Teddy and Tessa | Backdated to 12/03
Dec. 6th, 2017 07:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ax_sage posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
ax_mainTessa decides to check on Teddy.
Though she kept a very close watch on the other students--in the literal, virtual, and astral senses--it was extremely rare for Tessa to seek out interaction of any kind. Generally speaking, she was satisfied to operate within the framework of the routine she had judiciously set up for herself, and let the others approach her, when they required something. This, then, was a noteworthy exception.
Teddy had started the afternoon trying to do homework, honestly he had, but he hadn't been able to focus on anything long enough to be useful at all. Reading hadn't gone much better, at lest not the book he was supposed to be wading through for Comms. So when Tessa found him he was sacked out under a tree in the garden playing Pokemon on his DS, taking advantage of one of the few warm days left in the fall. He'd hauled on a sweater - one of his dad's old cable knit things - more for the weight and comfort of it rather than any real need to protect against the cold.
All that to say that he was in the middle of a gym battle and didn't hear Tessa approaching until her voice sounded above him. "Oh!" Teddy jumped slightly, flipping the game system closed to pause it. "Hey," he continued a second later, once his brain had caught up. "How's it going?"
"It goes well," she told him, seemingly unmoved by his initially startled reaction. "Events continue to unfold along projected lines, with minor but anticipated variances altering the overall circumstances on a periodic but by no means regular basis." The cyberpath wore a light jacket, cut to just below the knee, and her hands were tucked securely in her pockets; Teddy might take little notice of the cold, but Tessa had never particularly cared for it. Still, it was simply neutral environmental data, not meriting direct comment.
"I have noted that your own situation appears to have developed in ways most would consider positive," she went on. "I wished to assess the degree to which that is actually so."
At first he thought she'd come to find him to talk about the x-team meeting, or maybe the press conference fallout, especially considering the whole 'projected lines' comment, but she pivoted into a much more personal realm and Teddy took another second to catch up. "You mean Billy and me?" he guessed, flushing a little warm with embarrassment at the way he'd dumped his feelings all over her - man. It was weeks ago now, things happening in such a rush afterward that he'd already half lost track.
"Interesting," she noted. "I would have thought, after making your affection for each other so obvious at Shinobi Shaw's birthday celebration last month, that you would be sufficiently intimate not to find the prospect of discussing your relationship with Billy an embarrassing prospect. I hope you will forgive my error." And with that, Tessa turned as though to walk away.
Wait, what?" Now Teddy was thoroughly confused. "I'm not embarrassed about Billy. I feel a little ridiculous for being such a dumpster fire about the whole thing the last time we talked about it, but that's not the same thing."
"Ah. My apologies. I am not always exact in reading emotional cues on an individual level." She tilted her face. "Your behavior was not a significant deviation from the norm, given the circumstances. Why would it cause you unease now?"
"Um. I guess because giving in to overly dramatic displays of emotion is considered a blow to the male ego?" He answered, partly facetiously, the rest totally bemused. "Can we start this conversation again?"
Pausing, she turned back toward Teddy and regarded him inquisitively. "Certainly, if that is your wish. Though I would suggest that you were only typically dramatic, in terms of your emotional demonstration. At least, in terms of my own experiences with some of the other students."
Considering some of the feuds he'd both seen flashes of and heard second-hand reports about, Teddy wasn't entirely sure that was a rating he should be happy with. Still, she obviously meant it well. "That's good, I guess. That I'm not too much of an outlier, anyway. Given the way things worked out, I definitely should have taken your advice right away instead of waiting."
Tessa shrugged. "Of prime importance is that you have achieved a desirable outcome; that it took somewhat longer than necessary is by no means a critical deficiency. Although," the cyberpath continued with an ethereal, barely-present smile, "perhaps it would be wise to treat this experience as an opportunity for personal advancement. I would not claim that my suggestions are infallible, nor always necessarily the best of all available options, but they are rarely undeserving of consideration."
Oh, she did not. She definitely just did. "And that would be the distinctively Tessa version of 'I told you so,' wouldn't it?" Teddy laughed, unable to help himself, and accepted the rebuke with good enough grace. "Okay, yes, fine. You were right. And if I had gone to talk to him that night instead of waiting until he forced my hand, he probably wouldn't have fried the school's power grid. Almost probably. That one's on me."
