Trowa and Quatre, backdated to 2/1/18
Feb. 1st, 2018 01:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ax_mainQuatre comes back from the rescue with murderous werewolf urges still lurking in his mind. Trowa is there to help. Quatre makes a confession.
Quatre had made it back to the room without too much of an incident, glaring at the few people who he came across in the hall. He grit his teeth as he shut the door and forced himself over to his bed to lay down. Quatre curled in on himself as he tried to think past the thoughts of blood shed and murder.
The mission had been successful in its own way, they had the girls here and everyone was alive. He hoped Scott would be okay, the wound had been bad and he had bled a lot. So much.
“Oh god...” Quatre bit his wrist at the need to bite into something, the pain helping keep his head somewhat clear. He just needed to ride this out. Until all of it was completely out of his system and he was his own person again.
"Quatre." Trowa wasn't used to his roommate ignoring him completely. That was strange enough, but when Quatre curled into himself on the bed with that desperate little moan - then bit himself! - Trowa knew something had gone wrong during the mission. He was at Quatre's side in a flash, settled on the edge of the mattress.
"Quatre, what's wrong? What happened?"
Trowa. Quatre’s eyes snapped open when he realized the other was in the room and he went as still as he could. How had he not noticed Trowa was here? This was not a good idea. Quatre rolled over slowly so he could look up at his roommate, his gloved hands moving out to grip Trowa’s in a crushing grip. “You need to go. Please.”
"Not when you're like this." Trowa didn't flinch away from the painful hold. "What happened?"
Quatre couldn’t help the growl of annoyance when Trowa refused his request. He was trying to help! Why wouldn’t he listen? He let go of Trowa’s hands so that he could sit up, the urge to strike out being pushed down but just barely. “I went on a mission. I tried to calm down two girls who were...changing.”
Changing into wolves! He reached out again, this time gripping both of Trowa’s shoulders and shaking him lightly. “I’m having trouble keeping their thoughts separate from mine.”
He could grip Trowa’s throat so easily like this. Grip it and squeeze. Stop that!
Trowa's eyes narrowed at the shake, but his annoyance was not at Quatre. How had he been allowed to go off by himself in this state?
Without a word, Trowa lay his hand against Quatre's cheek, projecting everything of himself that he hoped would help. Calm. Steadiness. Protection.
Quatre took in a deep breath through his nose at Trowa’s touch, the feeling of calm over laying the girls need to kill and his own tattered emotions. Quatre moved closer, the need to feel more making him desperate as he pushed Trowa’s hair from his forehead so he could press his forehead against the Trowa’s.
He closed his eyes as he tried to focus, the feelings from Trowa helping ease the sharp need to hurt something.
For a moment, Trowa sat motionless, stunned by the softness of Quatre's hair brushing his skin, and being able to taste his breath. Then, slowly, Trowa let his hand fall away. He eased off Quatre's gloves and entwined their fingers.
"Don't worry, Quatre. I'll keep you safe."
“Sorry.” Quatre murmured, feeling the slight spike in Trowa’s emotions, but he didn’t pull away and held on to Trowa’s hands gratefully. It was helping, the even feelings soothing the awful thoughts and needs. When he felt a little more like himself he opened his eyes and frowned. “I’m worried about you being safe. The girls...they wanted to kill everyone.”
"But you couldn't kill me if you tried," Trowa promised. "And I guess I'd just have to sit on you until you calmed down if you did try."
The laugh that bubbled up surprised Quatre, closing his eyes again for a moment and leaning against Trowa a little more before pulling his head away. He didn’t let go of Trowa’s hands, wanting to keep hold of them and the feelings as long as he could. “I’m sorry about this. Their emotions were too strong and I held on too long, I need to practice more.”
"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. Explain instead. Why do you have murder girls in your head?"
