ax_main | Wanda and Eileen | Backdated to 11/02

Wanda and Eileen troll Tamara's YouTube page and talk Mutant Stuff. Topics include X and Magneto's falling out, the Improbable Minimoffs, and how lucky the FoH were they pulled their punches when they broke up that rally.

Well fuck. There it was, right on cue.

Wanda rolled her eyes at the dragon-girl's latest YouTube video, wishing she'd had the sense to actually bet Scott on the timing.

The girl raised some good points, she had to admit. Comparing the rally to a Nazi gathering was inspired. Pointing out that it would have been better to have stopped the Nazis before they hauled people off to concentration camps, good point.

How, exactly, that was supposed to have happened without violence? Yeah That's where the girl's whole thing fell apart.

"Hey Eileen!" she called across the room, setting her phone down in her lap. "We're supposed to break up asshole bigot rallies without resorting to violence. Why didn't we think of that?"

Eileen had been floating through with one of the post-raid sandwiches Alex had made in her hands. But she stopped and glanced Wanda's way as the other girl spoke, glowing eyes narrowing. "Violence? They thought that was violence? Bunch'a fucking crybabies, if you ask me. The worst they got was Mort slimin' a couple of those yokel-douchebags. If we'd wanted to be violent, Pyro and Havok would'a just torched the whole place." It annoyed her that the restraint they'd exercised during their breakup of the rally, restraint she hadn't necessarily supported wholeheartedly, was being completely overlooked in the mainstream media, but whatever--flatscans would be flatscans.

"Which major news outlet talking head is going on about it now? I might be able to get Fatale to teleport me over to his house to fry all the electronics before his segment's over."

"Save it for Trish Tilsby," Wanda advised. Honestly, she'd go along on that one, just to watch. "This is from dragon-girl, the YouTube superstar." She snorted, expressing her opinion of both YouTube bloggers in general and the dragon girl in particular. "You know. The one the moron kid thought you looked like." Because yeah. She'd been hearing about that for about twenty four hours now, too.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Eileen grumbled, cramming the rest of her sandwich into her mouth and drifting Wanda's way. "I look as much like her as I do Scarlett fucking Johansson." If she ever ran into that idiot rube again ... What? When they were up in the air, they all looked the same? Fucker. "What's she runnin' on about this time?"

"She does not advocate violence. Even against assholes at neo-Nazi-like rallies." Wanda rolled her eyes and held out the phone for Eileen to see for herself. "Apparently, violence against guys who don't fall down at her feet is cool, but not so much against the people who'd want to kill her."

"Does not advocate?" echoed the other girl, her glowing eyes widening with surprise that was mostly feigned, at that point. Expecting consistency from people in general would have made her just as big an idiot. "So, what was that thing at the park a couple weeks ago, then? How is burning signs that different from wrecking some phones and putting the fear of God in 'em?"

Wanda made a show of looking at her phone before looking back up at her teammate. "She doesn't say." She smirked. "Maybe we should ask her? Just for clarification?"

"Clarification is important," Eileen nodded. "After all, it's apparently really easy for bigoted hillbillies to get one mutant mixed up with another on the basis of their relative elevation or a passing similarity in the effects of their powers."

"We wouldn't want to be responsible for that kind of mix-up." Wanda grinned and clicked to respond to the YouTube video. "What do we want to say?"

"Everything I want to say would violate YouTube's terms of use agreement," the blond grated out. "How about something along the lines of her denouncing exactly the same thing she was being dragged over the coals for not long ago, except we were actually effective at sending our message?"

Wanda considered that, then nodded. "That works."

She typed, "It's interesting that you claim to denounce violence, despite the fact you defended your own actions at the rally in Central Park. Could it be that you only renounce effective violence? Or is it that you renounce it only when you're a non-participant?" She held out the phone for Eileen to see before submitting it.

"I still don't think we were all that violent," Eileen said, then shrugged. "But maybe I'm just splitting hairs. Maybe scaring the shit out of idiots is violence. Though it still wasn't nearly as bad as what we coulda done--or what they'd do to us, if we give 'em half a chance." She shook her head. "Looks good to me. Go ahead and toss it off into the webosphere, or whatever they call it these days."

"I don't think we were either. I should add that, huh?" Wanda made a few changes, then went ahead and posted it to the comments. And smirked. "There."

"It's interesting that you claim to denounce violence, despite the fact you defended your own actions at the rally in Central Park. Could it be that you only renounce effective violence? Or is it that you renounce it only when you're a non-participant?

"Also, great restraint was shown by the mutant initiators of the demonstration. Do you think for a moment that the rally participants would have shown half that much restraint, were the situations reversed?"

She set the phone down and gestured for Eileen to join her on the couch. "So, what've you been up to? Other than ranting about Tilby?"

