you after I said...those things.”
He did look up finally to meet Teddy’s eyes and did his best to look apologetic. “I won’t teleport away anymore, unless like a giant dinosaur is chasing me, but not from you.”
Teddy really wasn't sure what kind of expression his face was actually making at the moment, but he'd lay good money on 'confused as hell.' He was still shying away from facing up to what Billy had actually said, and thankfully his freakout had given them something else to focus on. At least for the moment. "There are times when the inner workings of your brain really confound me."
Billy made a pained face and then moved over to sit on their pushed together bed, for the first time in ever, he wished that he had his own separate bed to sit on. “Sorry, I’ll try to draw you a map or keep it simple.”
He placed his hands in his lap and twiddled his thumbs. “So, how do we talk about this?”
Teddy chewed on his lower lip. "I'm not sure what you want me to say," he confessed. "I'm flattered, obviously, and I know you think you mean it, and I hope it's really obvious that I have feelings for you too - but there's still so much we don't really know about each other." So much Billy didn't know about him, specifically. The extent of the things he'd let Greg convince him to do. Things that would definitely change the ways Billy imagined he felt. "I don't want you to regret saying it, when all this new-and-awesome wears off."
Well, that wasn’t what he had expected to say. I don’t feel the same or maybe it’s too soon, but not that Billy’s feelings weren’t real and he was just blinded by the new relationship. Billy’s shoulders hunched a little as a frown came to his face, looking over at Teddy with a hint of irritation. “Excuse me? I don’t think I feel that way, I know I feel that way.”
Teddy had given him the chance to take it back, but the idea that Teddy was doubting his word made him want to write in on the wall in permanent marker.
"I thought that too, once. And a year ago I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that what I'd felt was real." It was a really bad idea bringing this up, and he sounded like he was being a huge know-it-all, but Teddy had been there before. And that had been different -- Teddy wasn't the same kind of creep as Greg -- but was it different enough? "Except what I felt then is absolutely nothing like what I feel now, and I have no idea what I'll feel for you in six months, or a year, except that it'll probably be better again. So how can we even know?"
Billy felt like he was being punched in the chest when Teddy started talking about his feelings for that asshole, the idea of being compared to that hurt more than he was willing to admit. He pulled his socked feet up onto the bed, moving so his knees were against his chest and rest his chin on top of them. Teddy was making sense, so much sense, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
“I feel like I know because I’ve never felt like this before. Why can’t I have this?” He wasn’t trying to get Teddy to say it back, so why couldn’t he just feel this way when he was pretty sure and if it changed then fine.
Ugh. Teddy was doing everything wrong. One way or another he was bound to disappoint Billy; he just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. "I can't tell you how to feel," Teddy reached for Billy's hand, holding it in both of his. "Honestly, I hope you're right and I actually deserve it and all that. I really care about you too. You know that, right?"
Billy watched his hand in Teddy’s before looking up at his boyfriend with a slow nod. Teddy had to care about him, otherwise that was all extremely good acting and Billy highly doubted Teddy could be that mean. He frowned at little at the wording though and slowly pulled his hand out of Teddy’s to fix the blond with a questioning look. “What do you mean deserve it? Why would you not deserve it?”
Awkward. And Teddy only had himself to blame for running off at the mouth. He shrugged, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had suddenly gone. "Only that you've got me up on a pretty high pedestal. And I'm not even remotely close to being perfect. The last thing I want is to let you down."
Billy pursed his lips a little at that explanation and glanced off to the side feeling a little embarrassed by that. He hadn’t meant to put Teddy on a pedestal, he just really liked him, loved him, and he felt a little like a child talking with a grown up at the moment. “I don’t think you’ll let me down, Tee, but if it would make you feel better I won’t say it again until you’re ready. But I’m not going to take it back, I said what I said because I meant it, even if I ran after I did.”
Even just that made Teddy flush hot and cold at the same time, joy and terror fighting each other inside him. The idea that Billy loved him – not just anyone, not just someone saying it to get something from him, but Billy, saying it because he felt it—God, that was amazing. And then that insidious little voice came creeping back in. He doesn’t love you. He thinks he’s in love with the face you’ve been showing him.
He wanted to be holding Billy right now, to ground himself in the physical contact, remind himself that some of this shape of his was actually real. But Billy’d taken his hand away and Teddy had to fend for himself.
“If it helps any,” Teddy offered, his shoulders curling in on him despite himself, trying to close off the vulnerable underbelly he was about to show, “I don’t not love you. If I was taking a lie detector test and one of the questions was ‘do you love Billy,’ I definitely couldn’t say no.” He hesitated. “That sounded better in my head.”
Billy stared at Teddy for a long while, letting those words sink in before offering Teddy a small smile and reaching out to pluck at the other’s sleeve. His cheeks flushed at the idea of Teddy not not loving him, if that was correct? Stupid double negatives.“I think it sounded fine...great even.”
He tugged on Teddy’s sleeve to let the other silently know he wanted the blond closer, letting his knees move away from his chest so he was more open. He took a deep breath and gave Teddy a determined look. “I’ll wait till you are ready to hear it again, but you should know that once you give me the okay? I won’t stop."
