Teddy and Billy Backdated
Dec. 31st, 2018 01:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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ax_mainDue to Billy not being in the best of moods after Limbo, the boys decide to ring in the New Year in their room with snacks and movies.
Billy tugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he glanced out the window and watched it start to snow. He sighed a little, watching for a bit longer before moving to lay down on their shared bed and wanting to just sleep until morning. But with sleep came dreams and that was the last thing he wanted.
He hated this.
He rolled himself into a cocoon and closed his eyes tightly, trying to shut himself off from the world that was so happy and bright. “Teddy...are you sure you don’t want to go out with everyone?”
There was nothing that made Teddy feel more helpless than that distant and dark expression on Billy's face, or the ache of despair in his voice. He turned automatically and wrapped Billy in his arms, curling his knees in tight behind Billy's. He couldn't fix anything, couldn't go back in time and force Illyana to tell him about the mission or make Billy bring him along. All he could do was make Billy's world as safe as possible now, stamping down hard on the part of him that wanted to rage and scream and punch a hole in something.
"What, and get stuck kissing Tommy when the ball drops? I'll pass."
That got a small smile from Billy, but it was gone quickly, and he sighed as he tried to wiggle around so he could face Teddy. “Seriously, though. I don’t want to be that guy who makes their boyfriend not have fun just cause he’s...” Broken. Scared. Depressed. “Not feeling social.”
Though being in their room with Teddy’s arms around him helped much better than when Teddy had gone to do laundry and he’d just laid on the floor staring at the ceiling.
Teddy waited until Billy was settled, then pulled him in close against his chest. Resting his chin on Billy's head helped a little more, reassurance on all sides that Billy wasn't about to vanish on him again. "Yeah, 'cause I'm such a party animal," he snorted softly. "If I went down there I'd just be worrying about you. If you think I'm letting you out of my sight again, you're insane."
Billy closed his eyes and let everything about Teddy surround him. His scent, his warmth and his voice all a soothing balm to the hurting emptiness he’d felt since trying to kill Tommy. He let himself focus on the other, taking comfort in Teddy’s words. “I probably sound like a coward, but I really like that idea.”
He moved closer, so his face was smashed against Teddy’s neck and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I went without telling you first.”
Teddy closed his eyes and counted to five before replying, the anger (not at Billy, but also kind of yes, at Billy, even though he was obviously in pieces right now) bubbling up before it subsided again. "You're not getting off the hook that easily." he said instead, trying to make a joke out of it. "We're definitely going to have that fight at some point. Just not tonight." His arms tightened around Billy at the thought of what could have happened -- again! It wasn't like Billy didn't know how Teddy had felt about the first time he'd vanished off to Limbo without so much as a see-you-later. And this time he'd come back with a lot more than just physical injuries.
"I thought we were partners," Teddy said, his voice catching in his throat. Letting the subject drop wasn't as easy as he wanted it to be. "We're supposed to have each other's backs. I can't do that if I'm not there."
“I know.” Billy whispered against the skin of Teddy’s neck, knowing that it wasn’t fair of him to keep leaving Teddy behind, only to have him deal with picking up the pieces afterward. He should have brought Teddy or at least told him what they were going to do, even if it was Yana’s thing. Then he could have been right there next to Tommy, being shocked so badly and repeatedly his healing wouldn’t have been able to catch up. He could have died right there next to your brother, by your hands. Billy felt his stomach drop a little and had to pull his face away enough to get a good lungful of air. “I know. I didn’t think...I didn’t know he could do that to people. I thought with that many people, it’d be easier. In and out. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.”
"Yeah, well." Teddy cut off the harsh words building up behind his tongue. Counterproductive. He doesn't need this from you. But it was one more blow on top of everything else -- just like Nick's rescue, Teddy hadn't been needed. He had useful powers, knew how to make them work, wanted desperately to use those powers to help... and twice in a single week people he cared about had been in bad trouble and Teddy hadn't been told until after the fact. It would take a much stronger person than he was not to be hurt.
Maybe that's why none of them want you involved. You're too soft.
Speaking of counterproductive.
"I don't think it's any good relying on 'supposed to happen' when we're talking about demons and alternate dimensions. It's not like there's a rulebook that Belasco had to follow," Teddy pointed out. "But that's done with now, right? Illyana doesn't have any more trips to hell planned for you guys?" He couldn't quite keep the hurt and sarcasm out of his voice, even as he tried to keep it calm and he held Billy as close as he could.
Billy winced at Teddy’s words and bit into his bottom lip harshly at idea that he had been one of the people to sideline Teddy in the last week and a half. Some of Teddy’s biggest insecurities was being left out or alone and he had gone and done just that again, only this time it was worse because they weren’t only friends anymore.
