Nolan and Shaun, slightly backdated
Aug. 30th, 2018 08:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ax_mainNolan and Gilmore investigate possibly using the Right's power-suppression collars to help Nolan's condition. Then, just when you though Shaun Gilmore was confident and self-possessed, he gets super awkward about a holiday invitation.
Shaun stretched his arms up over his head, sighing as his shoulders cracked lightly from sitting too long hunched over. On his desk lay a sketchbook open to detailed sketches of the collar-like device he'd taken off Caleb, and a laptop screen showing a much less skillful 3-D rendering. Shaun Gilmore might be an intuitive genius when it came to mechanics, but that didn't mean he knew how to model in Blender. And he sure as hell would like to be able to show the things he intuitively knew to other people.
Still stretching, Shaun glanced at the display on the NolCorp tablet he had resting in a stand on his desk. He had configured the sleek little wonder of futuristic technology to show him everything he ever wanted to know at a glance: time, upcoming appointments, a summary chart of the day's sales at Gilmore's Glorious Goods, his Instagram mentions, and the last three texts from any of his favorite contacts. Right now, the time on the clock and the time Nolan had last mentioned he expected to be back at school were just about the exact same. Hopefully, he'd have a knock on his door soon. Both he and Nolan had been incredibly busy lately, and any time they could steal together was wonderful and precious.
"Hey, Sebastian," he said, quirking a smile. "Play 'Faithfully' by Journey." If his timing was right, Shaun hoped Nolan would find the soundtrack of their little reunion amusing.
It was a little way into the song that Nolan came knocking on Shaun's door, still dressed in the sharp dark suit and very colourful shirt he'd worn to his meetings (and one interview) in the City today. When he was told to come in, he pushed the door open just in time to catch lyrics saying, And being apart ain't easy on this love affair, and he quirked an amused eyebrow at his boyfriend.
"Do you have an entire playlist dedicated to missing me?" he had to ask, soft-dry and honestly just happy to bask in the sight of Shaun for a few seconds. A sight for sore eyes, indeed.
Grinning, Shaun tipped back on the back legs of his chair, arms folded behind his head. Molly wasn't in evidence and the room was its usual cheerful riot of color, though fairly tidy despite the incredible exuberance of the two young men that lived there. Shaun himself was just dressed in a pair of loose black shorts and a t-shirt featuring a silhouette of a unicorn against a field of stars. Nolan, on the other hand, looked good enough to eat, and Shaun ate him up with his eyes just as Nolan did for him.
"Yeah, but it's just this song over and over and over," he finally said, returning snark for snark as he got up and crossed the room to wrap his arms around his fabulously-suited boyfriend. "Mm. Starchy. You're like hugging money," Shaun added playfully, leaning in for a kiss.
"And you're like coming home," Nolan replied after that kiss, lips curled up into a small, genuine smile. He tangled a hand in Shaun's hair, as he had grown very, very fond of doing, and gave him another short, soft kiss. "Now, please tell me that song isn't actually on repeat."
Shaun laughed, bright and warm, and tipped his head into Nolan's stroking fingers. "No, I promise, you're safe. And so am I, since Sebastian isn't self-aware and can't judge my musical tastes." He slipped a hand down to unbutton Nolan's suit jacket, which was about as far as was safe for him to venture when his door was still cracked open and Molly might come home any time. "Can you sit and stay awhile?"
Oh, that laugh. Nolan would never get enough of that laugh. "Yes, please." There were some numbers he had to go over tonight, but he could take a little time with Shaun, first. He glanced at the open door, then back at Shaun. "Where's Molly?"
"Late dinner, I think?" Shaun's smile quirked sheepishly. After missing Molly for most of the summer, whilst he was off doing what Shaun called 'mysterious Molly things,' he was a little embarrassed that he'd lost track of his darling roommate so easily. "One of his friends stopped by a little bit ago, but I was pretty wrapped up in..." He gestured over at his desk, and the laptop and papers on it, which had been absorbing all of his attention.
"Actually..." He hesitated, studying Nolan's face and trying to gauge just how exhausted he looked. "I was hoping you could take a look at it with me, if you're not too worn out. It's about the power-suppression collars?"
Nolan paused, then nodded. "I've been... meaning to ask you about them." But it was a difficult discussion to bring himself to have, and his lack of any vision in the past few weeks made it easier to push it back. Again, and again. "Let's have a look," he confirmed, disentangling himself from Shaun and taking off his jacket as he stepped nearer the computer. Instinct had him look at the screen rather than the sketches on paper, and he winced a little at the quality of the 3-D model. "We can do better than that." He put his folded jacket on the back of the computer chair, and gestured at it. "Do you mind?"