"Eh. Tilby's a sensationalist dipshit, like most news personalities nowadays. I'll get over it." She flopped down onto the couch next to Wanda, though the fact that her eyes continued to glow suggested she was still using her powers in some way. "Honestly? I been kinda worried about how some of the less-douchey kids at that school were gonna react to this. I mean, I told Shen straight-up that we weren't terrorists. I still think we're not; if the FoH fuckers feel terrorized, then they brought in on themselves by being rabid pricks. But it annoys me that the media is trying to make me out to be a liar."

"Yeah, I hear you. Scott had shit to say about it, too. Including that we accidentally painted a target on them." Wanda sighed. "I mean, the whole bunch of them may be unbelievably naive, but still. Like you said, not douchey. And I really don't want a target painted there. If Billy and Tommy are going to stay there, I at least want them safe."

Eileen snorted. "They already had a target painted on them--if they thought otherwise, then they weren't paying attention. Between that asshole, Kelly, and that super-asshole, Creed, we've been fast-tracked on the route to America's Least-Favorite Minority. Why the hell shouldn't we let them know we aren't going to go quietly? Are they sayin' that if the G-Men show up that their school, they'll just roll with it? Or the fucking pitchfork-carryin' mob?" She blew some errant blond strands out of her face irritably. "It shouldn't have to be like this," she complained. "We should all be on the same side."

"Yeah, no shit. But you know as well as I do some of them aren't willing to do what's necessary. Fuck, Shen thought it was irresponsible that the guys screw around with their powers. Everyone should stay safe. Because y'know, that's realistic." Wanda shrugged. "I just wish they'd realize that we're doing this for them as much as we are for us."

"Safe," Eileen harrumphed. "Like that was even possible, after our powers manifested. If we don't get caged for lab rats, we'll get strung up or burned at the stake by the lunatic fringe. What the hell is safe about any of that?"

Behind the glow of her eyes, the blond mutant's expression grew sly. "You know who you sound like right now, yeah? Family resemblance is startin' to show through."

"Oh, fuck you." Wanda hexed a pillow from across the room and sent it flying at the other girl. "Besides, he might be an asshole of a father, but he's not wrong."

Giving an "oof" and a quiet chuckle as the pillow hit her square in the face and chest, Eileen grabbed it by one corner and swatted Wanda on the side with it. "I know all about asshole fathers At least he gets the mutant right-to-life thing--mine never did." Her elbows rose and fell. "Anyway, I think you could maybe cut him a little slack, now you've found out you're a latchkey parent, too."

"Would you stop?" Wanda had to laugh at that, though - and did, even as she fought Eileen for pillow ownership. "And seriously, I'm not counting having those kids until I've actually had those kids."

Tugging back on the pillow, Eileen said, "So, what? If you decide to live the rest of your life as a nun, they'll just disappear? Christ, I never appreciated how fucked-up probability manipulation was until this. Because you could just ... virgin birth that shit, couldn't you? I mean, conceivably? Not that I'm callin' you a virgin, or anything."

"UGH! Fuck you, Eileen." Wanda let go of the pillow and glared (somewhat unconvincingly) at the other girl. "I don't know! Maybe? But whatever. I shouldn't have to be a mother until I've actually had them, right? Besides, they're two years younger than me."

Eileen thwacked her with the pillow again. "The age difference isn't really the issue, though, is it? Family is family, no matter how fucked-up or improbable it is. You really want to have the moral high ground over your old man? Do better to the people who have your genes in common." Her mouth twisted. "Not that I'm saying you should act all maternal, or anything. That would be weird. Maybe older, wiser cousin would be a good starting point."

"Hey! I'm working on that. It's not like I blew them off or anything," Wanda protested

"I'm just offerin' my opinion as a totally unbiased outside observer," Eileen said. "I don't think you'll find anybody who'd argue I'd make a fucking terrible life-coach."

"Nobody'd argue that, no." Wanda made a face. "So, as a totally unbiased observer, what should I be doing? Because I feel like I should invite them here, but...should I? I mean, they seem pretty happy where they're at." Or were they? She wasn't sure Tommy was happy, period, though he seemed better adjusted than either Alex or Fatale.

"Well, obviously they should be here," the blond pointed out, a touch indignant. "We're a million times better, and a couple hundred thousand times more ahead of this thing that's coming. But. You're not wrong. They do seem like they're pretty okay with their current situation, and the last thing we want to do is come across as pushy." With other mutants, anyway; the flatscans would pretty much have to be pushed until their throwback asses started moving in the right direction. "Maybe let 'em know it's a standing offer. Even if they just want to bail for a couplea days, or somethin'. You know, work your way up to it slow."