“No.” He replied quietly. “I don’t think so. She’s good.”
He licked at his lips and tasted pennies, his lip must look awful, then wiggled his hand out from the wrap it was in to reach up to touch Teddy’s face. “I’m sorry I left you behind, Teddy. I’ll never do it again.” He let his thumb run along Teddy’s cheekbone then to the shell of his ear where warm metal clinked softly at the contact. “I need you too much.”
The bitter, angry part inside Teddy that wanted to keep right on being bitter and angry also wanted to lash out, to relieve the ball of tension inside by letting it out all over Billy, and Teddy really was an awful person to even be worried about his own feelings when Billy (and Kitty) had been through so much, just as the scars and nightmares from the first round had begun to fade. He closed his eyes and tipped his head down to rest his forehead against Billy's again. "I just hate feeling so helpless. Seeing you hurt and thinking that I might have been able to stop it is the worst."
Billy closed his eyes when Teddy’s forehead touched his and grimaced a little bit. “I’m sorry, but I’m glad you didn’t see me like that. Whatever he had done to me or fused me with, it made me into this awful monster that only wanted to see my friends dead.”
He had been so angry and blood thirsty, wanting nothing more than to pin Tommy down and break his legs so he couldn’t move anymore. Watch him cry in pain. Fuck. What would he have wanted to do to Teddy? Probably something just as awful and disgusting.
How did he fix this? The hollow ache inside Teddy had to be nothing compared to what Billy was feeling. His hand traced soothing circles on Billy's back. "After that much exposure to Tommy's sense of humor, anyone would snap," he joked, trying to tug some form of a smile back on to Billy's face.
Billy let his eyes open, so he could look into Teddy’s instead of remembering the things he had wanted to do to his brother. He let a small smile on his face even though he didn’t really feel it, his temples and eyes aching from too much sleep. “Can I tell you something? Then ask you something?”
There he was, a faint sign of life in those deep, dark eyes. Teddy couldn't relax, not yet, but he clung on to that ray of hope. "Anything."
Billy nodded, taking a deep breath because what he was about to say scared him, but he knew out of everything Teddy was one of the two people he trusted the most. “If that ever happens again, where I lose control or I’m not thinking for myself, I think the best way to shut down my powers is to make it so I can’t talk. At least I think that would work, for my magic mostly.”
He swallowed, and it felt like he was swallowing staples. “And I want you to use that if it happens, since shocking you doesn’t work for very long.”
The idea that now someone had a way of blocking his magic was terrifying, but it also was slightly freeing knowing Teddy would only use it if he had to.
"Oh... kay." Teddy nodded. The thought of having to turn against Billy was horrifying, but then that was what he'd been saying he'd do ever since Billy and the others had come back this time, wasn't it? He nodded, even though his stomach turned over at the idea. "I won't need it," he said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. "Because nothing like this is going to happen to you again. But it's always good to have a plan B."
Teddy’s promise made his feel a little more at ease, knowing that if it did, Teddy would be there to stop him. He gave a small nod, leaning up to kiss Teddy lightly on the lips with his chapped ones and smiled a little. “Thank you, Tee. I feel a little better that you know that. Just don’t go telling everyone, last thing I need is everyone knowing all they have to do is keep my mouth shut.”
He was teasing and tugged on one of Teddy’s many silver hoops to let him know that Billy trusted him.
His smile made everything better and Teddy ached to kiss him again, kiss him more, remind himself that Billy was alive and strong, and everything was going to be okay after all. Except that Billy had literally, literally, been through hell barely two days ago, and the last thing he needed was any kind of pressure. About anything. So, Teddy contented himself with returning Billy's soft, chaste kiss with another one of the same, and nuzzling down into the space where Billy's neck and shoulder joined.
Teddy breathed him in, and the painful, bruised lump deep inside his own chest started to ease. "So, I was thinking, about tonight."
Billy wound his arms around Teddy’s shoulders and let himself enjoy the feeling of his boyfriend being close to him. He let out a small content sigh, Teddy’s face in his neck normally triggering his ticklish side, but for now it was calming.
“Yeah?” He whispered up at the ceiling, not wanting to speak too loudly in case his voice broke.
"How're you feeling about putting a movie on? A comedy or something totally non-brain-challenging," Teddy suggested. "Maybe it'll help take your mind off things."
Billy thought about that suggestion and it honestly sounded like an amazing idea. He might be ringing in the new year in an awful state, but at least he would have Teddy here with him and whatever crap they decided to put on. “I think that is a great plan. Can we add junk food to that?”
He hadn’t been hungry the past few days, but the idea of eating junk food seemed appealing.