You didn't just sit at someone's desk to use their computer, not even when that someone was your boyfriend. But Nolan was itching to improve that 3-D rendering; it was something to do that wasn't numbers, promotion, marketing, or PR.
"Oh god, please," Shaun sighed with relief. He made a vague gesture toward the laptop and moved out of the way so Nolan could sit. "I can draw well enough to get what I see out of my head, but my mutation doesn't extend to computer programs. I can't think of another way to show anyone what's inside the collar. Short of telepathy, anyway."
When Nolan sat, Shaun slid in behind him, settling his hands lightly on his shoulders. So, Nolan had wanted to talk about it, too? Had they, maybe, come to the same hopeful conclusion? Shaun wasn't sure how to start saying it out loud, and he definitely didn't want to interrupt Nolan when he was working. "Maybe I need to go into architectural drafting instead of business school, because this isn't even the first time I've wished I could open up my brain and show someone what I'm seeing."
Short of telepathy. There had to be a way to make that happen, and it wasn't the first time the notion tickled Nolan. If technology could amplify telepathic abilities, then there had to be a way to get things from a telepath and into a computer. The main hurdle was formatting, of course, and it made him wish, again, that Tessa was still around. If anybody could have done it, it would have been her.
But that was neither here nor there, and Nolan focused on the problem at hand. "Or maybe someone can teach you about that on the side, no need to change your plans?" He raised one shoulder, turning his head to brush his chin against Shaun's fingers, then picked up Shaun's sketches. "Grab a chair."
Nolan was used to doing this, and doing this well, but he took longer than he needed to fix the rendition, explaining what he did, and how and why he did it, every step of the way. It was fascinating to discover that technology, but it was never quite only that. Fascinating, yes; it was incredibly advanced, and revolutionary in its own way. But what it could be used for, what it had been used for...
Eventually, they were done, and Nolan swiveled on his chair to face Shaun. He had to ask now, or he never would. He knew this. He had put this off long enough, wary of what Shaun might think of him - of what Nolan might think of himself, for that matter, if he went through with it. "Do you think you could make something of it?" There was a shadow in his eyes, the same sort that usually came over him when he discussed his mutation. "For me?"
Shaun had borrowed Molly's desk chair and swung it around to sit on it backwards, folding his arms on the back of the chair to watch Nolan work. Not just watch, as it turned out, but to learn as much as he could absorb from his genius boyfriend's expertise. This was going to need more than one lesson, for sure, but the way Nolan explained things made a lot more sense than Shaun trying to muddle through on his own. He had a dozen questions, but none were as important as the one Nolan asked when they'd finished.
"That's why I wanted to get this done," he answered honestly, with a glance at the computer screen. "I understand how it works, but not why, or what the long-term effects are of... I don't know, electromagnetic gene suppression?" Ugh. Shaun made a face. Mechanics were his true love, not biology. He met Nolan's eyes, wishing he could somehow erase the trace of guilt that always seemed to burden Nolan when the subject of his mutation came up. "But, jesus, yes. The first time I touched the thing, all I could think about was using it to help you."
Relief and love washed through Nolan, and his eyes prickled for a second, but he blinked away the tears before they might well up. He reached out, rolling the chair closer so he could cup the side of Shaun's face, hoping that his gaze conveyed how much he meant these two words. "Thank you." He stroked his thumb over Shaun's cheekbone, then pulled his hand back. "I wasn't sure - that technology is terrifying. I'd understand if..."
"Nolan." Shaun interrupted him gently, but firmly, and waited a beat to make sure Nolan wasn't going to try to keep on this path. He took Nolan's hand as it drew back and held it, meeting his eyes. Everything in him was intent and focused on making the other boy understand him. "I am not going to pass up a chance to help the man I love just because it's scary. You're going to have to accept that you're important to me, and that I don't give up on people who are important to me. I know you believe in me, and I know you like indulging me." He softened into a quirked half-smile. "So indulge me on this and let me do whatever I can do for you. Okay?"
Nolan didn't know where the quiet, dry chuckle came from, but it huffed out of him all the same. "Trust me," he told Shaun, and squeezed his hand, "I have no intention of trying to stop you." Nolan wanted to live, and not with diminished intellectual capacities. That had always been the case, even before Shaun had walked into his life, bright as the sun - and twice as hot. "Other people might." Which, of course, would not be a problem if other people did not know, but complete secrecy was impossible.
Shaun drew in a breath, and let it out slowly. “That’s the other thing I’ve been thinking about. There’s going to be people even here at school who think this technology is nothing but bad. Even if I explain that I’m trying to use it to help people, they might start to wonder why I care so much. Or why I’ll have to test things out on fellow mutants.” His brows knit together, and he squeezed Nolan’s hand. “I’m not going to out you to anyone, but I don’t know. It might get rough.”
