ax_main | Caleb and Nott - Old Things, New Things

A frustrating study session, liberal application of alcohol and Sherlock bring buried feelings between Nott and Caleb to the surface. Have you ever had an argument with your best friend only to realize you're both afraid of the same thing?

It should have been a good time.

Nott missed Caleb. Which wasn't supposed to happen, was it? Here they were, in the same school, she could see him whenever she wanted, right? What was to miss? They had things good now, great even, what with their freedom and this new place and new friends...

Oh, yeah, and grinding through extra study sessions like they had tonight if she was gonna graduate within the next decade. She was way behind across subjects, strongest in science, but the odd smattering of stuff she knew about chemistry wasn't really enough to make up the difference for everything she didn't know. (Which was everything else.) She had a hard time studying, because it was boring and dry and she wasn't used to it so she did it wrong or half-hearted and she wasn't even sure really how much she cared? But this was what you did in a school, and Caleb liked school, so here they were.

Caleb who was always so smart, a great student really, who was way ahead of her in everything and had spent the last several hours helping her and only making her feel mostly like an idiot (but she knew it wasn't his fault at all).

The hard part was over, for now, and they'd settled in with snacks and booze and some TV pulled up on the open laptop on the bed in front of them. A new British Sherlock Holmes thing Nott had heard about, but in modern times, and she'd put it on because maybe it would help her with thinking like a detective for her investigations with Jester? Caleb had agreed to watching it when she'd said so, but he'd made a sour face about it and hadn't explained why.

"You would look really good in a coat and a scarf like that," Nott tried, chalking up the mood to the time spent studying. She pushed the flask back his way, reaching for more popcorn.

It was a much nicer coat than the one Caleb had. “I have a coat.” He took the flask from Nott and took a swig. They were far enough into their movie night now that the burn of the whiskey down his throat was barely noticeable. Weirdly, though, he didn’t have that warm, happy feeling that came after a few drinks. Mostly, he just felt sad. All he could think about was how…off things with Nott were.

Caleb knew he was being ridiculous. Yeah, sure, he and Nott saw each other less and they didn’t message as often. And, yeah, Nott barely snuck into his room at night anymore, but that didn’t mean they were growing apart. They were just busy. And it was good Nott had Jester! He was happy she had a new friend. She deserved to have all the friends she wanted!

…But, then things had kinda felt off with Cal and Clint too, hadn’t they? Distant. Sorta like he was a third wheel, and maybe…maybe his friends just…didn’t need him anymore. There were better friends for them here.

"I know, I've seen it." Seen it. Smelled it. It was pretty beat up. Nott didn't mind it really, she'd worn mostly hand-me-downs and secondhand clothes even before she'd ended up on the streets. There was no reason Caleb couldn't have something better though. "But that one's nice. You could upgrade, get rid of that ratty old thing."

Nott crammed another handful of popcorn into her face and took the flask back from Caleb to wash it down.

Was his coat that bad? …Yeah, it was. Caleb kinda wore it for that reason. “Maybe.” He grabbed some popcorn, and started eating it out of his hand one kernel at a time. “Maybe Cal or Clint wants to go to the mall. Or Molly. They have good taste in clothes.”

He hadn't suggested going with Nott, even though it was her idea. Everything with Caleb was about Cal or Clint or Molly now.

"Or, we could make another mall trip with Jester," Nott suggested, turning away from the screen to look at him. "You didn't seem to want any clothes the last time we went.”

Of course, Nott wanted Jester to go. She and Jester did everything together now. “I didn’t want anything last time,” Caleb replied, mystified as to what that had to do with anything. Something in the way Nott had said that had sounded like an accusation.

"Okay," Nott allowed with a shrug, glancing down into the popcorn bowl and back up at Caleb with the start of a frown, searching for the words under the corn kernels and sheen of artificial butter. "It just didn't seem like you were very excited to be there. With us. And now you can't wait to go back with Cal or Clint or Molly.”

Caleb stared at Nott like she’d just sprouted another head. “What? That is not true. I don’t want to go back. I only said it because you said I should get a new coat.” He scowled suddenly, indignant. It sounded like an accusation again, but directed at his friends instead of at himself and that wasn’t okay. “And what’s wrong with going with Cal or Clint or Molly?”

Nott's yellow eyes widened at the darkening of his mood, her long, pointed ears flaring slightly behind her. "NOTHING is wrong with Cal or Clint or Molly. I didn't say there was anything wrong with them!"

Eyes going wide, Caleb recoiled in surprise at Nott’s raised voice. She’d never yelled at him before. “There is nothing wrong with them; You just don’t want to go to the mall with them,” he pointed out, doubtful.

If Caleb thought she was yelling at him now, he had no idea what that really sounded like.

UGH, she wanted to be mad at him - but Caleb jerked away from her and all Nott felt was the lurch of sadness and frustration in her chest, pricking at her eyes. She picked up the popcorn bowl off of her lap and put it aside onto the bed in a sharp, taut motion. The few airborne freed kernels bounced for it while the bouncing was good. "How would you know? You didn't ask if I wanted to go.”

“Of course, you’re invited,” Caleb said like that should be obvious. “I didn’t ask because you were a given. It was your idea. You are always invited, Nott.” He winced like he was expecting a blow, afraid of the answer that was going to come, and didn’t quite meet Nott’s eyes as he asked, “…Is that why you didn’t invite me to that party you and Jester went to. You are mad at me?”

Now it was her turn to look confused. "You mean Kitty's party? But...the whole school was invited. And I thought for sure if you were gonna go, it'd be with your new best friends, not me."