Teddy nodded enthusiastically. "You bet. I've got some cookies stashed in my desk, but if you're okay with me leaving for a bit I can go nuke some pizza pockets or something. Popcorn. I won't microwave ice cream, but I can bring some of that up too. Whatever makes you happy." God knew Billy hadn't had enough of that in the last couple of days.
Billy let a real smile come to his face this time, hand moving into the hair at the back of Teddy’s head and tugging up gently, so he could look his boyfriend in the eye. “You are too sweet, Tee. Thank you for...just being you, right now. I know I hurt you, but you’re still helping me and...Jesus...that means a lot.”
He brushed his thumb along Teddy’s cheek. “Everything you said sounds good. I’ll be fine, but come back quick, alright?”
"You think I'm gonna kick a man when he's down?" Teddy made a frowning face at Billy, but tipped his head to follow Billy's caress anyway. "We'll talk about stuff, but not until you're more yourself. I get nervous about 'quiet, introspective Billy," he teased gently, kissing the end of Billy's nose. "It feels like you blew a fuse somewhere in there."
Billy didn’t comment that he also got nervous when he was quiet. Quiet wasn’t something that Billy did a whole lot of, so the idea that he just wanted to lay alone in a bed for days on end meant something was wrong and it scared him. “Well, I just need to find the breaker, hold the flash light while I try?”
The metaphor was weak, but he was too tired to really worry about Teddy thinking it was dumb. “I want to talk with you about it. Alright? No letting me off the hook once I feel better either just because you don’t want to ruin the vibe or something. Promise?”
“Cross my heart.” At least he didn’t have to think of a way to start that conversation now. So, tell me all about the second time you went to hell, and how that’s been affecting your day to day routine...
Reluctantly, Teddy sat up, only taking his hand off Billy’s shoulder at the last possible minute. “I’ll be right back,” he promised. “Don’t go anywhere, k?” That statement was a little more melancholy than it might have been half a week before.
“I won’t.” He promised, and he wouldn’t, only place he’d gone the past two days was the bathroom. Thank god Teddy had made him shower otherwise he would be a disgusting unwashed mess along with everything else. But he understood Teddy’s words and tried to offer a reassuring smile. “I promise, I’ll be right here.”
There was a small, aching part of Teddy that was half-hoping he'd come back to the room to find it full of purring tribbles or something, just to suggest that Billy was feeling more like himself. Saying that would only make things weird, though, so he gave Billy one last kiss and headed for the door. "I bookmarked a site streaming Court Jester, if you want to put that on for when I get back," he offered on his way out. Musicals. The ultimate sacrifice.
Billy watched Teddy go, staring at the door blankly for a few minutes before snapping himself out of it and going to get Teddy’s laptop. With the prize secured, Billy sat back on the bed and huddled under the blankets again, smiling a little when he easily typed in Teddy’s password.
———————————
He had set up the stream and waited, watching the clock as it told him it was half past seven already. Four and a half hours to go, his mind flickering to Tommy for a moment and hoping his brother was at least having some fun out there. “2018 resolutions. No more hell trips, no more hurting my boyfriend, never make Tommy make that face and uhhh...get healthy?”
Cause people always needed that one thing that they would never accomplish.
Teddy fumbled with the door handle, shifting the plate to his other hand and finally getting a grip. He half-backed into the room with the results from his kitchen raid, plate of pizza pops in one hand, a bottle of pop under his arm, a bag of popcorn under the other, and the top ridge of a sealed bag of chips clenched between his teeth. "I cm wff fd," he proclaimed, let the bag of chips fall to the end of the bed, and tried again. "I come bearing food. I looked for chicken soup but first, we don't have any, and second, I think that's only supposed to work for head colds."
“Well, I got a problem with my head, but a cold ain’t it.” Billy joked, then quickly hoped that Teddy wouldn’t find that depressing, so he quickly changed topics. “Also, nothing is more attractive than a hot guy bringing me trans fats in bed. How the hell are you carrying all that?”
He moved to the edge of the bed to take the soda from under Teddy’s arm. “You mind sharing the bottle? Promise I’ve had my cootie shot.”
"My skills are many and varied," Teddy joked, lifting his arm to let Billy grab the pop. He was looking more alive already, and that warmed Teddy's heart through. This whole evening-in idea had definitely been the right call. "And you've had your tongue halfway down my throat before, I don't think sharing a drink's going to add any new problems."
“There is no way my tongue is nearly that long.” And not for the first time, he wished he had Teddy’s powers, so he could change his tongue into a snake’s or Gene Simmon’s. He cracked the lid, letting it hiss before taking a big drink, hoping the sugar would help him feel more himself. He winced at the burn of carbonation and then placed the bottle on Teddy’s nightstand. “Alright. I set up the laptop, you brought the food. Now I just need your butt in this bed with me and we can start.”