"We can try and keep it under wraps, as much as possible," Nolan answered, after a moment's silence. "But if it gets out," it will, "and it gets too rough on you. You can tell them - not the details," he added, requested. "But that my mutation is - maladaptive." That sounded better than 'slowly frying my brain', or 'likely to kill me'. "I don't want you to be in trouble because of me."
"I would face down a million angry teenage mutants for you," Shaun told him immediately, with that wry softening around his eyes that was not quite a smile. "But if I can tell them it's for you, that'll make it easier." People tended to listen to Shaun when he was passionate about something. And if they didn't listen, he didn't have time for them. Still, he'd rather not have to face the uncomfortable kind of backlash that Warren had, just for coming out in public.
"I guess we just need to take this to Simon now. I haven't talked to him yet. Seems there was some kind of new crisis every week this summer."
That remark earned him a quick, dry smile from Nolan, who then nodded. "I'll talk to him about finding a time for the three of us to meet." It helped that Shaun and he shared online calendars. Nolan lowered his head, and stroked his thumb on the back of Shaun's hand. "Hope is almost scarier. Does that make sense?"
Shaun was just about to object that Nolan was too busy to coordinate these things, but then he remembered that, out of the two of them, one of them had assistants and secretaries, and one of them plugged his high school schedule into his online calendar by hand. Okay, sure, he could give this one to Nolan. "Hope means uncertainty," he agreed, quieter, his hand warm and sure in Nolan's. "And that you might be let down. And that maybe you might have to give up making fatalistic statements about your future."
That last one was a bit dry, but spoken with love and understanding. Shaun had some defenses against the world, too. He understood how precious they could be.
"And here I was, saving them all for you," Nolan replied, more dryly than Shaun. He was quiet, on the end of that statement, and then said, heartfelt, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put that on you." In fact, he'd put off telling Shaun about it for so long so that he wouldn't put it on him. He was not happy with having ended up doing just that, no matter how understanding Shaun sounded about it.
Shaking his head, Shaun lifted Nolan's hand and dusted a kiss against the backs of his fingers. It gave him a moment to work out the words to say, baby, don't worry, I'm violently aware that there's some other crap you haven't told me without actually saying that. "It's not dumping on me," he finally said. "It's sharing something that's too heavy for you to carry yourself. You can tell me anything, and it's not going to be a burden, because we're going to be carrying it together. Right?"
"That just makes it less heavy a burden," Nolan remarked dryly. It hardly stopped it from being a burden at all. There was more he could argue with - like the fact that he could've kept carrying it on his own. He was used to it. But he didn't want to argue against having told Shaun; selfish though it was in some ways, it was also honest, and the right thing to do. He trusted Shaun's feelings for him, and so Shaun deserved to know what he was in for.
Nolan might only have to stop laying it on so thick, with those fatalistic comments. He didn't want to make it worse on Shaun than it already was.
He smiled at his boyfriend, and added, genuine, "But I'm glad you're carrying it with me."
Naturally, Nolan had to temper Shaun's impulsively romantic statements with practicality. It was one of the things Shaun loved about him, but it prompted another impulsively romantic statement when he kissed Nolan's fingers once more and promised, "Always."
He shifted in his (Molly's) chair, and brought his other hand to fold loosely around their clasped ones. "Um, so, it's not as life-altering as, you know, using anti-mutant technology to maybe save your life, but..." Shaun toyed with Nolan's fingers, and might actually have looked a little nervous. "I know it's early, and you've got the launch coming up, but, um, mom and dad said you're invited for Thanksgiving if you want to come." Yes, those last words definitely came out in an anxious rush.
Well, that certainly gave Nolan a bit of conversational whiplash. He blinked a few times, as he struggled to leave behind thoughts of his mutation, and of the tech he had just helped render in 3-D. "I..." Normally, mixed feelings about all things family might have gotten in the way. But his brain wasn't fully back on that track yet, and so Nolan found himself saying, "Yes?" And then, belatedly, "Do you want me to?"
Shaun really noped that Nolan never told anyone that he could be less than absolutely suave and self-assured at all times. His reputation would be ruined. He winced lightly at Nolan's clearly startled reaction; he could have handled that better. "Absolutely," said Shaun quickly, glancing up in hope. "My family is great, and they would totally love you. Even my grandparents are pretty chill about my being gay and everything. And I... would just really love to have you there. If you want."
Probably because Nolan had not had a family reunion in years, Shaun's offer had not made him consider his boyfriend's extended family. But the mention of grandparents certainly did the trick, and he paused, uncertain. "How... much family are we talking about?"