“The girls we were rescuing from Canada. They have a mutation that’s like the legend of the werewolf. They start turning and become beasts that only want to kill.” Quatre sighed as he remembered feeling that, unable to think of anything else but wanting to rip into something. “We knocked them out, but one scratched Scott and I don’t know if he’s okay. I ran as soon as we were teleported back because I couldn’t handle them in my head.”
He’d failed. He hadn’t been able to hold them back.
"We should see Xavier when you're feeling better," Trowa murmured, warm concern sliding down the link to Quatre. "And then we'll go bug Scott."
“Why do we need to see him?” Quatre had an idea, but he wasn’t sure about how he felt when it came to telepaths.
"Just to be sure there's no permanent harm." Trowa offered him one of those quiet, uncertain smiles that had become something of a rarity lately. "I don't think that 'bloodthirsty' looks good on you."
Quatre saw the smile and his heart ached at how badly he wanted to move into Trowa’s personal space again, but he kept his distance and nodded. “You’re right. He might be able to help if this lingers longer than it should.”
He tugged one of their connected hands into his lap and looked up pleadingly. “Not yet though? I just want to sit here holding your hand for a bit longer. You’re helping me a lot.”
"Whatever you need," Trowa promised. There was something in that yearning tone that prompted Trowa to pull Quatre closer, until they were nestled side by side, leaning into each other.
Quatre moved to let his head rest on Trowa’s shoulder, the girls' emotions seeming as if the were stuck behind a wall of glass. He could hear them, but they were muffled and fuzzy, Trowa’s calm keeping them away. Quatre unlaced one of their hands and turned his so Trowa’s hand rested palm up in his, his thumb rubbing lazy gentle circles in the center of the boy’s palm. “I’m grateful to have you. Thank you for being here for me.”
Trowa shivered a little, an odd reaction given the warmth that Quatre's innocent touch was sparking under his skin. "I'll go with you on the next mission. In case you need this again."
“That’s if I’m allowed on anymore missions.” Quatre replied, biting his lip as his own feelings of inadequacy bloomed bright and painful next to the calm. “I should work on my powers, but that would mean using other people as test subjects for the manipulation and I....”
He turned his face so he could bury it in Trowa’s shoulder. “I don’t want to do that.”
"Hey." Trowa pushed his feelings to one side and snapped back into the moment. "Remember what I said when we first talked about joining X-Force? You don't need to. This isn't what you're going to do with your life. You'll be one of those helping mutants in the public eye, not in stealth battles."
Quatre nodded his head a little to show Trowa silently that he remembered that conversation, knowing that it made sense for him. “But I can’t do that now. What I can do now is help mutants that need it by being a part of the X-Force, even if I’m horrible at it.”
But Trowa’s words did give him an idea and he lifted his head up from the other’s shoulder as he thought. “Please remind me to call my father once I have only me in my head again?”
"You'll sleep first," Trowa said firmly. "But then I'll remind you."
“Yes, alright. I’ll sleep.” He smiled a little at Trowa’s gentle order, then glanced down at their hands. He didn’t want to stop touching Trowa for anything, but he also didn’t want to force Trowa to sleep in the bed with him so he pulled one of his hands away slowly. “I should change first though.”
His shirt still had some of the girls' blood on it.
Trowa nodded and stepped away. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
He hated that he felt lost when Trowa pulled away, but he made himself move while he still had Trowa’s emotions running through him.
“You mean, not go on patrol?” He questioned as he dug through his dresser to find one of his sleep shirts, pajamas seemed like the best option for right now. The idea of Trowa being so far away was unpleasant, but if the girls emotions became a problem again maybe it would be best for Trowa to be gone. “I don’t want to stop you from doing that. I think I can handle it.”
There was a moment of quiet before Trowa clarified: "I mean, do you want to share beds tonight? That way you can reach over and touch me if you need a buffer."