"Your willingness to acknowledge your responsibility for that brief impairment of my productivity is a credit to your character," she noted. Her expression thawed slightly from its typical, impassive cast. "I do wish to note that I am pleased that this matter resolved in a manner favorable to your interests. And I hope you will call upon me in the future when advice is required. It is gratifying, I have found, to be of assistance to one's friends."
Tessa hadn't smiled at him, per se - it had been more of what Shen liked to call a microexpression - but the flicker of a change was pretty dramatic considering her usual Vulcan-style demeanour. "Thanks," he replied to what he figured was probably as close as she was going to get to saying 'congratulations.' "The resolution has most definitely been in my interest," he added with a grin back at her before getting a little more solemn. "I'd offer the same back at you, but other than baking lessons I don't know how much advice of mine you could need."
"I have little practical knowledge of baking," she pointed out. "Advice in that regard would be greatly appreciated."
"The offer's open." But that was hardly the same level of importance as Teddy's romantic life, or ... anything, really, that was going on around them right now. "But what about the rest of it?" he asked impulsively. "Do you have someone to talk to about your personal life? Or even your concerns? You do so much for Kitty and the school, with everything you're monitoring - but there's more to you than just that."
"My personal life?" she echoed, puzzlement clear before vanishing again into calculated neutrality. "I discuss matters of school security with Kitty and Trowa. Scott and I occasionally discuss tactics and current events. I cook for Jean-Paul on occasion, or he does for me, and we converse on matters of mutual interest. My personal life, however, is perhaps not so intricate as you might imagine. I have my work, work which will no doubt expand owing to the introduction of the Professor's field team. I make a point of expanding my personal refinement in some small way every day--whether it is practicing with the fencing club, attempting a new recipe, or studying art or music online. There is little in my day-to-day activities which would be enhanced by discussion with another party."
It wasn't the answer he thought he might have been looking for, but then, Teddy wasn't entirely sure if he'd asked the right question. "Fair enough," he conceded. "It's just that I remember how lonely it was, not being able to talk to anyone about, you know, feelings." Not that he was super-comfortable talking about most of them yet. If ever. The difference now was knowing there were people who would listen, if he ever decided he needed to. "Concerns about interpersonal relations," he added, with a wry half-smile. Somehow he doubted that would get any more of a response.
"I see," said Tessa, her earlier lack of full apprehension of his meaning now dispelled. "Thank you for the clarification. I cannot say that solitude, or any discomfort or dissatisfaction therewith, has ever been a significant concern for me--I lived alone in a cave for a span of time approaching, if not exceeding, a decade, and as a result am accustomed to keeping my own company much of the time. Social interaction is welcome and helpful, but not required. As for my feelings," she considered how best to put it into words, "I experience them in much the same way anyone else would, I suppose, but they have as yet never been strong enough to override my control or pollute my reason. My enhanced faculties simply process them as one more set of stimuli to assess, typically of only extremely limited relevance to my actual circumstances."
Her explanation made sense, even if it did still sound kind of ... restrictive? Maybe it would be a whole lot better not to be thrown all over the place by his emotions. Some of them he would definitely prefer to experience as more 'limited in their relevance'. But definitely not all of them. The times his heart had been soaring recently - he couldn't imagine not having that, or feeling it as a data point rather than a mad rush. "I still find it hard to imagine living alone for ten years," he admitted, focusing in on the part of her comment that he could respond to coherently. "Adjusting to being around people all the time, especially as a telepath -- that must have been weird."
"I lived alone," she clarified, "but I was not completely without human contact: there were villages within walking distance that were willing to trade with me from time to time. And occasionally relief convoys or relatively friendly military patrols would pass nearby. I learned to manage my telepathy in large groups when my powers first manifested, however; it took some time for me to escape from the tribal group that initially held me, and certain defensive countermeasures were necessary in order to retain my sanity. Once I learn a skill, it is impossible for me to forget it, so the adjustment in that regard has not been terribly difficult. More complicated has been learning to project a reasonable approximation of normal adolescent social functioning in a casual environment. I think I am making progress, though."
"That's assuming any adolescent is capable of normal social functioning," Teddy cracked, but he nodded as well. "You're better placed to sense it than I am, of course, but I'm pretty sure we're all just faking it in the hope that life will eventually start making sense. And as far as that goes, you're way ahead of the curve."