Shaun tried to suppress a giggle; he hadn't talked much about his family aside from his parents, given that Nolan seemed to have issues with his own. "Probably less than ten people. My parents, the grandparents on both sides, and maybe a random great-aunt or something. Mom's family is kind of scattered around, and Dad's an only child." Shaun paused, then added, because he couldn't remember if he'd ever said, "Dad's adopted, so, my Gilmore grandparents are white. So that you're not like, 'what the fuck', when you see that."
"Okay," Nolan acknowledged mechanically, while his brain still processed how he felt exactly about the thought of Thanksgiving with Shaun's family. It would, at least, be a relatively small affair. And it would make Shaun happy, he knew. But... "Shinobi and I usually spend it together. Drinking more than we should," he very dryly added, since he would hardly be doing that anymore.
"You don't have to decide now," Shaun promised, pressing Nolan's hand again. No matter how much he wanted Nolan to say yes -- and he really, really did -- it wouldn't be good for anyone if Nolan wasn't comfortable with the idea. "Just know you're invited, and we can figure it out after, y'know, your product launch revolutionizes the world," he suggested with a small smile.
"Still think marketing went a little overboard with that catchphrase," Nolan remarked with a bit of a wince, which then turned into a small, slightly tight smile. "I'll think about it. Thank you. For the invitation."
Shaun's small smile went positively brilliant for a moment, and he leaned in to kiss Nolan's cheek. "Of course. I want you to..." Be mine, be part of my world, see what a normal loving family looks like? Probably shouldn't put it that way, even if it was all true. Shaun knew that he was a lot, that his friends were overwhelming and his tight-knit family was unusual for a mutant kid. He didn't need to go dragging Nolan even further outside his comfort zone if he wasn't ready.
"... be there. I'm happy you'll think about it," he finished, doing his best to cover all that eagerness with simple understanding warmth.
Shaun wasn't doing terribly well at concealing his eagerness, but how liberal and genuine he was in his emotions was one of the things about him that appealed so much to Nolan, so he hardly minded. "I will," he said again, with a small nod, because it mattered for Shaun to be certain of that. Nolan wouldn't dismiss that invitation out of hand, but carefully consider it.
And possibly mention it to Shinobi, offhandedly, to see how he reacted.
He squeezed Shaun's hand again, then pulled his back as he straightened up. He winced when he checked the time - and the number of e-mails waiting for him. "I really don't want to get back to work."
"I really don't want to let you," Shaun sighed. He wanted very much to distract Nolan, take away his phone and climb into his lap, but that could wait until after the launch. And the party after the launch. And the press after the party. To distract himself, he rolled Molly's desk chair back to Molly's desk and climbed out of it. "Goodbye kiss? If anyone decides to walk in on us, they can appreciate the works of art that we are."
Nolan didn't reply with words. He rolled his chair closer to Shaun, but changed his mind at the last second. Instead of drawing Shaun down into a kiss, he stood, lips finding his boyfriend's as he straightened up. The kiss wasn't deep, or passionate - much as Nolan wished it could be, this was the wrong place, the wrong time for that. But it was still intimate, far more than a simple peck on Shaun's lips, and his arms slid around Shaun's waist.
"Give it another month or so," he promised Shaun when the kiss broke. Nolan stayed close, gaze meeting Shaun's. "We'll have more time then."
Shaun let himself be swept up into Nolan's arms, and kissed him, real and true and present without pressing for more. He touched Nolan's cheek, looking into his eyes, indulging in this precious moment's closeness. "I know. I picked a hell of a busy time to fall in love with you," he added with a little smile. "Just don't forget to pick me up for the party."
Nolan gave Shaun a mock-wounded look. "If I ever spend a day without texting, feel free to assume I've been possessed." Which, all things considered, wasn't outside the realm of possibilities, these days. But the point was, and Nolan smiled again as he said it, and stroked a hand through Shaun's hair, "I won't forget."
Shaun wanted desperately to kiss him again, but knew it wouldn't lead to Nolan getting any work done. He did nothing to discourage Nolan from stroking his hair, however. He wasn't that altruistic. "Can't wait to be your arm candy for a night. Expect lots of pictures of potential outfits, and me in them, this week," Shaun teased gently. He knew full well that Nolan thought much, much more of him than just a pretty escort. Still, he was going to look amazing for that night.
"Go on," he added, softly. "Before I can't let you go."
Nolan was a lot more worried about no longer wanting to go (he hardly did, as it was), but he only smiled briefly at that, and gave Shaun's hair one last stroke, before he stepped towards the door. "Text you later?"
Shaun picked up his phone and waggled it; it would be in his hand when Nolan had time. "I want a bed-head pic before I sleep," he suggested, gently playful, with a grin.