Teddy wound up and pretended like he was going to leap right into the middle of the bed - and food, and laptop, and boyfriend - but stopped at the last minute. "Hold that thought." He handed Billy the rest of the food and headed for his side of the room, hauling his shirt off over his head. If Billy was going to sack out in pjs, so was he.
Billy had been about to give Teddy the Rebecca Kaplan frowning of a lifetime if he had jumped in while Billy was completely unprepared, but luckily his boyfriend knew better. He watched as Teddy moved to his dresser and undressed, the lines of his back and arms so perfect that Billy almost wished his fucking sex drive would wake the fuck up.
It wasn’t fair to Teddy to suddenly want nothing after nights of constant affection and other stuff, but he just couldn’t and god it sucked. Billy bit his bottom lip and tried to think about how Teddy had looked that day Teddy’s mom hadn’t been home. How flushed his cheeks were, how his lips were swollen from Billy kissing them and just...
Ugh. What gay teenage boy didn’t get excited at that? He flopped back down on the bed and for a brief moment of insanity thought about asking his mom all this.
“Fuck this.” He muttered softly.
Teddy turned at the sound, his head halfway through the neck of the soft old t-shirt he liked to sleep in. Nothing seemed out of order, though; Billy hadn't spilled anything, in fact he was lying pretty much where Teddy had left him in the first place. "What's up?" he asked, tugging his shirt down around his waist and padding back toward the bed.
“Oh.” Billy quickly shook his head, not wanting it to become a thing. This was his problem, not Teddy’s and he tried to give his boyfriend a small smile. “Nothing, just talking out loud to myself.”
He popped a pizza roll in his mouth and flinched a little when the inside was still molten lava.
Teddy let it go, sliding on to the bed and sprawling out next to Billy. He tried to get comfortable, then gave up and rose to his knees, shuffling over to fit himself in behind Billy instead, slotting Billy in between his thighs. The full-body contact felt stupidly good, Teddy's arms slipping around Billy's waist. Mine. Whatever Billy had gone through, he'd come back, and everything would slowly get back to normal. "This okay?"
“Absolutely.” Billy murmured, laying back against Teddy’s chest with a small relieved sigh. Billy usually didn’t buy into the stereotypes that because someone was stronger that made them unbreakable, but right now he felt safe in Teddy’s arms. Teddy’s protection was unbreakable, and it didn’t hurt that his boyfriend had super strength either.
Teddy was warm and smelled like fabric softener, his heart beat against Billy’s back proved that he was really here. He wanted to stay there forever. “Tee...?”
The way Billy just... Melted against him was everything, trust and affection (love, he'd said that word and sworn that he meant it), and a promise all wrapped in one. He sounded better; less strung-out, at least, and that was a step in the right direction. Teddy paused while reaching around him to hit 'play' on the movie. "Yeah?"
He watched Teddy press play on the movie, the screen coming to life and he immediately felt like now wasn’t the time for that conversation. “Oh, um, never mind. Have you seen this before?”
School starts in four days...What if I’m not better by then? Billy took a deep breath and pushed that thought away. Focus on the movie and Teddy.
That was the second time Billy had brushed him off, and the warning hairs on the back of Teddy's neck were starting to rise. He tried to talk himself down -- of course something was wrong, Billy had been through a second life-or-death experience in less than four months. But his quiet was unsettling, and the last time they'd been in a moment like this, everything had gone hopelessly downhill. "If I ask you what's wrong, are you going to surprise-kiss me again?" Teddy asked, trying to make a joke out of it even as the movie theme song played. "This whole cuddling-post-limbo with you trying not to say something is feeling kind of familiar."
Billy squirmed a little uncomfortably at the mention of his last post Limbo problems and let out a laugh that didn’t sound genuine even to his own ears. Thank god, he was facing away from Teddy so he wouldn’t have to see Billy’s press his lips tightly together as he tried to focus on the screen.
You’re ruining this!
“I’ll kiss you even if you don’t nowadays.” He replied, reaching out to pat Teddy’s leg. “Don’t worry, Tee. I’m overthinking like always, it’s nothing.”
Teddy didn't really have a choice other than accepting it. If he pushed he'd be starting a fight, which was the exact opposite of the safe-haven mood he'd been trying to create around the evening. So, he let it go, nodding even though Billy couldn't see the movement. "'Kay," he said, knowing that his doubt was audible, and trying to shake it off anyway. Pizza rolls- where'd they go? He grabbed one, mostly cool enough now, and kept his other arm snug around Billy's middle.
Billy closed his eyes and hated how Teddy’s voice sounded, obviously not buying it but not pushing because he was Teddy. He shifted to get a little more comfortable and reached to his side to take Teddy’s hand.
