Shen and Jeanne-Marie, October 29
Oct. 29th, 2017 12:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ax_mainA few days after Shinobi's party, Shen encourages JM to talk to her brother. JM would rather have a hug.
Shen was just coming back from visiting her uncle in Salem Center, and she smiled when she found her roommate in their room. "Hey! How's your day gone?"
If Jeanne-Marie had nothing planned right then, this might be the perfect opportunity to bring up her brother. Shen hoped Warren would follow through on his end, if he even remembered their conversation; she wasn't sure how drunk he'd ended up. She was thankful enough she hadn't forgotten all about it, although it had taken her a few hours before she remembered it.
And then she'd decided to wait until she felt human again to actually do anything about it.
"Not too badly," Jeanne-Marie said with a little smile. She turned from her phone to focus her attention on her roommate, so happy to have her back--even though she'd only been gone a few hours. The room was quiet and boring without Shen. "Was your visit good?"
"Yeah," Shen stated with a nod and a smile, and dropped her jacket on her bed, then pulled her sweater over her head. That left her in one of her racer tank tops, and her wings pushed out of her back in a few seconds. Better. She grinned at Jeanne-Marie. "Yang Tian's always good at helping me get some perspective."
A slight pang of envy struck Jeanne-Marie, but there was no malice in it. She was glad Shen had that in her life--so very glad. "What did he have to say?"
"A bunch of very zen stuff," Shen replied, throwing her discarded clothes on the back of her chair. "Not about everything that's going on, more about - me. And how to go through life. What to do with - everything I feel, even the negative stuff. That's what you most want to turn into a force for good."
"It sounds very useful," Jeanne-Marie said with a little smile. "And... very difficult. But most useful things are?"
"The really important ones, anyway," Shen agreed, and sat on the corner of her bed, so her wings could hang off the end of it. They bristled, then settled, the closest she could get to stretching them in their room. "Speaking of..." She let that trail off for a second, hesitating all over again as she watched her friend. But no, no, something needed to change. "Did you ever try to talk to Jean-Paul again?"
Jeanne-Marie bit at her bottom lip, quiet for a moment. Then she shook her head.
"Cards on the table, I asked Warren about this," Shen said next. If Jeanne-Marie was going to be pissed about it, she deserved to know. And if she wasn't, then it would be for the better. "I didn't tell him anything you told me, but... he did say your brother was miserable as well."
“And yet he won’t even look at me.” Jeanne-Marie frowned, though, knowing herself guilty of the same. “He doesn’t look miserable. He’s got Warren.”
"You know, I spent all of Shinobi's party trying not to look at Tam, because it hurt too much," Shen pointed out. "And it would, even if I had -" she barely just managed not to say 'two', since Jeanne-Marie probably didn't know and Shen didn't want to risk derailing the conversation, "a super hot boy or girlfriend. Not that I'm saying it's the same, obviously, I just mean. Sometimes stuff just hurts too much."
Really not the same. Shen didn't know what it was like, having a sibling, and she wasn't going to talk like she did.
Jeanne-Marie nodded, understanding perfectly--and appreciative of it, though she still couldn't quite believe. "I must've hurt him, to make him so angry." Then she sighed. "I wish I could be brave, but.... all my resolve shatters when I remember that fight."
"Hey, I know you can do it," Shen told her in earnest. She had a lot of faith in her friend, they weren't empty words. "You stood up to him that day, you're gonna be an X-Woman," why oh why were they going with such a gendered title, ugh, "you've got plenty of courage." She stood back up to take Jeanne-Marie's hand in hers and squeeze it. "And let's be real, he's a boy with an attitude, he probably feels too proud to reach out. Once again, a woman's gonna have to do the hard thing."
JM shook her head. "I don't know, Shen. All I can think... is how he'll look at me." That look of--what had it been? There had been a threat in it, but mostly it was... contempt? It hurt so bad...
Shen squeezed her hand again, with the tug on her own heartstrings. "I'm sure he won't look at like that again. Take it from someone with a temper. We say and do things we don't mean, and then we feel like shit."
"I'm so tired of caring so much," Jeanne-Marie admitted. "I think... if I could just be sure he wouldn't explode in my face if I tried..."
Shen had held back her impulse to hug her friend for long enough, and now she released her hand to wrap her arms around her, wings cocooning them both. "I'm sorry that it's a risk."
Jeanne-Marie rested her head on Shen’s shoulder. She loved how safe the wings made her feel... she tried not to wonder if her brother ever felt the same thing about someone else. She couldn’t anymore. “It will come out, one way or the other. Just not soon enough.” She gave a little laugh and wrapped her arms around Shen’s waist.
That little laugh was so unlike the laughs Shen liked to hear from Jeanne-Marie, she only hugged her a little tighter. "You know I'll be there, whatever happens."
"You're the best friend anyone's ever had," Jeanne-Marie assured her.
Shen only just managed not to let out a short, unamused laugh of her own, but after everything with Tamara... she didn't feel anything like a good friend, never mind the best. "You deserve something like that," she answered honestly, quietly, her throat a little tight.
Jeanne-Marie just squeezed her and held on. "So do you."
"Good thing I've got you, then," Shen told her, and rested her head sideways on Jeanne-Marie's shoulder. She'd pull back from the hug as soon as Jeanne-Marie showed any sign of wanting out, but in the meantime, prolonged hugging it was. It was just like vertical snuggling, after all. "You deserve a brother, too."