"You'll get it," Nolan promised him with a quick smile, and ducked out of the room before he could talk himself into staying.
Shaun stretched his arms up over his head, sighing as his shoulders cracked lightly from sitting too long hunched over. On his desk lay a sketchbook open to detailed sketches of the collar-like device he'd taken off Caleb, and a laptop screen showing a much less skillful 3-D rendering. Shaun Gilmore might be an intuitive genius when it came to mechanics, but that didn't mean he knew how to model in Blender. And he sure as hell would like to be able to show the things he intuitively knew to other people.
Still stretching, Shaun glanced at the display on the NolCorp tablet he had resting in a stand on his desk. He had configured the sleek little wonder of futuristic technology to show him everything he ever wanted to know at a glance: time, upcoming appointments, a summary chart of the day's sales at Gilmore's Glorious Goods, his Instagram mentions, and the last three texts from any of his favorite contacts. Right now, the time on the clock and the time Nolan had last mentioned he expected to be back at school were just about the exact same. Hopefully, he'd have a knock on his door soon. Both he and Nolan had been incredibly busy lately, and any time they could steal together was wonderful and precious.
"Hey, Sebastian," he said, quirking a smile. "Play 'Faithfully' by Journey." If his timing was right, Shaun hoped Nolan would find the soundtrack of their little reunion amusing.
It was a little way into the song that Nolan came knocking on Shaun's door, still dressed in the sharp dark suit and very colourful shirt he'd worn to his meetings (and one interview) in the City today. When he was told to come in, he pushed the door open just in time to catch lyrics saying, And being apart ain't easy on this love affair, and he quirked an amused eyebrow at his boyfriend.
"Do you have an entire playlist dedicated to missing me?" he had to ask, soft-dry and honestly just happy to bask in the sight of Shaun for a few seconds. A sight for sore eyes, indeed.
Grinning, Shaun tipped back on the back legs of his chair, arms folded behind his head. Molly wasn't in evidence and the room was its usual cheerful riot of color, though fairly tidy despite the incredible exuberance of the two young men that lived there. Shaun himself was just dressed in a pair of loose black shorts and a t-shirt featuring a silhouette of a unicorn against a field of stars. Nolan, on the other hand, looked good enough to eat, and Shaun ate him up with his eyes just as Nolan did for him.
"Yeah, but it's just this song over and over and over," he finally said, returning snark for snark as he got up and crossed the room to wrap his arms around his fabulously-suited boyfriend. "Mm. Starchy. You're like hugging money," Shaun added playfully, leaning in for a kiss.
"And you're like coming home," Nolan replied after that kiss, lips curled up into a small, genuine smile. He tangled a hand in Shaun's hair, as he had grown very, very fond of doing, and gave him another short, soft kiss. "Now, please tell me that song isn't actually on repeat."
Shaun laughed, bright and warm, and tipped his head into Nolan's stroking fingers. "No, I promise, you're safe. And so am I, since Sebastian isn't self-aware and can't judge my musical tastes." He slipped a hand down to unbutton Nolan's suit jacket, which was about as far as was safe for him to venture when his door was still cracked open and Molly might come home any time. "Can you sit and stay awhile?"
Oh, that laugh. Nolan would never get enough of that laugh. "Yes, please." There were some numbers he had to go over tonight, but he could take a little time with Shaun, first. He glanced at the open door, then back at Shaun. "Where's Molly?"
"Late dinner, I think?" Shaun's smile quirked sheepishly. After missing Molly for most of the summer, whilst he was off doing what Shaun called 'mysterious Molly things,' he was a little embarrassed that he'd lost track of his darling roommate so easily. "One of his friends stopped by a little bit ago, but I was pretty wrapped up in..." He gestured over at his desk, and the laptop and papers on it, which had been absorbing all of his attention.
"Actually..." He hesitated, studying Nolan's face and trying to gauge just how exhausted he looked. "I was hoping you could take a look at it with me, if you're not too worn out. It's about the power-suppression collars?"
Nolan paused, then nodded. "I've been... meaning to ask you about them." But it was a difficult discussion to bring himself to have, and his lack of any vision in the past few weeks made it easier to push it back. Again, and again. "Let's have a look," he confirmed, disentangling himself from Shaun and taking off his jacket as he stepped nearer the computer. Instinct had him look at the screen rather than the sketches on paper, and he winced a little at the quality of the 3-D model. "We can do better than that." He put his folded jacket on the back of the computer chair, and gestured at it. "Do you mind?"
You didn't just sit at someone's desk to use their computer, not even when that someone was your boyfriend. But Nolan was itching to improve that 3-D rendering; it was something to do that wasn't numbers, promotion, marketing, or PR.