Quatre pulled out the pajama set he wanted and shut the drawer slowly as he thought about that offer. It was a very tempting offer, one he had an excuse for and everything, but Trowa was offering it to a friend. To enjoy it for other reasons beyond help was...it seemed wrong? Dishonest. “No, I will be alright.”
He turned to give Trowa a smile, the calm still holding and he felt sure that he would be okay through the night. “Thank you for the offer though. It means a lot.”
"If you're sure." Trowa moved to his own bed. "I think I will stay in tonight, though. Just in case."
Quatre gave a nod even though that was not what he had in mind, quickly pulling his dirty shirt over his head and slipped his pajama top on. This night had been long and horrible, all he wanted to do was sleep without dreams but it was unlikely. When he finished changing he sat on his bed and tried to ignore the wolves urges, like an itch in the back of his head that he couldn’t scratch. “You don’t have to go to bed just because I am. We can keep the lights on if you would like to stay up.”
Trowa was watching Quate, a mild, contemplative expression on his thin face. "I think you should sleep with me tonight."
Quatre sighed and ran a hand over his face, Trowa didn’t understand because how could he? Shen’s advice echoed in his ears and he pulled his hand away from his face with a tired look. “I don’t think that is a good idea,” He inhaled through his nose deeply to gather the courage. “Because my feelings for you aren’t completely platonic.”
"Oh." Trowa looked away, the movement as sudden and sharp as if he'd been slapped. "And you don't want me nearby because of it?"
“No!” Quatre hadn’t meant to be so loud, but the idea that Trowa thinking he didn’t want him around was awful. “No. That’s not it. I want you close all the time, but it’s not fair of me to use this situation to be close to you.”
He looked down at his hands when the felt a possive urge to keep Trowa close no matter what even if this ruined everything. He had no idea who that belonged to and hoped it was just his feelings for Trowa mixing with the girls more violent ones. “I feel like it would be deceptive of me to take your offer for the feelings, but also enjoy laying next to you because of what I feel for you.”
Trowa was at least looking at him again.
"What if I still want to be close, even now that I know? I still want to help you."
Quatre closed his eyes, honestly not surprised that Trowa still wished to help even after everything Quatre had told him, and took a steadying breath before opening them again. “Only if you’re sure.”
"I've told you before: you don't scare me. I don't know what this is, or how I'm supposed to feel. But I know you're my friend."
“Yes.” Quatre replied quietly, a smile even though he knew he should feel hurt or sad that his feelings weren’t returned, but all he could feel was relief. Trowa wanted to be his friend even after knowing his feelings and Quatre felt lighter with out the secret locked up in his chest. “I am your friend and you are mine.”
"Good." And Trowa was smiling again. "So I'll get ready for bed, and... I guess we'll talk about the rest tomorrow?"
“Alright.” Quatre nodded and moved back on his bed, pulling the covers so he could get in. When he was settled he looked over at Trowa, face going red at the idea of being in bed with him again and laid down to stare at the ceiling. “Could you turn off the light, please?”
Trowa obediently switched off the room light. He changed into sweat pants in the half-light of the moon filtering through the window. "Will this be easier if I leave the shirt off?"
Oh no. Quatre closed his eyes, wondering if he was being blessed or cursed right at this moment and nodded. He needed skin contact with Trowa and Trowa having no shirt meant more access to skin. It was just logical. “Yes, I believe it would.”
He was an awful friend.
Trowa nodded once, then, dressing having taken practically no time at all, lay down on Quatre's bed. Despite the months at Xavier's having given him some time to fill out a little, Trowa was still mostly sharp edges, but he formed a barrier between Quatre and the door, window, and whatever else was out in the world.
Quatre felt the bed dip from Trowa’s weight and counted down from ten in his head as he tried to calm himself down. After he reached one, he opened his eyes and rolled towards his friend, wrapping one arm around Trowa’s slim waist to press a bare hand to the other’s warm back.
Quatre sighed quietly, the feeling of calm washing over his own frayed nerves quieting the girls again. He would sort it all out in the morning and everything would be alright, he just needed to sleep. “Goodnight, Trowa.”