Jeanne-Marie didn't know if it would be better or worse to have one again. She didn't know anything anymore. So she just hugged Shen gratefully, and for the moment, that was more than enough.
Shen was just coming back from visiting her uncle in Salem Center, and she smiled when she found her roommate in their room. "Hey! How's your day gone?"
If Jeanne-Marie had nothing planned right then, this might be the perfect opportunity to bring up her brother. Shen hoped Warren would follow through on his end, if he even remembered their conversation; she wasn't sure how drunk he'd ended up. She was thankful enough she hadn't forgotten all about it, although it had taken her a few hours before she remembered it.
And then she'd decided to wait until she felt human again to actually do anything about it.
"Not too badly," Jeanne-Marie said with a little smile. She turned from her phone to focus her attention on her roommate, so happy to have her back--even though she'd only been gone a few hours. The room was quiet and boring without Shen. "Was your visit good?"
"Yeah," Shen stated with a nod and a smile, and dropped her jacket on her bed, then pulled her sweater over her head. That left her in one of her racer tank tops, and her wings pushed out of her back in a few seconds. Better. She grinned at Jeanne-Marie. "Yang Tian's always good at helping me get some perspective."
A slight pang of envy struck Jeanne-Marie, but there was no malice in it. She was glad Shen had that in her life--so very glad. "What did he have to say?"
"A bunch of very zen stuff," Shen replied, throwing her discarded clothes on the back of her chair. "Not about everything that's going on, more about - me. And how to go through life. What to do with - everything I feel, even the negative stuff. That's what you most want to turn into a force for good."
"It sounds very useful," Jeanne-Marie said with a little smile. "And... very difficult. But most useful things are?"
"The really important ones, anyway," Shen agreed, and sat on the corner of her bed, so her wings could hang off the end of it. They bristled, then settled, the closest she could get to stretching them in their room. "Speaking of..." She let that trail off for a second, hesitating all over again as she watched her friend. But no, no, something needed to change. "Did you ever try to talk to Jean-Paul again?"
Jeanne-Marie bit at her bottom lip, quiet for a moment. Then she shook her head.
"Cards on the table, I asked Warren about this," Shen said next. If Jeanne-Marie was going to be pissed about it, she deserved to know. And if she wasn't, then it would be for the better. "I didn't tell him anything you told me, but... he did say your brother was miserable as well."
“And yet he won’t even look at me.” Jeanne-Marie frowned, though, knowing herself guilty of the same. “He doesn’t look miserable. He’s got Warren.”
"You know, I spent all of Shinobi's party trying not to look at Tam, because it hurt too much," Shen pointed out. "And it would, even if I had -" she barely just managed not to say 'two', since Jeanne-Marie probably didn't know and Shen didn't want to risk derailing the conversation, "a super hot boy or girlfriend. Not that I'm saying it's the same, obviously, I just mean. Sometimes stuff just hurts too much."
Really not the same. Shen didn't know what it was like, having a sibling, and she wasn't going to talk like she did.
Jeanne-Marie nodded, understanding perfectly--and appreciative of it, though she still couldn't quite believe. "I must've hurt him, to make him so angry." Then she sighed. "I wish I could be brave, but.... all my resolve shatters when I remember that fight."
"Hey, I know you can do it," Shen told her in earnest. She had a lot of faith in her friend, they weren't empty words. "You stood up to him that day, you're gonna be an X-Woman," why oh why were they going with such a gendered title, ugh, "you've got plenty of courage." She stood back up to take Jeanne-Marie's hand in hers and squeeze it. "And let's be real, he's a boy with an attitude, he probably feels too proud to reach out. Once again, a woman's gonna have to do the hard thing."
JM shook her head. "I don't know, Shen. All I can think... is how he'll look at me." That look of--what had it been? There had been a threat in it, but mostly it was... contempt? It hurt so bad...
Shen squeezed her hand again, with the tug on her own heartstrings. "I'm sure he won't look at like that again. Take it from someone with a temper. We say and do things we don't mean, and then we feel like shit."
"I'm so tired of caring so much," Jeanne-Marie admitted. "I think... if I could just be sure he wouldn't explode in my face if I tried..."
Shen had held back her impulse to hug her friend for long enough, and now she released her hand to wrap her arms around her, wings cocooning them both. "I'm sorry that it's a risk."
Jeanne-Marie rested her head on Shen’s shoulder. She loved how safe the wings made her feel... she tried not to wonder if her brother ever felt the same thing about someone else. She couldn’t anymore. “It will come out, one way or the other. Just not soon enough.” She gave a little laugh and wrapped her arms around Shen’s waist.
That little laugh was so unlike the laughs Shen liked to hear from Jeanne-Marie, she only hugged her a little tighter. "You know I'll be there, whatever happens."
"You're the best friend anyone's ever had," Jeanne-Marie assured her.
Shen only just managed not to let out a short, unamused laugh of her own, but after everything with Tamara... she didn't feel anything like a good friend, never mind the best. "You deserve something like that," she answered honestly, quietly, her throat a little tight.
Jeanne-Marie just squeezed her and held on. "So do you."
"Good thing I've got you, then," Shen told her, and rested her head sideways on Jeanne-Marie's shoulder. She'd pull back from the hug as soon as Jeanne-Marie showed any sign of wanting out, but in the meantime, prolonged hugging it was. It was just like vertical snuggling, after all. "You deserve a brother, too."
Jeanne-Marie didn't know if it would be better or worse to have one again. She didn't know anything anymore. So she just hugged Shen gratefully, and for the moment, that was more than enough.