"Oh god, please," Shaun sighed with relief. He made a vague gesture toward the laptop and moved out of the way so Nolan could sit. "I can draw well enough to get what I see out of my head, but my mutation doesn't extend to computer programs. I can't think of another way to show anyone what's inside the collar. Short of telepathy, anyway."
When Nolan sat, Shaun slid in behind him, settling his hands lightly on his shoulders. So, Nolan had wanted to talk about it, too? Had they, maybe, come to the same hopeful conclusion? Shaun wasn't sure how to start saying it out loud, and he definitely didn't want to interrupt Nolan when he was working. "Maybe I need to go into architectural drafting instead of business school, because this isn't even the first time I've wished I could open up my brain and show someone what I'm seeing."
Short of telepathy. There had to be a way to make that happen, and it wasn't the first time the notion tickled Nolan. If technology could amplify telepathic abilities, then there had to be a way to get things from a telepath and into a computer. The main hurdle was formatting, of course, and it made him wish, again, that Tessa was still around. If anybody could have done it, it would have been her.
But that was neither here nor there, and Nolan focused on the problem at hand. "Or maybe someone can teach you about that on the side, no need to change your plans?" He raised one shoulder, turning his head to brush his chin against Shaun's fingers, then picked up Shaun's sketches. "Grab a chair."
Nolan was used to doing this, and doing this well, but he took longer than he needed to fix the rendition, explaining what he did, and how and why he did it, every step of the way. It was fascinating to discover that technology, but it was never quite only that. Fascinating, yes; it was incredibly advanced, and revolutionary in its own way. But what it could be used for, what it had been used for...
Eventually, they were done, and Nolan swiveled on his chair to face Shaun. He had to ask now, or he never would. He knew this. He had put this off long enough, wary of what Shaun might think of him - of what Nolan might think of himself, for that matter, if he went through with it. "Do you think you could make something of it?" There was a shadow in his eyes, the same sort that usually came over him when he discussed his mutation. "For me?"
Shaun had borrowed Molly's desk chair and swung it around to sit on it backwards, folding his arms on the back of the chair to watch Nolan work. Not just watch, as it turned out, but to learn as much as he could absorb from his genius boyfriend's expertise. This was going to need more than one lesson, for sure, but the way Nolan explained things made a lot more sense than Shaun trying to muddle through on his own. He had a dozen questions, but none were as important as the one Nolan asked when they'd finished.
"That's why I wanted to get this done," he answered honestly, with a glance at the computer screen. "I understand how it works, but not why, or what the long-term effects are of... I don't know, electromagnetic gene suppression?" Ugh. Shaun made a face. Mechanics were his true love, not biology. He met Nolan's eyes, wishing he could somehow erase the trace of guilt that always seemed to burden Nolan when the subject of his mutation came up. "But, jesus, yes. The first time I touched the thing, all I could think about was using it to help you."
Relief and love washed through Nolan, and his eyes prickled for a second, but he blinked away the tears before they might well up. He reached out, rolling the chair closer so he could cup the side of Shaun's face, hoping that his gaze conveyed how much he meant these two words. "Thank you." He stroked his thumb over Shaun's cheekbone, then pulled his hand back. "I wasn't sure - that technology is terrifying. I'd understand if..."
"Nolan." Shaun interrupted him gently, but firmly, and waited a beat to make sure Nolan wasn't going to try to keep on this path. He took Nolan's hand as it drew back and held it, meeting his eyes. Everything in him was intent and focused on making the other boy understand him. "I am not going to pass up a chance to help the man I love just because it's scary. You're going to have to accept that you're important to me, and that I don't give up on people who are important to me. I know you believe in me, and I know you like indulging me." He softened into a quirked half-smile. "So indulge me on this and let me do whatever I can do for you. Okay?"
Nolan didn't know where the quiet, dry chuckle came from, but it huffed out of him all the same. "Trust me," he told Shaun, and squeezed his hand, "I have no intention of trying to stop you." Nolan wanted to live, and not with diminished intellectual capacities. That had always been the case, even before Shaun had walked into his life, bright as the sun - and twice as hot. "Other people might." Which, of course, would not be a problem if other people did not know, but complete secrecy was impossible.
Shaun drew in a breath, and let it out slowly. “That’s the other thing I’ve been thinking about. There’s going to be people even here at school who think this technology is nothing but bad. Even if I explain that I’m trying to use it to help people, they might start to wonder why I care so much. Or why I’ll have to test things out on fellow mutants.” His brows knit together, and he squeezed Nolan’s hand. “I’m not going to out you to anyone, but I don’t know. It might get rough.”