She gave a thoughtful hum before replying. "Perhaps. And perhaps we are beings of thought, reason, and feeling experiencing our existence as a series of random stimuli, the consequences of action, reaction, and evolutionary caprice that extend far beyond what our senses are capable of processing. All in a universe of arbitrary creation and extinction, with no inherent purpose higher than that which we choose to give it. I think that when our lives make sense, it is because we have compelled it to do so. There is no inherent motivation, beyond ourselves, our desires, and what we wish to achieve."
He blinked. Tried to imagine the strength of will it would take to parse even half of what life had thrown at him so far into something controllable. Failed. So he flashed a wry grin instead. "And there's one of those moments where you're leaning far more towards 'Vulcan Science Academy' than 'average American teenager.' I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're not religious or spiritually inclined. No 'grand plan' in your universe?"
One of Tessa's dark eyebrows quirked as Teddy spoke his metaphor, though whether it was in homage to the allusion to Star Trek or simply a natural reaction was left to him to guess. But she shook her head at his question. "There are many plans in this universe we co-habitate. Some much grander than others. Nothing in my experience, however, leads me to think there is anything more substantial behind them than human will. Perhaps that theory will be prove incorrect, in time, but for now I must work within the limitations of what I have lived, and what I can demonstrably prove." She tilted her head to one side. "Do you think there is a grand plan?"
"I like to think so," Teddy admitted, with less certainty than before. "Maybe not God like in the Bible -- I'm pretty sure that's a human fiction -- but the idea that there's a kind of benevolent force out there, gently nudging things in the right direction? It makes some things easier to take. Like ... my dad dying. It wasn't some big meaningful sacrifice, or heroic anything. He got T-boned in an intersection. Maybe it's dumb of me, but it feels better to think that there might have been some reason for it beyond just bad luck."
The cyberpath nodded. "Perhaps time and additional data may prove you correct; I have no interest in attempting to persuade anyone to my way of thinking, in any case. As I said, we must each create our own meaning, in accordance with our own needs. If it is of some benefit to you to believe as you do, then it is for the best you continue to do so."
Conversations with Tessa, Teddy was discovering, frequently contained moments where he was sure he was being condescended to or dismissed, and equally sure at the same time that she would be surprised (as much as she ever could be) at the very suggestion. "Thanks, I think."
"You are welcome," she said with a small, enigmatic smile. "Thank you for a very useful conversation, and an enjoyable deviation from my usual routine."
Though she kept a very close watch on the other students--in the literal, virtual, and astral senses--it was extremely rare for Tessa to seek out interaction of any kind. Generally speaking, she was satisfied to operate within the framework of the routine she had judiciously set up for herself, and let the others approach her, when they required something. This, then, was a noteworthy exception.
Teddy had started the afternoon trying to do homework, honestly he had, but he hadn't been able to focus on anything long enough to be useful at all. Reading hadn't gone much better, at lest not the book he was supposed to be wading through for Comms. So when Tessa found him he was sacked out under a tree in the garden playing Pokemon on his DS, taking advantage of one of the few warm days left in the fall. He'd hauled on a sweater - one of his dad's old cable knit things - more for the weight and comfort of it rather than any real need to protect against the cold.
All that to say that he was in the middle of a gym battle and didn't hear Tessa approaching until her voice sounded above him. "Oh!" Teddy jumped slightly, flipping the game system closed to pause it. "Hey," he continued a second later, once his brain had caught up. "How's it going?"
"It goes well," she told him, seemingly unmoved by his initially startled reaction. "Events continue to unfold along projected lines, with minor but anticipated variances altering the overall circumstances on a periodic but by no means regular basis." The cyberpath wore a light jacket, cut to just below the knee, and her hands were tucked securely in her pockets; Teddy might take little notice of the cold, but Tessa had never particularly cared for it. Still, it was simply neutral environmental data, not meriting direct comment.
"I have noted that your own situation appears to have developed in ways most would consider positive," she went on. "I wished to assess the degree to which that is actually so."
At first he thought she'd come to find him to talk about the x-team meeting, or maybe the press conference fallout, especially considering the whole 'projected lines' comment, but she pivoted into a much more personal realm and Teddy took another second to catch up. "You mean Billy and me?" he guessed, flushing a little warm with embarrassment at the way he'd dumped his feelings all over her - man. It was weeks ago now, things happening in such a rush afterward that he'd already half lost track.
"Interesting," she noted. "I would have thought, after making your affection for each other so obvious at Shinobi Shaw's birthday celebration last month, that you would be sufficiently intimate not to find the prospect of discussing your relationship with Billy an embarrassing prospect. I hope you will forgive my error." And with that, Tessa turned as though to walk away.