"Sleep well, Quatre."
Quatre had made it back to the room without too much of an incident, glaring at the few people who he came across in the hall. He grit his teeth as he shut the door and forced himself over to his bed to lay down. Quatre curled in on himself as he tried to think past the thoughts of blood shed and murder.
The mission had been successful in its own way, they had the girls here and everyone was alive. He hoped Scott would be okay, the wound had been bad and he had bled a lot. So much.
“Oh god...” Quatre bit his wrist at the need to bite into something, the pain helping keep his head somewhat clear. He just needed to ride this out. Until all of it was completely out of his system and he was his own person again.
"Quatre." Trowa wasn't used to his roommate ignoring him completely. That was strange enough, but when Quatre curled into himself on the bed with that desperate little moan - then bit himself! - Trowa knew something had gone wrong during the mission. He was at Quatre's side in a flash, settled on the edge of the mattress.
"Quatre, what's wrong? What happened?"
Trowa. Quatre’s eyes snapped open when he realized the other was in the room and he went as still as he could. How had he not noticed Trowa was here? This was not a good idea. Quatre rolled over slowly so he could look up at his roommate, his gloved hands moving out to grip Trowa’s in a crushing grip. “You need to go. Please.”
"Not when you're like this." Trowa didn't flinch away from the painful hold. "What happened?"
Quatre couldn’t help the growl of annoyance when Trowa refused his request. He was trying to help! Why wouldn’t he listen? He let go of Trowa’s hands so that he could sit up, the urge to strike out being pushed down but just barely. “I went on a mission. I tried to calm down two girls who were...changing.”
Changing into wolves! He reached out again, this time gripping both of Trowa’s shoulders and shaking him lightly. “I’m having trouble keeping their thoughts separate from mine.”
He could grip Trowa’s throat so easily like this. Grip it and squeeze. Stop that!
Trowa's eyes narrowed at the shake, but his annoyance was not at Quatre. How had he been allowed to go off by himself in this state?
Without a word, Trowa lay his hand against Quatre's cheek, projecting everything of himself that he hoped would help. Calm. Steadiness. Protection.
Quatre took in a deep breath through his nose at Trowa’s touch, the feeling of calm over laying the girls need to kill and his own tattered emotions. Quatre moved closer, the need to feel more making him desperate as he pushed Trowa’s hair from his forehead so he could press his forehead against the Trowa’s.
He closed his eyes as he tried to focus, the feelings from Trowa helping ease the sharp need to hurt something.
For a moment, Trowa sat motionless, stunned by the softness of Quatre's hair brushing his skin, and being able to taste his breath. Then, slowly, Trowa let his hand fall away. He eased off Quatre's gloves and entwined their fingers.
"Don't worry, Quatre. I'll keep you safe."
“Sorry.” Quatre murmured, feeling the slight spike in Trowa’s emotions, but he didn’t pull away and held on to Trowa’s hands gratefully. It was helping, the even feelings soothing the awful thoughts and needs. When he felt a little more like himself he opened his eyes and frowned. “I’m worried about you being safe. The girls...they wanted to kill everyone.”
"But you couldn't kill me if you tried," Trowa promised. "And I guess I'd just have to sit on you until you calmed down if you did try."
The laugh that bubbled up surprised Quatre, closing his eyes again for a moment and leaning against Trowa a little more before pulling his head away. He didn’t let go of Trowa’s hands, wanting to keep hold of them and the feelings as long as he could. “I’m sorry about this. Their emotions were too strong and I held on too long, I need to practice more.”
"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. Explain instead. Why do you have murder girls in your head?"
“The girls we were rescuing from Canada. They have a mutation that’s like the legend of the werewolf. They start turning and become beasts that only want to kill.” Quatre sighed as he remembered feeling that, unable to think of anything else but wanting to rip into something. “We knocked them out, but one scratched Scott and I don’t know if he’s okay. I ran as soon as we were teleported back because I couldn’t handle them in my head.”