"We can try and keep it under wraps, as much as possible," Nolan answered, after a moment's silence. "But if it gets out," it will, "and it gets too rough on you. You can tell them - not the details," he added, requested. "But that my mutation is - maladaptive." That sounded better than 'slowly frying my brain', or 'likely to kill me'. "I don't want you to be in trouble because of me."
"I would face down a million angry teenage mutants for you," Shaun told him immediately, with that wry softening around his eyes that was not quite a smile. "But if I can tell them it's for you, that'll make it easier." People tended to listen to Shaun when he was passionate about something. And if they didn't listen, he didn't have time for them. Still, he'd rather not have to face the uncomfortable kind of backlash that Warren had, just for coming out in public.
"I guess we just need to take this to Simon now. I haven't talked to him yet. Seems there was some kind of new crisis every week this summer."
That remark earned him a quick, dry smile from Nolan, who then nodded. "I'll talk to him about finding a time for the three of us to meet." It helped that Shaun and he shared online calendars. Nolan lowered his head, and stroked his thumb on the back of Shaun's hand. "Hope is almost scarier. Does that make sense?"
Shaun was just about to object that Nolan was too busy to coordinate these things, but then he remembered that, out of the two of them, one of them had assistants and secretaries, and one of them plugged his high school schedule into his online calendar by hand. Okay, sure, he could give this one to Nolan. "Hope means uncertainty," he agreed, quieter, his hand warm and sure in Nolan's. "And that you might be let down. And that maybe you might have to give up making fatalistic statements about your future."
That last one was a bit dry, but spoken with love and understanding. Shaun had some defenses against the world, too. He understood how precious they could be.
"And here I was, saving them all for you," Nolan replied, more dryly than Shaun. He was quiet, on the end of that statement, and then said, heartfelt, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put that on you." In fact, he'd put off telling Shaun about it for so long so that he wouldn't put it on him. He was not happy with having ended up doing just that, no matter how understanding Shaun sounded about it.
Shaking his head, Shaun lifted Nolan's hand and dusted a kiss against the backs of his fingers. It gave him a moment to work out the words to say, baby, don't worry, I'm violently aware that there's some other crap you haven't told me without actually saying that. "It's not dumping on me," he finally said. "It's sharing something that's too heavy for you to carry yourself. You can tell me anything, and it's not going to be a burden, because we're going to be carrying it together. Right?"
"That just makes it less heavy a burden," Nolan remarked dryly. It hardly stopped it from being a burden at all. There was more he could argue with - like the fact that he could've kept carrying it on his own. He was used to it. But he didn't want to argue against having told Shaun; selfish though it was in some ways, it was also honest, and the right thing to do. He trusted Shaun's feelings for him, and so Shaun deserved to know what he was in for.
Nolan might only have to stop laying it on so thick, with those fatalistic comments. He didn't want to make it worse on Shaun than it already was.
He smiled at his boyfriend, and added, genuine, "But I'm glad you're carrying it with me."
Naturally, Nolan had to temper Shaun's impulsively romantic statements with practicality. It was one of the things Shaun loved about him, but it prompted another impulsively romantic statement when he kissed Nolan's fingers once more and promised, "Always."
He shifted in his (Molly's) chair, and brought his other hand to fold loosely around their clasped ones. "Um, so, it's not as life-altering as, you know, using anti-mutant technology to maybe save your life, but..." Shaun toyed with Nolan's fingers, and might actually have looked a little nervous. "I know it's early, and you've got the launch coming up, but, um, mom and dad said you're invited for Thanksgiving if you want to come." Yes, those last words definitely came out in an anxious rush.
Well, that certainly gave Nolan a bit of conversational whiplash. He blinked a few times, as he struggled to leave behind thoughts of his mutation, and of the tech he had just helped render in 3-D. "I..." Normally, mixed feelings about all things family might have gotten in the way. But his brain wasn't fully back on that track yet, and so Nolan found himself saying, "Yes?" And then, belatedly, "Do you want me to?"
Shaun really noped that Nolan never told anyone that he could be less than absolutely suave and self-assured at all times. His reputation would be ruined. He winced lightly at Nolan's clearly startled reaction; he could have handled that better. "Absolutely," said Shaun quickly, glancing up in hope. "My family is great, and they would totally love you. Even my grandparents are pretty chill about my being gay and everything. And I... would just really love to have you there. If you want."
Probably because Nolan had not had a family reunion in years, Shaun's offer had not made him consider his boyfriend's extended family. But the mention of grandparents certainly did the trick, and he paused, uncertain. "How... much family are we talking about?"