She seemed done for a beat, but then added - "Also, I know how much you hate parties.”

Maybe Caleb was being over-sensitive… Nott was right. Everyone had been invited to the party, and he did hate parties. It was stupid to be hurt just because she’d asked Jester to go with her instead of him. It made sense—Jester was more fun. He wouldn’t even ask himself to a party, especially when there was someone like Jester around.

Caleb shrugged helplessly, staring down at his hands, then, after a moment, said, “You’re my best best friend.”

Oh. Oh, Caleb.

"Caleb, you know you're-" My boy. "...You're my best best friend, too. And nothing's gonna change that. Not what happened in your past, or because of the Right or Trent, not being here. Not to me. But you spend so much time with your guy friends now, you're so much better off here, I thought..." She gave a stiff, tight shrug back to him, the words stuck in her throat.

Realization smacked Caleb square in the forehead. He and Nott were afraid of the same thing. They both were worried that the other wasn’t going to be their friend anymore. His heart ached thinking that he’d made her feel that way. For someone so smart, why was he always so stupid?

A sad, apologetic smile twisted Caleb’s mouth and he reached out, putting an arm around his best best friend to draw her in for a hug. “You’ll always be my best best friend, Nott.”

Caleb wasn't a big hugger, so when he offered, she didn't hesitate. Nott wrapped her arms around his middle and leaned her face on his chest for a tight squeeze. "I'm sorry. I got here and I saw you had great roommates and they could pass for human and you're doing so well in your classes and your magical studies and I'm so far behind... I thought things might have to change.”

His throat going tight with emotion, Caleb put his other arm around Nott in a proper hug and tucked his head in against hers. “Never,” he promised into her hair. “Nobody could replace you, Nott.”

She stayed where she was for a long moment, taking in the comfort and letting her doubts settle. Her jaw and neck and shoulders and unknotted a bit from where she hadn't even realized they were all clenched. Then Nott peered back up at him. "Jester is a good friend. She's sweet, but not afraid to cut a bitch. She likes meeting people, and going places, and doing fun things." (Sometimes chaotic, dangerous, questionable things.) "But she's not you. And I don't know what I'd do without you.”

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut against the threat of tears. He didn’t know what Nott saw in him, whatever it was he definitely didn’t deserve it, but he was so grateful for it. “I don’t know what I would do without you either,” he told her, hugging her tighter.

She almost wanted to ask Caleb again, to be sure that he'd said what she thought she'd heard. But she knew that he had. And if they both really felt the same way, that they didn't want things between them to change- "I guess I was being pretty silly, huh?" She didn't try to break out of the hug at all.

A small, quiet laugh escaped, tinged with the emotion Caleb had tried to swallow moments before. “Maybe. But, so was I.”

“You can go to the mall or do whatever else with whoever else," she pulled back to look up at him again, so Caleb could see she was serious. "I'll go wherever you go, if you want. But it's fine if you spend time with your other friends without me. They're all okay." She really wasn't jealous. Or she didn't think she was. "I guess I just... Needed to hear that," she admitted quietly.

So had Caleb. More than he’d realized. “You can spend time with whoever you want too. With me, without me, it doesn’t matter.” He gave Nott a gentle squeeze of a hug. “I am sorry I made you feel like that.”

“No, it's nothing you did. It's all in my head, and sometimes that place is pretty messed up," she gave a weak twinge of a smile. "I wouldn't blame you, you know. For wanting to live a more normal life. Or if you went the other way, and used your powers to do something truly extraordinary.”

Of all the disagreements clattering around in Caleb’s head, the first one to come out was, “You are normal, Nott.”

Her look went veeeeeeeeeeeery skeptical, large yellow cat eyes going squinty, brows shifting. "I'm three feet tall, I'm green, I eat trash and sometimes I even cast spells. I'm not sure how any of that is normal.”

“Because the school is full of people of all different colors who can do all sorts of things.” Caleb pointed at their door as if to indicate the school and its residents beyond it. “There is a blue boy covered in a fur. He has a tail. Our teacher can read thoughts as easy as breathing. This is normal now.”

"Normal for weirdos," she muttered, but softly. She knew what he meant. She wasn't sure if she felt that way, but she knew what he meant. And that meant something, that he - you know?

“Normal for people,” Caleb disagreed, giving Nott’s hair a ruffle.

Nott wasn't entirely sure when he'd decided he liked fussing with her hair. At first she'd wondered if she shouldn't protest, because it was something you might do to a little kid? But she'd decided that if that was how Caleb liked to show his affection, she was glad to have it, so it was better not to make him feel self-conscious about it. And it was nice just to be touched in a loving way at all.

"One of your buttons is broken," she said after a quiet moment. It probably sounded like a strange jump to make, but it followed the line of her thoughts. "On your coat. Did you notice? I could fix it up for you with a new one, if you still want to keep your same old coat.”

Caleb’s chest squeezed tight with an overwhelming rush of affection. It was an olive branch, one Nott didn’t even owe him, and she was offering it anyway. He gave her a smile. “No, I think you’re right. It is time for a new coat. Will you help me pick it out?”

"Yes, of course," Nott agreed, a bit surprised he would want a new coat after all of that. "If you're ready. ...Do you want to ask Cal and Clint and Molly along? I wouldn't mind.”

Caleb wanted to hug Nott again. “Nah,” he said with a shake of his head. “I think it should just be me and you. We can go to the mall with them, and Jester, some other time.”

Nott smiled at him, equal parts fond and relieved. "I like the sound of that too."