He’d failed. He hadn’t been able to hold them back.
"We should see Xavier when you're feeling better," Trowa murmured, warm concern sliding down the link to Quatre. "And then we'll go bug Scott."
“Why do we need to see him?” Quatre had an idea, but he wasn’t sure about how he felt when it came to telepaths.
"Just to be sure there's no permanent harm." Trowa offered him one of those quiet, uncertain smiles that had become something of a rarity lately. "I don't think that 'bloodthirsty' looks good on you."
Quatre saw the smile and his heart ached at how badly he wanted to move into Trowa’s personal space again, but he kept his distance and nodded. “You’re right. He might be able to help if this lingers longer than it should.”
He tugged one of their connected hands into his lap and looked up pleadingly. “Not yet though? I just want to sit here holding your hand for a bit longer. You’re helping me a lot.”
"Whatever you need," Trowa promised. There was something in that yearning tone that prompted Trowa to pull Quatre closer, until they were nestled side by side, leaning into each other.
Quatre moved to let his head rest on Trowa’s shoulder, the girls' emotions seeming as if the were stuck behind a wall of glass. He could hear them, but they were muffled and fuzzy, Trowa’s calm keeping them away. Quatre unlaced one of their hands and turned his so Trowa’s hand rested palm up in his, his thumb rubbing lazy gentle circles in the center of the boy’s palm. “I’m grateful to have you. Thank you for being here for me.”
Trowa shivered a little, an odd reaction given the warmth that Quatre's innocent touch was sparking under his skin. "I'll go with you on the next mission. In case you need this again."
“That’s if I’m allowed on anymore missions.” Quatre replied, biting his lip as his own feelings of inadequacy bloomed bright and painful next to the calm. “I should work on my powers, but that would mean using other people as test subjects for the manipulation and I....”
He turned his face so he could bury it in Trowa’s shoulder. “I don’t want to do that.”
"Hey." Trowa pushed his feelings to one side and snapped back into the moment. "Remember what I said when we first talked about joining X-Force? You don't need to. This isn't what you're going to do with your life. You'll be one of those helping mutants in the public eye, not in stealth battles."
Quatre nodded his head a little to show Trowa silently that he remembered that conversation, knowing that it made sense for him. “But I can’t do that now. What I can do now is help mutants that need it by being a part of the X-Force, even if I’m horrible at it.”
But Trowa’s words did give him an idea and he lifted his head up from the other’s shoulder as he thought. “Please remind me to call my father once I have only me in my head again?”
"You'll sleep first," Trowa said firmly. "But then I'll remind you."
“Yes, alright. I’ll sleep.” He smiled a little at Trowa’s gentle order, then glanced down at their hands. He didn’t want to stop touching Trowa for anything, but he also didn’t want to force Trowa to sleep in the bed with him so he pulled one of his hands away slowly. “I should change first though.”
His shirt still had some of the girls' blood on it.
Trowa nodded and stepped away. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
He hated that he felt lost when Trowa pulled away, but he made himself move while he still had Trowa’s emotions running through him.
“You mean, not go on patrol?” He questioned as he dug through his dresser to find one of his sleep shirts, pajamas seemed like the best option for right now. The idea of Trowa being so far away was unpleasant, but if the girls emotions became a problem again maybe it would be best for Trowa to be gone. “I don’t want to stop you from doing that. I think I can handle it.”
There was a moment of quiet before Trowa clarified: "I mean, do you want to share beds tonight? That way you can reach over and touch me if you need a buffer."
Quatre pulled out the pajama set he wanted and shut the drawer slowly as he thought about that offer. It was a very tempting offer, one he had an excuse for and everything, but Trowa was offering it to a friend. To enjoy it for other reasons beyond help was...it seemed wrong? Dishonest. “No, I will be alright.”