Wait, what?" Now Teddy was thoroughly confused. "I'm not embarrassed about Billy. I feel a little ridiculous for being such a dumpster fire about the whole thing the last time we talked about it, but that's not the same thing."
"Ah. My apologies. I am not always exact in reading emotional cues on an individual level." She tilted her face. "Your behavior was not a significant deviation from the norm, given the circumstances. Why would it cause you unease now?"
"Um. I guess because giving in to overly dramatic displays of emotion is considered a blow to the male ego?" He answered, partly facetiously, the rest totally bemused. "Can we start this conversation again?"
Pausing, she turned back toward Teddy and regarded him inquisitively. "Certainly, if that is your wish. Though I would suggest that you were only typically dramatic, in terms of your emotional demonstration. At least, in terms of my own experiences with some of the other students."
Considering some of the feuds he'd both seen flashes of and heard second-hand reports about, Teddy wasn't entirely sure that was a rating he should be happy with. Still, she obviously meant it well. "That's good, I guess. That I'm not too much of an outlier, anyway. Given the way things worked out, I definitely should have taken your advice right away instead of waiting."
Tessa shrugged. "Of prime importance is that you have achieved a desirable outcome; that it took somewhat longer than necessary is by no means a critical deficiency. Although," the cyberpath continued with an ethereal, barely-present smile, "perhaps it would be wise to treat this experience as an opportunity for personal advancement. I would not claim that my suggestions are infallible, nor always necessarily the best of all available options, but they are rarely undeserving of consideration."
Oh, she did not. She definitely just did. "And that would be the distinctively Tessa version of 'I told you so,' wouldn't it?" Teddy laughed, unable to help himself, and accepted the rebuke with good enough grace. "Okay, yes, fine. You were right. And if I had gone to talk to him that night instead of waiting until he forced my hand, he probably wouldn't have fried the school's power grid. Almost probably. That one's on me."
"Your willingness to acknowledge your responsibility for that brief impairment of my productivity is a credit to your character," she noted. Her expression thawed slightly from its typical, impassive cast. "I do wish to note that I am pleased that this matter resolved in a manner favorable to your interests. And I hope you will call upon me in the future when advice is required. It is gratifying, I have found, to be of assistance to one's friends."
Tessa hadn't smiled at him, per se - it had been more of what Shen liked to call a microexpression - but the flicker of a change was pretty dramatic considering her usual Vulcan-style demeanour. "Thanks," he replied to what he figured was probably as close as she was going to get to saying 'congratulations.' "The resolution has most definitely been in my interest," he added with a grin back at her before getting a little more solemn. "I'd offer the same back at you, but other than baking lessons I don't know how much advice of mine you could need."
"I have little practical knowledge of baking," she pointed out. "Advice in that regard would be greatly appreciated."
"The offer's open." But that was hardly the same level of importance as Teddy's romantic life, or ... anything, really, that was going on around them right now. "But what about the rest of it?" he asked impulsively. "Do you have someone to talk to about your personal life? Or even your concerns? You do so much for Kitty and the school, with everything you're monitoring - but there's more to you than just that."
"My personal life?" she echoed, puzzlement clear before vanishing again into calculated neutrality. "I discuss matters of school security with Kitty and Trowa. Scott and I occasionally discuss tactics and current events. I cook for Jean-Paul on occasion, or he does for me, and we converse on matters of mutual interest. My personal life, however, is perhaps not so intricate as you might imagine. I have my work, work which will no doubt expand owing to the introduction of the Professor's field team. I make a point of expanding my personal refinement in some small way every day--whether it is practicing with the fencing club, attempting a new recipe, or studying art or music online. There is little in my day-to-day activities which would be enhanced by discussion with another party."
It wasn't the answer he thought he might have been looking for, but then, Teddy wasn't entirely sure if he'd asked the right question. "Fair enough," he conceded. "It's just that I remember how lonely it was, not being able to talk to anyone about, you know, feelings." Not that he was super-comfortable talking about most of them yet. If ever. The difference now was knowing there were people who would listen, if he ever decided he needed to. "Concerns about interpersonal relations," he added, with a wry half-smile. Somehow he doubted that would get any more of a response.