He’d get better. He’d get better and make it up to Teddy.
He hoped.
Billy tugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he glanced out the window and watched it start to snow. He sighed a little, watching for a bit longer before moving to lay down on their shared bed and wanting to just sleep until morning. But with sleep came dreams and that was the last thing he wanted.
He hated this.
He rolled himself into a cocoon and closed his eyes tightly, trying to shut himself off from the world that was so happy and bright. “Teddy...are you sure you don’t want to go out with everyone?”
There was nothing that made Teddy feel more helpless than that distant and dark expression on Billy's face, or the ache of despair in his voice. He turned automatically and wrapped Billy in his arms, curling his knees in tight behind Billy's. He couldn't fix anything, couldn't go back in time and force Illyana to tell him about the mission or make Billy bring him along. All he could do was make Billy's world as safe as possible now, stamping down hard on the part of him that wanted to rage and scream and punch a hole in something.
"What, and get stuck kissing Tommy when the ball drops? I'll pass."
That got a small smile from Billy, but it was gone quickly, and he sighed as he tried to wiggle around so he could face Teddy. “Seriously, though. I don’t want to be that guy who makes their boyfriend not have fun just cause he’s...” Broken. Scared. Depressed. “Not feeling social.”
Though being in their room with Teddy’s arms around him helped much better than when Teddy had gone to do laundry and he’d just laid on the floor staring at the ceiling.
Teddy waited until Billy was settled, then pulled him in close against his chest. Resting his chin on Billy's head helped a little more, reassurance on all sides that Billy wasn't about to vanish on him again. "Yeah, 'cause I'm such a party animal," he snorted softly. "If I went down there I'd just be worrying about you. If you think I'm letting you out of my sight again, you're insane."
Billy closed his eyes and let everything about Teddy surround him. His scent, his warmth and his voice all a soothing balm to the hurting emptiness he’d felt since trying to kill Tommy. He let himself focus on the other, taking comfort in Teddy’s words. “I probably sound like a coward, but I really like that idea.”
He moved closer, so his face was smashed against Teddy’s neck and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I went without telling you first.”
Teddy closed his eyes and counted to five before replying, the anger (not at Billy, but also kind of yes, at Billy, even though he was obviously in pieces right now) bubbling up before it subsided again. "You're not getting off the hook that easily." he said instead, trying to make a joke out of it. "We're definitely going to have that fight at some point. Just not tonight." His arms tightened around Billy at the thought of what could have happened -- again! It wasn't like Billy didn't know how Teddy had felt about the first time he'd vanished off to Limbo without so much as a see-you-later. And this time he'd come back with a lot more than just physical injuries.
"I thought we were partners," Teddy said, his voice catching in his throat. Letting the subject drop wasn't as easy as he wanted it to be. "We're supposed to have each other's backs. I can't do that if I'm not there."
“I know.” Billy whispered against the skin of Teddy’s neck, knowing that it wasn’t fair of him to keep leaving Teddy behind, only to have him deal with picking up the pieces afterward. He should have brought Teddy or at least told him what they were going to do, even if it was Yana’s thing. Then he could have been right there next to Tommy, being shocked so badly and repeatedly his healing wouldn’t have been able to catch up. He could have died right there next to your brother, by your hands. Billy felt his stomach drop a little and had to pull his face away enough to get a good lungful of air. “I know. I didn’t think...I didn’t know he could do that to people. I thought with that many people, it’d be easier. In and out. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.”
"Yeah, well." Teddy cut off the harsh words building up behind his tongue. Counterproductive. He doesn't need this from you. But it was one more blow on top of everything else -- just like Nick's rescue, Teddy hadn't been needed. He had useful powers, knew how to make them work, wanted desperately to use those powers to help... and twice in a single week people he cared about had been in bad trouble and Teddy hadn't been told until after the fact. It would take a much stronger person than he was not to be hurt.
Maybe that's why none of them want you involved. You're too soft.
Speaking of counterproductive.
"I don't think it's any good relying on 'supposed to happen' when we're talking about demons and alternate dimensions. It's not like there's a rulebook that Belasco had to follow," Teddy pointed out. "But that's done with now, right? Illyana doesn't have any more trips to hell planned for you guys?" He couldn't quite keep the hurt and sarcasm out of his voice, even as he tried to keep it calm and he held Billy as close as he could.
Billy winced at Teddy’s words and bit into his bottom lip harshly at idea that he had been one of the people to sideline Teddy in the last week and a half. Some of Teddy’s biggest insecurities was being left out or alone and he had gone and done just that again, only this time it was worse because they weren’t only friends anymore.
“No.” He replied quietly. “I don’t think so. She’s good.”