Shaun tried to suppress a giggle; he hadn't talked much about his family aside from his parents, given that Nolan seemed to have issues with his own. "Probably less than ten people. My parents, the grandparents on both sides, and maybe a random great-aunt or something. Mom's family is kind of scattered around, and Dad's an only child." Shaun paused, then added, because he couldn't remember if he'd ever said, "Dad's adopted, so, my Gilmore grandparents are white. So that you're not like, 'what the fuck', when you see that."
"Okay," Nolan acknowledged mechanically, while his brain still processed how he felt exactly about the thought of Thanksgiving with Shaun's family. It would, at least, be a relatively small affair. And it would make Shaun happy, he knew. But... "Shinobi and I usually spend it together. Drinking more than we should," he very dryly added, since he would hardly be doing that anymore.
"You don't have to decide now," Shaun promised, pressing Nolan's hand again. No matter how much he wanted Nolan to say yes -- and he really, really did -- it wouldn't be good for anyone if Nolan wasn't comfortable with the idea. "Just know you're invited, and we can figure it out after, y'know, your product launch revolutionizes the world," he suggested with a small smile.
"Still think marketing went a little overboard with that catchphrase," Nolan remarked with a bit of a wince, which then turned into a small, slightly tight smile. "I'll think about it. Thank you. For the invitation."
Shaun's small smile went positively brilliant for a moment, and he leaned in to kiss Nolan's cheek. "Of course. I want you to..." Be mine, be part of my world, see what a normal loving family looks like? Probably shouldn't put it that way, even if it was all true. Shaun knew that he was a lot, that his friends were overwhelming and his tight-knit family was unusual for a mutant kid. He didn't need to go dragging Nolan even further outside his comfort zone if he wasn't ready.
"... be there. I'm happy you'll think about it," he finished, doing his best to cover all that eagerness with simple understanding warmth.
Shaun wasn't doing terribly well at concealing his eagerness, but how liberal and genuine he was in his emotions was one of the things about him that appealed so much to Nolan, so he hardly minded. "I will," he said again, with a small nod, because it mattered for Shaun to be certain of that. Nolan wouldn't dismiss that invitation out of hand, but carefully consider it.
And possibly mention it to Shinobi, offhandedly, to see how he reacted.
He squeezed Shaun's hand again, then pulled his back as he straightened up. He winced when he checked the time - and the number of e-mails waiting for him. "I really don't want to get back to work."
"I really don't want to let you," Shaun sighed. He wanted very much to distract Nolan, take away his phone and climb into his lap, but that could wait until after the launch. And the party after the launch. And the press after the party. To distract himself, he rolled Molly's desk chair back to Molly's desk and climbed out of it. "Goodbye kiss? If anyone decides to walk in on us, they can appreciate the works of art that we are."
Nolan didn't reply with words. He rolled his chair closer to Shaun, but changed his mind at the last second. Instead of drawing Shaun down into a kiss, he stood, lips finding his boyfriend's as he straightened up. The kiss wasn't deep, or passionate - much as Nolan wished it could be, this was the wrong place, the wrong time for that. But it was still intimate, far more than a simple peck on Shaun's lips, and his arms slid around Shaun's waist.
"Give it another month or so," he promised Shaun when the kiss broke. Nolan stayed close, gaze meeting Shaun's. "We'll have more time then."
Shaun let himself be swept up into Nolan's arms, and kissed him, real and true and present without pressing for more. He touched Nolan's cheek, looking into his eyes, indulging in this precious moment's closeness. "I know. I picked a hell of a busy time to fall in love with you," he added with a little smile. "Just don't forget to pick me up for the party."
Nolan gave Shaun a mock-wounded look. "If I ever spend a day without texting, feel free to assume I've been possessed." Which, all things considered, wasn't outside the realm of possibilities, these days. But the point was, and Nolan smiled again as he said it, and stroked a hand through Shaun's hair, "I won't forget."
Shaun wanted desperately to kiss him again, but knew it wouldn't lead to Nolan getting any work done. He did nothing to discourage Nolan from stroking his hair, however. He wasn't that altruistic. "Can't wait to be your arm candy for a night. Expect lots of pictures of potential outfits, and me in them, this week," Shaun teased gently. He knew full well that Nolan thought much, much more of him than just a pretty escort. Still, he was going to look amazing for that night.
"Go on," he added, softly. "Before I can't let you go."
Nolan was a lot more worried about no longer wanting to go (he hardly did, as it was), but he only smiled briefly at that, and gave Shaun's hair one last stroke, before he stepped towards the door. "Text you later?"
Shaun picked up his phone and waggled it; it would be in his hand when Nolan had time. "I want a bed-head pic before I sleep," he suggested, gently playful, with a grin.
"You'll get it," Nolan promised him with a quick smile, and ducked out of the room before he could talk himself into staying.