He turned to give Trowa a smile, the calm still holding and he felt sure that he would be okay through the night. “Thank you for the offer though. It means a lot.”
"If you're sure." Trowa moved to his own bed. "I think I will stay in tonight, though. Just in case."
Quatre gave a nod even though that was not what he had in mind, quickly pulling his dirty shirt over his head and slipped his pajama top on. This night had been long and horrible, all he wanted to do was sleep without dreams but it was unlikely. When he finished changing he sat on his bed and tried to ignore the wolves urges, like an itch in the back of his head that he couldn’t scratch. “You don’t have to go to bed just because I am. We can keep the lights on if you would like to stay up.”
Trowa was watching Quate, a mild, contemplative expression on his thin face. "I think you should sleep with me tonight."
Quatre sighed and ran a hand over his face, Trowa didn’t understand because how could he? Shen’s advice echoed in his ears and he pulled his hand away from his face with a tired look. “I don’t think that is a good idea,” He inhaled through his nose deeply to gather the courage. “Because my feelings for you aren’t completely platonic.”
"Oh." Trowa looked away, the movement as sudden and sharp as if he'd been slapped. "And you don't want me nearby because of it?"
“No!” Quatre hadn’t meant to be so loud, but the idea that Trowa thinking he didn’t want him around was awful. “No. That’s not it. I want you close all the time, but it’s not fair of me to use this situation to be close to you.”
He looked down at his hands when the felt a possive urge to keep Trowa close no matter what even if this ruined everything. He had no idea who that belonged to and hoped it was just his feelings for Trowa mixing with the girls more violent ones. “I feel like it would be deceptive of me to take your offer for the feelings, but also enjoy laying next to you because of what I feel for you.”
Trowa was at least looking at him again.
"What if I still want to be close, even now that I know? I still want to help you."
Quatre closed his eyes, honestly not surprised that Trowa still wished to help even after everything Quatre had told him, and took a steadying breath before opening them again. “Only if you’re sure.”
"I've told you before: you don't scare me. I don't know what this is, or how I'm supposed to feel. But I know you're my friend."
“Yes.” Quatre replied quietly, a smile even though he knew he should feel hurt or sad that his feelings weren’t returned, but all he could feel was relief. Trowa wanted to be his friend even after knowing his feelings and Quatre felt lighter with out the secret locked up in his chest. “I am your friend and you are mine.”
"Good." And Trowa was smiling again. "So I'll get ready for bed, and... I guess we'll talk about the rest tomorrow?"
“Alright.” Quatre nodded and moved back on his bed, pulling the covers so he could get in. When he was settled he looked over at Trowa, face going red at the idea of being in bed with him again and laid down to stare at the ceiling. “Could you turn off the light, please?”
Trowa obediently switched off the room light. He changed into sweat pants in the half-light of the moon filtering through the window. "Will this be easier if I leave the shirt off?"
Oh no. Quatre closed his eyes, wondering if he was being blessed or cursed right at this moment and nodded. He needed skin contact with Trowa and Trowa having no shirt meant more access to skin. It was just logical. “Yes, I believe it would.”
He was an awful friend.
Trowa nodded once, then, dressing having taken practically no time at all, lay down on Quatre's bed. Despite the months at Xavier's having given him some time to fill out a little, Trowa was still mostly sharp edges, but he formed a barrier between Quatre and the door, window, and whatever else was out in the world.
Quatre felt the bed dip from Trowa’s weight and counted down from ten in his head as he tried to calm himself down. After he reached one, he opened his eyes and rolled towards his friend, wrapping one arm around Trowa’s slim waist to press a bare hand to the other’s warm back.
Quatre sighed quietly, the feeling of calm washing over his own frayed nerves quieting the girls again. He would sort it all out in the morning and everything would be alright, he just needed to sleep. “Goodnight, Trowa.”
"Sleep well, Quatre."