He licked at his lips and tasted pennies, his lip must look awful, then wiggled his hand out from the wrap it was in to reach up to touch Teddy’s face. “I’m sorry I left you behind, Teddy. I’ll never do it again.” He let his thumb run along Teddy’s cheekbone then to the shell of his ear where warm metal clinked softly at the contact. “I need you too much.”
The bitter, angry part inside Teddy that wanted to keep right on being bitter and angry also wanted to lash out, to relieve the ball of tension inside by letting it out all over Billy, and Teddy really was an awful person to even be worried about his own feelings when Billy (and Kitty) had been through so much, just as the scars and nightmares from the first round had begun to fade. He closed his eyes and tipped his head down to rest his forehead against Billy's again. "I just hate feeling so helpless. Seeing you hurt and thinking that I might have been able to stop it is the worst."
Billy closed his eyes when Teddy’s forehead touched his and grimaced a little bit. “I’m sorry, but I’m glad you didn’t see me like that. Whatever he had done to me or fused me with, it made me into this awful monster that only wanted to see my friends dead.”
He had been so angry and blood thirsty, wanting nothing more than to pin Tommy down and break his legs so he couldn’t move anymore. Watch him cry in pain. Fuck. What would he have wanted to do to Teddy? Probably something just as awful and disgusting.
How did he fix this? The hollow ache inside Teddy had to be nothing compared to what Billy was feeling. His hand traced soothing circles on Billy's back. "After that much exposure to Tommy's sense of humor, anyone would snap," he joked, trying to tug some form of a smile back on to Billy's face.
Billy let his eyes open, so he could look into Teddy’s instead of remembering the things he had wanted to do to his brother. He let a small smile on his face even though he didn’t really feel it, his temples and eyes aching from too much sleep. “Can I tell you something? Then ask you something?”
There he was, a faint sign of life in those deep, dark eyes. Teddy couldn't relax, not yet, but he clung on to that ray of hope. "Anything."
Billy nodded, taking a deep breath because what he was about to say scared him, but he knew out of everything Teddy was one of the two people he trusted the most. “If that ever happens again, where I lose control or I’m not thinking for myself, I think the best way to shut down my powers is to make it so I can’t talk. At least I think that would work, for my magic mostly.”
He swallowed, and it felt like he was swallowing staples. “And I want you to use that if it happens, since shocking you doesn’t work for very long.”
The idea that now someone had a way of blocking his magic was terrifying, but it also was slightly freeing knowing Teddy would only use it if he had to.
"Oh... kay." Teddy nodded. The thought of having to turn against Billy was horrifying, but then that was what he'd been saying he'd do ever since Billy and the others had come back this time, wasn't it? He nodded, even though his stomach turned over at the idea. "I won't need it," he said in what he hoped was a reassuring voice. "Because nothing like this is going to happen to you again. But it's always good to have a plan B."
Teddy’s promise made his feel a little more at ease, knowing that if it did, Teddy would be there to stop him. He gave a small nod, leaning up to kiss Teddy lightly on the lips with his chapped ones and smiled a little. “Thank you, Tee. I feel a little better that you know that. Just don’t go telling everyone, last thing I need is everyone knowing all they have to do is keep my mouth shut.”
He was teasing and tugged on one of Teddy’s many silver hoops to let him know that Billy trusted him.
His smile made everything better and Teddy ached to kiss him again, kiss him more, remind himself that Billy was alive and strong, and everything was going to be okay after all. Except that Billy had literally, literally, been through hell barely two days ago, and the last thing he needed was any kind of pressure. About anything. So, Teddy contented himself with returning Billy's soft, chaste kiss with another one of the same, and nuzzling down into the space where Billy's neck and shoulder joined.
Teddy breathed him in, and the painful, bruised lump deep inside his own chest started to ease. "So, I was thinking, about tonight."
Billy wound his arms around Teddy’s shoulders and let himself enjoy the feeling of his boyfriend being close to him. He let out a small content sigh, Teddy’s face in his neck normally triggering his ticklish side, but for now it was calming.
“Yeah?” He whispered up at the ceiling, not wanting to speak too loudly in case his voice broke.
"How're you feeling about putting a movie on? A comedy or something totally non-brain-challenging," Teddy suggested. "Maybe it'll help take your mind off things."
Billy thought about that suggestion and it honestly sounded like an amazing idea. He might be ringing in the new year in an awful state, but at least he would have Teddy here with him and whatever crap they decided to put on. “I think that is a great plan. Can we add junk food to that?”
He hadn’t been hungry the past few days, but the idea of eating junk food seemed appealing.
Teddy nodded enthusiastically. "You bet. I've got some cookies stashed in my desk, but if you're okay with me leaving for a bit I can go nuke some pizza pockets or something. Popcorn. I won't microwave ice cream, but I can bring some of that up too. Whatever makes you happy." God knew Billy hadn't had enough of that in the last couple of days.