"That's a good idea." Wanda sighed and held up her phone in emphasis. "It's hard. I have no idea what I'm doing, here. Aren't I supposed to get nine months to prep for kids?"

"Plus five or six years, at least," Eileen agreed. "And there's some fun stuff that's supposed to come before it, too. I think you got royally screwed on this deal." Except for the part where she literally hadn't. "Anyway, nothing else in our lives seems to go by the book. Why would this be any different?"

"No shit. Our lives suck in ways that aren't even supposed to exist," Wanda grumbled. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and had just started typing a text when she got a beep indicating that dragon girl had replied to her comment. "Check moron's YouTube, huh? She replied."

Muttering disjointed obscenities to herself under her breath, Eileen fished her phone out of her pocket and began the laborious process of pulling up the video--and, more specifically, the video's comments section. (She liked her phone, its harmonies were beautiful, but she preferred for her phone to just be a phone, and not some state-of-the-art multimedia hub.) After scrolling through ... a lot of comments, the viciousness of which would have justified their busting up the FoH rally a hundred times over--she finally found the one she was looking for. And promptly gave an irritable huff.

"Wait a sec. Didn't she and Tommy approach the bigots first? I'm pretty sure that's how that happened. How is provoking a bunch of frenzied xenophobes into charging, then attacking them morally superior to just wrecking their shit without giving them that couplea seconds to think they're gonna wreck yours?"

"Because it's sneaky? Fuck if I know. It doesn't sound morally superior to me. Maybe point that out?" She was busy texting, after all. Eileen could take a turn at dragon-girl baiting.

"Ugh. Fine. But you know I hate typing in this fucking thing ..." Eileen trailed off, tips of her fingers slowly pecking out a response.

"So grab a laptop instead. Now shut up, I'm texting my kids." Which was harder than it should be. Damn it, she hated text messages. It was so much easier to just talk to people than it was to figure out what to type.

"'Shut up, I'm texting my kids'," Eileen repeated in a nasal, mocking monotone, determinedly getting through the text and hitting the send command. "You should be glad to have a friend like me, who won't get all bent out of shape over weird-ass statements like that, you know. I'm totally unappreciated around here, except when you guys need an electronics blackout. Dicks."

"Fuck that. We appreciate you for your cookies, too." Wanda looked up from her phone, smirked, then turned back to it. "Besides, who says I'm not glad? I just suck at this shit. I'll help badger the dragon-bitch once I'm done."

Eileen made an extremely indelicate sound in response. "Great. I'm feelin' all the warm-fuzzies right now." With a snort, she tossed her phone onto the cushion next to her. "Anyway, are we really sure she's a bitch? Self-absorbed, absolutely, and a total attention-whore, but she is ready to throw fire at idiot flatscans when she has to."

"Yeah, and I'd give her a thumbs up for that, except for the part where she also zapped our teammate." Wanda's eyes hardened. "No one gets to do that except us."

"Fair point," she conceded. "That's definitely our exclusive domain." Eileen thought for a second, then added, "Why the hell are there even two teams, anyway? Shouldn't we have been just one team from the fucking start?"

"Their Professor and Dad had a fight or some shit," Wanda explained. She held up a hand for Eileen to hang on, then concentrated, hexed the phone, and hit send. "I asked, after Miss B&E showed up. Apparently their guy wants to play nice with the flatscans. Dad says he's a good man, but an idealistic idiot."

"Oh, Christ," Eileen complained, burying her face in her hands for a moment. "So, your dad broke up with his boyfriend, and now we might eventually need to go up against people who should be on our side? That fucking sucks."

"No shit. Hopefully it won't come to that, though. I mean, I don't think they really want to fight us any more than we want to fight them," Wanda pointed out. "If we don't start anything, why would they?"

"If their Professor decides the nice mutants need to put the scary mutants down to keep the flatscans pacified?" Eileen said. "I don't think a lot of 'em would like it ... but they might do it, anyway."

Wanda grimaced. "Hopefully it won't come to that. They know why we're fighting. Some of them have to understand it, right? I mean, we're doing it for them as much as we are for ourselves."

"We are," she agreed. "And maybe some of 'em will. I don't know. This is just a fucktastically screwed-up situation. I don't think we should take anything for granted."

"Probably not." Wanda made a face. "It's too bad we didn't find more of them. How is this guy filling an entire school, anyway?"

"I've been givin' that some thought," Eileen said seriously. "And I think I've got an idea. You know how my extra sense can let me tell the difference between mutants and flatscans, in at least a really general sense? I think their Professor must have something like that--some aspect of his gift, or maybe technology--that lets him do the same thing. Only, y'know," she added spreading her hands, "bigger."