The smile tugged at Teddy's lips despite himself. "Since when have I ever been able to stop you from doing anything?" He turned his hand to try and take Billy's again, the brief whisper of contact nowhere near enough. "I guess-" and Teddy hesitated, the words catching in his throat. "I guess I just want to be sure that you're really saying it about me. Not the image of who you think I am." That didn't make any sense either, and Teddy gave up.
He let Teddy hold his hand, letting his thumb run along the smooth skin on the side of Teddy’s hand. He had a quick worry that this wasn’t Teddy at all, that he had put on another face to appease Billy the entire time, but crushed that thought process before hesitantly asking his question. “Have you been showing me just an image? I thought you...what aren’t you showing me if this isn’t you?”
Good question. Teddy focused on Billy’s thumb, on the sensation of his touch. “Physically, this is me,” he reassured him. “At least I think it is.” He closed his eyes and checked the lines of his powers. Had he slipped into being shorter or slimmer? Fixed his hair? Everything felt like what he thought his baseline was, no tension pushing back against the edges of his shape. His earrings were cool under his fingers, more proof he was still him. “As sure as I can be, anyway.”
“But...personality and emotionally?” Billy asked a little worried. Maybe growing up as a shapeshifter and being fucked up by that piece of shit really messed Teddy up, what if Teddy wasn’t even sure what he really was after all that. God, this made his head and stomach hurt, Billy sighed inwardly as he moved to shift a little closer to Teddy.
"Does anyone ever actually know that?" Teddy opened his eyes, coming back out of his own head. "I pretended to be someone I wasn't for a long time. I'm still figuring out how to be the person I want to be." And he still had a lot of making amends to do, at least in karma terms. He gave Billy a faint smile. "I'm just hoping it's not the dude-bro part that you like, 'cause Shen's working hard at deprogramming me."
Okay. Alright. Billy could handle that, could be there for Teddy as he figured out who he was as long as he wasn’t influencing Teddy too much in the process. He smiled at the other and tugged on Teddy’s hand again to get him close enough to give a soft kiss, making sure to give the small spot above Teddy’s eyebrow a kiss as well. “Ha, no. It’s more the sweet and kind super nerd that I’m really into.”
Oh, thank God. Billy was reaching out, his lips soft and warm on Teddy's skin, and the crisis seemed to be over. At least for the moment. "That's good, because the nerd is innate." He tipped his face up and caught Billy's lips with his own, slipping his hand along Billy's jaw. "I'm not always sweet, you know," he did add, in case Billy was getting ready to stick him up on that pedestal again. "My internal monologue can get pretty rude."
“Really?” Billy asked, raising a brow after giving Teddy another slightly longer kiss and grinned. “I want to hear this rude Teddy. What exactly does he get rude about? Does he swear?”
Because honestly, Teddy swearing when he wasn’t pissed off at Billy was pretty damn attractive.
"I can swear," Teddy laughed, then pretended to be offended. "I know all kinds of curse words. I just find they're a lot more effective if used sparingly. They lose their power if you say them all the time." He arched an eyebrow and grinned. "Now if you want to know if I can talk dirty...
"The answer is 'probably not without a lot of awkward stammering and blushing,'" Teddy admitted sheepishly.
Billy had been ready to choke on his tongue, but instead bust out laughing and reached out to push at Teddy’s shoulder. “Oh my god. Well, at least we’ll be on an even playing field if that ever comes up. I still blush whenever we talk about just taking our shirts off.”
He huffed a laugh and then tried to waggle his eyebrows. “Come on, baby. How about me and you sit on this bed and play Pokémon since we just talked about emotionally draining things.”
Teddy rocked back at Bill's push, laughing more with relief than anything else. "Will you take your shirt off?" Teddy grinned at Billy, that awful dark weight vanishing. He used a finger to brush Billy's bangs away from his eyes, then more seriously, nerves clamping down around his heart that Billy would laugh at him--"can we cuddle for a little while first? I just really want to hold you right now."
“Why, cuddling is what I do best.” Billy replied, smiling as he took hold of Teddy’s arm and pulled on the other while he moved back to lay on the bed. He opened his arms wide so Teddy could settle in them and against him comfortably before wrapping them around Teddy’s larger frame. He loved holding Teddy, even though his boyfriend was bigger and stronger, he liked to think he could protect Teddy when he had his arms around the blond. “When you feel you have found the real Teddy, let me know so I can tell him what I told you today too.”
Because he was sure he would love whatever Teddy became.
What if I never figure it out? Teddy didn't verbalize the question, not ready for another round of discussion. He curled up around Billy instead, resting his lips against Billy's hair. He was warm, and solid, and real in a way Teddy sometimes couldn't feel in himself, and his arms around Teddy brought Teddy back down to earth in all the best of ways. "I'm yours," he said simply. "Even if I'm not ready to say the other things yet -- that'll never change."
Billy smiled against the warm skin of Teddy’s neck and gave it a soft kiss as he squeezed a little tighter. “Good,” he said quietly, taking a deep breath and smelling nothing but Teddy. “And I’m yours. Always.”
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:D
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Also: "Wasn't love supposed to make people feel good? "
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH BILLY.
No baby. No.