Billy let a real smile come to his face this time, hand moving into the hair at the back of Teddy’s head and tugging up gently, so he could look his boyfriend in the eye. “You are too sweet, Tee. Thank you for...just being you, right now. I know I hurt you, but you’re still helping me and...Jesus...that means a lot.”
He brushed his thumb along Teddy’s cheek. “Everything you said sounds good. I’ll be fine, but come back quick, alright?”
"You think I'm gonna kick a man when he's down?" Teddy made a frowning face at Billy, but tipped his head to follow Billy's caress anyway. "We'll talk about stuff, but not until you're more yourself. I get nervous about 'quiet, introspective Billy," he teased gently, kissing the end of Billy's nose. "It feels like you blew a fuse somewhere in there."
Billy didn’t comment that he also got nervous when he was quiet. Quiet wasn’t something that Billy did a whole lot of, so the idea that he just wanted to lay alone in a bed for days on end meant something was wrong and it scared him. “Well, I just need to find the breaker, hold the flash light while I try?”
The metaphor was weak, but he was too tired to really worry about Teddy thinking it was dumb. “I want to talk with you about it. Alright? No letting me off the hook once I feel better either just because you don’t want to ruin the vibe or something. Promise?”
“Cross my heart.” At least he didn’t have to think of a way to start that conversation now. So, tell me all about the second time you went to hell, and how that’s been affecting your day to day routine...
Reluctantly, Teddy sat up, only taking his hand off Billy’s shoulder at the last possible minute. “I’ll be right back,” he promised. “Don’t go anywhere, k?” That statement was a little more melancholy than it might have been half a week before.
“I won’t.” He promised, and he wouldn’t, only place he’d gone the past two days was the bathroom. Thank god Teddy had made him shower otherwise he would be a disgusting unwashed mess along with everything else. But he understood Teddy’s words and tried to offer a reassuring smile. “I promise, I’ll be right here.”
There was a small, aching part of Teddy that was half-hoping he'd come back to the room to find it full of purring tribbles or something, just to suggest that Billy was feeling more like himself. Saying that would only make things weird, though, so he gave Billy one last kiss and headed for the door. "I bookmarked a site streaming Court Jester, if you want to put that on for when I get back," he offered on his way out. Musicals. The ultimate sacrifice.
Billy watched Teddy go, staring at the door blankly for a few minutes before snapping himself out of it and going to get Teddy’s laptop. With the prize secured, Billy sat back on the bed and huddled under the blankets again, smiling a little when he easily typed in Teddy’s password.
———————————
He had set up the stream and waited, watching the clock as it told him it was half past seven already. Four and a half hours to go, his mind flickering to Tommy for a moment and hoping his brother was at least having some fun out there. “2018 resolutions. No more hell trips, no more hurting my boyfriend, never make Tommy make that face and uhhh...get healthy?”
Cause people always needed that one thing that they would never accomplish.
Teddy fumbled with the door handle, shifting the plate to his other hand and finally getting a grip. He half-backed into the room with the results from his kitchen raid, plate of pizza pops in one hand, a bottle of pop under his arm, a bag of popcorn under the other, and the top ridge of a sealed bag of chips clenched between his teeth. "I cm wff fd," he proclaimed, let the bag of chips fall to the end of the bed, and tried again. "I come bearing food. I looked for chicken soup but first, we don't have any, and second, I think that's only supposed to work for head colds."
“Well, I got a problem with my head, but a cold ain’t it.” Billy joked, then quickly hoped that Teddy wouldn’t find that depressing, so he quickly changed topics. “Also, nothing is more attractive than a hot guy bringing me trans fats in bed. How the hell are you carrying all that?”
He moved to the edge of the bed to take the soda from under Teddy’s arm. “You mind sharing the bottle? Promise I’ve had my cootie shot.”
"My skills are many and varied," Teddy joked, lifting his arm to let Billy grab the pop. He was looking more alive already, and that warmed Teddy's heart through. This whole evening-in idea had definitely been the right call. "And you've had your tongue halfway down my throat before, I don't think sharing a drink's going to add any new problems."
“There is no way my tongue is nearly that long.” And not for the first time, he wished he had Teddy’s powers, so he could change his tongue into a snake’s or Gene Simmon’s. He cracked the lid, letting it hiss before taking a big drink, hoping the sugar would help him feel more himself. He winced at the burn of carbonation and then placed the bottle on Teddy’s nightstand. “Alright. I set up the laptop, you brought the food. Now I just need your butt in this bed with me and we can start.”