"I see," said Tessa, her earlier lack of full apprehension of his meaning now dispelled. "Thank you for the clarification. I cannot say that solitude, or any discomfort or dissatisfaction therewith, has ever been a significant concern for me--I lived alone in a cave for a span of time approaching, if not exceeding, a decade, and as a result am accustomed to keeping my own company much of the time. Social interaction is welcome and helpful, but not required. As for my feelings," she considered how best to put it into words, "I experience them in much the same way anyone else would, I suppose, but they have as yet never been strong enough to override my control or pollute my reason. My enhanced faculties simply process them as one more set of stimuli to assess, typically of only extremely limited relevance to my actual circumstances."
Her explanation made sense, even if it did still sound kind of ... restrictive? Maybe it would be a whole lot better not to be thrown all over the place by his emotions. Some of them he would definitely prefer to experience as more 'limited in their relevance'. But definitely not all of them. The times his heart had been soaring recently - he couldn't imagine not having that, or feeling it as a data point rather than a mad rush. "I still find it hard to imagine living alone for ten years," he admitted, focusing in on the part of her comment that he could respond to coherently. "Adjusting to being around people all the time, especially as a telepath -- that must have been weird."
"I lived alone," she clarified, "but I was not completely without human contact: there were villages within walking distance that were willing to trade with me from time to time. And occasionally relief convoys or relatively friendly military patrols would pass nearby. I learned to manage my telepathy in large groups when my powers first manifested, however; it took some time for me to escape from the tribal group that initially held me, and certain defensive countermeasures were necessary in order to retain my sanity. Once I learn a skill, it is impossible for me to forget it, so the adjustment in that regard has not been terribly difficult. More complicated has been learning to project a reasonable approximation of normal adolescent social functioning in a casual environment. I think I am making progress, though."
"That's assuming any adolescent is capable of normal social functioning," Teddy cracked, but he nodded as well. "You're better placed to sense it than I am, of course, but I'm pretty sure we're all just faking it in the hope that life will eventually start making sense. And as far as that goes, you're way ahead of the curve."
She gave a thoughtful hum before replying. "Perhaps. And perhaps we are beings of thought, reason, and feeling experiencing our existence as a series of random stimuli, the consequences of action, reaction, and evolutionary caprice that extend far beyond what our senses are capable of processing. All in a universe of arbitrary creation and extinction, with no inherent purpose higher than that which we choose to give it. I think that when our lives make sense, it is because we have compelled it to do so. There is no inherent motivation, beyond ourselves, our desires, and what we wish to achieve."
He blinked. Tried to imagine the strength of will it would take to parse even half of what life had thrown at him so far into something controllable. Failed. So he flashed a wry grin instead. "And there's one of those moments where you're leaning far more towards 'Vulcan Science Academy' than 'average American teenager.' I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're not religious or spiritually inclined. No 'grand plan' in your universe?"
One of Tessa's dark eyebrows quirked as Teddy spoke his metaphor, though whether it was in homage to the allusion to Star Trek or simply a natural reaction was left to him to guess. But she shook her head at his question. "There are many plans in this universe we co-habitate. Some much grander than others. Nothing in my experience, however, leads me to think there is anything more substantial behind them than human will. Perhaps that theory will be prove incorrect, in time, but for now I must work within the limitations of what I have lived, and what I can demonstrably prove." She tilted her head to one side. "Do you think there is a grand plan?"
"I like to think so," Teddy admitted, with less certainty than before. "Maybe not God like in the Bible -- I'm pretty sure that's a human fiction -- but the idea that there's a kind of benevolent force out there, gently nudging things in the right direction? It makes some things easier to take. Like ... my dad dying. It wasn't some big meaningful sacrifice, or heroic anything. He got T-boned in an intersection. Maybe it's dumb of me, but it feels better to think that there might have been some reason for it beyond just bad luck."
The cyberpath nodded. "Perhaps time and additional data may prove you correct; I have no interest in attempting to persuade anyone to my way of thinking, in any case. As I said, we must each create our own meaning, in accordance with our own needs. If it is of some benefit to you to believe as you do, then it is for the best you continue to do so."
Conversations with Tessa, Teddy was discovering, frequently contained moments where he was sure he was being condescended to or dismissed, and equally sure at the same time that she would be surprised (as much as she ever could be) at the very suggestion. "Thanks, I think."
"You are welcome," she said with a small, enigmatic smile. "Thank you for a very useful conversation, and an enjoyable deviation from my usual routine."
no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 12:43 am (UTC)This was so cool! And reminds me that Shen and Teddy never ended up talking about Buddhism after their first disastrous touch on the topic. :D
no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 03:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 09:32 pm (UTC)