"Huh." Wanda mulled that over for a moment. "Y'know, Dad never has mentioned just what the guy can do, has he? It'd explain a lot. I mean, pretty sure those kids come from everywhere."

"I know, right?" the other girl agreed, nose wrinkling in irritation. "They've got Bahamian mutants, Irish mutants, German mutants--mutants from other dimensions, if you buy into what Magik is sellin'." Which ... weirdly enough Eileen did. It had taken her a while to really accept the idea, but she didn't think Illyana was crazy. Or that she'd bullshit them over something ... so goddamn out-there-freaking-crazy. "Guy's gotta have some kind of freakin' cheat code."

"We need a cheat code of our own," Wanda grumbled. She paused and eyed Eileen speculatively. "Y'know...you can tell mutants from flatscans sometimes. How likely would you say it is?"

"That I can tell us from them?" Eileen asked, brows rising curiously. "The more mutants I meet, the easier it gets. Flatscans have variations in their harmonies, but they're smaller, subtler. Takes more time to pick up on. But with mutants, even if I don't know what they do, exactly, it tends to be pretty obvious they're not baseline humans pretty quick." She shrugged. "If you're asking how likely it is for any given individual to be a mutant ... My senses extend over a pretty fair proportion of the city. There's not a mutant in it, except here. Besides, aren't your powers pretty much defined as 'cheat code'?"

"Yeah, kinda my point. If we could figure out how, between us? We might be able to pull something off." Wanda shrugged. "Not today, though."

"Not today," Eileen nodded slowly. "But I'm pretty sure we could figure it out."

Wanda's phone alert sounded before she could respond to that, and she rolled her eyes at the new message. "How the fuck did we create a 'hostage situation'?" she demanded. "Fatale redirected one fucking door - it's not our fault if people were too stupid to go out the emergency exit. Besides, don't you have to make demands to be said to have hostages?"

She shrugged. "Maybe? I dunno the ins and outs of the legal definition of hostage-taking." With a wave of her hand, Eileen added, "Might just be splitting hairs, either way. To me, the important thing is that nobody got hurt--when they coulda got really, really hurt. And woulda deserved it." She wasn't happy they had pulled their punches in breaking up the rally, but she knew how to follow orders. "Who are you arguin' with on that damn phone, anyway? Pietro Lite or Genderbent Wanda?"

"Neither. They haven't replied yet. This is the moron's response to your comment on her YouTube." Wanda gave her friend a look. "Also? They have names." She held up her phone. "You wanta take this one, or do you want me to?"

Eileen cackled. "I know they have names. I know what their names are. But why would I pull any punches with them, when I don't bother with any of the rest of you?" If Tommy and Billy wanted to run with the Brotherhood, even if it was just a casual association, better they should know what they were in for. It wasn't as if Wanda weren't familiar with her personality, either. She made a shooing motion at the other thing, as if trying to run off a persistent mosquito. "Anyway, you be my guest. I've already exceeded my daily recommended dose of Vitamin Stupid for one day."

"Uggh. Fine. Last one, and I'm done with her." Wanda started typing on her phone. "Anyway, come up with something other than gender bent Wanda, okay? It's weird enough knowing there's a guy version of me out there without you calling him that."

"Fine, you big baby," Eileen conceded with ill-grace. "As long as you know everybody's thinking it, I guess that's enough."

"Uggh," Wanda echoed. She paused for a moment, rereading what she'd typed, and smirked as she handed it to Eileen. "That should give her a surprise, huh?"

After reading the message Wanda had just posted on YouTube, Eileen blinked. Then blinked again. She looked at Wanda, then back to the screen, and whistled softly. "Well. I guess we're finished playin' coy." She passed the phone back with a shake of her head. "This kinda sucks, though, I gotta say. Yeah, this chick was a dick to Pyro, and cost her major points she would have otherwise earned with bein' ballsy enough to do a mutant YouTube channel. I just kind of hate to be arguin' with another mutant in this kind of public forum, y'know? But whatever. She came at us."

"Plus she's a moron. But yeah, I hear you. I probably shouldn't have replied, huh?" She shrugged. Whatever, it was done now. "At least people know she's not you?"

"Meh," Eileen grunted. "Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Better to set the record straight, I think. And, yeah, that was really pissing me off. I don't even fucking have wings! How could anybody with two working eyeballs make that kind of mistake?"

"So, that's taken care of, at least." Wanda got to her feet. "Let's go tell the guys we took credit for the whole thing. They'll stop bitching about it."

"Sure," she said, levitating up into the air and floating free of the couch. "Until the next thing they start bitching about." Under her breath, Eileen added in a low grumble, "Seriously, she's, like, four-foot-nothing and Asian. I look more like Audrey fucking Hepburn. Fucking flatscans ...