Teddy wound up and pretended like he was going to leap right into the middle of the bed - and food, and laptop, and boyfriend - but stopped at the last minute. "Hold that thought." He handed Billy the rest of the food and headed for his side of the room, hauling his shirt off over his head. If Billy was going to sack out in pjs, so was he.
Billy had been about to give Teddy the Rebecca Kaplan frowning of a lifetime if he had jumped in while Billy was completely unprepared, but luckily his boyfriend knew better. He watched as Teddy moved to his dresser and undressed, the lines of his back and arms so perfect that Billy almost wished his fucking sex drive would wake the fuck up.
It wasn’t fair to Teddy to suddenly want nothing after nights of constant affection and other stuff, but he just couldn’t and god it sucked. Billy bit his bottom lip and tried to think about how Teddy had looked that day Teddy’s mom hadn’t been home. How flushed his cheeks were, how his lips were swollen from Billy kissing them and just...
Ugh. What gay teenage boy didn’t get excited at that? He flopped back down on the bed and for a brief moment of insanity thought about asking his mom all this.
“Fuck this.” He muttered softly.
Teddy turned at the sound, his head halfway through the neck of the soft old t-shirt he liked to sleep in. Nothing seemed out of order, though; Billy hadn't spilled anything, in fact he was lying pretty much where Teddy had left him in the first place. "What's up?" he asked, tugging his shirt down around his waist and padding back toward the bed.
“Oh.” Billy quickly shook his head, not wanting it to become a thing. This was his problem, not Teddy’s and he tried to give his boyfriend a small smile. “Nothing, just talking out loud to myself.”
He popped a pizza roll in his mouth and flinched a little when the inside was still molten lava.
Teddy let it go, sliding on to the bed and sprawling out next to Billy. He tried to get comfortable, then gave up and rose to his knees, shuffling over to fit himself in behind Billy instead, slotting Billy in between his thighs. The full-body contact felt stupidly good, Teddy's arms slipping around Billy's waist. Mine. Whatever Billy had gone through, he'd come back, and everything would slowly get back to normal. "This okay?"
“Absolutely.” Billy murmured, laying back against Teddy’s chest with a small relieved sigh. Billy usually didn’t buy into the stereotypes that because someone was stronger that made them unbreakable, but right now he felt safe in Teddy’s arms. Teddy’s protection was unbreakable, and it didn’t hurt that his boyfriend had super strength either.
Teddy was warm and smelled like fabric softener, his heart beat against Billy’s back proved that he was really here. He wanted to stay there forever. “Tee...?”
The way Billy just... Melted against him was everything, trust and affection (love, he'd said that word and sworn that he meant it), and a promise all wrapped in one. He sounded better; less strung-out, at least, and that was a step in the right direction. Teddy paused while reaching around him to hit 'play' on the movie. "Yeah?"
He watched Teddy press play on the movie, the screen coming to life and he immediately felt like now wasn’t the time for that conversation. “Oh, um, never mind. Have you seen this before?”
School starts in four days...What if I’m not better by then? Billy took a deep breath and pushed that thought away. Focus on the movie and Teddy.
That was the second time Billy had brushed him off, and the warning hairs on the back of Teddy's neck were starting to rise. He tried to talk himself down -- of course something was wrong, Billy had been through a second life-or-death experience in less than four months. But his quiet was unsettling, and the last time they'd been in a moment like this, everything had gone hopelessly downhill. "If I ask you what's wrong, are you going to surprise-kiss me again?" Teddy asked, trying to make a joke out of it even as the movie theme song played. "This whole cuddling-post-limbo with you trying not to say something is feeling kind of familiar."
Billy squirmed a little uncomfortably at the mention of his last post Limbo problems and let out a laugh that didn’t sound genuine even to his own ears. Thank god, he was facing away from Teddy so he wouldn’t have to see Billy’s press his lips tightly together as he tried to focus on the screen.
You’re ruining this!
“I’ll kiss you even if you don’t nowadays.” He replied, reaching out to pat Teddy’s leg. “Don’t worry, Tee. I’m overthinking like always, it’s nothing.”
Teddy didn't really have a choice other than accepting it. If he pushed he'd be starting a fight, which was the exact opposite of the safe-haven mood he'd been trying to create around the evening. So, he let it go, nodding even though Billy couldn't see the movement. "'Kay," he said, knowing that his doubt was audible, and trying to shake it off anyway. Pizza rolls- where'd they go? He grabbed one, mostly cool enough now, and kept his other arm snug around Billy's middle.
Billy closed his eyes and hated how Teddy’s voice sounded, obviously not buying it but not pushing because he was Teddy. He shifted to get a little more comfortable and reached to his side to take Teddy’s hand.
He’d get better. He’d get better and make it up to Teddy.
He hoped.
